[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

My life, both present and future, seems very bleak today. I am both horrified and relieved that I’ve started the ball rolling. I’ll give myself a few days and see if I can work my way out of it.

Sending hugs to those that are struggling.

(((((( Jennifer ))))))

I am sorry you are experiencing a rough patch.

Love and prayers,

WC

[yellow_fleurs]

Apparently I am starting off my day early as I woke up at 3:30 am and cannot seem to get back to sleep. I am going to try again, though. I went to bed at 10 which is early for me and could be the reason. I am happy to say I am continuing to feel grounded and safe with myself. I also feel pretty fine considering the hormones. So, this begs the question of wtf was this whole thing of SI and these meds and all. I will of course talk to my psychiatrist, but it doesn't seem like I will fit within a clear cut diagnosis based on this, and not sure if meds could help, or if I even want to try anything after these reactions and not feeling bad without them at the moment. I have also been considering therapy, but cannot think of anything specific I really need to work on or talk about. So maybe I will just follow up with my psychiatrist this next time, then go to as needed appointments if I feel like I am off again (I always get depressed in winter, so things could change). This has been a very surreal, down the rabbit hole kind of experience for me. I think this post is mostly me just thinking to myself because I am awake at odd hours, but thanks for reading!

When are these app developers going to stop naming software with PRO? What is so 'professional' about paying money for them?!

Haha

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by 2ISAB

When are these app developers going to stop naming software with PRO? What is so 'professional' about paying money for them?!

Haha

My choir director in high svhool told us vthat "professional" meant that you get paid for doing something.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

My life, both present and future, seems very bleak today. I am both horrified and relieved that I’ve started the ball rolling. I’ll give myself a few days and see if I can work my way out of it.

Sending hugs to those that are struggling.

I'm so sorry you're struggling. Have you called your pdoc or talked to a therapist about it?

I have those days too. I hate them.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

Apparently I am starting off my day early as I woke up at 3:30 am and cannot seem to get back to sleep. I am going to try again, though. I went to bed at 10 which is early for me and could be the reason. I am happy to say I am continuing to feel grounded and safe with myself. I also feel pretty fine considering the hormones. So, this begs the question of wtf was this whole thing of SI and these meds and all. I will of course talk to my psychiatrist, but it doesn't seem like I will fit within a clear cut diagnosis based on this, and not sure if meds could help, or if I even want to try anything after these reactions and not feeling bad without them at the moment. I have also been considering therapy, but cannot think of anything specific I really need to work on or talk about. So maybe I will just follow up with my psychiatrist this next time, then go to as needed appointments if I feel like I am off again (I always get depressed in winter, so things could change). This has been a very surreal, down the rabbit hole kind of experience for me. I think this post is mostly me just thinking to myself because I am awake at odd hours, but thanks for reading!

I'd follow up with the psychiatrist. How long have you not been taking your meds? How long has it been since you lat self-harmed or thought about it? If it hasn't been that long, you could still have some of the meds in your system and it may not be long enough to tell how you are doing off the meds. Just be careful with it.

[Blueberrybook]

Apparently, I'm still not cured of overexercise. I ran way too much this morning (11 miles) without eating breakfast though I am having yogurt now. I also left the house a little late, causing the last half of the run to be extremely hot. I had to shower immediately with all the sweat I was dripping. I managed to change the bedsheets. I feel like collapsing now, but I know I will have to make lunch soon and come up with a shopping list for tomorrow. I hate meal planning, especially around a tight budget.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by cln1812

I'd follow up with the psychiatrist. How long have you not been taking your meds? How long has it been since you lat self-harmed or thought about it? If it hasn't been that long, you could still have some of the meds in your system and it may not be long enough to tell how you are doing off the meds. Just be careful with it.

It's been around 3 weeks since I lowered the lamotrigine from 100 to 50 mg and a little over 2 weeks since I stopped altogether.

