[Cocosurviving]

My day was decent. I went to the grocery store which I hate doing. I went to the pharmacy and picked up meds however one is on back order.
I’m enjoying watching Netflix.

Well, came home from work to find BF in another massive panic attack and confused state (couldn't remember my number -- or that you only need to press the name, or the number for 911 either.) After the incident the week before last where he completely lost touch, I wasn't going to take chances and took him to an urgent (psych) walk in clinic. They had us transferred over to the psych ER here and I'm waiting to find out if they're keeping him (probably overnight anyway). So... not the greatest day, but at least not as bad as the week before last (which was pretty much a horror show).

I was so sad today at work. Back on the shelf with that. Stuff it down, do what needs to be done. Story of my life...

Edited to add, nope they're sending him home.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm sad my son turns 16 today. We signed new insurance and once he turns 17 our rate goes up anyway so I signed him up for driver's ed today. He'll get his permit for free after taking the class. He's not happy about it. He doesn't want to drive but if we have to pay anyway he minus well have it.

I have only a couple of days to re-certify for hud. I'm not ready for it. I'm finding it hard to care. Thoughts of hurting myself are on my mind all the time now. I can't do that to my son not right now. Oh on top of all that **** SSI has decided to review me once again. It's not like CP and BP get better with time. Actually they get worse. I hate having to make a list of all the things I need help with and that makes me feel like ****. Why would someone want to be with a person who needs so much help day to day? And that's just CP. I haven't even got into my difficulties with BP and psychosis and anxiety. How I can't go out without being scared of people but I can't be home alone because I start to think people are trying to break in and kill me. (even on meds)

[bpforever1]

I'm doing ok. I finally realized it may be best to let go the man I met. I will be fine. I am enjoying the little things in life that I have. I am surviving. Tomorrow, I will eat breakfast at a restaurant. I will take it easy. I am feeling so-so. My mother has still not gone to the doctor. I am so worried about her hitting her head. My family is also stressed out from working too much. I wish my father would retire. Oh well. There is nothing I can do being so far away from them. I will try to be there for them when they ask though. I am hoping my mother visits me soon then I will make her go to the doctor here. That is, if she can make the flight here in one piece, it would be a miracle. I am hoping for the best. Family is family to me. I love them but, boy, they stress me out at times. Such is life for me.

[liveforsummer]

I wish there were more happy days than bleh days. Nothing severe. Just tired of it. The nightmares aren’t helping.

[Gabyunbound]

As I've mentioned before on this thread, I'm dealing with my mother's new diagnosis of breast cancer on top of the advanced MS she already has. I've been running around like crazy trying to organize and set up her cancer care and going there to take care of her when I can (she lives 1.5 hours away, but when she finishes her treatment, I'm moving her up here, I have an apartment in my complex lined up for her that is wheelchair-friendly). My brother is not helping much, and this is both very aggravating and difficult as a practical matter.

I worry constantly about my mother. Her PT recently said she needs 24/7 home care, which I hope to set up with a social worker who is going to see my mother at her house tomorrow.

I have had a lot of trouble sleeping, worrying and worrying. And then I'm exhausted all day. At least this hasn't led to an episode. I'm glad to see I've been so 'resilient', but I'm afraid I will hit my tipping point.

So, at my request, my pdoc put me on an extra 1mg of klonopin (I take 1mg in the morning's, have for over a decade) at night to help me sleep. I wonder if anyone else takes it for sleep? In any case, I tried it for the first time last night and it didn't work, so I took 25mg of Seroquel on top of it. I finally fell asleep, but today I'm very very groggy, which probably isn't surprising.

I am not a religious person, but have begun to believe in the importance of prayer. Or at least sending good thoughts, good vibes someone's way. Can anyone do that for my mother? The strength she needs to withstand the cancer treatment having MS is tremendous. And me, for that matter? Hope that I don't go into an episode? I can never 'afford' to do so, but most especially not now that my mother needs me so much...

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

As I've mentioned before on this thread, I'm dealing with my mother's new diagnosis of breast cancer on top of the advanced MS she already has. I've been running around like crazy trying to organize and set up her cancer care and going there to take care of her when I can (she lives 1.5 hours away, but when she finishes her treatment, I'm moving her up here, I have an apartment in my complex lined up for her that is wheelchair-friendly). My brother is not helping much, and this is both very aggravating and difficult as a practical matter.

