[bpforever1]

Today was a decent day. I took my medication and went to work. I also applied to two more schools. I am happy!!

BPForever1

sounds like a good productive day!

[wildflowerchild25]

Drowning in anxiety today. I am just sick about having to go back to work. I am certain I will never make it four and a half months and will be forced to resign. My co-teacher didn’t say anything like glad you’re coming back or looking forward to seeing you or anything. Just that we will be in chapter 7 and to make sure I familiarize myself with it. The fuuuuck. How can I work next to this woman for four more months. I’m trying to just not care but it’s almost impossible.

I am sure the anxiety is not being helped by the fact that I haven’t had a cigarette in two days. I have a vape but I can’t inhale as it makes me choke (ironic, right?) so I don’t know how much nicotine I’m getting. But I really want to quit this time. My son keeps begging me to quit and I remember being his age and being terrified my mom would die of cancer and she never quit and I want to quit dammit. So far I’ve turned out exactly like my mom and I hate it. I want to be better than her somehow. I want to do right by my son.

**** this anxiety is just killer though. My stomach is all messed up. I wish I could ask for some klonopin but I’m meeting a new pdoc for the first time on Tuesday, I don’t think I should start off asking for a benzo.

[bizi]

Tuscon, good luck with the group therapy.
wild flower try the nicotine patch. cold turkey is not the answer right now. Too much on your plate.
take care of you.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[bizi]

Adding zyprexa has given me my life back in some ways. I now have the ability to control my drinking, picking, over eating.
I still need to work on my computer over using.
And I drove around alot last night trying to figure the easiest way home for jeff from a neighbor hood that I am looking at homes this saturday.
I like this neighborhood and my friend lives there too!
and the houses are newer like I want. I will see if jeff wants to come look at the houses with me. There are a total of 5 house in this neighborhood for sale. 3 for sale by owner then 2 with a realtor. The for sale by owner we can low ball their asking price because they don't have to pay a realtor fees thousands of dollars. These homes are in our price range.
I met with the loan officer yesterday, He helped me see that it would be very expensive to remodel our home adding 475 dollars to our mortgage. It will be cheaper to just buy a new house.
bizi

[Unhinged88]

I am so anxious, in a bad way for work. I got into it with the GM(he isnt my boss but I work at his store) and now I don't even want to be there. And I talked with my boss and we are working on a solution but it wont be an overnight fix. I told my boss not to bring it up to the GM, lets just discreetly do some schedule changes and not make it worse. I hope he listens. I was crying about my anxiety to my boss, finally said how hard it is to be there to begin with and now this happened...

Grandma is causing major issues again in IP. She threatened someone yesterday and got smacked across the face. Then she was threatening more people and had to be put in restraints for the 3rd time in 4 days. Thankfully she is in an elderly IP program where most of the people aren't overly strong.

She keeps refusing to sleep, and none of her medications are working. It's making me both anxious and sad. Otherwise, doing ok. Sleeping far too much. It sucks.

[GoldenSnitch]

Family and children’s services had to come to my house today because the hospital called on me when I went IP. Thankfully she was nice and sees that I have support in place and they aren’t going to try and take my daughter away from me. Talk about stressful though.

[Moreta]

*screams internally*

[BPQuestions]

Im better today.

[99fairies]

My Dystonia is eating me alive. My side effect med hasn't come in yet. I have been without them for almost a week. So much pain.

I've been very... emotional lately. I literally cried yesterday watching the show Too Cute. It's probably because I'm not taking my full dose of clozapain and haven't taken lithium at all. I actually kinda like this though, much better than being numb and dumb and flat.

[sonjaward809]

Well today seems to have been a good day. I was having a mixed episode for about a week but I guess it's going away, hopefully. Right now I'm struggling with finding a routine to keep me busy during the day. If I'm not careful I will just lay around all day and not achieve anything. My motivation and will to push myself is getting back low again, but I don't feel depressed so idk what's up.

[wildflowerchild25]

Went back to the dr today and it turns out I have mono . But I didn’t seem to get it as bad as I hear it can be. Just the fever for three days and then a sore throat. I don’t feel like the exhaustion I feel is any different than my usual exhaustion. I have been sleeping a lot more but that’s what I usually do when I don’t work.

My sister in law is freaking out that I might have exposed her newborn to mono. She’s not mad at me because I obviously didn’t know but I really feel like her anxiety to be perfect with this baby has already torn us apart. Like I’ll never be good enough to be around her. I don’t know how much is in my head and how much is real. But I know our relationship will never be the same. I feel like I’ll never be allowed to see the baby. She already refuses to bring the baby to my house because it’s too dirty for her. Even when I clean it, it’s too dirty. She and my other sister in law are literally my only friends and if she’s gone I’ll be down to one friend. Makes me want to cry.

[Daonnachd]

You know how it is when your thoughts are so bad you want to share them to assuage the pain? That's where I am, but I won't share details because they'd probably break the rules.

[fishin fool]

Crazy day today, thoughts racing and feeling sick all day even though I am not.
Maybe anxiety, been having it a lot lately.

[Moreta]

Rock operas calm me down. Listened to Tommy and now watching Jesus Christ Superstar for the 20 millionth time.

[bpforever1]

I am extremely happy!! I received three interviews!! I took my medication. I am doing well. I am so excited and need to calm down. One of the interviews asked I write an essay before interviewing. I have to think about my answers carefully and will go to eat at a cafe and write my answers. I am very happy!! Life is good!! Yippee!!!

[bpforever1]

I received a fourth interview request. I have to finish this essay though. The fourth interview is for a part-time position teaching at companies. They pay well. I am happy. I am grateful for these opportunities. Yippee!!

I have a really bad stomach ache today.

it's my own fault.. I know I need to slow down when I'm eating, and not overeat- but I never learn

I hate stomach aches, yet still do it

[99fairies]

I am doing much better. My side effect meds came yesterday and I already feel it start working! Only uphill from here!!

[hopeless2015]

Called in sick. Decided to take a mental health day today. I haven't done this in awhile.

[bizi]

I hope you enjoy your day off!, long weekend right?
bizi

[bizi]

going to take a shower!
We will be looking at some houses tomorrow, even though it is supposed to rain all weekend!
we have the name of a buyers realtor who helped friends of ours find their house and then helped them do all of the paper work to sell their house"for sale by owner"! Which is exactly what we want to do.
bizi

[Zigy]

I usually fell a bit better on Fridays in anticipation on the weekend. Still, depressed, low mood mixed with anxiety. I'm just hoping nobody bothers me too much at work and maybe I can leave early.