[Tucson]

I am alive and well, at least the best that can be expected with a moderate amount of depression. I do not know why this is, for I have good reasons to be happy. Hmm...I think I forgot to take my medication. I will have to check and see when I get back home. My new used car is working out. It is blemish free. So I am working to keep it that way, at least one car wash a week. My daughter wants a job while finishing up with high school. She is barely getting by with her grades as it is. So her mother and I have been talking about it with her. She just is not ready to become an adult, for she is making poor immature decisions. Also I need to stop spending money like I have been doing. My large bank loan needs to last me the next ten years. For various reasons, I have already spent most of it.

[Cocosurviving]

My day has been busy. My daughter had to go get her allergy shot this morning. Then I took one of my mom’s dogs to get shots today. Poor thing got sick later and I had to rush him back up to the clinic. We use our local SPCA. They said the dog just needs a little Benadryl and will be just fine. Next I ran to Walmart for my grandmother. She had a list of items she needed. I took everything to her. We’re suppose to have some bad weather move in tonight. Me and my daughter have plenty of food. I’m waiting for her to get out of school. I think I have enough energy to hit the gym later.

[xRavenx]

My mind still races a lot, and I am very anxious and agitated. I am still afraid of becoming extremely manicky in that bad mixed sort of way, and I have been feeling all of the warning signs. The increased Seroquel is helping me think just clear enough to avoid spinning completely out of control where I need IP, but I am terrified that it won't be enough to treat this episode. In other words, I am afraid of getting worse before getting better. This is really frustrating, but I will have to see how I do with this medication change.

I hope you all have a good weekend and hang in there.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by BPQuestions

I go to my PDOC apt today. I want off of Latuda very badly so we will see what he says.

Why do you want off the latuda? Cost? Side effects? Other?

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Cocosurviving

My day has been busy. My daughter had to go get her allergy shot this morning. Then I took one of my mom’s dogs to get shots today. Poor thing got sick later and I had to rush him back up to the clinic. We use our local SPCA. They said the dog just needs a little Benadryl and will be just fine. Next I ran to Walmart for my grandmother. She had a list of items she needed. I took everything to her. We’re suppose to have some bad weather move in tonight. Me and my daughter have plenty of food. I’m waiting for her to get out of school. I think I have enough energy to hit the gym later.

What an active day! Good for you!
Say hi to Bizi at the gym! (I think she's going, too!)
I should be at the gym-- sometime today, I should have done some major exercise. Choices!


WC

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by Cocosurviving

I really hate your suffering like this. I would be in the same situation as you if I were sick. My mom would not want to keep my daughter. Try to use some coping skills that work for you and see if that helps. Have you heard of WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan)? You should make you one once your better. You should be able to find the info available online, library, Facebook and YouTube.

I actually wanted to take the WRAP course that’s offered through NAMI but it’s on Wednesday evenings and my mom works Wednesday evenings so I can’t. I don’t have anyone else to rely on for babysitting unfortunately and I don’t want anyone else at my house (ie a typical babysitter).

I’m finally calm now that I’ve been home from work for a few hours. My son calmed me down. He asked me if I was happy and I had to of course say yes so even though I felt like crying I kinda did the whole “fake it til you make it” thing. Now I’m not exactly happy but I don’t feel quite as awful.

I don’t WANT to feel like **** for the next four months. I need to come up with some sort of game plan. I’m a problem SOLVER, not a wallower. But I’m just not sure what I should do yet.

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I actually wanted to take the WRAP course that’s offered through NAMI but it’s on Wednesday evenings and my mom works Wednesday evenings so I can’t. I don’t have anyone else to rely on for babysitting unfortunately and I don’t want anyone else at my house (ie a typical babysitter).


I’m finally calm now that I’ve been home from work for a few hours. My son calmed me down. He asked me if I was happy and I had to of course say yes so even though I felt like crying I kinda did the whole “fake it til you make it” thing. Now I’m not exactly happy but I don’t feel quite as awful.


I don’t WANT to feel like **** for the next four months. I need to come up with some sort of game plan. I’m a problem SOLVER, not a wallower. But I’m just not sure what I should do yet.

