Bipolar, Monogamy & Stability, and Clanging

I've been diagnosed as BPII for the second time after having a major episode over the past year. I didn't really believe my diagnosis the first time 8 years ago and was self-medicating a lot back then with beer and weed.

I generally have my s#it together, etc, now. But in the spring I got really depressed because of the new state of affairs in the US and also because my spouse wants to explore non-monogamy, which I think threatens my sense of stability that I so desperately need.

Over the past 8 years, I have cleaned up and cultivated an intense amount of stability in my life with a super fulfilling job, buying a house, eating super healthy food, etc. But these things in the spring made me really dip into an intense depression, which then turned into a bit of a manic spell whereby I bought a car that I shouldn't have and then got deeply depressed. I went back on Lamictal after being off for about 6 years and am really trying to re-stabilize. My partner still wants to "explore" non-monogamy and I don't know what to do, I don't really want it. I don't care about sex with strangers, I did that so much in my 20s. I'd rather just focus on my career.

Another thing I would love to talk about with someone is "clang association." I didn't know about this until I read something recently, but since I have gone on Lamictal I have stopped repeating nonsense all day long, my head is so much less cluttered with nonsense it's incredible. I used to just say words and rhyme nonsense all day long over and over and wonder why I couldn't stop, and now i have stopped. I am so happy they are gone!

Even back in my wilder days, I was serially monogamous. It doesn't mean I never had a one night stand, just that it never happened while seeing someone. I dated one girl who was something of a free spirit and she asked me why I was so conservative. I told her "I'm not; there are just some things I refuse to stand in line for." I never saw much of her after that...

Lamictal has been a life saver for me. So glad it is helping you! As far as your wife goes, just be and honest with her about having an open marriage and that isn't something you want. Best of luck!

i never specified the gender of my spouse, i used neutral language, just as a side note. one should be careful not to make assumptions about people.

it doesn't just work to tell someone who fundamentally "believes" in non-monogamy as a philosophical point of view that it isn't what i want and they just accept that. i have told them that this isn't what i want. but a relationship is two people who have to reconcile such differences. what i'm wondering specifically is how i can approach this with keeping in mind that i need so much stability to manage my bipolar symptoms...

If you want to stay married to your spouse and also don't want to unilaterally deny them what works for them, maybe you could come up with an arrangement that is the least destabilizing to you? My last girlfriend and I opened up the relationship about a year before we split, mainly because I'd gotten so depressed that I wasn't really present any more and was basically fine with it, though we decided to start with less-preferred-gender partners (we're both toward the straight side of bi). But I decided I didn't really want to hear about it, she went and found a FWB and we settled, with a bit of communication, on a don't ask don't tell situation. That was fine with me 98% of the time.

Amusingly enough, when my life finally did hit the core meltdown stage, this person - now my ex - was the one who gave me a place to live. I'm still at her house now over a year later, and I could quite possibly be on the street if it wasn't for her. I'm grateful to have found someone who, while she doesn't really understand, was always able to put up with my bulls---.

It's funny how stuff works.

Lamictal seems to do nothing for me except make me need to take it in the morning to stop feeling weirdly mushy, but we've had so many bigger fish to fry with the meds that I'm still on it.

99Fairies was trying to be supportive and not expecting a “trap”

How is you plus “them” two people?

Sorry, I couldn’t resist, since you had to take a swing at someone in a support forum who was trying to be nice to you

The rainbow flag flies at my house. I am the worst ally ever because I keep saying things that are in my head without correcting the language. "Them" is an accepted singular pronoun and that actually isn't new - "Just because someone is mean to you, doesn't mean you have to be mean to them."

I hurt feelings from making assumptions and using the wrong language. I am unintentionally invalidating them when I make assumptions as if CIS behavior is normal and anything else is abnormal. My kids don't let people slide either. They do it to increase awareness. Now having said that, it can be done without being snippy.

Back to the point. I draw the line with monogamy; it's a deal breaker for me. There is no half way. But that's just me and my opinion.

Bill...sorry I just assumed you were a man due to your name. Sorry if I offended you.

i wasn't offended, just pointing it out, we can all learn from experiences to not make assumptions. no worries!

they/them is pretty common way these days to avoid gendered terminology. it wasn't a trap, just pointing out that i didn't specify gender and that we should all try to not make assumptions. people on the phone are always asking me about my "wife" and it's because of straight privilege, etc. so just pointing it out, not angry, not anything. just think about what you say, that's all.

Is “straight privilege” now akin to “white privilege”?

Anyone else sick of hearing like this?

I’m white, straight, and proud of both. Just like anyone else, I have a heritage and a chosen preference. Anyone who would threaten or belittle those things of mine should think twice.

You find it "belittling" to point out that you don't get discriminated against because of your race or sex, and if you find it "belittling" to take account for your privilege it only speaks to your privilege. you don't get to have unchecked cultural supremacy, it's not your world, it is all of ours. people who complain about having to be "politically correct" are actually just complaining that they can't be prejudiced and rude to others without someone saying something about it.

thanks for being so supportive! you're really the best! you're just the kind of person i hoped to meet here. :/

Also, there is nothing to be proud about being straight and white if it means that you aren't accountable to your privilege. I am white, but I make sure I'm not serving up unchecked white privilege and discriminating against people of color. I do what I can to help fight against racism. If you're not doing the same, then you're a part of the problem. Same thing for discriminating against someone because of sex.

bioChe, Giving everyone equal rights doesn't make you have less rights. It's not pie. I am straight, white and male. I realize that all 3 of those things do have privilege. That doesn't make me a bad person; I didn't cause the world to be like it is today. But I can try to make it different for my kids and I should feel a responsibility to do what I can to make sure it is different tomorrow. So no one is blaming you for having privilege; just hoping you will recognize it and not further that mindset is all.

I hope a Mod closes this , very triggering.

Mod please close this

i think this is a healthy discussion to be had, not sure what is "triggering" about it. and i'm the one who bioChe was harassing, so...

This thread is being closed for administrative review.