Feeling ok today. Worried about my son. I just wish he'd stop smoking weed. He bought more with his Christmas money. If I kick him out, he has nowhere to go. It's not that simple.

Had a physical yesterday. So glad I got the pap out of the way. It had been 6 yrs since I had one. My knee is still hurting from that fall. I'm gonna be starting pt on it soon.

Also doing trauma work with a new therapist. I like her but she calls in sick a lot. I don't have many options so I feel like I have to stick with her. The other agencies here that take medicaid have really high turn over rates and therapists that are just there to get some experience and then they move on once they do.

I'm just trying to be grateful for what I have. I have food, shelter, a family that loves me, 2 awesome cats, a loving somewhat healthy son, a car....life could be worse.

Hang in there everyone.

[Tucson]

Just found out I have been spending several hundred dollars using my credit card eating out. What is wrong with me! I am returning back to my diet. I have gained three pounds. I do not want to gain much more. 185 sounds like a good weight for me. I am at 182 right now.

[Pookyl]

Bored. Bored. Bored.

[LadyShadow]

Totally took the double dose of medication last night that knocked me the hell out, and I hit rock bottom HARD today. Was in a fog and a haze most of the day until things started leveling off. Now I am flying high again, wishing I would get sleepy soon to rest peacefully.

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

The falling sounds scary. I hope your BF is okay.
I need to complete my taxes. It's good you've gotten yours done early, as a lot on income tax return fraud is expected this year. It can be a long wait for a return if that happens.

Always good to hear from you!

WC

Thanks, WC! No falls yesterday. They said he might have to wear a halter monitor if it happens again. Hopefully not...
It's scary having to be away from home and just hoping.

I go to a place that helps poor people do their taxes. It's a huge relief for me, because even though I'm not dumb, I'm TOTALLY stupid when it comes to that stuff! Also, it helps avoid procrastination.

Today's report: Today is a day I don't normally work. (In order to have a schedule I can basically usually handle, I had to agree to expand it on weeks they had specials. Yeah, makes no sense, but I'm an idiot for overextending myself in many areas...) So... pretty burnt out. And tired. And everything hurts. Mood is...could be better. Blah, blah, blah. No good to complain because here we have to go anyway. Literally keeping a roof and all that...

[LadyShadow]

I took my usual dose of medication last night, after hammering myself with double the dose the other night by mistake. I usually sleep at least 8-9 hours but I woke up spry and awake at 9am, with only three hours of sleep.

It did make me feel a bit odd...to say the least, and I don't even think its mania, I think its just my body putting itself back on track.

Still leaves me with an uneasy feeling though.

[BPQuestions]

Im adulting today and thats a Win!!

[Unhinged88]

Crash is coming. I can feel it simmering under the surface of my skin.

I am sad this afternoon.

really really missing bethany, and wishing she was here

I don't even know why I started thinking of her.. just listening to music and bam. the thoughts came- she would have loved this, etc etc

[LadyShadow]

Stuck on repeat, trying to get my head together, and come out of the hole I am creating for myself. Getting in the shower, getting outside, that's what's going to bring me out of this.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm getting mad my son's professor is a bully. We've tried to stick it out. He's 6 weeks in. We missed the cut off date by one day. So now it's up to the dean. He's called my son immoral, lack of imagination, along with other things and uses peer pressure to put pressure on my son to agree with him. Every class it's something. "Christians" like that give everyone else a bad name. I'm not meaning to give him grief but now it's up to the dean whether my son can switch out of his class or not. I'm waiting on an email from the dual enrollment office to see if it was approved.

My car's fixed!! Now I have to make an appointment with pdoc before my meds run out in two weeks.

[bpforever1]

I have a cold or the flu. I am sneezing and coughing. I feel tired. I took my meds. I will be ok.

feeling frajile.

wasn't around for yesterday evening so wondering what the insiders got up to

from all the aches and pains, some serious neglect I imagine

[Wander]

Utterly exhausted and in pain after a busy holiday. Going through nights of sleeping and then not sleeping. Mood is also all over the place. At times I’m euphoric and others very dark. Sometimes I feel like I’m losing my mind as it races and twists and turns. Really scared I might actually go over the border into true madness soon. Scary stuff. Still, I am managing to keep my happy face on round people so no one is the wiser. Everyone thinks I’m doing great. Even my T dismissed my comment 10 days ago that I felt I was losing my mind. Kind of pissed me off. I told my friend, who I stayed with on my holiday, this and she said that perhaps he chose to let me go on holiday rather than hospitalise me as he knew I would be with her(a social worker/therapist who know my T well - I met her way before she was a T.) I don’t know, maybe he just isn’t taking me seriously. At one point on my holiday my friend wanted to take me to hospital due to severe ideation and some psychosis.

I’m rambling. Basically, I am good right this moment but prone to change swiftly. My physical limitations are getting me down too. I have two weeks before going back to university and the business begins in earnest. Just hope I can cope with the workload.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Wander

Utterly exhausted and in pain after a busy holiday. Going through nights of sleeping and then not sleeping. Mood is also all over the place. At times I’m euphoric and others very dark. Sometimes I feel like I’m losing my mind as it races and twists and turns. Really scared I might actually go over the border into true madness soon. Scary stuff. Still, I am managing to keep my happy face on round people so no one is the wiser. Everyone thinks I’m doing great. Even my T dismissed my comment 10 days ago that I felt I was losing my mind. Kind of pissed me off. I told my friend, who I stayed with on my holiday, this and she said that perhaps he chose to let me go on holiday rather than hospitalise me as he knew I would be with her(a social worker/therapist who know my T well - I met her way before she was a T.) I don’t know, maybe he just isn’t taking me seriously. At one point on my holiday my friend wanted to take me to hospital due to severe ideation and some psychosis.