I worry constantly about my mother. Her PT recently said she needs 24/7 home care, which I hope to set up with a social worker who is going to see my mother at her house tomorrow.

I have had a lot of trouble sleeping, worrying and worrying. And then I'm exhausted all day. At least this hasn't led to an episode. I'm glad to see I've been so 'resilient', but I'm afraid I will hit my tipping point.

So, at my request, my pdoc put me on an extra 1mg of klonopin (I take 1mg in the morning's, have for over a decade) at night to help me sleep. I wonder if anyone else takes it for sleep? In any case, I tried it for the first time last night and it didn't work, so I took 25mg of Seroquel on top of it. I finally fell asleep, but today I'm very very groggy, which probably isn't surprising.

I am not a religious person, but have begun to believe in the importance of prayer. Or at least sending good thoughts, good vibes someone's way. Can anyone do that for my mother? The strength she needs to withstand the cancer treatment having MS is tremendous. And me, for that matter? Hope that I don't go into an episode? I can never 'afford' to do so, but most especially not now that my mother needs me so much...

Sending positive vibes for both you and your mom.

[Scooter9]

Another down day for me. I snacked a lot but on low-calorie snacks (rice cakes, the dry kind). Just surviving one day to the next. The weather is nice so I get outside and sit in the backyard for some time...maybe I'll go for a walk.

[Unrigged64072835]

What a busy day!

Woke up to my husband being angry that my daughter left a glob of hair dye on the hardwood floor in the half bath. A lot of vinegar and baking soda, and some sanding, later and the stain is out. However we can't just put a dab of polyurethane on the spot and call it good. My husband said we'll have to have all the floor sanded down and refinished. Another house expense I didn't see coming.

My appointment with pain management doc went well, but in all the hubbub of this morning I forgot to take my muscle relaxer so I was in a bit of pain. I told him about the swelling on the neck and how I stopped PT until I had that resolved. He gave me another referral so I can do that. I'm good on meds so I'll see him in two months. The place was broiling, so I came home and took a shower before lunch and my appointment with trauma T. That was really good. Progressive muscle relaxation and guided mediation after that really calmed me down. I hope she makes a CD of that--apparently a lot of clients asked that. Came home again and tried a new strawberry shortcake recipe after unloading the dishwasher. Taking a short break before starting dinner--whew!

I was nervous about the hair dye stain but much better after some physical work and meditation. I feel pretty good. Just hope I sleep well tonight. I didn't sleep well last night because my daughter decided doing laundry and dyeing her hair was best done after we went to bed.

[Unrigged64072835]

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

As I've mentioned before on this thread, I'm dealing with my mother's new diagnosis of breast cancer on top of the advanced MS she already has. I've been running around like crazy trying to organize and set up her cancer care and going there to take care of her when I can (she lives 1.5 hours away, but when she finishes her treatment, I'm moving her up here, I have an apartment in my complex lined up for her that is wheelchair-friendly). My brother is not helping much, and this is both very aggravating and difficult as a practical matter.

I worry constantly about my mother. Her PT recently said she needs 24/7 home care, which I hope to set up with a social worker who is going to see my mother at her house tomorrow.

I have had a lot of trouble sleeping, worrying and worrying. And then I'm exhausted all day. At least this hasn't led to an episode. I'm glad to see I've been so 'resilient', but I'm afraid I will hit my tipping point.

So, at my request, my pdoc put me on an extra 1mg of klonopin (I take 1mg in the morning's, have for over a decade) at night to help me sleep. I wonder if anyone else takes it for sleep? In any case, I tried it for the first time last night and it didn't work, so I took 25mg of Seroquel on top of it. I finally fell asleep, but today I'm very very groggy, which probably isn't surprising.

I am not a religious person, but have begun to believe in the importance of prayer. Or at least sending good thoughts, good vibes someone's way. Can anyone do that for my mother? The strength she needs to withstand the cancer treatment having MS is tremendous. And me, for that matter? Hope that I don't go into an episode? I can never 'afford' to do so, but most especially not now that my mother needs me so much...

Lots of healing mojo and prayers for you and your mom.

[Unrigged64072835]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I'm sad my son turns 16 today. We signed new insurance and once he turns 17 our rate goes up anyway so I signed him up for driver's ed today. He'll get his permit for free after taking the class. He's not happy about it. He doesn't want to drive but if we have to pay anyway he minus well have it.

