[yellow_fleurs]

TW
I am feeling really frustrated after my appointment, even though nothing really went wrong with it. My pdoc noted the impulse issues/suicidal thoughts I had while on the lexapro and lamictal, and mentioned therapy for impulse issues might help. I agree that DBT could be useful (I assume that is what he meant), and have been looking into it anyways, but somehow the way the convo went made it feel a little invalidating. Like, I fought and controlled my impulses with everything I had and acted on hardly any of them while having the urge to step out in front of a train, drive recklessly, all sorts of things. So, I feel like I need the cause to stop...there is only so much a person can do when their mind is taken over and the impulses are that strong. Also my pdoc had said I was on bipolar spectrum when I reacted to the lexapro with a mixed episode, and I have been in that state or my moods have been cycling since, but I know that reactions just on meds doesn't necessarily mean you have bipolar, and there is some debate if a spectrum even exists. Anyways, point is, after our convo I now really don't know when he even thinks anymore, so could be totally wrong in assuming my problems are even related to moods/bipolar and if so, I am sorry if I have been posting here incorrectly. Trying without meds for the next month to see what happens. I am just really struggling and confused right now. This is quite rambling I realize, so thanks if you read it. I woke up after not enough sleep feeling agitated/irritable/depressed so I think that is influencing this right now. Going to get outside and do some stuff and then maybe meditate later and talk to a friend, see if that all helps.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I'm cleaning the apartment today. Inspection tomorrow. So far working on the bathroom. Did the sink and toilet. Now onto the tub and floor.

I hope your inspection goes well.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

TW
I am feeling really frustrated after my appointment, even though nothing really went wrong with it. My pdoc noted the impulse issues/suicidal thoughts I had while on the lexapro and lamictal, and mentioned therapy for impulse issues might help. I agree that DBT could be useful (I assume that is what he meant), and have been looking into it anyways, but somehow the way the convo went made it feel a little invalidating. Like, I fought and controlled my impulses with everything I had and acted on hardly any of them while having the urge to step out in front of a train, drive recklessly, all sorts of things. So, I feel like I need the cause to stop...there is only so much a person can do when their mind is taken over and the impulses are that strong. Also my pdoc had said I was on bipolar spectrum when I reacted to the lexapro with a mixed episode, and I have been in that state or my moods have been cycling since, but I know that reactions just on meds doesn't necessarily mean you have bipolar, and there is some debate if a spectrum even exists. Anyways, point is, after our convo I now really don't know when he even thinks anymore, so could be totally wrong in assuming my problems are even related to moods/bipolar and if so, I am sorry if I have been posting here incorrectly. Trying without meds for the next month to see what happens. I am just really struggling and confused right now. This is quite rambling I realize, so thanks if you read it. I woke up after not enough sleep feeling agitated/irritable/depressed so I think that is influencing this right now. Going to get outside and do some stuff and then maybe meditate later and talk to a friend, see if that all helps.

If you are unsure of your diagnosis, it never hurts to get a 2nd opinion. I found once I was diagnosed with major depression, the next pdoc never seemed to question it until on and on until my last (really good) pdoc. Also, I had a huge manic episode with in her office & waiting room. She'd had me down as bipolar II after seeing her roughly 1 year, but the big manic thing changed me to bipolar I. So if you've been carrying around a diagnosis of bipolar from the start, many pdocs will not re-diagnose. You have to ask for it. If you doubt you have bipolar, you really should get another opinion. Do you have other traits of bipolar - hypomania, spending problems, hypersexuality (even just excessive masturbation) and then of course the depressed episodes? I don't understand though...are you having those impulses to do risky things like drive recklessy, etc. now or was it just when taking the Lexapro or are you just saying that's how you feel the convo with your pdoc went? Are you still on Lexapro? If you've been cycling off Lexapro though and it's out of your system (say a good 6 weeks), odds are it's bipolar.

And if you don't like your pdoc or feel that he listens well, at least get on a waiting list for a highly rated pdoc that takes your insurance. Bad pdocs are a dime a dozen out there, in my experience. The good ones can be hard to find.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by cln1812

I hope your inspection goes well.

Thanks. Ibve got my room (including bathroom) done except washing sheets and putting the bed back together and vaccuuming.

Yellow_fleurs, you are very welcome here in the BP zone, please don't worry about that, ok? You've got a lot to sort through and it can be a challenge. Remember that symprom control is the objective, regardless of dx, whether that be a given med(s), therapy, DBT, what have you. Or most likely a combination of approaches. Wishing you the best luck in that. Hope you feel better after getting outside and doing some stuff -- with maybe some meditation and visiting too.

[Scooter9]

I hurt my back a couple of days ago when I was replacing a toilet...those things are heavy! So now I can't paint the room that's supposed to be done soon.

It hurts to lay down in certain positions so I'm just sitting around waiting for things to improve. My wife is frustrated that things are taking so long but what can I do...I'm in pain.

I can't take Advil, aspirin or drugs like that because I'm allergic to them, so it's Tylenol for when the pain is bad but since I'm not doing anything it's manageable.

Mood-wise I continue to be low.

My doctor replied about stopping my Lithium. She agrees but wants me to wait until I have the appointment at the mood disorders clinic - that could be months. I said I want to stop sooner than later; I'll see what she says.

Edit to add : my pdoc agreed to let me lower lithium now instead of later I'm lowering the dose right away starting tonight.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

TW
I am feeling really frustrated after my appointment, even though nothing really went wrong with it. My pdoc noted the impulse issues/suicidal thoughts I had while on the lexapro and lamictal, and mentioned therapy for impulse issues might help. I agree that DBT could be useful (I assume that is what he meant), and have been looking into it anyways, but somehow the way the convo went made it feel a little invalidating. Like, I fought and controlled my impulses with everything I had and acted on hardly any of them while having the urge to step out in front of a train, drive recklessly, all sorts of things. So, I feel like I need the cause to stop...there is only so much a person can do when their mind is taken over and the impulses are that strong. Also my pdoc had said I was on bipolar spectrum when I reacted to the lexapro with a mixed episode, and I have been in that state or my moods have been cycling since, but I know that reactions just on meds doesn't necessarily mean you have bipolar, and there is some debate if a spectrum even exists. Anyways, point is, after our convo I now really don't know when he even thinks anymore, so could be totally wrong in assuming my problems are even related to moods/bipolar and if so, I am sorry if I have been posting here incorrectly. Trying without meds for the next month to see what happens. I am just really struggling and confused right now. This is quite rambling I realize, so thanks if you read it. I woke up after not enough sleep feeling agitated/irritable/depressed so I think that is influencing this right now. Going to get outside and do some stuff and then maybe meditate later and talk to a friend, see if that all helps.

You do not have to be concerned about posting here. Please know you are welcome here, even if feeling uncertain about diagnosis, etc. We all sort things out here, while hopefully supporting one another. I am sorry you are feeling agitated/depressed.
I hope your afternoon is showing an improvement in mood. I hope you continue to post here with us.

WC

[Wild Coyote]

I have been very active (for me) and am very sleepy today. Could barely stay awake this morning and finally gave in to rest a bit.

I am hoping to get out this evening to watch a local band I really like a lot. It will also depend on how H is doing, as he has been working hard all day in this heat.

Love to All!

WC

Originally Posted by Scooter9

I hurt my back a couple of days ago when I was replacing a toilet...those things are heavy! So now I can't paint the room that's supposed to be done soon.

It hurts to lay down in certain positions so I'm just sitting around waiting for things to improve. My wife is frustrated that things are taking so long but what can I do...I'm in pain.

I can't take Advil, aspirin or drugs like that because I'm allergic to them, so it's Tylenol for when the pain is bad but since I'm not doing anything it's manageable.

Mood-wise I continue to be low.

My doctor replied about stopping my Lithium. She agrees but wants me to wait until I have the appointment at the mood disorders clinic - that could be months. I said I want to stop sooner than later; I'll see what she says.

My husband loves his Arnica gel (sometimes in cream). It really relieves his muscle pains. It also quickens the fading of bruises. I've tried it, too, and agree it works great. He's gotten other people hooked on it, too. It is available OTC in most pharmacies near the stinkier Ben Gay. Hubby buys it online where it's even cheaper. I usually rub it on his back and neck most mornings. He likes that service.

I'm not on any sales team. Just an Arnica consumer that is happy with results.

If you have allergy tendencies, be sure to talk to your pharmacist about any pain relief creams/gels.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by cln1812

If you are unsure of your diagnosis, it never hurts to get a 2nd opinion. I found once I was diagnosed with major depression, the next pdoc never seemed to question it until on and on until my last (really good) pdoc. Also, I had a huge manic episode with in her office & waiting room. She'd had me down as bipolar II after seeing her roughly 1 year, but the big manic thing changed me to bipolar I. So if you've been carrying around a diagnosis of bipolar from the start, many pdocs will not re-diagnose. You have to ask for it. If you doubt you have bipolar, you really should get another opinion. Do you have other traits of bipolar - hypomania, spending problems, hypersexuality (even just excessive masturbation) and then of course the depressed episodes? I don't understand though...are you having those impulses to do risky things like drive recklessy, etc. now or was it just when taking the Lexapro or are you just saying that's how you feel the convo with your pdoc went? Are you still on Lexapro? If you've been cycling off Lexapro though and it's out of your system (say a good 6 weeks), odds are it's bipolar.

And if you don't like your pdoc or feel that he listens well, at least get on a waiting list for a highly rated pdoc that takes your insurance. Bad pdocs are a dime a dozen out there, in my experience. The good ones can be hard to find.

Okay, I realize now how confusing my post probably was, sorry and thanks for reading. Basically on the Lexapro I was in a mixed episode for about 4 months before stopping it, and my pdoc said I responded like I was on the bipolar spectrum. My moods felt like they were all over the place after stopping (over 10+weeks), so it seemed to match but he didn't formally say if I had bipolar I or II. I started Lamictal almost immediately after the Lexapro, so it is also possible my moods are side effects of the Lamictal, though. I felt like my moods were cycling and I sometimes think I met criteria for hypomania, plus had intense irritability, as well as had more suicidal thoughts and impulses. I stopped the medication on Saturday and can't tell yet what is going on. The goal is to see after a month what is me vs the meds. I am also unsure about past episodes--I have had many episodes of depression over the years but am less clear on if I have had hypomania/mixed episodes. I do remember being in a similar mental state before, but less extreme, and kind of think I could have had mixed episodes without realizing what they were. I am seeing a mood disorder specialist who I trust overall, but if it doesn't go anywhere I will consider a second opinion. Thanks for the response.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

I hurt my back a couple of days ago when I was replacing a toilet...those things are heavy! So now I can't paint the room that's supposed to be done soon.

It hurts to lay down in certain positions so I'm just sitting around waiting for things to improve. My wife is frustrated that things are taking so long but what can I do...I'm in pain.

I can't take Advil, aspirin or drugs like that because I'm allergic to them, so it's Tylenol for when the pain is bad but since I'm not doing anything it's manageable.

Mood-wise I continue to be low.

My doctor replied about stopping my Lithium. She agrees but wants me to wait until I have the appointment at the mood disorders clinic - that could be months. I said I want to stop sooner than later; I'll see what she says.

I'm so sorry. Back pain can be bad I know. My husband hurt his back playing ice hockey as a teenager, and has needed 2 back surgeries on it. Before the 2nd surgery, he was crying and saying he wanted to die, he was in so much pain (and he does not have mental health issues).

When I was around 32 weeks pregnant, I hurt my sacroileac joint or whatever on my right side of the lower back, and I was crying getting out of bed, into & out of the car, it was awful. And because I was pregnant, all I could take was Tylenol. The doctor finally sent me to an orthopedic physical therapist, and she wasn't sure what she could do with me so pregnant (I guess the main correction technique is a no-no while pregnant), but she had me fixed in under 2 weeks.

I hope your back gets feeling better soon.

It sucks that you have to wait so long for your appointment.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I have been very active (for me) and am very sleepy today. Could barely stay awake this morning and finally gave in to rest a bit.

I am hoping to get out this evening to watch a local band I really like a lot. It will also depend on how H is doing, as he has been working hard all day in this heat.

Love to All!

WC

I hope you get to see the band you want to see tonight. How is your sleep doing?

[yellow_fleurs]

Innerzone and Wild Coyote, thanks so much, that means a lot. I really appreciate the support while I figure things out. <3

[Unrigged64072835]

The fun continues...

We ordered a self-cleaning litterbox and (supposedly) a modification to use bags instead of trays. It would've helped my back some, except the company sent us somebody else's order. We returned most of it today, and they shipped out the correct order. Had to laugh after we just printed out the return labels.

Everything else is going well. Daughter and her friend decided to get cheap sushi tonight, and we're going to join them. She starts working nights next week, so she can now make an appointment to get her driver's license. (Hear that kiddo??)

Took another muscle relaxer for the back. Ended up sleeping part of the morning until my T called so we could reschedule. Another two weeks--ugh!!

I finally resolved what was causing my depression. Feel better now.

I hope you pass your inspection Moose!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by cln1812

I hope you get to see the band you want to see tonight. How is your sleep doing?

My sleep is still problematic. Ambien makes me feel agitated the following day; yet, awaiting the EKG results and further prescribing by my pdoc. I am glad she is being careful. Hopefully I will hear from her before the weekend.

Thank you!

WC

[Scooter9]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

My husband loves his Arnica gel (sometimes in cream). It really relieves his muscle pains. It also quickens the fading of bruises. I've tried it, too, and agree it works great. He's gotten other people hooked on it, too. It is available OTC in most pharmacies near the stinkier Ben Gay. Hubby buys it online where it's even cheaper. I usually rub it on his back and neck most mornings. He likes that service.

I'm not on any sales team. Just an Arnica consumer that is happy with results.

If you have allergy tendencies, be sure to talk to your pharmacist about any pain relief creams/gels.

Thanks BirdDancer I'll take a look at it.

[Scooter9]

Thanks Cln1812

Originally Posted by cln1812

I hope your back gets feeling better soon.

It sucks that you have to wait so long for your appointment.

[IronButterflyWings]

Been really struggling lately with the bipolar. I had a good session with my counselor today, thankfully. She was able to help me a bit but bipolar is definitely being a jerk today. Ugh.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by cln1812

I hope your inspection goes well.

Thanks. I've got my room (including bathroom) done washing sheets except putting the bed back together and vaccuuming. I just got the kitchen wiped down and mopped. Whole house needs vacuumed though. Kids need to pick up their junk in the livingroom. Once its actually done maybe we could watch a movie?

[Blueberrybook]

I got a call from my daughter's homeroom teacher, who sounds really nice. I had emailed her some concerns about my daughter since she's got the tons of sensory issues but is also very smart & in the GT program (though lacks social skills). I emailed the other teacher in dual language as well, and apparently, the homeroom teacher has a broken computer monitor and the other teacher told her to contact me about my concerns, so she called me this afternoon. She listened to all my concerns about my daughter in the upcoming school year and sounds like she will be a wonderful teacher and seemed to be taking notes of my daughter's quirks while on the phone. I am very glad I emailed/talked to her teachers before school starts especially as I've found out my daughter's "frenemy" has been assigned to the same section as my daughter (that has been going on since 2nd grade), and it is just best if teachers keep them apart because my daughter has a hard time reading normal social cues, let alone on again/off again type relationships. It really confuses & upsets my daughter and she refuses to take my suggestions on it or to talk to the counselor about it. I figure I'll push that issue once we get past things like hating the noise of hand blow dryers in bathrooms.

And my UTI is finally clearing up! I don't want to do that again any time soon! I hadn't had one since my daughter was born (probably because of catheter usage while I had the epidural), so it's been awhile.

[CantExplain]

Yesterday everything seemed so clear and rosy.
But maybe I was just manic.

[Sunflower123]

I have been shaking and crying literally everywhere I went today. Talk about embarrassing! I finally gave up and came home to cry in private. I thought it was because my anxiety has been through the roof but I’m not really sure what’s going on.

In other news, I’m having an EMG test done this month where they stick a needle that is an electrode into your muscle and LEAVE it there while they run tests to check for nerve damage. They said to expect some discomfort. Really? I’m terrified of needles so I’m really dreading this. If anybody has had this done in connection with carpal tunnel, please let me know. Hopefully, the reality is not that bad.

Sending hugs to everyone that is struggling.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Thanks. I've got my room (including bathroom) done washing sheets except putting the bed back together and vaccuuming. I just got the kitchen wiped down and mopped. Whole house needs vacuumed though. Kids need to pick up their junk in the livingroom. Once its actually done maybe we could watch a movie?

Good job! Sounds like you’ve got in under control. Good luck on your inspection.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I have been shaking and crying literally everywhere I went today. Talk about embarrassing! I finally gave up and came home to cry in private. I thought it was because my anxiety has been through the roof but I’m not really sure what’s going on.

In other news, I’m having an EMG test done this month where they stick a needle that is an electrode into your muscle and LEAVE it there while they run tests to check for nerve damage. They said to expect some discomfort. Really? I’m terrified of needles so I’m really dreading this. If anybody has had this done in connection with carpal tunnel, please let me know. Hopefully, the reality is not that bad.

Sending hugs to everyone that is struggling.

I am sorry you were struggling today. That sounds terrible. I hope you feel better soon. Sometimes crying in private is really needed in those moments.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I have been shaking and crying literally everywhere I went today. