Feeling depressed, probably moderately. I keep sleeping too much and wanting to sleep more and more. On the upside, I get my new apartment in 2 weeks from this coming Thursday. I can finally get away from all the drama at my parents' house that's triggering me, which is going to be a huge relief. I just have to set up utilities and renter's insurance and I'm all good to go. I just wish I was happy, but I'm not.

[wildflowerchild25]

Teensy bit elevated today! Having fun and loving life. Drove too fast on the way to the grocery store, passed TWO police cars, thank god I didn’t get pulled over! I gotta slooow it down. About to get up and clean after I have lunch. So boooored!!! I might go out and get my hair cut even though I don’t really have the money. I went to the thrift store to satisfy my shopping urge and came out with just one purse for $15. It’s a coach purse and my SIL says as far as she can tell it’s real. I’ve never had a designer bag before in my life. I’ve never cared about designer stuff. I just thought this purse was cute and happens to be coach. It’s kind of exciting though to have a designer bag. Makes me feel fancy

My sleep is not yet disturbed so I’m sure this day is a one off. Maybe I’m just excited not to be sick anymore! Or MAYBE this is why I had a decent amount of energy despite being sick with mono lol. I’ve always heard it wipes you out but as long as I kept my fever down I was fine.

I have to study math again chapter 7 in algebra. Not sure what it’s going to be, pretty sure I won’t know wtf is going on though. Oh well don’t care leaving in June anyway! **** them!

[Wild Coyote]

Quick check-in. Very busy with appts., caretaking. Feeling overwhelmed.
DH very ill with a chest cold. Mother needs a lot right now. (Specialist says another 3-6 months of antibiotic treatment in order to clear her surgical infection, if all goes well. She is not "out of the woods" yet. Still a bit scary.)

Hope to catch up here (private messages, too) this weekend.

Love to All!

WC

[99fairies]

I am feeling tons better since I got my side effect meds. It usually takes a few days till I notice a difference but this time it's already working and I just had one dose last night.

[BPQuestions]

Im a little manic. Dr is upping my meds. Impulse control not so good. Grrrr

[Daonnachd]

I have to remember I have two sons whom I love, and who love me.

[Nammu]

Yup, we need to think of the kids.....and in my case at least remember the grandkids too.

[Tucson]

I am alive. This is good news. I am depressed. Part of the reason is that I am restricted to my house. I would like to order a pizza, but I should not spend my money in this way. I do have a free pizza coming, but I promised my daughter that I will wait until she is visiting me before ordering pizza. I want to limit my eating of desserts. Every time I make one, it ends up disappearing quickly.

[wildflowerchild25]

I’m shopping on amazon lol. I keep thinking of kitchen things I need. Thankfully I’m just putting them on my wish list for now, not in my cart. See i still have a clear head. I had no idea chef knives were so expensive! I need one. Or a knife sharpener. And a basting brush, a mini food processor, a new set of pans, and a meat thermometer. But I did not actually purchase any of those things so I’m good.

Cleaned some. Itching to go out but I have nowhere to go. Only an hour till I pick up my son.

So I am coming into a large amount of money. It should drop into my account in the coming weeks. I have found myself thinking of and doing a lot of looking at cars. I'e even committed myself to some test-drives.

I worry what my support network will say. I just know they are going to jump to conclusions that I am hypomanic and am going to spend all the money.

Looking for a car though is legitimate. I haven't had one at all for 2 years and for the piece of junk I had before that for another three. I have the opportunity now to regain the independence I lost. And I can do things now when I want or need to do them instead of depending on others for a ride. Most of all, I would be able to make some road trips to visit my children. Is this too much to ask? Especially now that I am in the position to do something about it?

[BPQuestions]

Just make it a sensible purchase. When I was manic I bought a way expensive car I couldnt afford. Thats buying out of mania.
If you have your support network helping in the decision making process thats called being sensible.

Originally Posted by justafriend306

So I am coming into a large amount of money. It should drop into my account in the coming weeks. I have found myself thinking of and doing a lot of looking at cars. I'e even committed myself to some test-drives.

I worry what my support network will say. I just know they are going to jump to conclusions that I am hypomanic and am going to spend all the money.

Looking for a car though is legitimate. I haven't had one at all for 2 years and for the piece of junk I had before that for another three. I have the opportunity now to regain the independence I lost. And I can do things now when I want or need to do them instead of depending on others for a ride. Most of all, I would be able to make some road trips to visit my children. Is this too much to ask? Especially now that I am in the position to do something about it?

[xRavenx]

I think I need to increase my Seroquel again (unfortunately). I thought I was doing fine after decreasing it. This state of agitation is not normal. I feel absolutely horrible. I think I scared off a friend. I was being nice, but I don't think she understands what is happening to me. Some people just don't realize that all the seemingly illogical things that are bothering me are completely important to me. I fear they see me as just "being dramatic." If anything, I want to hide, because I am embarrassed of the way I am feeling and acting, but I just can't control it right now.

This is the worst state I've been in within the last few months. I hate needing more meds, but it looks like I must. I should have known that a dose decrease would de-stabilize me during this time. I had been taking the lower dose of Seroquel over the past few weeks. Trying to use coping skills can only carry me so far. Klonopin isn't doing much for me either. Neither is Gabapentin. I think the Lamictal is keeping me out of the hospital, but I feel I am at the verge of needing IP if things don't improve soon.

