Last thread has reached over 100 pages so here is a brand new one

[Nammu]

Thanks lavender, this was needed.

Caught my boyfriend in a lie yesterday. It may have been trivial but the point is he lied. I felt hurt, I said some things I perhaps shouldn't have in the heat of the moment. I wanted him to feel the same pain. I know irritation is a Bipolar thing. I am guessing making mountains out of molehills are too. Additionally, perhaps bipolar exaggerates my insecurities? This could have become such a mess.

[xRavenx]

I am glad that I finally gave in to the idea that I might not be able to lower my medication ever again (or at least for a very long time) and made the call to my pdoc. I thought I would regret calling my pdoc and had those thoughts, such as, "She's going to think that I can never go down on my medication ever again, since the attempt to lower it failed." After battling with this thought, I realize I need to do what's best for me at this time, or things will continue to spiral out of control. I'd rather feel a little numb and sedated right now from medication, rather than go through mixed manic hell. Acceptance feels pretty good right now. I am feeling down and depressed, sometimes losing hope, but I need to work on staying in the moment more. If I have to stay on all these meds for life, then maybe that's what needs to happen to live a better life.

[Pookyl]

6 weeks stable today. Should be excited but anxious instead.

[Pookyl]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

I am glad that I finally gave in to the idea that I might not be able to lower my medication ever again (or at least for a very long time) and made the call to my pdoc. I thought I would regret calling my pdoc and had those thoughts, such as, "She's going to think that I can never go down on my medication ever again, since the attempt to lower it failed." After battling with this thought, I realize I need to do what's best for me at this time, or things will continue to spiral out of control. I'd rather feel a little numb and sedated right now from medication, rather than go through mixed manic hell. Acceptance feels pretty good right now. I am feeling down and depressed, sometimes losing hope, but I need to work on staying in the moment more. If I have to stay on all these meds for life, then maybe that's what needs to happen to live a better life.

As my pdoc would say, I’m proud of you for using your wise mind.

[hopeless2015]

Doing ok today. Was feeling a little low last couple days but pushing through. Hugs everyone

[Unrigged64072835]

My current FB account is now disabled. I can't get into my old account either. It sucks because I wanted to see some public figure's pages and now I can't get to them. Guess something was trying to tell me I spend too much time on FB!

Otherwise, it's been homework, housework, and a nap. Rather boring day.

[Guiness187055]

Doing pretty good considering wife lost her job. Lowering some of my meds which is a good thing I hope. Dr. told me to take more xanax he knows how little I take and I really should be taking more. Hugs to all.

[wildflowerchild25]

So my GP called me back today about the blood work I had done last Wednesday. She said that in addition to mono, I also tested positive for LYME DISEASE now I don’t know what to believe. I was dubious about the mono but Lyme disease??? I never go outside! I’ve been in long sleeves and pants for months now. Unless I’ve had it for awhile without realizing. I do have some symptoms, like the fever and chills last week. I have joint paint that I attributed to a car accident I was in a few years ago. I have lower back pain that I attributed to weight gain. I had dizziness for a few days. I don’t know. I just don’t see how I could have gotten it! In any case I’m on an antibiotic for ten days.

I’m really excited to see my therapist tomorrow. I haven’t seen her since I went to my IOP program in November. I was supposed to see her last week but I was sick. I’m hoping nothing gets in the way of me seeing her this week! I really like her and she has helped me a lot since I started seeing her when my husband died.

I also see a new pdoc tomorrow for the first time. I don’t know how that will go. I’m not nervous but I do hate the initial question/answer session. I hate having to rehash my past.

[sonjaward809]

Well we kinda figured out what's wrong with my car, my O2 sensor is going out. That's why it keeps sputtering back at me when I press on the gas. It's going to cost $140 to fix. It's mainly the labor that's going to be intensive because of how it's "welded" on there due to where the sensor is, it kept getting heated up then cooled down over the past few years so now it's stuck. I'm hoping the O2 sensor is all that's wrong with my car, cause if not idk what to do.

Other than that, I kept hearing people outside of my house today but when I checked nobody was there. First it was a guy by the back door .. and then an hour ago it was a lady by the front door .. I'm tripping again. Great. I keep hearing things scratching around in the walls too, it's starting to make me really nervous and on edge. I keep seeing things move around out of the corners of my eyes too, like there will be a flash of light but no source.. or the table will slide but it doesn't look out of place when I look at it head on. I'm trying to find a logical explanation for what's going on but I can't really find one, it's like my mind is playing tricks on me.

I slept most of the day away because it makes me feel better and I can't see/hear anything while I'm asleep. Seems to be the only option I have to keep the voices and stuff at bay. Hopefully this eases up soon. The weirdest thing is I'm not having a mood episode, honestly I feel nothing as far as mania or depression goes. I'm numb except for the paranoia that's starting to set in. I get worried though, that I'm going to lose my mind and not be able to tell what's real from what's fake .. especially since the voices are starting back up. I rarely hear voices but they're here again and they sound so darn real. I'm having a rough time right now .. and I can't see any of my doctors or my therapist due to my car not working. So I'm stuck at home, dealing with this crap again. I will call my case manager and let her know what's going on in the morning. I probably need to call my lawyer and let her know too since she's managing my disability case.

