Skipping meds

So I really hate taking risperidone. I think I have an issue with all antipsychotics because they bring me down and thats not cool. Its better than quetiapine for sure but my eyes are blurry and sore and I'm a bit tired(sleeping 6-7hrs) and I think its all from that. Last night I skipped my meds. I didnt take the depakote either because I figured I could convince myself and any one else that I just forgot my night meds. But I want to keep taking the depakote for some reason so I cant do that long term.

Anyways on to the question. The pdoc said that if I go off meds I cant know which way I will go but if I just go off risperidone or skip every couple days and still take depakote and wellbutrin I should only go up right?

Depakote will tamp down mania. That’s what it’s for. It doesn’t work well with depression.

But here’s my question to you. Did you enjoy IP? Because it didn’t seem like you did. So why do you want to mess around with your mess and get manic again? It will only lead you back IP. Or worse, you could die. Last time you almost jumped off a bridge. Is that what you want? I’m not judging if you do, I’m just saying you need to look at your motivation. Mania may have been fun for you but I’m sure it was terrifying and heartbreaking for your husband.

Sleeping 6-7 hours is not an excessive amount of sleep. It’s right about normal, even on the short end of normal. As for the blurry/sore eyes, that could be a side effect of the risperdal which you’ll have to discuss with your doctor.

In the end, your doctor is right. You have no idea which way you’ll go. And even if you do go up, you don’t know if it will be happy mania or horrible mixed mania. You don’t want that, trust me.

By the way I’m not trying to be mean. I’m just saying it’s dangerous and I want you to be safe. But I know you’ll have to find that out on your own. I had to, we all had to. Just try to stay safe!

tl;dr -- it's not worth it. Stay on your meds.

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I went off my antipsychotic (Rexulti) recently (4 weeks ago) because I was feeling the same as you: don't like being brought down, etc. etc..

It turned out that when I went to see my therapist about a week after I went off it, she said I was manic as hell. Little to no sleep and pressured speech stood out to her. She said my speech was so rapid that she could barely understand it, and she said that my thoughts rapidly bounced around from topic to topic, which only made it more difficult to understand what I was saying. I guess that explained why people around me never understood me. My communication skills were off. Not good.

I suddenly became very ill about 2.5 weeks of being manic. I don't know if that was a coincidence or because I was getting so little sleep that I was run down. (I wasn't tired at all and getting 0-2 hours of sleep at some point, but I'm sure my body was run down.) That led to a terrible crash that I'm currently in. It wasn't worth it.

Most meds have side effects. My lithium makes me forget things like when to pick up my kids or pay bills. And it makes me extra goofy but beyond that, I'm lucky. So I just put the sunroof down, breathe in the day, and make accommodations for the downside. I write things down or ask my wife 250x when to pick up my daughter at school. I also stay active - I think being sedentary and thinking about it too much makes it worse. Staying active cleans out the mind. I used to get aggravated about being an airhead but now I laugh about it. A good example - I had NO idea Monday was a holiday. I thought I had to go to work until someone told me on Thursday afternoon that we had a three day weekend. Duh.

I tried to stop taking my lithium this summer and it didn't go well. Plus I got a lecture from my wife (which in many ways is worse than stopping the medication). Then I stopped taking my Celexa and got a skull splitting headache. With all due respect, many of us (myself included) often think we're the experts and in some ways we know best for ourselves. At the same time, the expert sits on the other side of the table. If you have a top notch p-doc, they'll know what to do. The challenge is often found in having three or four doctors prescribing meds because they don't always talk to each other.

Not 10 minutes before this post. You posted about how you tried to break out of in patient and wanted to go to a lake and freeze to death. You seemed to think this was funny

You are playing with fire and in a very unsafe and dangerous state of mind at the moment.

You are playing Russian roulette with your meds and chasing a dangerous high. PLease contact your Pdoc. Try to think about what your husband would go through if you succeed in hurting or killing yourself

I can't even imagine...and don't want to...what it would be like not taking my meds. I never ever skip or miss doses because I already know how it would end. Don't even know if that's a good thing or preventing my wishful thinking, but for me it would be very dangerous.
I hope you'll decide to be safe....

It's not worth it to go off meds. Been there done that, ended up in IP. FUN STUFF. life isn't about having that feeling of high all the time. I'm good with just being chill and happy.

I hate IP but I get a little smarter every time, pretty sure I could avoid it from now on lol. The pdocs dont care anyway, I dont have an appointment until end of november. I told them about my eyes and they said to just watch it when I was in hospital but it still hasn't gone away. No one except my husband seems upset by the fact that I find it all so funny.

I've been home for a week and every day I feel too high and too low so if I have a choice I choose up. I dont like where I'm at and I prefer being an energetic, bad, fun person. I'm ambivalent about death and I dont have much empathy anymore although earlier this year (in the nice voluntary IP place) I listed being empathetic and caring as some of my best traits. I just dont care anymore about anything I would rather go have fun and cause trouble than spend time worrying about how other people feel.

I was hoping someone had a better experience to share with me hahaha but I think for now I will just skip it every few days and see how that goes.

Good luck with your decision. I hope it turns out alright for you. Sending big hugs.

Chasing hypo/ mania never ends well. Then you have to make amends for the mess you left in your path.

I agree with the above advice given no reason for me to repeat it.

I'd be lying if I said that I'm not worried about you. I hope you are going to be ok, and that your crash landing is not going to be too painful.

I think I am going to be fine. The only reason I almost killed myself was because I was supposed to go on mood stabilizers which I didnt want. I dont know why pdoc put me on risperidone anyway I'm ok with taking the depakote why did they push this too? Why do I have to take antidepressants and mood stabilizers and as pdoc called it an antimanic when my main problem is the depression?

I'm having an awesome day and that just reinforces that its not necessary for me. I wish the pdoc would have listened when I said I didnt want it or I would have completely refused this while I was IP because once you leave no one cares anymore.

I agree w above posters, just adding that going up isn’t any fun when it causes a crash.

Mania followed by depression

I'm not chasing mania, I am not going to be manic. I just want to be happy and energetic and have fun. I can be more careful this time and according to every one I could just end up depressed instead so then I would just start taking the meds again or call the pdoc. Depression has always been my normal, at least I can catch up on tv then hahaha. The pdoc said we were trying for functionally happy but again, I iust dont see that ever happening so f it

I'm only speaking for myself. I'm not saying you are chasing Mania. I'm saying you're already there. Elvis has left the building.

It sounds like your already on the (hypo)manic side. I stay on meds because on either side death is a real possibility for me.

Hahahaha that was a good one shazerac. Pretty sure elvis hasnt been in the building for a couple months if that's true. But if everyone except my husband says I'm fine why would I not accept that. And then if I'm fine then the choices I make are fine too. I'm aware of what I need and risperidone isnt one of those things or at least not everyday I just wish the pdoc would have listened