Feeling more and more like an outsider

It's weird; I know it is the medication working, but I almost feel like I don't have bipolar and can barely relate with a lot of threads. It has only been months since the last episode and I still have the possibly unrelated head fog.

Tomorrow makes 9 months sober and I haven't had cravings for the last 6 months or so. I don't post to the daily check in every day and I almost feel like I don't belong there either. I know better on that front also. I have made it longer than this a couple of times.

OTOH, I don't feel like I belong in most normal social situation either. I probably am isolating myself too much.

I’m stable too, although the side effects of the meds make me feel like there is something wrong with me. I can’t think as well as I used to.

I’m socially isolated; I have lost all my friends between my husband passing away (friends pull away—this is common) and getting laid off (I had been there 8 years; these were the people I saw every day—the business is closed now).

I’ve gone to some NAMI meetings. The first one didn’t work out—I didn’t relate well to the people there. The second location I tried was better with someone I could relate to.

I think NAMI is in a lot of major cities.

Congrats on 9 months sober. I know what you mean about not fitting in any groups, but that's OK. Today's 'programs' are demanding and just as long you stay sober, you'll be fine.

I've been absent from the fire water for about one year now, but not by choice. I got rushed to hospital for liver failure, I guess you can figure out the rest, but I almost died.

I'm not on any meds again for my brain waves, but will be soon when I see a new pdoc for bipolar ll.

I will never forget reading this when I felt like you do.

"Healing is a matter of breaking the dysfunctional patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving that are causing you difficulty and distress. It’s not easy to change lifelong habits. Choosing to pause, reflect, and then act in new ways will feel unnatural and uncomfortable at first. But with time you’ll form new habits that help you maintain your emotional balance and stay in control."

Oh, I’m not paying attention-congratulations on 9 months of being sober!!

Thanks to both of you.

I probably downplay how much effect that being sober and honest has had on me. In an odd way, my BP 2 helped me get sober. I had an extended episode of expansive hypomania where I would tell anybody that would listen about my problems with alcohol and drugs or pretty much anything else they wanted to know. I told my primary I had been playing her to get higher doses of adderall and tussionex for the cough that I got when I had post nasal drip. I told her, my family and many of my friends about how often I was sneaking drinks. By the time the episode ended, I was committed to getting clean and sober. It was hard for the first couple of months after I crashed from the hypomania, but I didn't deep dive into depression and not drinking may have had something to do with that. Since I have been more on an even keel, I don't think about drinking or drugs too much.

well done updown!
congratulations on 9 months sober!
bizi

9 months sober is quite an accomplishment.

9 months sober? A very good accomplishment indeed!

I sometimes cannot relate to others here too. It’s like I do not belong here. I live alone. So normally, those posting here that I reply to helps me feel as though I belong. Interaction with others here helps me. But there are periods of time I do not feel this way. So if this feeling persists, I may go away for awhile. But I always end up here to post again. Right now, I do not feel that way. So here I am.

You feel like an outsider because you can't relate to people here? The main thing is feeling better. Glad you are better.

I would say most here have doubted if we are really bp as we get more stable ... I myself felt that for a long time ... everyones life and experiences are so different ... the substance abuse is so common in bp as to almost be a marker for it ... 9 months sober is such a great event and you should be so proud of yourself ...

do you belong here ... yes ... why ... because of the strength you can find here ... because of the strength you can give to us ... we all feel as an outsider at times ... I myself isolate almost completely (except at work where I have no choice) ... but here ... I feel accepted ...

Love .. Tigger .

Thanks all! I probably don't attribute as much to that as I should. Is it a coincidence that a couple of months after I quit drinking/drugs, I finally got a good start on the diet I have had so many false starts on? Probably not. I have lost over 60 pounds and have a normal BMI (below 25) for the first time in about 35 years. The last time I got close was a few years ago and I had stopped drinking when I started that one, though I was just taking a break to convince myself I had it under control and to eliminate those calories. This time I am not just taking a break.

Congratulations! I too have a hard time connecting to the forums cause of my stability. I did flirt with the idea that I didn't need meds anymore but when I talked about with my 36 year old daughter, she was like no mom, you are bipolar you've never been this stable before don't jeopardize it. So I just think back to all the ups and downs, the hospitalizations and remember where I can end up if I lose the stability.

WE like to hear of success stories. glad for your stability and glad that you are here.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Congrats on your sobriety.

I think we are all outsiders to some extent. There isn't really much of a difference between those who struggle to function and those who can function. It's a different set of problems, though, between the two. For those who struggle it's quite obvious; the stable people deal with being believed that they still have the disorder.

Yeah I can relate to this

I can relate too. I haven't "felt bipolar" in a long time. I think I'm overmedicated so I've been experimenting with my meds, and nothing terrible has happened although I've been just a teeny bit hypomanic, which always happens at this time of the year. You can almost set your watch by it. But my family noticed I was getting over-amped so I went back to taking my meds as prescribed. I tend to forget how bad things were in the past and I want to be a more exciting person, but I'm too chicken to take myself off meds entirely. That's probably a good thing, as I'm financially solvent and I like where I live. I don't miss mania, but I sure do miss the energy and excitement of hypomania. I wish I could just live in that state all the time. But, don't we all?