So tired, and on a loop ... am I depressed? Beaten down by life? Overmedicated? It's just.so.*******.hard and I'm so tired of no joy. Every single day is nothing but drudgery and struggle and mourning the loss of normalcy (BF's situation affects my life a lot too). So numb, just on autopilot. My "life" just floats by and nobody's home.

Whatever this is, it sucks. At least next T session topic is figured out though... Sigh.

Sorry. Just have to let it out somewhere in the meanwhile.

[Moreta]

Today's not so bad. Playing some tunes and just relaxing.

[Nammu]

Generalized anxiety is invading my dreams, waking me early. This concerns me as I am convinced that it is the solid sleep which keeps me stable. I can't afford to unstablize at this time. Money would solve most of my problems , I fantasize about winning a large bunch of money....it can't change the basic problem but it can alleviate stress and make life easier. A car, a working newish car would be a godsend. Maybe if I start believing in unicorns these things will come to pass? Oh unicorns, unicorns, I believe!

[Guiness187055]

Pretty good start to the day. I have some errands to run later. As I continue to lower my abilify dosage I am starting to get my feelings back little by little.

[Unhinged88]

Didn't make it to work today. Maybe I need to reconsider medication. I don't know what to do. Then I will feel numb all the time. I wanna pull my hair out, I can't choose. I can't make the steps forward. All I know is back.

[Unrigged64072835]

Pretty quiet day. Did four loads of laundry and wrote more poems.

I need to monitor my temper though. I was grumpy this morning and feeling very tired, with my muscles hurting and limbs like lead, didn't help. I thought I had food poisoning, but now my husband is sick again with GI issues. Going to have a small dinner and chill.

Fortunately I only have one appt. this week and that is to get my hair done. The aqua therapy pool will be open again as well. We'll be doing Valentine's Day early because we waited too long to get reservations at the fondue place. Fine with me.

So mood has been a merry-go-round, again. Hopefully we'll be feeling better tomorrow.

Hugs to those that want them.

[Cocosurviving]

My baby woke me up to go outside at 8:30 AM. Then I had breakfast and watched Netflix while my laundry washed. Later I called my older daughter to let her know I would be by shortly to get her sister. After picking up my daughter from her sister’s place we went to run errands. I picked up a prescription and by God’s grace the line was not long. Next my grandmother asked me to pick up a few items for her at Wally World. It was across the street from the pharmacy so it worked out great. We made it back home and walked our dog again. I think I’m going to look at a few recipes.

[pirilin]

Doing good. Thank you. Hoping all are.

[Moreta]

Stupid hot dogs having gluten. Gah. They're ****ing hot dogs. Aren't they supposed to be all meat? I am in so much pain rn. My husband sent me an article that linked to this website Gluten Project so I will be checking stuff more on it. Lame ***** ****. I hope I can sleep tonight.

[leomama]

I’m exhausted, had liturgy today then lunch and a parish meeting. Daughter is coming home soon. There is so much I want to do but I have so little energy. I’m just enjoying sitting on my couch and listening to my daily mix on Spotify.
I feel quite sad to be honest.
I also feel quite angry.
I know I have had dysthymia since I was a teen and I still feel rage at my parents for abandoning and neglecting me. Seeing my bipolar diagnosis on Monday cracked the iceberg open. Watching Star Trek enterprise is helping me deal with my emotions. I was mr. Spock on Halloween in third grade. Today I have a customer who says hello Jolene Blalock every day at work and salutes me as t’pol. I have been a Vulcan my whole life. I had to go on medication ultimately to shut off my emotions. Today is day 1 of ramping down my lamictal after being on it for 11-12 years. I am finally ready to face my feelings as a single, sober woman. That means I will not use sex, sugar, marijuana, alcohol, nicotine, grains, or even endorphins to shut them off. I will be using DBT, CBT, religion, yoga, diet, supplements, work, sleep to deal with life on life’s terms as an artist with bipolar. May it be blessed.