I’m rambling. Basically, I am good right this moment but prone to change swiftly. My physical limitations are getting me down too. I have two weeks before going back to university and the business begins in earnest. Just hope I can cope with the workload.

You have a lot on your plate. I hope things work out for you. I hope you are feeling more stable soon.


WC

[Moreta]

slept 12 hrs last night. guess I was tired. Had a weird dream that I was in a motorcycle gang and at the end of the dream my parents showed up and ofc my mom yelled at me about ****. I haven't dreamed about my dad in a while. I feel so tired.

The new CD for the black panther movie came out. Apparently kendrick lamar did the whole thing. It's pretty decent so far, but then again can kendrick make bad music? haha.

[wildflowerchild25]

I knew I should have stayed home today. I am freaking out. Anxiety, rage, crying, you name it. I have to make it through five and a half more hours. I keep telling myself I can do this. I can do it today but I don’t know at what cost. I seriously want to break down in tears right now. I want to scream and punch things. I had a dream where I beat the **** out of some random person for some minor offense. I tend to get those dreams when I’m struggling.

I feel like self harming but I’m at work, ive got nothing to self harm with. And nowhere to do it. But I’ve got tools at home....

I cannot he hospitalized again as my mother would have a complete nervous breakdown having to watch my son, especially bc my grandma and grandpa aren’t doing well right now. My grandpa is just elderly and sick, my grandma is having back surgery in March. I djust not know how long I can push myself without a hospitalization. I will only go to hospital if I get psychotic again but that is a real possibility.

****. Bell rang. Time to pretend to be normal

[Wild Coyote]

(((((( wildflowerchild ))))))

Easy does it.

We are here for you.


WC

[Unhinged88]

Something small set me off this morning. I have no money to fix it. I have no patience to try to do it myself. I had to shovel 8 inches of snow. I have a cold. But I am okay I suppose. I am not horribly depressed. It feels ok to breathe and appreciate it. (Not through my nose however, because its all stuffy)

[emgreen]

It snowed about 7" last night & this morning, so the roads were terrible; however, I had to go to a glaucoma specialist this morning & had to drive. On the plus side, my glaucoma hasn't worsened, but the downside was that I was involved in a hit & run accident on the way home. The guy slid right through a red light & then took off. I'm grateful I wasn't hurt & that the damage wasn't worse than it was. If I'd been in a mixed state or depressed, I'm sure it would have affected me far more than it did today. Sometimes all you can do is go with the flow. This post wasn't dramatic, but that's my point...It's just nice to be in a state where you don't have to sweat the small stuff.

I think I mentioned here that my therapist of 4.5 years is ending her practice next month. That really saddened me, but I finally started contacting prospective new ones. I've contacted four so far and only one therapist called me back and seemed interested in having me as a client. She sounded very nice, but unfortunately of the four she's the only one that does NOT take my insurance. She doesn't take any insurance. Why does it have to be like that?

I think therapists that don't take insurance tend to be more client-driven, though my current and soon to be former therapist took my insurance and was very nice and responsive. Another difference is that the out-of-network therapist that DID call me back was one my current therapist recommended. I even mentioned that when I contacted her. I guess having a name to drop as a "referral" might also help. Too bad neither my psychiatrist nor current therapist recognized any of the therapist names on my insurance list.

[sonjaward809]

Welp there's a number of things wrong with my car .. mechanic said it's best to just scrap it and get a new one. So that's got me kinda down. It's running okay right now but he said it's only a matter of time before it gives out on me completely. Thankfully my brother is in town now and can run me around while he's here. Other than that, I've been stuck at home .. moping around .. not feeling much of anything. I want to be back home with my family already, but I can't move just yet. Idk I'm starting to feel down when I think of everything going wrong at the moment.

[BPQuestions]

I go to my PDOC apt today. I want off of Latuda very badly so we will see what he says.

[Unrigged64072835]

This morning was chaotic. It's my daughter's birthday, so we made omelets and hash browns for everybody. My husband and I admitted that was the most stressed out we've been in a while. Four people crammed into a kitchen that can barely handle two. It all worked out, though, and food was good. She liked her present--a set of professional markers she's been wanting for years. We're going to a Mexican restaurant this evening. It's casual since she didn't want a lot of hoopla over today. Her boyfriend and his parents are joining us. She also had her state ID updated so she's legit. Still have to do the military ID but that will be next week.

Otherwise just chilling out. Head's been hurting so trying to keep calm. Lots of fluids help too.

Mood has been up and down, but more situational than anything.

to those who want them.

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I knew I should have stayed home today. I am freaking out. Anxiety, rage, crying, you name it. I have to make it through five and a half more hours. I keep telling myself I can do this. I can do it today but I don’t know at what cost. I seriously want to break down in tears right now. I want to scream and punch things. I had a dream where I beat the **** out of some random person for some minor offense. I tend to get those dreams when I’m struggling.


I feel like self harming but I’m at work, ive got nothing to self harm with. And nowhere to do it. But I’ve got tools at home....


I cannot he hospitalized again as my mother would have a complete nervous breakdown having to watch my son, especially bc my grandma and grandpa aren’t doing well right now. My grandpa is just elderly and sick, my grandma is having back surgery in March. I djust not know how long I can push myself without a hospitalization. I will only go to hospital if I get psychotic again but that is a real possibility.


****. Bell rang. Time to pretend to be normal

I really hate your suffering like this. I would be in the same situation as you if I were sick. My mom would not want to keep my daughter. Try to use some coping skills that work for you and see if that helps. Have you heard of WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan)? You should make you one once your better. You should be able to find the info available online, library, Facebook and YouTube.