Questions Bipolar Version 3

I took it.

Do you have to eat with your meds?

Well since as you know I just found out I was diagnosed with it I'm really upset. Isolated? Its more ironic because my ex husband is diagnosed bipolar, my daughter refuses a diagnosis, but she has been also diagnosed with a mood disorder. My family is in utter and total denial about mental illness. My mother thought I was on welfare the whole time I was on social security because of my PTSD.

Yeah I'm angry and yeah I accept I have a mood disorder, but bipolar?

So isolating, no, not at all, but I never ever saw myself as bipolar.

Leomama, I'm glad you have people in your life and I hope this gets straightened out quickly.

Last question: Do you have to eat with your meds?
Answer: Yes or I get nauseous.

New question: How many surgeries have you had?

I was born with a rare congenital defect and have lots of things wrong with me. I’ve had approx x30 surgeries and will have another surgery this year.

Q. When stable what do you do to prevent boredom setting in?

I keep it moving. Always creating, always thinking, always connecting with people. I haven't been FULLY stable in my opinion, but the real crazy highs and devastating lows are far behind me, so Ii always keep it interesting by stimulating my mind constantly to avoid complacency.

Q: What have you experienced more of lately? Highs or Lows?

hmm... I think both in equal amounts

I've had some really crappy days, but then really good ones too.

question:

were you a good kid? (behaved)

I was actually! Even was on the honor roll! Till the teen years and puberty hit, and then being bipolar reared its ugly head and came out with a rebellious vengeance!!

Q: As you've grown older, do you find yourself to be more stable?

Stable? Kind of. I've learned a lot from my mistakes... so experience wise I have matured a lot.
Q: Do you ever abuse your meds?

I have popped one Seroquel too many, just once though, but I was aware of it, because I NEEDED to get to sleep to take a test in the morning. But the other night I made a mistake and took all my pills twice which was a whole other dramatic situation. So yes, i have, in the sake of a good night's sleep.

Q: Do you feel like some of your BP meds too strong for you?

I don't think so.

question:

how well do you know your mood patern. do you even have one?

The only thing I have come to learn is that my mania flourishes at night. Nothing completely out of control, but enough energy that rob me of getting tired and going to bed at a decent time. The other moods are spotty, and mostly all cranky and impatience.

Q: Are you close to thinking about joining the workforce again?

No. In fact I made the decision this year to let my professional license expire. I haven't let myself grieve yet but the time will come.

Do you convince yourself you are doing better than you are (for me usually others see I'm not and I don't listen)?

hmm, not quite,

I'll admit to how bad I'm feeling, but I'm the type of person who will think along the lines of

well, I'm sure I'll cope anyway even though I feel terrible.

question:

what is one thing in life you've not done/ acheeved, which you really want to?

play at a real blackjack table in vegas.

a few years ago I actually had the chance to go to vegas, but because of my agoraphobia, I turned it down. I don't regret it, I wouldn't have been able to cope with it- and I still couldn't cope with it now, but hopefully one day..

question:

at what age did you first start looking for therapy?

At 24. But I was fooled because I went to a psychiatrist, when I should have went to a therapist. That turned into him just throwing pills at me, leading me into psychosis, hospitalization, resulting in me losing my job, my apartment, and to me, destroyed my life, because I am now forever dependent on pills. Yeah, definitely not the best of decisions.

Question: Do you sometimes let your bipolar illness consume you, to the point where you don't want to even try?

yes.

I have had one of the worst lives possible, and on days like that, it just seems so easy to do- and makes you feel at peace thinking about the end

question: do you have pets?

what pets do you have?

No pets. Had a dog once, but I wasn't in a healthy place emotionally to take care of him and give him all the love he needed.

Question: How has your sleep been lately? Do you take sleep meds?

I average about 5 hours of sleep a night during the week and 7-9 on the weekends. I'm not on any true sleep meds but I have taken xanax or vistaril to make me sleep. I was just switched to klonopin because I had bad side effects with vistaril.

If you knew how to induce hypomania in yourself would you do it? Why or why not?

I probably would induce it when I am really low, just for that kick. However, my biggest regret of doing something like that, is spinning totally out of control which is sort of like what is happening now. You see, in a way I induced hypomania, because 4 hours ago, I was actually tired, and instead of taking my meds, I sat at the computer and jumpstarted my brain again. UGH! Internet Addiction is real, and such a struggle.

Question: Do you have an real understanding of bipolar terms? (Rapid cycling, mixed states, for me I am at a loss at to what they really mean).

No.

Question: how old were you when you first heard the word bipolar used with you?

When I was HEAVILY medicated I felt like I was one with the couch. It was so hard to get up and do anything. I had given up.
Q:What is the worse ailment you've ever had (physical)

whooping cough. I'm allergic to the vaccine so I got to have the completely awful illness.

Are your weekends different than your weekdays?

Everyday is the same for me.

Q When were you first diagnosed bipolar?

A: One year ago, January 2017, in a hospital. Took them 9 months of psychotic mania and a suicide attempt to figure it out.

Q: Do you have any trauma as a result of an episode?

My pdoc diagnosed me when I was 30. I didn't believe him until I had a total meltdown after my daughter was born. So I went back to see him and accepted the BP diagnosis and took meds and was sent to the hospital for 6 weeks.
Q: Who do you trust more, your T, pdoc or pharmacist?