[LadyShadow]

Definitely pushed myself too hard last night. Slept WAY too much last night, and now I am just trying to salvage what's left of the day. (Sigh), I feel like I can't feel the ground beneath my feet, and the days are just getting away from me because I have no type of self-discipline to get myself on a normal routine.

[giddykitty]

Ok, so I guess I'll start hanging out here more often then, since it seems this thread is more active than a lot of the random posts and I might get more answers this way without having to be a huge pain in the ***! ahh!! I tease. I tease. ^^

I am a bit hypomanic today and I tend to make a lot of jokes and goof off in these days, so don't mind me. If I'm angry, you'll know it. If I'm depressed, you'll know it. I seem to have been going through a lot of mixed episodes lately, but I'm feeling calm at the moment.
I didn't want to write a lot, but since this is a re-intro post, I'll just quickly vent my frustration that last week's appointments got canceled, so I've had to wait a few more days. Luckily I had already scheduled for next week, so I'll have that update soon, I hope.
Have a great (or at least, better) week everyone!

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I knew I should have stayed home today.

****. Bell rang. Time to pretend to be normal

I removed the quote. You don't need reminding. I really hope you feel better soon!
I just mostly quoted this to introduce myself or to say that I just posted on one of your older threads. No rush or even need to respond. I think I'll hang out here for awhile. But yeah, newly diagnosed with bipolar, but have had issues my whole life. -Giddy, or kitty

Originally Posted by BPQuestions

I go to my PDOC apt today. I want off of Latuda very badly so we will see what he says.

I noticed someone else asked this, but I'd like to know too. Why??

Originally Posted by Moreta

Stupid hot dogs having gluten. Gah. They're ****ing hot dogs. Aren't they supposed to be all meat? I am in so much pain rn. My husband sent me an article that linked to this website Gluten Project so I will be checking stuff more on it. Lame ***** ****. I hope I can sleep tonight.

Hey there! Gluten intolerant here (as well as several other dietary restrictions/recommendations), so I know the struggle.

[leomama]

I don’t eat grains, sugar dairy or legumes, I’m Paleo.

[bizi]

scrubbed my kitchen floor a bit, then mopped it with a wet swifter.
Well I did a load of laundry...so I did something productive today.
Had chipotle for dinner. That was tasty.
Took a short nap after dinner, achy back.
I don't like our new $4K bed....
sigh
bizi

[wildflowerchild25]

I had an ok weekend. I have felt like crying for most of the day for both days but have tried to ignore it. I got my tax return so I was able to make a big payment on my credit card and also buy some stuff for my son and take him to see Peter Rabbit yesterday. I wanted to drink yesterday but I was at my friend’s house and didn’t want to drink and drive, especially since I was 50 minutes from home. I absolutely did not want to hang out AT ALL last night but I knew my sister in law would be upset if I cancelled so I went. It’s good I went. I forgot about my problems for a few hours.

I unfortunately am also rather irritable. I’m trying very hard not to take it out on my son but he is getting on my nerves big time. Everyone is. There is rage simmering beneath the surface that I am trying to contain. Mostly directed toward my husband. Seriously, if he were to come alive right now and walk into this room I would beat the absolute hell out of him. I hate him, I ****ing HATE him. I never want to see his face, I never want to talk about him, I never want him mentioned ever the **** again. Unfortunately I don’t want my son to know how I feel because I don’t want to influence his feelings toward his father. He’s been coming to me saying he misses his father more often these days. So we get his daddy journal, write to daddy, look at the photo album, etc. I tried to explain how daddy died. I don’t know if I’m doing this right. How can you do this right? This is why I’m so blindingly angry. I shouldn’t HAVE to do this. My stupid ****ing husband should have never taken those ****ing drugs the selfish ****ing ***hole.

But anyway. I’m sure this has something to do with my current depression just as much as work does. But I’m so tired. I just want to go to sleep forever. I don’t want to deal with everything I have to deal with. Medication is not going to help me this time. This is entirely situational. I’m going to be miserable until June 21. If I can even make it that long without losing it.

