[amicus_curiae]

So...

...in 1985 I was diagnosed with, um, five different psychiatric disorders. Two were BPI and schizoaffective. These were DSM-III days, I think.

DSM-V caused quite a stir in re the diagnosis of schizoaffective diagnosis so I was downgraded to BPI w/psychotic features. My psychosis, though, is kind of ever-present (long story) and I’m on max+ doses of atypical antipsychotics with a few typical in case of severe episodes. Not safe dosages but I don’t really depart from reality whilst in these continuous alternate worlds.

Sometimes I don’t take these meds because they make me too sleepy. Like tonight (late-is morning).

I’m high now. I’m also in a psychotic world.

I found some solace in the schizoaffective forum but my question, in this BP forum, is:

Does anyone here have ‘psychotic features’ along with BP? Anyone else on ++ doses of antipsychotics (typical, like Thorazine or atypical, like Seroquel)? I can’t let go of this constant mania or let go of my superiority and abilities to cross that greatest divide. My therapist and pdoc are aware of these thoughts - doc wanted to hospitalize me last month for mania/I said ‘no.’ She is VERY AWARE of my overarching fear of hospitals/psych wards.

So, anyone? I feel as if I’m paddling solo, here, in a tandem kayak. That’s where I want to go - back to the wet river-world, running class-5 rapids in a fiberglass kayak. I had a need for the extreme back then and maybe it’s the same now.

I’m so f**ked up now.

Yup. My dx often switches between schizoaffective and bipolar. You're definitely not alone; there are plenty of others here that struggle with psychosis. I'm on a medium dose of clozapine, an antipsychotic that's generally for the treatment resistant. Ive been on high doses of other antipsychotics though, but they didn't help as much.
One thing about meds is that its pretty important to take them regularly as prescribed otherwise its hard for them to work they way they should. I hope your mania and psychosis goes away soon without causing much damage.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm either SzA or BPI with psychosis It really depends who you ask. I still deal with symptoms because at the higher level of AP all I did was eat and sleep and they're desovlable so I have little choices.

[amicus_curiae]

Originally Posted by escapeartist

Yup. My dx often switches between schizoaffective and bipolar. You're definitely not alone; there are plenty of others here that struggle with psychosis. I'm on a medium dose of clozapine, an antipsychotic that's generally for the treatment resistant. Ive been on high doses of other antipsychotics though, but they didn't help as much.

One thing about meds is that its pretty important to take them regularly as prescribed otherwise its hard for them to work they way they should. I hope your mania and psychosis goes away soon without causing much damage.

Glory, hallelujah! I am really unwilling to disclose my daily dosage of Seroquel for fear that my pdoc would get into some trouble (um, 400mg x 4 times daily - way out of ‘useful’ range but, hey, helps me sleep) + Thorazine IR when things get really bad (my first antipsychotic - way, way back... may have a placebo affect?). I’ve been on clozapine before, but it didn’t help my mania much (I am manic... I am not hypomanic).

When I’m like this, doing my superiority dance, I believe (I believe this now - it’s not rational, I know, but no one can convince me that any other person is as familiar with my body chemistry as me, so I medicate as I please, not as directed) that my psychotic/manic worlds are more exciting than reality. I exist in these worlds. I’m can usually maintain a high here but I can also start a rapid descent into those netherworlds.

I only experience reality when I can physically touch loved ones. Making love, having sex, holding her hand, brushing my fingers on her arms, touching hip-to-hip, any form of touch, all center me, quell the need for alternate realities and manic behavior. I swear that I am never so real, so calm as when I can hear or feel her heartbeat.

When she leaves, she has children, she has a job, it begins again. She left early evening on Sunday. She may not return for a month. There are others that I love, that we love, that I touch, but they are in complex arrangements. We are in complex arrangements, best not named or explained.

I think that I fear my medications - my psych meds. Groggy/foggy. I would rather run with my plastic parts in place, the humming of my body.

I am just thrilled to know that there are others here ‘with psychotic features’ or that find the psychosis in schizoaffective disorder more appealing. I think that I can control my other world well 85-90% of the time, as I am now. I don’t know a better word... 10-15% of the time, I panic. I lose control. I become frightened. Such queer little words to describe a spiraling death-crash.

Thank you. I thought that my message would disappear with no responses. How kind of you to reply.

[amicus_curiae]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I'm either SzA or BPI with psychosis It really depends who you ask. I still deal with symptoms because at the higher level of AP all I did was eat and sleep and they're desovlable so I have little choices.