I have only a couple of days to re-certify for hud. I'm not ready for it. I'm finding it hard to care. Thoughts of hurting myself are on my mind all the time now. I can't do that to my son not right now. Oh on top of all that **** SSI has decided to review me once again. It's not like CP and BP get better with time. Actually they get worse. I hate having to make a list of all the things I need help with and that makes me feel like ****. Why would someone want to be with a person who needs so much help day to day? And that's just CP. I haven't even got into my difficulties with BP and psychosis and anxiety. How I can't go out without being scared of people but I can't be home alone because I start to think people are trying to break in and kill me. (even on meds)

I got hit for an SSDI review as well, only two years after the last one. It was supposed to be 5-7 years. Something's going on.

[Blueberrybook]

I had to return to the urgent care place I went to on Sunday to get my chin patched up after a bad fall and cut. The medical glue had come off,and it was dripping fluid. The doctor there today said the Sunday doc should have given me stitches, but now it’s too late for them. Wonderful. He glued it shut with lots of the med glue, put steri strips on it, and told me to leave the strips on until they fall off. I really hope the glue holds. The strips from Sunday started smelling foul when the medical glue didn’t hold.

After I picked my daughter up from day camp, we went to the library. The library here has a pretty good summer reading program because it is part of the countywide system that serves Houston. She had already finished the summer reading program and wanted her last prize (a medal). The earlier prizes were a free book and a bit of a dud inflatable guitar. She loves getting medals, so she was just reading and reading to log time enough for it. They told us she was the first kid at our particular branch to get the medal, which made her happy.

Pdoc is changing my dosage of propranolol by halving it to see if it helps with my falling issues.

[giddykitty]

I'm starting to wind down from a productive day. I'd see a project and i'd do it. Now i wanna nap, except I don't want to. The thought of napping makes me sad. Weird. I'm reminded of this feeling as a child. Guess i hated naps. Always wanted to be out and about.

Random thought. Is posting here doing me any good? (that sounds worse than I mean) I mean, I'm thinking about something I read. that we should write in our moods to record our true feelings. Well, at the pace that this thread goes, I can't exactly scroll back and see what I've said on any given day...

ohh, does any of it matter? I'm not seeing a therapist.

Nevermind me. I'm beginning to think again and it's getting, for a lack of a better word, weird. hehe I guess the short of it is that I want to share some more, see if others feel a certain way, pick brains, but I'm not quite like able to find where and when and with whom.

I really need a nap!

[wildflowerchild25]

Had a ****** *** day today until I went to my therapist. She makes everything better. I think I’m becoming too dependent on her but I don’t care. I actually didn’t want to go because I didnt want to tell her how poorly I was feeling but she didn’t shame me for it. She just listened and then told me to tell my IOP dr about it on Thursday. I really want to go up on the lamictal, not this cursed topamax. I’m not positive but it may be the topamax that’s causing the irritability. It’s the only thing that’s changed.

I’m hoping I’ll leave the program anyway next Tuesday. I’m tired of it. I want to be out in the big wide world, for good bad or ugly.

I’m getting my scar coverup tattoo next Tuesday so that’s good, something to look forward to!

[Sliders]

Doing ok. Past few days had been feeling sad. Today I'm feeling more optimistic about life.

[Pookyl]

The anxiety that disappeared when I was manic is now back.

I have currently got huge anxiety re my son. Massive ball of anxiety at the bottom of my esophagus.

[bizi]

I should be packing....
bizi

[Tucson]

I have something interesting. There is a lady in North Africa that wants to ship me large amounts of cash, bypassing legal protocol of the US. Then when she gets here, she will take the money. I find this does not pass the sniff test. Sending me large amounts of currency to a comparative stranger? I suspect I would get involved in something illegal. Beyond receiving shipments of money, causing legal problems with the IRS and Customs officials, this money may be the proceeds from an illegal activity. I think I then would be in real deep doo doo. She gave me a possible scenario as to why she is doing this, however, I still do not believe her. Besides, I will not help her. Even if she is on the level, I will not break serious offshore money transfer laws for her. If this is a scam, somewhere along the line, she would want my money to be involved in this somehow.

