[still_crazy]

I want to say, first off, that I am very sorry for those of you who have not yet found the stability you need/want. Treating Bipolar I or any mental illness seems to be...I dunno...guess work, and that on a good day. Plus, clearly...a lot of non-medical factors go into (in)stability, also.

I'm now down to 20mgs/Abilify. I was on 30mgs forever. I've also been able to drop the Wellbutrin. That leaves me with 3 daily drugs: trileptal, lamictal, and abilify, plus as-needed gabapentin to use as a sleeping pill (happens very rarely, thank goodness).

I'm still doing my vitamin thing (Orthomolecular). Do the massive supplements help? I do think so, honestly. At this point, I'm up to 20 grams vitamin C per day. That's kind of high end for daily maintenance, but Linus Pauling was on 18 grams per day towards the end of his life. I took his intake and added 2 grams, to compensate for the psych drugs and tendency towards tension, etc.

Its interesting, how now that I'm not in crisis mode, I am on a reduced tranquilizer dose, etc...real life hits, at long last. Where to from here? What can I realistically do with my life, anyway? I am blessed to be on disability. I'm also blessed that I've reconciled with my parents, and they let me live here. I am an outcast in my community, so living with my parents is, for right now, the best option for me. I was literally driven out of an apartment in a nearby small city not too long ago. Not fun...not fun at all. :-(

Just thought I'd share a bit. Thanks. :-)

[Shazerac]

I like where you going with this. Congrats on being to cut back on meds. I personally think that us people labeled bipolar are too quick to think that when life throws us a curveball and we have trouble and anxiety that we are having a relapse and therefore "unstable".

[bizi]

congratulations on your stability.
You think that much vit c is helping you?
I take similar meds as you and am bp1.
I have been hypomaniac for a long time.
I am wanting to change my meds but think my pdoc will say it is just my addictions getting in the way of recovery, NOT THE MEDS!
I see her in the morning.
I want to have a discussion about different AP meds.:
vraylar, seroquel or resperdal.

I took Amino acids for several months and they did not help me so I quit them.
bizi

[Shazerac]

Furthermore I have embarked on a journey, with the help of my pDoc to cut back on meds. the life circumstances that drove me to her with depression have changed. Im in a much better place now. I have done hard work on personal growth, taking back my power, and standing up for what I want and need, and eliminating things are not helpful in my life.

I have a strong desire to cut back or even get completely off meds to find out who the real me is now. The side effects of meds are intolerable, brain fog, weight gain, type 2 diabetes, sluggish thyroid, akathesia, and on and on.

After I get to a place where these drugs are out of my system I may be ok and feel great. Or maybe i will find out that I do need med help. I'm willing to take that risk.

[still_crazy]

hi. I take a lot of supplements, including the rather high dose of vitamin C. To make my life easier, I spend just a tab bit more $$$ and go for time-release. Nothin' too fancy. I take 10 tablets of 1 gram, time release C in the AM and do it again in the PM. I also take a lot (6 grams) of time-release niacinamide. Niacin is preferred in traditional Orthomolecular, but niacinamide can get the job done, too.

The C @ 20 grams per day seems to have a genuinely, truly calming effect. Not sedation, not tranquilization, just...a sense of calm and resilience. The "alternative health" people say vitamin C at this dose can help w/ cholesterol levels and other cardiovascular issues. Combined with the high dose (1,000 IU) natural form E w/mixed tocopherols I take, there's supposed to be a significant reduction in the risk of developing TD. At this point, I have 0 EPS, 0 TD, no stiff gait.

I think 30mgs/Abilify was too, too much. I think the high dose may have contributed to what was labeled "depression." Its scary...physically, I tolerated that much Abilify, but now that I've been on 20 for a while, I concentrate better, I have more energy, more emotional range, etc.

bizi, if you think Orthomolecular might be something you'd be interested in, check out DoctorYourself.com: Andrew Saul's Natural Health Website .

Stability...recovery...what do these buzz words really 'mean,' you know? At this point, I find that my relationship with my parents is changing, in good ways. I'm writing more, and the quality of my writing seems to be improving.