Possible trigger:

the last time I self harmed was with punching myself on the arm the first day after I lowered the dose, and not at all since then. I had much worse self harm and suicidal urges than just that while on the lamotrigine, but only ever punched myself. My violent thoughts towards myself are almost completely gone, more of a random passing thought in the back of my mind that I hardly notice and does not seem at all like something rational or that I would act on. I am usually so much worse around my period in terms of my mood, and was especially when I was on lexapro and lamotrigine, and so it seems odd that I practically have no suicidal or self harm issues anymore, and feel relaxed, even a couple days before I start my period.

. So, because of all of that I am very confused and think I was worse on lamotrigine, which I know is uncommon. You're right to suggest I be careful, though. I am scheduled for a follow up the beginning of September with my psychiatrist, so think I'll go to that, it's just that after that I am not sure what will even be a useful course of action. Thanks

[Moose72]

Took a nap when I got home. Cpap says 45 minutes I felt like it was longer. I'm reheating nachos from last night.

[half_awakexx]

Slept in late. Been bouncing back and forth from the computer to my PS4. It's a rainy day here. Kind of don't want to do much in regards to going out, but I am seeing a movie later on this evening...so that's something. Mood wise, I'm still okay. I've been noticing a few bumps of depression and irritability. However, they don't last very long. I'm glad for the extended weekend so I can relax and not get swallowed up by the stressors of work.

[Moreta]

Why is it everytime I volunteer at church whether it be ushering or counting the offering something has to go wrong. LMAO. The worst part is that my partners have been doing these jobs longer than me. Today I ushered. It was mostly ok except for the whole crawling around on the floor after church picking up stones leftover under seats where people didn't sit today. haha. I picked up my nuvigil, have had too much caffeine, and have been up since 12:30 am so I'm wide open today. Disregard if any advice made by me is ridiculous today.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

It's been around 3 weeks since I lowered the lamotrigine from 100 to 50 mg and a little over 2 weeks since I stopped altogether.

Possible trigger:

the last time I self harmed was with punching myself on the arm the first day after I lowered the dose, and not at all since then. I had much worse self harm and suicidal urges than just that while on the lamotrigine, but only ever punched myself. My violent thoughts towards myself are almost completely gone, more of a random passing thought in the back of my mind that I hardly notice and does not seem at all like something rational or that I would act on. I am usually so much worse around my period in terms of my mood, and was especially when I was on lexapro and lamotrigine, and so it seems odd that I practically have no suicidal or self harm issues anymore, and feel relaxed, even a couple days before I start my period.

. So, because of all of that I am very confused and think I was worse on lamotrigine, which I know is uncommon. You're right to suggest I be careful, though. I am scheduled for a follow up the beginning of September with my psychiatrist, so think I'll go to that, it's just that after that I am not sure what will even be a useful course of action. Thanks

Personally, I think it's a bit premature to stop the meds just yet. I think you should call your pdoc and ask.

[Unrigged64072835]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Speaking of judo....

http://bipolarhallucidations.blogspo...today.html?m=1

Awesome, Moose!

[Unrigged64072835]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

My life, both present and future, seems very bleak today. I am both horrified and relieved that I’ve started the ball rolling. I’ll give myself a few days and see if I can work my way out of it.

Sending hugs to those that are struggling.

Please give yourself a chance. Many chances, if you need to.

[Wild Coyote]

Saw my pdoc on Thursday. She'd tried to help by adding gabapentin. I am having some side-effects today. I see her again tomorrow.

Still having great sleep difficulties. Mood feels less agitated on gabapentin.
Something's up because I can tolerate MUCH, MUCH more gabapentin than I have ever been able to tolerate. In the past, I could not tolerate even 100mg without sleeping 24/7. Right now, I can tolerate so very much more and may feel more calm; yet, I am not sleeping despite the higher dose right now.

I see pdoc again tomorrow. We have met only 4 times so far; she is new to me. I like her. She is very warm, is compassionate, is humorous, is very thorough with med interactions, etc. I think I am VERY fortunate to have her as a pdoc. (I do miss my retired pdoc; he was also a gem. It might be beneficial to have a new pdoc taking a fresh look at things.)