That is exactly what I’ve found. Schizoaffective until, let’s see, 2015. New pdoc, new diagnosis. I can go weeks without leaving my bed for more than 30 minutes a day. I have f**ked up my finances, again. I overeat during the first half of the month - although, fortunately, I don’t gain extra weight - and starve during the last half (I’ve had oatmeal - made with water - and pot after pot of tea since the 18th, I think?).

My pdoc is 36 miles from my home. I had to cancel my December appointment with her because my van service no longer accepts Medicaid. My only transportation these days is via a friend but she charges me for inconveniencing her, not just for gas. $40 to see my therapist, $80 if she took me to my pdoc. I can’t afford that. I need to find inner-city care in the $20-per-ride range. Not a lot of ghetto practitioners. Maybe I should check out the Santeria lady down the block. I feel as though they might as well be in a different state.

Thank you - very, very much - for your reply. I’m wondering if different docs might change my diagnoses again. The only DX that I actually speak of to others is GAD as it’s so prevalent and innocuous. Just the ‘schizo’ prefix scares people. And all of the others? Not many need to know.

Thanks once more...

[vernl77]

Yeah I was also diagnosed schizoaffective originally. I take Abilify which supposedly helps with the psychotic symptoms

[USMCBIPOLAR7]

I was originally diagnosed schizo-effective almost 30 years ago but was correctly diagnosed Bipolar 4years later a lot over lapse between the two I take lithium and abilify now. I have psychosis sometimes with Manias. You are not alone I do go to the hospital in manias and severe depressions to have medicine adjustment but am grateful I have a safe place to go when manic depressed or psychotic. Hospitals and taking medicine as prescribed is a strength not a weakness and should not be feared but looked as a very effective tool to be safe while getting better

[HALLIEBETH87]

I have either sZa or bp w/psychotic features depending on who you ask. I'm
Not sure why I feel is accurate.

[Nammu]

I have had times of BP with psychotic features but only in an episode so no talk of Sz.

[amicus_curiae]

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87

I have either sZa or bp w/psychotic features depending on who you ask. I'm
Not sure why I feel is accurate.

You and me and two others, so far.

I think that I know the DSM-V pretty well but there are thousands, tens of thousands, of therapists and shrinks - clinicians - still using DSM-IV which (it’s said) wildly over-diagnoses schizoaffective disorder at the expense of BP w/psycho features.

I’m just thrilled to know that there are other psychos here. I don’t feel so distant from everyone else, now. As antisocial as I can be, there is a comfort in belonging to a group.

[AspiringAuthor]

I was misdx'd with SchizoAff, but my correct dx is BP I w/psychotic features. I definitely only have psychosis during mood episodes.

I have run out of options, do not want clozapine because I am already 100lbs overeight, do not want to try Thorazine because of the high propensity to EPS and because it gave my late mom a tardive facial tic, and probably will go the ECT route next. Will see the pdoc today about it.

[amicus_curiae]

Originally Posted by AspiringAuthor

I was misdx'd with SchizoAff, but my correct dx is BP I w/psychotic features. I definitely only have psychosis during mood episodes.

I have run out of options, do not want clozapine because I am already 100lbs overeight, do not want to try Thorazine because of the high propensity to EPS and because it gave my late mom a tardive facial tic, and probably will go the ECT route next. Will see the pdoc today about it.

I think ECT is da bomb. Long-term ECT (um, I was in a long-term facility) ‘cracked’ me open. Not fully, at first, but gradually. My DX now is the same as yours.

I’ve never had a weight-gain problem with any med, I’ve been in situations where 8 out of 10 people (including myself in that 8) were Thorazined up and I’ve only seen one case of tartive dyskinesia.

Let us know about the ECT.

I gotta sleep.

[Moose72]

I am. I was once diagnose sza after bipolar but now my pdoc is firmly in the bipolar with psychotic features camp.

[still_crazy]

i honestly don't see the difference. sza: tranquilizer+mood drugs bipolar I: mood drugs+tranquilizer.

i think the "professionals' " perception of the person/patient makes a big difference. my counselor is conservative. great dude, just...conservative. he leaned towards sza. my shrink is far less conservative, sees 'severe bipolar i,' w/ the psychotic stuff as an after thought.

the couple + to the bipolar I...less likely to be in forced treatment, less emphasis on the tranquilizer, more attention to quality of life and mood issues. here where i live, sza is more likely to = hospitalization, whereas bipolar i= "voluntary" treatment.

so...i dont know. i kind of view "schizophrenia" and related diagnoses as a form of invalidation, not so much a valid, useful diagnosis.