[Tucson]

I do not remember if I posted in the old thread, so I will give it another go. I have court tomorrow to see if I can get out of a ticket. I will have to present my case to the judge. Oh boy, just what I wanted to do.

Otherwise, I am OK except for the usual morning depression. My doctor has upped my Fluoxetine. So we will see what happens. For a DUI , which is yet another court case, the doctor gave me a letter stating that what the lab found in my blood could not have caused what had happened. He wants me to go to a neurologist. So we shall see what the prosecutor does with this. Life is great, isn’t it. Ha ha.

[Unhinged88]

Why is it I know I need help but refuse to ask for it?? Why is my brain at war with every thing else that I am? Why can't I shake this feeling that *IT* is going to happen. But I don't know what *IT* is?

[bpforever1]

I am feeling great again!! Today's interview went well and they offered me a job. I will take it if needed. It is part-time but pays well. I am happy. Tomorrow, I have another interview though for a full-time job and will do my best to remain upbeat about it. I don't know if I will take it unless I go there and get a feel for the place and the people. I also have another interview for another full-time job on Friday via skype so it is a screening interview. I should be ok. I am confident again about myself. I am going to withdraw my application for yesterday's interview because I can't work with an a**hole. Such is life.

I am feeling low.

yesterday afternoon my mental health worker failed to show up, and I'm pissed because I had quite a bit to say to her and discuss with her

I still can't believe the birthday cake insodent either

Possible trigger:

slapped because I didn't want a cake?

for **** sake.. I go through enough abuse in my life without someone who barely knows me doing it too- no wonder I am so scared of people.

and then their's the whole issue of the birthday thing anyway

the body's birthday is today (jan 30th), but we don't celebrate that day- as a lot of us inside choose to celebrate on other dates in the year

next person to say " happy birthday", is going to regret they ever even thought it

[Sunflower123]

I’ve had a couple of really good days. It makes a nice change. I hope it sticks around for awhile.

Sending hugs to all those that are struggling.

[Nammu]

I'm getting a cold! Had to take mum to the clinic yesterday and must have picked it up there. Oh joy! OY vey!

[wildflowerchild25]

Sitting in the service center for my car, surprise surprise it need like $700 worth of maintenance work done. Filters, fluid replacements, etc etc. I know I’m getting ripped off by doing it all at the dealer but I don’t have a mechanic I trust. So I’m going to bite the bullet and pay. I’m gonna put it on my credit card and when I get my tax return I’ll make a big payment on my card. I should also be able to start paying my card down again once I start working and getting paid again.

I always get paranoid that because I’m a woman they know I don’t know **** about cars and try to screw me. And also it’s suspicious that suddenly when I’m out of my free maintenance period all of a sudden all this stuff comes up. Imagine that. But I need this car to last so it is what it is. ****ing cars man. Too expensive.

I’m so scared to go back to work. Seriously, seriously dreading it. I keep having nightmares about it. Oh well I just need to last until June. That’s what I keep telling myself :-/

[Zigy]

I'm going to see my pdoc today after work. Hopefully he'll have some ideas how to lift me out of this pit of depression. Last time I saw him I didn't make it clear enough that I felt really ill. He didn't want to change my meds insisting that Lamictal would help me with my depression but it clearly isn't doing anything.

[BPQuestions]

Im doing well this morning. Little emotional but thats just me I think. Happy today though.

[Tucson]

My court date has been changed. I have been wanting to get this over with. I guess not yet. As they say, “life is an adventure. Enjoy the ride”. It is the direction I am going that concerns me.

Still feeling "meh".

I'm mad that my pdoc doesn't take me seriously. Though I'm fortunate that I'll be getting a new one soon, as he's leaving the practice... but maybe that's why he doesn't give a sh_t?

Sucks to be in this situation. Maybe I'll request a new pdoc before my current one leaves. He's an asshole for ignoring my questions and concerns anyways. But I don't have high expectations for mental health "professionals" in general, as 99% of them can't relate and don't know what it's like to suffer from something like BP. They think they know, but they don't.

I left a message on my psychiatrist's vmx asking if it was possible to get a longer than usual appointment. I hope he calls back either with a longer appointment option, or an agreement to handle something I need separately from an appointment. I have just too much to discuss and have him handle just in one 20 minute session.

I have begun grieving the loss of my therapist. She told me two Fridays ago that she will be ending her practice due to family issues. It is so sad that after 4+ years with her, developing trust in her, and her learning so much about me and how my mind works, that I have to start over again. This is especially hard given where I am in my recovery.

[GoldenSnitch]

Not feeling the best today. Lots of anxiety and feeling down about my schooling screw up but I saw my therapist today which helped

[hopeless2015]

Doing ok, catching back up from missing Friday and then Monday morning at work. It's a busy job but my days sure go fast. Haven't used much fmla time since Sept so I'm keeping things pretty well caught up now. Hugs to everyone!!