I need to count my blessings!

Love to All!

WC

[Unrigged64072835]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Saw my pdoc on Thursday. She'd tried to help by adding gabapentin. I am having some side-effects today. I see her again tomorrow.

Still having great sleep difficulties. Mood feels less agitated on gabapentin.
Something's up because I can tolerate MUCH, MUCH more gabapentin than I have ever been able to tolerate. In the past, I could not tolerate even 100mg without sleeping 24/7. Right now, I can tolerate so very much more and may feel more calm; yet, I am not sleeping despite the higher dose right now.

I see pdoc again tomorrow. We have met only 4 times so far; she is new to me. I like her. She is very warm, is compassionate, is humorous, is very thorough with med interactions, etc. I think I am VERY fortunate to have her as a pdoc. (I do miss my retired pdoc; he was also a gem. It might be beneficial to have a new pdoc taking a fresh look at things.)

I need to count my blessings!

Love to All!

WC

Do hope you and your pdoc can work something out.

[Scooter9]

I slept 13 hours! It's a new high.

I did some work around the house - cleaning, installing a shelf, things like that.

I'm slowly gaining weight... that's both good and bad news. I think it's the Latuda.

Feeling low but getting lots of coffee to find out if it'll help.

Seething Maybe I will post later why. Right now I am too PO'd for words!

[Unrigged64072835]

Forgot to post for myself, haha! My mind has been like that lately; something comes up and I forget whatever it is I'm doing to start with.

Anyhow--today was a massive cleaning day. Finally cleaned my daughter's old bathroom front to back--to say it was filthy would be saying like a cat is only made up of a meow. (No offense to cats) That was on top of my usual five rounds of laundry and vacuuming the main floor, plus sweeping the hallway and kitchen so my husband could mop. It needed it too! I am so exhausted, but need to make dinner still. I think we may just have a steak and veg, and call it a day.

Tomorrow is T. I haven't seen her in about five to six weeks, I think. It's way too long, and there was a lot of intense emotional stuff going on that I have to cram in an hour. Plus I realized this morning that I emotionally react too quickly to things. May need to dig out my DBT book and brush up on core skills.

My daughter is doing okay, happy with her job. Her driving retest is Tuesday morning. If you can pray, send good vibes--just to get her to pass the darn thing so my poor husband can have some peace. She can do it as long as she's not thinking too hard about it.

Otherwise, it was a quiet day. LOL

Despite some back pain I'm doing good.

Love and hugs to everyone, especially if you're suffering.

ETA: My dryer had been wet for the past two weeks. I thought it was because of the humidity. Checked the dryer vent outside. Lo and behold, a dryer sheet made its way past the lint trap and all the way down the dryer vent, clogging up the outside vents! I don't know how it did that. Needless to say I cleaned out part of the dryer vent. Will clean the dryer part tomorrow because I'm whupped.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Saw my pdoc on Thursday. She'd tried to help by adding gabapentin. I am having some side-effects today. I see her again tomorrow.

Still having great sleep difficulties. Mood feels less agitated on gabapentin.
Something's up because I can tolerate MUCH, MUCH more gabapentin than I have ever been able to tolerate. In the past, I could not tolerate even 100mg without sleeping 24/7. Right now, I can tolerate so very much more and may feel more calm; yet, I am not sleeping despite the higher dose right now.

I see pdoc again tomorrow. We have met only 4 times so far; she is new to me. I like her. She is very warm, is compassionate, is humorous, is very thorough with med interactions, etc. I think I am VERY fortunate to have her as a pdoc. (I do miss my retired pdoc; he was also a gem. It might be beneficial to have a new pdoc taking a fresh look at things.)

I need to count my blessings!

Love to All!

WC

How much gabapentin are you on? I have not found it very helpful for sleep, though I am prescribed it actually fibromyalgia by my rheumatologist. Today I feel as if I'm having a fibro flare-up. Stress usually does trigger it at some people.

