Still not doing good

I apologize that all my posts are about me being so depressed but I can't seem to shake it this time. I haven't worked in over 2 weeks and don't feel like I can right now. I'm starting to think that maybe I need to look into short term disability for now. I work for a University and pay into a retirement system...no social security. I see a new psychologist on Thursday and I'm afraid he won't help with this. I just feel like no one understands how bad things ate for me right now. Before this episode things were bad for me at work. I can't concentrate and get things done. I'm always behind on my work. I haven't been a good productive employee in a long time and I miss a lot of time due to depression. I don't know what to do. I have no motivation or energy and my thoughts are running over and over in my head. They added Seroquel to my meds in the hospital and all I'm doing is sleeping and laying in bed and I've gotten no reprieve from the depression so far. I don't know you guys, I just don't know

I'm glad you have the appointment with the psychologist on Thursday. Are you able to ask for time off from work? It sounds like you need to be away from work at the moment to do some self- care. Please don't feel bad about that, you need to do what you need to do for you. Hugs.

I agree completely with Pegasus. (((Hugs))). I hope your doctors will understand and help you through this difficult time.

Hugs Hopeless

Thanks for the replies and hugs. My husband wants me to call the benefits center at work tomorrow. Hopefully I can manage to do so and get the information I need to move forward. I'm having high anxiety right now.

I talked to benefits center this morning, I have to be off work 61 days and have papers from Dr with diagnosis and prognosis. I've been off 12 days at this point and see Dr on Thursday. Just feeling hopeless right now

Sorry you're not doing well. Is there anything we can do to help?

I know you feel hopeless, but for what it's worth, Seroquel *did* help with my depression when the dose got high enough. (I had to go off it for health reasons, but not everyone gets the same reactions.) So hopefully Seroquel does the trick for you. Just thought I'd share my experience so that you don't feel so hopeless. It took me about 10 days from the dose increase to feel better.

I am sorry you feel hopeless. Please keep in mind that it does not need to remain this way. Tine will bring change. Are you getting paid for the time off? Not being paid can be a hardship that IMO can be contributing to how you feel now.

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. It's good you are looking into short-term disability. It sounds like you need to be totally away from the workplace to focus on your recovery. I hope you feel better soon. Please keep us posted on how you are doing. We're here to support each other. Post as often as you need. Sending big hugs.

Thank you guys. I just have such a bad guy feeling. My best friend who also work for the university had been texting me this morning to just take 1 day at a time. I Took an extra anxiety pill, maybe that will calm me down a bit

(((( hugs))))

I hope you can catch a break very very soon !

So sorry you're struggling still. I hate deep dark depressions. Big hugs!

(((((( hopeless ))))))

Thinking of you.

WC

Thanks!! I'm so sorry I haven't been more supportive to others right now. I'm being very selfish

I think you are doing what you need to do. That's not "selfish," it's focusing on your own situation because it's demanding you do so. It's wise, on your part, to focus on yourself right now. Please don't feel guilty about doing what you need to do in order to take care of yourself.


WC

((((Hugs)))). I hope you feel better soon. I agree completely with the above, not to feel guilty. You are not being selfish at all! It's okay and healthy to admit that you need some support during this time. Also, keep posting if it helps!!

(((((((((( hugs )))))))))

My husband told me to shower and go get my own cigarettes this morning. He had been bringing them to me. I hadn't showered since Saturday and I stink. I managed to do it. I have appointment with new Dr tomorrow at 9. I am expecting a couple of phone calls from my benefits center and HR office from work so I have phone turned up. Usually my volume is off. I guess that's a little progress. I'm sitting here chain smoking though. I'm very anxious and still depressed but at least I got out of bed and I made the phone calls my husband wanted me to make yesterday

Oh babe, I'm so sorry you're going through these times.

You must also remember, though, that these are times for needy, not judgment. You're dealing with a outbreak now, and it's knocked you on your side, so you can't blame yourself for the things you can't handle at the moment.

We're imperfect beings. We have to cut ourselves slack when we're hurting.

Dammit. You see where it says "needy" up there?

It's supposed to say "mercy."

Please be kind to self as best you can.. i can relate to how hard this is. I have thought of taking up smoking... i would have to go and get them myself. And smoke outside the cave only even if it is snowy outside etc, I'm sticking with martini for now

You have my deepest sympathy in the truest sense of the word.

The things that work for me are to partner with pdoc, be open to new meds (but research the hell out of them first), take it slow, recognize it's a process, have mercy, and forgive, no matter how mad and disgusted you are.

Because ultimately, I can get as mad and disgusted as I want, and for all the good it does me, and for all anyone cares about it, I might as well forgive the jackasses (esp if they're me) and wash my hands of them.

Unfortunately, the world moves on without taking much notice of our feelings. We, ourselves, however, can apply a little perspective to at least our own selves.

And when we're hurting, and it all sucks, and we feel nothing but disappointment in ourselves, at least we can remember that disappointment comes measured against an external yardstick, and we can keep a sense of perspective that, yeah, we're hurting now, but yeah it's going to get better. And even though it's truly irrelevant, if you have to go measure yourself against that silly external yardstick once you're on your feet, fine. You'll feel silly, but fine.

So like I say, dude, I feel you. Been there so many times that I will not go back there again. Have eaten too many meals of tears and sawdust. Yucky, and too much fiber.

Sorry to repeat myself, but you are in very tender circumstances right now. You deserve tender mercies. You must be willing to accept those from others. You must be willing to accept them from yourself. And you must forgive yourself for accepting them.

And then you must work, and heal.