Sigh.

[giddykitty]

Originally Posted by leomama

I don’t eat grains, sugar dairy or legumes, I’m Paleo.

hugs, but I don't know how you could give up grains AND legumes!!! Other than wheat/gluten products, grains and legumes make up a significant portion of my diet! I thought Paleo could eat these things. Isn't it like fish and veggies, but no dairy?? I'm confused, seriously, what would you eat??

[Wander]

Been struggling lately. Felt out of reality and low at times. Took Haloperidol and it helped a bit. Sleeping lots helps too. I was like this while on holiday so it has been this way for a couple of weeks. See my T Wednesday and pdoc in 8 days. Hope they can help without putting me IP. I’ve had concerns for my safety but don’t want to worry anyone and hope it will pass soon. I start back at university in two weeks and back to work Friday so I really don’t have time for this s**t.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by giddykitty

hugs, but I don't know how you could give up grains AND legumes!!! Other than wheat/gluten products, grains and legumes make up a significant portion of my diet! I thought Paleo could eat these things. Isn't it like fish and veggies, but no dairy?? I'm confused, seriously, what would you eat??

I did a whole45 and then it’s meat poultry eggs fish shellfish fruits vegetables seeds nuts oils. I had a sugar and grain problem. It takes discipline and effort.

I'm mildly annoyed

someone on this site ignored me, and I don't even know them- and I wanted so badly to reply to their topic!

apart from that, well, I've been on my computer since 1 A.M- sleep just didn't happen again
not sure how I really feel yet. it's early

a little self-destructive, a little angry, a little depressed, a little of just blah, mixture of emotions

my success yesterday is that I actually cooked something.

I planned to get another takeout (which would have been 2 in a row), but cooked myself turkey dinosaurs in sted

[bpforever1]

I'm doing ok. I took my med this morning and feel fine. I went to a cafe and ate a burrito with a taco. I really like Mexican food. I then did my prep for one of my classes then drank coffee and ate a cookie.

I turned down the school that told me I was too old. They wanted me to work long hours for cheap pay. I'm too old as they say and my mental sanity is more important. I am asking my current companies for more jobs and hoping some more jobs are available. I don't need to work full-time but just need enough to eke by somehow. I will be ok.

I will never be rich but for some reason I have what I need and could not ask for anything more.

[Moreta]

Chillin to music. My upper right arm is all broken out with bumps, which I assume are from eating gluten yesterday. Kinda itchy. Oh well. I gotta run some errands today, mostly because I have to ship some packages, get the dogs some food, and get some more fruit. I have to ship out my husband's valentines day present but he informed me he wanted all this other stuff shipped with it so it's been a mess trying to go through all the boxes in the house looking for stuff, that I don't even know what the stuff is. haha. Hopefully I'll ship the right stuff. If not, he can deal. I haven't been out of the house in 2 days. Didn't really feel the need to go out, which is weird cause I usually do. I think my helper is coming tonight. I need to text him and find out. I hope he comes early. I'd like to go to bed early.

[bizi]

Fat tuesday tomorrow. Jeff is off today thru wednesday for mardi gras. gotta love the south.
mostly cathlolic here. my renewed conviction to be alcohol free begins wednesday. I will resume my dieting/self awareness and join planet fitness and go in the evenings after dinner.
This is my plan.
Lent lasts 40 days.roughly 6 weeks.
I should be able to lose 10 pounds if I am diligent.
bizi

[VerMOZZica]

I've been ill with the flu. I spent the whole weekend being sick.I still feel horrible. I hope everyone else had a great weekend.

[hopeless2015]

Called in sick. It's starting to happen more often again. I've been feeling on the low side but it's really not as bad as it has been in the past. Just going to try and push through this one. Need to get my *** back to work tomorrow and keep myself occupied.

Hugs to everyone!!