[GrossProphet]

Been feeling groggy all winter, hoping Vraylar can bring me back to life.. So far, it's just bringing my food back up.

[pirilin]

Im doin gooooood!!!!!

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by hopeless2015

Called in sick. It's starting to happen more often again. I've been feeling on the low side but it's really not as bad as it has been in the past. Just going to try and push through this one. Need to get my *** back to work tomorrow and keep myself occupied.

Hugs to everyone!!

Hang in there....((((Hugs)))

[Unrigged64072835]

(((((Hugs)))))

Was going to do my daughter's ID this morning. Woke up at 3:30 AM, had breakfast, went back to bed at 9AM and didn't wake up until noon. So this day is pretty much shot. Will try again on Wednesday. (Husband has physical therapy tomorrow so we can't do it then.) I have to go with her because I'm her sponsor and I need to sign forms. Ugh.

Been clearing duplicate songs off of my computer and generally being somewhat lazy.

Mood is okay. Been a mishmash of little things.

[Tucson]

I am doing OK. I have been spending too much money. I do not want to ever get myself into the same financial bind as I was in a couple months ago. At that time, I was considering to file for bankruptcy. I have to be clear with myself on what I have to do to make sure this does not happen again. I already have spent $30,000 of my home equity line of credit. Most of it was unavoidable, but I have spent a few thousand on myself. I should not have done this. I also lent out a couple thousand to my step son. Now he is just spending it on a trip to Las Vegas. Oh well. So much for trying to help him pay off his credit cards.

Right now I see it is going to be an uneventful week. This is nice for a change. My court appearance is coming up in early March. I am not looking forward to that. My living room is being tiled. It is up to me to lay in the grout between tiles. This will involve allot of work on my part, but perhaps it will not turn out to be as difficult as I think it will. I have been driving my daughter to school and back from my house. She stays with her mother. A friend of the family is permitting her to drive their car without a license. Not good. My daughter will be 18 in a few days. This will limit my liability if anything goes wrong and she is sued. Hopefully she will not get into an accident. Besides not wanting her to get hurt, I do not approve of this. She knows my feelings on this topic, but she chooses to ignore me.

So basically life as usual.

[Sunflower123]

Seriously sleep deprived on this increased dosage of medication my pdoc put me on. I quit taking it days ago and still I can not sleep. This morning, I though I left the dog out and he got out so I went tearing up and down the neighborhoods around my house. I had let him in and he was asleep on the couch under a blanket!

This is really starting to worry me. Have a call in to my pdoc to call in something for sleep.

Sending hugs to everyone who is struggling.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Seriously sleep deprived on this increased dosage of medication my pdoc put me on. I quit taking it days ago and still I can not sleep. This morning, I though I left the dog out and he got out so I went tearing up and down the neighborhoods around my house. I had let him in and he was asleep on the couch under a blanket!

This is really starting to worry me. Have a call in to my pdoc to call in something for sleep.

Sending hugs to everyone who is struggling.

I hope you get some sleep, somehow!
bizi

[wildflowerchild25]

Super irritable again. Not even depressed, just ****ing pissed as hell. I only have sarcastic, caustic responses in my head to most people I’ve come across today, including the students. My co teacher was very passive aggressive today. Basically accused me of not doing my job without coming right out and saying it. B****. **** her. I’m so angry I’m actually in a better place because the anxiety and depression are gone and I’ve entered “do not give a ****” mode. Yeah I’ll go to work but I don’t care what happens while I’m there. Just don’t want to tell the kids the wrong info so I’m still studying up.

I am working very hard at keeping my patience with my son. That is the only sucky part of being so rageful. He’s having a very hard time with his reading homework which is resulting in rolling around in the floor crying and yelling on his part. Basically having a tantrum. I don’t know what to do to alleviate his stress regarding this particular homework because I cannot discern why it’s so difficult for him. He just says he hates it. He loves to read and he’s an excellent reader so I’m not sure why all of a sudden answering comprehension questions is too much for him. I don’t like his teacher but I may email her to see if she has any insight. I’m sure if he was behaving like that in class I would have been notified already.