I’m really glad your son helped you feel better. I can relate to that. Carrying on for the sake of your child that needs you. I really hope that turn around for you.

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

What an active day! Good for you!

Say hi to Bizi at the gym! (I think she's going, too!)

I should be at the gym-- sometime today, I should have done some major exercise. Choices!




WC

Will do and thanks

[LadyShadow]

It's been one hell of a rollercoaster week, with sleeping, meds and damn it just surviving. But man waking up in a Seroquel fog, feels SO horrible. I mean like, I feel so beaten up and broken, but mood-wise I am pretty good. But is THIS what I have to go through in order to feel better? When I wake up I feel like I have literally been hit by a Ten-Wheeler!

[leomama]

I am really irritated. I’m seeing my therapist tomorrow to talk about the fact that my psychiatrist used the bipolar mixed moderate code on my lab test slip. I’m really upset by it. I don’t ever want to see him again, and I don’t have to, I could see my doctor . I saw my psychiatrist in his BMW on the way home. I paid him out of pocket for my last visit because he’s not in my health insurance network. I do not have the words to express the feelings.

[scatterbrained04]

Mood has been staying more stable than not the last couple weeks. Hoping it lasts.

Today is probably going to be a bit of a lazy day. My son came down sick with the flu or something on Weds. He seems to be on the mend. I came down with it Thursday night, though it doesn't seem to be hitting me as hard. I am, however, pretty wiped out. Plan for today is to read, rest, watch tv, and maybe do chores 5 minutes here and there as I can manage.

[Cornucopia]

Started Seroquel yesterday- 100 mg. Slept for almost 12 hours, I did dream quite a lot. Less racing thoughts in the morning, still restless- but I did manage to use that energy. So I have cleaned the kitchen and the living room. Now I feel pretty much back to this annoying restless feeling, and sounds are once again annoying me. Feels like I have enough noise inside my head, every sound from the outside just add to that.

So, doing okay. I assume it will take some days/weeks before I can tell how the Seroquel works for me. Getting enough sleep atleast gave me some energy. I feel great after actually doing something constructive in the house

Husband and kids are making home made pizza later.

I feel optimistic, and it was great having a break from myself this night.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Cornucopia

Started Seroquel yesterday- 100 mg. Slept for almost 12 hours, I did dream quite a lot. Less racing thoughts in the morning, still restless- but I did manage to use that energy. So I have cleaned the kitchen and the living room. Now I feel pretty much back to this annoying restless feeling, and sounds are once again annoying me. Feels like I have enough noise inside my head, every sound from the outside just add to that.

So, doing okay. I assume it will take some days/weeks before I can tell how the Seroquel works for me. Getting enough sleep atleast gave me some energy. I feel great after actually doing something constructive in the house

Husband and kids are making home made pizza later.

I feel optimistic, and it was great having a break from myself this night.

I am glad that you slept, you needed to. and were productive around the house. I know that made you feel good.
bizi

[hopeless2015]

I'm glad it's the weekend. I've been doing pretty good mentally but this week has been a struggle for me. I'm trying to push through it. I saw pdoc on Wed and had a good appt and new med cocktail has made a big difference. Moe than once though I have gone down the ******* shortly after my app. It's weird.

Groceries planned today and we are meeting a friend around 3 for a couple drinks, sometimes this leads to a full day and night of drinking and my mood goes down for a few days after. Makes sense since alcohol is a depressant. I really need to try and get a handle on this. Last weekend my husband was sick and so we didn't go out and drink and honestly it was a nice break. I don't know, we have been doing this for years and there have been times when I was drinking a couple of nights a week and Fri and Sat night. I'm just rambling right now. I guess this is weighing on me right now and I'm feeling like this is a problem that I need to be addressing but might not quite be ready for mentally.

Hugs everyone!!

[Tucson]

I am alive and for the most part well. I am still struggling with depression, but at the moment it is not too bad. I am here at Cocos surfing the Internet, attempting to resist ordering a slice of banana cream pie. Each slice has about 750 calories. I am thinking of bringing the whole pie home, but this is not a good idea for obvious reasons.

My step son will finish the tile work today. I still need the painting of the living room to be finished too. Next comes the hallway. I cannot afford anything more to be done to the house until I get a job. I have been taking him out to eat in my attempt to repay him for what he has been doing for me.