[LadyShadow]

I have lived on the border of reality, much like you describe, but was unable to maintain control of such a thing, and eventually got caught with a net and put back in the hospital, where I was drugged with almost everything under the sun.

I have bursts of mania here and there, mostly at night robbing me of sleep, but I am keeping the real psychosis away with just my little measly 50mg dose of Seroquel. I know I should go back to the doctor and tell him to up the medication, but I won't do that, because I am trying to hold on to whatever humanity I have left, since even this small dosage numbs the crap out of my emotions.

I was once diagnosed with schizophrenia a long time ago, but it was corrected because they misunderstood that it was my bipolar mania.

[sonjaward809]

I have BP with psychotic features .. right now the psychosis is rearing it's head but I'm not in a mood episode so I'm not quite sure what's wrong .. I've taken a few different anti-psychotics over the years but the only one that seems to help is Risperdal, but it gives me a flat affect

[Moreta]

My dx was changed to BP w/psychosis in 2010 after i had a psychotic break for the first time when I was manic. I'm on a high dose of geodon though (280 mg) and it seems to keep the psychosis away. I haven't been psychotic since 2015, but then again I haven't been working since then so my stress has been lower. My pdoc gave me a sheet to get labs done a while back and on it was BP in remission. lol. Maybe I'm too chill now. haha.

[lilypup]

I sound like Moreta above. My diagnosis is bp2 with psychotic features. I only have the psychosis (seeing and hearing things) during times of extreme stress. This usually means hospitalization. Woohoo!

[Miss Laura]

I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 that's my diagnosis but I suffer from psychosis (delusions, paranoia and hallucinations). Don't know if my diagnosis has changed or not

[franz kafka]

I was diagnosed bipolar 1 with psychotic features until last year when my diagnosis switched to schizoaffective. Not getting treated any differently though. Last psychotic episode was in December.

[tecomsin]

Originally Posted by franz kafka

I was diagnosed bipolar 1 with psychotic features until last year when my diagnosis switched to schizoaffective. Not getting treated any differently though. Last psychotic episode was in December.

This is very similar to my situation except my last episode ended a bit earlier. There's no difference in treatment plan... just the realization that I can be psychotic without being manic but not psychotic all the time either.

[Wander]

I have BP1 with psychotic features. I tend to only get psychosis when severely manic or mixed. Thankfully only happens a couple of times a year.

[amicus_curiae]

Originally Posted by franz kafka

I was diagnosed bipolar 1 with psychotic features until last year when my diagnosis switched to schizoaffective. Not getting treated any differently though. Last psychotic episode was in December.

What do you experience during a psychotic episode?

I lived so long in a deep BP/MDD state that I am reluctant to actually attempt to ‘cure’ this persistent mania/psychosis. I like it. I feel that I am in control.

When I’m in touch-mode, I become calm and non-psychotic. I live, I am alive, in two different worlds/realities.

Who changed your diagnosis? My understanding of the DSM-IV/DSM-V flip-flop on schizoaffective/BP w/psychosis is that too many folks were being diagnosed w/schizoaffective disorder that were actually BPI w/psychosis.

I read, I read, I read compelling arguments from both sides. These arguments confuse me, of course. I’m not certain of how I’m able to exist in this manic/psychotic world for so damned long! I’m not certain of how I can be manic/psychotic aware? I hear the radio-conversations-and-music just before I sleep, I’m aware that my hallucinations are just that, and I know that I have a greater control over my delusions than not.

This world is my lonely-world. Touch-mode is my life/lively/social-world. I prefer touch-mode but I realize that it is always going to be temporary. Lonely-world is the more commonplace.

Is there a thread - anywhere? - describing the less common thoughts within psychosis? I don’t often dance with paranoia, for example, but I have continuous certainty of my artificial body.

I’m thankful that so many people responded. I think that I need to go deeper into the diagnoses controversy!

[winter loneliness]

I have a diagnosis of Bipolar 1. I have had a few psychotic episodes. Usually the the mania lasts too long.


"Kick over the wall 'cause government's to fall
How can you refuse it?
Let fury have the hour, anger can be power
D'you know that you can use it?"

[amicus_curiae]

[QUOTE]

Originally Posted by winter loneliness

I have a diagnosis of Bipolar 1. I have had a few psychotic episodes. Usually the the mania lasts too long.

Do you mean that mania overtook psychosis? Or are you in separate waters = psychosis (lasting how long?) exclusive of long-lasting mania?

Can you/will you describe your realities within your psychosis?

Can you/will you describe your behavior within your mania?

I fall in lockstep with 10,000 Maniacs.