But...as someone who was 'on the fringe' for 10+/- years, all that jazz...where to from here, honestly? I was spared going homeless by my parents, Praise God (!!!). Somehow, I avoided ending up in what's left of the state hospital. Probably a good thing. Now, most of its been shut down and the property sold off. Welcome to Mental Health "treatment" in 21st century America, am I right?

Ugh. I'm definitely not well-liked in the community. I --do-- take the psych drugs and I do benefit from them. Having said that...I think society creates a lot of sickness, more sickness that one might see in a less competitive, less materialistic, less...cut-throat world.

Sometimes, I think part of the reason people around here openly despise me is because I am no longer who and what this community created. I survived, by the grace of God, and now...well, now what?

thanks for reading, btw.

[bizi]

Do you also have high cholesterol?
I am glad that you are not homeless and that you are getting along with your family.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

[still_crazy]

i dont think i have high cholesterol. im blessed to have my parents, so i get to eat a reasonably healthful diet, plus i take supplements and such. i was just mentioning some of the (potential) benefits of high dose C supplementation, according to the Orthomolecular people.

[UpDownAround]

I have quit meds several times to see if I am better off without them. But I have not been truly stable in about 25 years; head fog doesn't go away even if I stop meds and alcohol for over a year (I have done this a couple of times). I almost invariably go into a depressive episode when I stop meds or maybe it just seems that way because without meds I am about 10:1 depressed versus hypomanic (I am type II). I have done the opposite of what Shazerac suggests - I attribute my mood swings to circumstances and stop meds.

The closest I get to stable is a low key sulk with occasional spikes to arrogant jackass without implausible delusions. The persistent head fog still persists, though.

Does anyone who considers themselves stable have head fog they can't shake?

Is "stability" feeling like you did before your first major episode? Or is it just accepting the "sweet spot" that is as close to it as they are able to get you?

[Shazerac]

I was diagnosed as depressed decades ago. I would have long periods of "normality" and then something happened or for no reason at all got depressed. then I would go on antidepressants for a while, 3 to 6 months, feel better, and then wean off them. I would go a 3-5 years and then this would happen again. I was ok with this, it was working for me. I wasn't medicated all the time.

Fast forward a few decades and enter in a new Pdoc. She told me depression was "progressive" and that the only thing to do was stay on ADs forever. I believed her even though the frequency of my depressive episodes never increased over 40 years.

Now after 5 years on ADs I began to have hypomanic episodes. ADs can cause this in people were never manic before. So now I'm labeled bipolar with anxiety. Enter in Seroquel. I'm "psychotic" and need to take this. I don't consider occasional talkativeness and occasional bouts of anxiety as psychotic, but whatever. Enter in Xanax, oh goody now I'm addictive to Benzos. As a result of seroquel i have regained wieght and now have diabetes type 2 and have to take metformin. AND my cholesterol shot up...another effect of the meds.

I'm frustrated and want off this crazy train!

[UpDownAround]

Oh, but metformin is a fountain of youth; soon we will all be taking it. Despite my sarcasm, there actually appears to be something to that.

About 40 years ago I got an anxiety diagnosis and valium. I was a pretty heavy drug user at the time, so i was good with that. I went about 17 years without seeing anyone about my "weirdness" because I had managed to work my way through enough of the awkwardness to date and get married. 23 years ago I got my first bipolar diagnosis. I do think it is accurate as a disorder diagnosis can be. Disorder seems to mean they think they know what isn't right more than knowing a specific thing is wrong. My thought processes are very different than most people's and it makes it difficult for me to interact with others and sometimes I am unhappy when I have no reason to be. Sometimes I think it is a mistake that both conditions are treated with meds. It could be that hypomanic is just how I am when I am not depressed or medicated. A lot of my early social problems are very similar to describing hypomania.

[Wild Coyote]

Hey there, still_crazy!

I am so happy for you in your state of stability!

I am also very happy to hear from you!
You and your perspective adds a lot to PC, for which I am grateful.

The orthomolecular slant is quite interesting. I had worked with an orthomolecular M.D. over 20 years ago and had regained some health. I had learned a lot from him in the three years I had treated with him. (He had me treating with IV Vit C and B-Complex injections, in addition to taking fish oil and flax oil. I was also tested and treated for allergens.)

It's great to hear from you, always!


WC