My daughter is very angry with me for telling her mother that she is failing one class at school. I pointed out to her that her mother would of found out anyways, by periodically receiving her report card in the mail. Now I do not think she is talking to me.

[palerefraction]

I'm here. I'm living through it.

I had an energy drink this morning and now I'm a little wired. Probably shouldn't have had it because, ya know, mania trigger. But I needed to stay awake today.

I am holding on to a lot of anger, and a lot of resentment. I am trying to let go. I will not let it eat at me. I am stronger than the **** I've been through.

[Unrigged64072835]

I've been somewhat productive this morning. Wrote more poems and finished another short song (if I can call it that--just putting loops together honestly). Now feel nervous but hope my afternoon meds will kick in.

Daughter's birthday dinner went well. My husband mentioned that I seemed meaner when I was drinking. I know that I couldn't drink more than a couple of sips of wine before I was buzzing and groggy. I guess no more alcohol for me now. Well that sucks. End of an era.

Finished the new Simple Minds album, Walk Between Worlds. It was really good. Reminded me a lot of Once Upon A Time.

Mood is steady with some anxiety and sadness dropping in.

[Cocosurviving]

I’m home sick. I worked out yesterday and left out sweaty into the cool air with no jacket. It was feeling good outside then the temperature dropped by the time I left the gym. I’ve been taking vitamin c and cold medicine. This morning I ate oatmeal and a banana. I do still have my appetite which is good. I did a little work. I have forms that are due. I’m working on them. My daughters are together. Their having a sleepover. I’m hoping to try a new church tomorrow. It’s Unitarian so I like that. My area may get some bad weather. If so I will not go this Sunday.

[salsharia]

Yesterday was a bit of a hypomanic day I can now see looking back. Music moved my soul and literally Every-song was the best thing I ever heard, listening to some links I sent My friend today, the songs are pretty mediocre. I definitely took drinking too far and consumed another bottle of wine after my guest went home. I was singing and dancing wildly after she left, I was messaging everyone and posted all kinds of who knows what on Facebook. Going on a google frenzy - the upside is that I'm not hungover even after consuming 1.5 bottles of wine. Anyone experience a shift in alcohol tolerance and hangovers when manic as opposed to not?

I also had vivid dreams last night which is not out of the norm for me but one in particular stands out, as I forgot how to drive and couldn't ‘put on the brakes.’ I was blindly going through red lights and dangerous intersections. Pretty literal! Anyone else bipolar have vivid dreams almost every night? Often they are nightmares

[LadyShadow]

A bit of a slow day but a good one. Getting sleepy and not spinning around like a top, I might actually have a nice goodnight's rest tonight.

[leomama]

Got a lot done today but not enough . Laundry therapy shopping cooking. Wanted to do more .

I am feeling calm this morning. I don't have much to do today either, the only thing that's really on my list is to shower (and perhaps put away the potato chips when they arive later), emergency delivery from amazon- though to be fair, I think I ordered them because I want to binge. we'll see.

yesterday I ordered a 12 inch meat feast pizza, it was gone in like a heartbeat- and it wasn't enough (this is what I get for not actually overeating, this is why I feel I need to do it today)

no ssleep at all

rest of the week looks quiet too

today- shower and eat chips

tomorrow- nothing

tuesday- meeting angela to talk more about the new place I am moving to (I have never met angela before)

wednesday- order groceries

thursday- see my mental health worker in the afternoon

and that is my week

it's raining too. I'm glad it is.

yesterday (and the day before) felt like a summer day, and it triggered my agoraphobia no end

glad of the break

[Tucson]

I am alive. My mood is a bit better than it has been. My step son today will finish tiling my living room and hallway, I need to have him get his friend over here to finish the painting too.

@shattered sanity, “order” groceries? Do you use a delivery service?

[leomama]

Wow. In talking to my t yesterday she said my doing so much could be considered “mania” since I could not relate to mania. I don’t have a day in my life where I don’t have to be somewhere or do something. Not a one.

[leomama]

Irritated and annoyed because I have no time to myself to do the things I want and need to do.