Though I’m very pissed off my energy is still very low so I’m not manic or mixed. I don’t think I’m in any particular mood state, just stressed af. I see therapist tomorrow so we will see what insights she has.

[Tucson]

I hope you feel better soon, wildflowerchild.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Super irritable again. Not even depressed, just ****ing pissed as hell. I only have sarcastic, caustic responses in my head to most people I’ve come across today, including the students. My co teacher was very passive aggressive today. Basically accused me of not doing my job without coming right out and saying it. B****. **** her. I’m so angry I’m actually in a better place because the anxiety and depression are gone and I’ve entered “do not give a ****” mode. Yeah I’ll go to work but I don’t care what happens while I’m there. Just don’t want to tell the kids the wrong info so I’m still studying up.

I am working very hard at keeping my patience with my son. That is the only sucky part of being so rageful. He’s having a very hard time with his reading homework which is resulting in rolling around in the floor crying and yelling on his part. Basically having a tantrum. I don’t know what to do to alleviate his stress regarding this particular homework because I cannot discern why it’s so difficult for him. He just says he hates it. He loves to read and he’s an excellent reader so I’m not sure why all of a sudden answering comprehension questions is too much for him. I don’t like his teacher but I may email her to see if she has any insight. I’m sure if he was behaving like that in class I would have been notified already.

Though I’m very pissed off my energy is still very low so I’m not manic or mixed. I don’t think I’m in any particular mood state, just stressed af. I see therapist tomorrow so we will see what insights she has.

Thank you I can so totally relate. Today is day one of lowering my medication so I can go off it and I got in trouble for the first time at work for saying something snarky on the floor about a beggar. Thank you so much for expressing how you feel. It really helped me. I got a diagnosis of mixed moderate last Monday so I can totally feel what you're feeling!

[leomama]

So got in trouble for the first time at work today for something snarky that was audible to the person I said it about. Today is the first day I am lowering the dose of my medication and I get in trouble. I tempted to throw in the towel and not try and go off my medication but if this is the worst that happens, then I guess I'm ok. Right?

[LadyShadow]

Had a major setback. I overslept to the point where it is absolutely inexcusable. I woke up at 8:15pm missing the entire day, which was actually a nice day (from what I heard), and could have been a good day to get out and take a walk and try to enjoy living for once.

I woke up and saw the clock, and felt an absolute hole in my heart like a knife in my chest. Defeated and frustrated doesn't even begin to describe what I feel. I don't know what to do, this sleeping schedule issue seems like a mountain that I just can't climb.

[leomama]

First day lowering my dose of medication and I get sent home an hour early for making a snarky remark about a beggar. <sigh> can I really do this? Do I want to? Why do I want to? It’s not like I didn’t have tension before but now it’s reached a breaking point. Having trouble seeing the good in it at the moment. Was the medication like a band aid? I wanted to truly heal, that’s what drove my decision.
+++
I put imood journal back in my phone...

[bpforever1]

I took my medication and slept all day almost. I am very tired for some reason. I had the flu and had a runny nose. Now, I feel exhausted. I am doing ok otherwise. I applied to another job with less hours and same pay as the previous job I interviewed. I don't have much hope though because the posting is a month old. So, we shall see what happens.

[Cornucopia]

Originally Posted by bpforever1

I took my medication and slept all day almost. I am very tired for some reason. I had the flu and had a runny nose. Now, I feel exhausted. I am doing ok otherwise. I applied to another job with less hours and same pay as the previous job I interviewed. I don't have much hope though because the posting is a month old. So, we shall see what happens.

*Fingers crossed*
Hope you get it

The flu is a pain in the a**… I have a mild version of it now, and I don’t enjoy it.
Wish you all the best

[Cornucopia]

I have just started seroquel, I feel pretty great during the day- but have experienced headache at night-time. It only hurts where my head touches the pillow, so I keep waking up and have to change position. It’s really odd.

I did have restless legs the first nights, but now I take extra magnesium an hour before the seroquel. Seems to be working, or maybe the restless leg was just me starting medication.

I’m on 300 mg, and it seems to be okay for now.