Isn’t this interesting? A creative scam. Thats all it is. I met her on a dating website. Amazing.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Tucson

I have something interesting. There is a lady in North Africa that wants to ship me large amounts of cash, bypassing legal protocol of the US. Then when she gets here, she will take the money. I find this does not pass the sniff test. Sending me large amounts of currency to a comparative stranger? I suspect I would get involved in something illegal. Beyond receiving shipments of money, causing legal problems with the IRS and Customs officials, this money may be the proceeds from an illegal activity. I think I then would be in real deep doo doo. She gave me a possible scenario as to why she is doing this, however, I still do not believe her. Besides, I will not help her. Even if she is on the level, I will not break serious offshore money transfer laws for her. If this is a scam, somewhere along the line, she would want my money to be involved in this somehow.

Isn’t this interesting? A creative scam. Thats all it is. I met her on a dating website. Amazing.

SCAM!!!!!!

[Nammu]

Tucson.....I smell scam......yup, smells bad

[jmariah001]

My last pdoc appointment didn't go all that well. She doesn't think the medicine is helping me much. She hasn't seem any marked improvement in my mood since she started seeing me. I started seeing her last year some time. Maybe I am med resistant. I have been on a lot of different meds over the years. I was originally diagnosed in 2005 with bipolar. I don't think I've gotten any better over the years. My anxiety is getting worse the older I get. Right now I am trying to use music to keep sane. I want to scream. I might scare the neighbors if I do. It is late here. Not a good situation right now.

[251turnaround]

Might be going inpatient, I don't know. My head's a mess. I think I'm hallucinating things on my body, flesh rotting, etc. It feels like a nightmare I'm in.

Originally Posted by Tucson

I have something interesting. There is a lady in North Africa that wants to ship me large amounts of cash, bypassing legal protocol of the US. Then when she gets here, she will take the money. I find this does not pass the sniff test. Sending me large amounts of currency to a comparative stranger? I suspect I would get involved in something illegal. Beyond receiving shipments of money, causing legal problems with the IRS and Customs officials, this money may be the proceeds from an illegal activity. I think I then would be in real deep doo doo. She gave me a possible scenario as to why she is doing this, however, I still do not believe her. Besides, I will not help her. Even if she is on the level, I will not break serious offshore money transfer laws for her. If this is a scam, somewhere along the line, she would want my money to be involved in this somehow.

Isn’t this interesting? A creative scam. Thats all it is. I met her on a dating website. Amazing.

Run away.

Your only Soviet checking in at the Hotel Bipolar and heading for the bar.

I've been putting in work for my Korean bosses, editing a 5000-word nuclear engineering dissertation, learning their secrets.

People give me product technical specifications as if I don't know whom to sell them to.

A friend of 11 years is hiding from me that he has lethal cancer while sharing the news with others.

Today's keyword is CAUTION.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

As I've mentioned before on this thread, I'm dealing with my mother's new diagnosis of breast cancer on top of the advanced MS she already has. I've been running around like crazy trying to organize and set up her cancer care and going there to take care of her when I can (she lives 1.5 hours away, but when she finishes her treatment, I'm moving her up here, I have an apartment in my complex lined up for her that is wheelchair-friendly). My brother is not helping much, and this is both very aggravating and difficult as a practical matter.

I worry constantly about my mother. Her PT recently said she needs 24/7 home care, which I hope to set up with a social worker who is going to see my mother at her house tomorrow.

I have had a lot of trouble sleeping, worrying and worrying. And then I'm exhausted all day. At least this hasn't led to an episode. I'm glad to see I've been so 'resilient', but I'm afraid I will hit my tipping point.

So, at my request, my pdoc put me on an extra 1mg of klonopin (I take 1mg in the morning's, have for over a decade) at night to help me sleep. I wonder if anyone else takes it for sleep? In any case, I tried it for the first time last night and it didn't work, so I took 25mg of Seroquel on top of it. I finally fell asleep, but today I'm very very groggy, which probably isn't surprising.

I am not a religious person, but have begun to believe in the importance of prayer. Or at least sending good thoughts, good vibes someone's way. Can anyone do that for my mother? The strength she needs to withstand the cancer treatment having MS is tremendous. And me, for that matter? Hope that I don't go into an episode? I can never 'afford' to do so, but most especially not now that my mother needs me so much...

(((((( gabyunbound and mother ))))))