[Guiness187055]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

I think I need to increase my Seroquel again (unfortunately). I thought I was doing fine after decreasing it. This state of agitation is not normal. I feel absolutely horrible. I think I scared off a friend. I was being nice, but I don't think she understands what is happening to me. Some people just don't realize that all the seemingly illogical things that are bothering me are completely important to me. I fear they see me as just "being dramatic." If anything, I want to hide, because I am embarrassed of the way I am feeling and acting, but I just can't control it right now.

This is the worst state I've been in within the last few months. I hate needing more meds, but it looks like I must. I should have known that a dose decrease would de-stabilize me during this time. I had been taking the lower dose of Seroquel over the past few weeks. Trying to use coping skills can only carry me so far. Klonopin isn't doing much for me either. Neither is Gabapentin. I think the Lamictal is keeping me out of the hospital, but I feel I am at the verge of needing IP if things don't improve soon.

I hope you are feeling better soon and that the jump in seroquel dosage helps.

[wildflowerchild25]

I have switched to INCREDIBLY ****ing irritable. I’m so pissed at my son. He ****ing destroyed his room last night after I spent all day cleaning it. I marched his *** back in there (perhaps too roughly) and made him clean everything himself. He whined and complained the whole time. I’m so ready to snap! I need a god damn cigarette fr fr.

I feel very negatively charged. I’m going to try to watch a movie or something after my son goes to bed to relax if I can.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Guiness187055

I hope you are feeling better soon and that the jump in seroquel dosage helps.

Thank you. I really, really hope it does. My thoughts keep racing, and I keep having a "pit feeling" in my stomach, because everything is triggering me and making me feel anxious.

[Pookyl]

Still doing ok I think. Being stable for 5-6 weeks is uncharted territory for me. I’m trying not to worry about how long this will last.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by vertigo

I have to remember I have two sons whom I love, and who love me.

(((((( vertigo ))))))

Thinking of you.

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

I think I need to increase my Seroquel again (unfortunately). I thought I was doing fine after decreasing it. This state of agitation is not normal. I feel absolutely horrible. I think I scared off a friend. I was being nice, but I don't think she understands what is happening to me. Some people just don't realize that all the seemingly illogical things that are bothering me are completely important to me. I fear they see me as just "being dramatic." If anything, I want to hide, because I am embarrassed of the way I am feeling and acting, but I just can't control it right now.

This is the worst state I've been in within the last few months. I hate needing more meds, but it looks like I must. I should have known that a dose decrease would de-stabilize me during this time. I had been taking the lower dose of Seroquel over the past few weeks. Trying to use coping skills can only carry me so far. Klonopin isn't doing much for me either. Neither is Gabapentin. I think the Lamictal is keeping me out of the hospital, but I feel I am at the verge of needing IP if things don't improve soon.

(((((( xRavenx ))))))

I hope you feel better soon.

WC

all I know today is I need an animated star badge (500 of them) and I am in tears over the fact I can't get one

I am also beating myself up because I through out a peace of toast

I didn't want it, okay?. I was full

[bpforever1]

I am feeling tired. I wanted to go out but was too tired. I will rest and try to go out tomorrow. I feel exhausted for some reason.

[DiamondJoe]

The picture on the link to this thread weirds me out.

[scatterbrained04]

Have been feeling overall a little better lately. I've only had a couple rough days. Had a couple heart-to-heart type discussions with my son yesterday. I feel better after doing so. Turns out we both feel like we need to get out and do some stuff together. We are both feeling isolated being in the house all the time. So I'm going to see if maybe we can get out and do some things over the next month. Sounds like ice skating might be first on the agenda.

Originally Posted by BPQuestions

Just make it a sensible purchase. When I was manic I bought a way expensive car I couldnt afford. Thats buying out of mania.
If you have your support network helping in the decision making process thats called being sensible.

Thank you, you are right.

I am doing my best to be practical - like choosing a vehicle that would meet my needs instead of one I think would be cool to drive. I have done a lot of homework. My boyfriend is holding my hand through the process.

I just know though that no matter how much I do or don't spend it is going to trigger my family into blowing a gasket. It seems any decision I make they assume is rash and worry that it might be a sign of my being quite ill.

They have never given credit to those things that are important to me. They laugh and ridicule them. For instance hiking. They don't understand why I would prefer to hike a mountain when there is a paved path along the river bank here at home. Why would I possibly want to travel 8+ hours to camp in a tent? Why am I keeping a 20ft kayak in storage? Why would I want to rappel off a cliff? Why do I spend money on art supplies?

I am in position to do these things again - and that starts with regaining independence by owing a vehicle. They are important to me. I have mourned the loss of these things now for 8 years. But each of these things, granted they are risk taking, they assume are indicators of mania.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by vertigo

I have to remember I have two sons whom I love, and who love me.

Thinking of you and sending big hugs and positive vibes.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Quick check-in. Very busy with appts., caretaking. Feeling overwhelmed.
DH very ill with a chest cold. Mother needs a lot right now. (Specialist says another 3-6 months of antibiotic treatment in order to clear her surgical infection, if all goes well. She is not "out of the woods" yet. Still a bit scary.)

Hope to catch up here (private messages, too) this weekend.

Love to All!

WC

You’ve got a lot on your plate!! Please take good care of you too.