It sounds as if you got a very good new pdoc at least. You are lucky in that. I also am dealing with my wonderful pdoc of 10 years retiring. She was so personable and listened to everything carefully. I tried one pdoc before my current pdoc, and less than 6 weeks after a God-awful painful ulcer surgery, she wanted me to go around and collect official records from the hospital, the pharmacy, the mail order pharmacy before she would prescribe me a thing and told me she only listens to voicemail while in the office, not over the weekend or when she was on vacation. I called the old place sobbing on the phone, and the receptionist took pity on me and put me with the other doctor there (he's got a 6 month waiting list). He is efficient, not as personable as my old pdoc; you can be sure that unless he's had an emergency, your appointment will be on time (unlike the old pdoc, who always ran late). However, when I got my psych records from the place, they included his notes as well, and he went into copious detail besides typing them instead of writing them like the old pdoc. So I think he just has a brain that works and processes things very fast it is taking a little getting used to.

For me, the best sleep med has been Seroquel (speaking from a lifetime of insomnia, going back as far as I can remember). I took it low dose while I was in college, then stopped it and went onto the trazodone. But when I got to restart it (albeit at a higher dose, though I definitely did not start at 400 mg), it was such a relief. I could fall asleep again and be certain that within 30 minutes of taking it, I'd want to zonk out. Sleep for me is right now an escape from stress along with the running.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

Forgot to post for myself, haha! My mind has been like that lately; something comes up and I forget whatever it is I'm doing to start with.

Anyhow--today was a massive cleaning day. Finally cleaned my daughter's old bathroom front to back--to say it was filthy would be saying like a cat is only made up of a meow. (No offense to cats) That was on top of my usual five rounds of laundry and vacuuming the main floor, plus sweeping the hallway and kitchen so my husband could mop. It needed it too! I am so exhausted, but need to make dinner still. I think we may just have a steak and veg, and call it a day.

Tomorrow is T. I haven't seen her in about five to six weeks, I think. It's way too long, and there was a lot of intense emotional stuff going on that I have to cram in an hour. Plus I realized this morning that I emotionally react too quickly to things. May need to dig out my DBT book and brush up on core skills.

My daughter is doing okay, happy with her job. Her driving retest is Tuesday morning. If you can pray, send good vibes, sacrifice a chicken under the moon (just kidding)--just to get her to pass the darn thing so my poor husband can have some peace. She can do it as long as she's not thinking too hard about it.

Otherwise, it was a quiet day. LOL

Despite some back pain I'm doing good.

Love and hugs to everyone, especially if you're suffering.

Sounds like you got a lot done today. I hope your appointment with your T goes well and that she passes her driving re-test.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

Do hope you and your pdoc can work something out.

Thanks!

We are very limited in med choices due to my current QTc interval reading on my recent EKG. I am glad she'd sent me for an EKG, as many pdocs do not do this.

We will see what she thinks tomorrow.

I so enjoy your posts!

Sending good vibes, offering prayer, in hopes your daughter gets her license!


WC

[Unrigged64072835]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Thanks!

We are very limited in med choices due to my current QTc interval reading on my recent EKG. I am glad she'd sent me for an EKG, as many pdocs do not do this.

We will see what she thinks tomorrow.

I so enjoy your posts!

Sending good vibes, offering prayer, in hopes your daughter gets her license!


WC

I had to do that too because a lot of the APs and Depakote caused prolonged Qt for me as well. My old pdoc was vigilant about that.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Moreta

Today I ushered. It was mostly ok except for the whole crawling around on the floor after church picking up stones leftover under seats where people didn't sit today.

You had a stoning?! I don't understand.

[Moose72]

I'm tired. Its almost 5:30. Wonder what's for dinner. N3 ate all the Klondike bars. Dessert, anyway. N2 cleaned the house- not that it was that bad after the inspection- but its nice now. I read a study saying sleep apnea is related to bipolar. (Its in my blog.)

Ok time to take my friend home. Back later....