I feel great, it was a delight having a break from all my racing thoughts and just get some sleep as well. I do dream a lot, though- and it is so real, like ordinary stuff- sometimes I wake up a bit confused and need time to realize it was only a dream.

I am actually happy, without being manic. Controlled happy. Lol, maybe I am just thrilled that I seem to get things done and get sleep.
A bit tired, but that’s okay.

[BPQuestions]

I'm supposed to take Geodon today But im way hesitant too. The latuda didnt sit well with me and I'm afraid if the same merry confound with Geodon.

[Moreta]

I feel bad. My husband got a ticket for talking on the phone while driving (we don't have that law here). The ticket will cost $50-150 and he'll get 5 points on his drivers license. Usually when he works out of state, whoever he's working for will make him aware of the laws that he needs to know. It's my fault cause I told him I had some time to talk. It's always my fault.

[Cocosurviving]

Ok things are not starting off good. I have a 9 AM appt with a new pdoc. It’s 9:21 AM and she’s in traffic. I just don’t want excuses. I have a full day today. If I were too late they would not still see me. I’m displeased at the moment. I drive to this office from another county after taking my daughter to school first. I planned everything out time wise. Ok I’m going to use my coping skills

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by Cocosurviving

Ok things are not starting off good. I have a 9 AM appt with a new pdoc. It’s 9:21 AM and she’s in traffic. I just don’t want excuses. I have a full day today. If I were too late they would not still see me. I’m displeased at the moment. I drive to this office from another county after taking my daughter to school first. I planned everything out time wise. Ok I’m going to use my coping skills

I’m much better now. The new pdoc apologized for the situation and we got started. She seemed nice only thing is she wanted me to start Prozac. I said I would think about it and she called it in to my pharmacy. I told her I just didn’t want to start any other meds until I lost weight from the last med I tapered off of. Well I have a busy day so I better eat my soup and get to it.

[leomama]

Today is day 2 of 50mg less of lamictal and its looking better then yesterday. I talked to my manager about the situation at work and I feel better about it although I don't know the ultimate outcome. Yesterday was a rough day but if that was the worst that will happen from my decision to go off my medication then I guess I'm okay.
I still feel like crap, but that might be from the 12oz of cold brew I drank this morning.
I suppose I am even a little more accepting today that I have "bipolar disorder" and I say it in quotes because my t doesn't really care about "diagnosis" and doesn't want me to get hung up on labels, so I'll try not to.
I'm still mad at my p doc however for putting bipolar mixed moderate on my lab slip instead of ptsd as I spent 10 years on the sidelines due to ptsd but maybe eventually I'll forgive him...

[hopeless2015]

Made it to work, looks like yesterday was a quiet day as my inbox isn't overwhelming. Still having female issues, I'm so sick of this. Appt on the 23rd for this. On my lunch break, hope today goes quickly, I'm so tired. I got a good night's sleep though.

Hugs everyone!!

[Tucson]

I am at a restaurant having a cup of coffee while waiting for my butter and cream cheese to warm to room temperature. I am making Philadelphia cheese cake. My daughter’s eighteenth birthday is in a couple of days, so I am doing this for her now. I am also making chicken etouffee which is a very rich dish. Probabley 100 calories per teaspoon.

I do count calories. Now I also have to keep my calorie intake from the cheese cake to a manageable level. But I do not think this is possible considering what I am making for dinner. I also now just figured out that I have to add the calories from the sugar and cream for each cup of coffee. Calories, calories, calories, and more calories.

[Unrigged64072835]

I tried to do a nice meditation this morning and instead I'm having bad memories of my childhood, especially with school. I wrote a lot of poems about it and I feel somewhat better, but it's still like peeling off a scab. Don't have T until next week, and I may end up switching Ts if the second one is any good.

We're doing Valentine's Day dinner a day early because I couldn't get a reservation for that day. We're going to a fondue place that has a lot of food, so trying not to snack too much during the day.

Otherwise it's been a quiet day. Mood has been predictably up and down, but no major swings.

[Zigy]

About to survive n+1 day at work. Tired, not sure how much longer I can go on. I hope the therapist and the pdoc will think of something soon.