I feel like different people when my mood shifts. I seem to have different phases of this over time.

Sometimes someone will come up to me to talk about something I did or said some months ago, and I just hate it because I’m sitting there thinking how that’s not me, although I remember it. The other person is confused because I’m not responding or laughing the way they expect.

I feel that I don’t really know who I am. Like right now. My mood just shifted up a notch.

What is baseline?

Sigh.

Do you feel this way?

[Guiness187055]

My mood dose not shift and I don't know who I am. I am so used to shifting moods I thought that was who I was. This version of me I am still getting to know.

I do feel like that and (a little off topic) my "personality" becomes something unfamiliar to me with people I come in contact with IRL.

Feeling out of place, don't know what to say, act....just stuff I really don't want to think about because of the possibility of being even more antisocial (if that's a thing).

Even here I feel out of place, not worthy and the list spirals...

But it's all in my head? Or am I capable of being a constructive observer.. meh I lost my chain of thought

[cool09]

I'm not sure who I am. I don't have a good baseline. I feel like depression took away my personality years ago. I've had mild to severe disorganized thinking since a teen which is why my diagnosis has run the gamut. Very frustrating.

[amicus_curiae]

I’m pretty sure of who I am. I don’t like myself — I’m certain of that. I’m the sum of my failures.

Who else would I be?

***Bone chains and toothpicks***

[Nola0250]

Yes I feel this too. But whatever phase I'm in at any given time, I feel like THAT is the real me. Then I'm in another mood/phase, and I think THAT is the real me. Then I look back over time and get totally confused.

I also find that regardless of my overall mood state, I act very differently with different people. What is up with that. It's like my personality is not stable over time generally, but it is somewhat stable over time with respect to certain people. I'm confused.

[wiretwister]

I have no idea who I am ... I am not sure there is a me anymore ...

[cool09]

My father asks me why I can't gain any confidence or self-esteem. This is one of the reasons why. I feel like a different person around different people, too.

[Under*Over]

Yeah. People I know tend to think of that stuff as funny.

Its not funny looking back on it. Looking back on it is painful, and I feel so ashamed sometimes that some of those things WERE me.

But everyone does things sometimes they arent proud of, and its easy to beat yourself up, or say those things werent you- they WERE you, and its ok. Forgiving yourself and learning to work with yourself is the hardest thing.

[pirilin]

No. Never.

[amicus_curiae]

Originally Posted by Under*Over

Yeah. People I know tend to think of that stuff as funny.

Its not funny looking back on it. Looking back on it is painful, and I feel so ashamed sometimes that some of those things WERE me.

But everyone does things sometimes they arent proud of, and its easy to beat yourself up, or say those things werent you- they WERE you, and its ok. Forgiving yourself and learning to work with yourself is the hardest thing.

Oh, that last sentence! How very true! I’m certain that the ego/me was influenced by, maybe shaped upon, my mental disorders. And I will publicly say that my thoughts and behaviors were definitely shaped by my disorders — how could it be otherwise? I am ashamed of past, even present, behavior. But I cannot wallow in shame... I’m not much such a big ‘work with (myself)’ person: I’m running too fast to stop myself from giving into my current anger.

The ego/me, I think, is ‘multifaceted,’ just different angles but I’m not separate people, not now. I’m no more a different person with one person than with another — I just present different facets.

I’ve had some slow days recently, but I’m back to the faceted me and I’ve been unable to control my penchant to argue about everything.

But you’re onto something. It is almost refreshing to accept the very worst of one’s behaviors. To admit, yes, the ego/me was involved in everything, but I may have been/may be influenced by unconventional thinking.

***you don’t have to act so adult, now***

Maybe it’s because I’m old and have been going through this crap for a long time and still have thoughts and behaviors that are just... bizarre. But, no matter how bizarre, I’m the total of how I behave, disorders or no.

Yes, i don't have a stable identity. Especially regarding my weight. Some times i champion the size-acceptance and health-at-every-size movement and eat with wild abandon and other times i diet in earnest. It's the black-and-white thinking, i know but i seem helpless to overcome it.

[Unrigged64072835]

I know I've changed since the stress/menopause/MI tornado came down upon me in 2012. One of the biggest parts of therapy with old T was to re-establish an identity once I lost my job, because work was a big part of my self-worth. I also know that lack of self is part of BPD, so I had to work on that too.

I do have a new identity now. I can't go back to who I was. I'm getting used to the skin I'm in at the present. That doesn't mean I'm unsure at times--especially if I dream about work and being happy there. (Plus being a lot thinner and prettier.) For the most part, though, I stay in the present identity.

There was a short period during the worst of my illness when I just felt blank or so extremely in turmoil that I sort of lost myself. However, most of my life I knew fairly well who I was. The thing is, that I believe I am a multi-faceted person. It's not that I'm different people during different moods or different times of my life, but more that different parts of ME come out at different times. But at the same time, there is the root me. Also, as I've aged and experienced different things, I've grown in ways and transformed in others, but not into someone different. Just a wiser, more mature me.

Sometimes the "young" features come out. That's kind of fun, but their not necessarily better than my current features. On the whole, the current final product of my life experiences is pretty good. I do see things a little differently from my current spot. Why wouldn't I? Definitions change a little, likes and dislikes to a degree, etc.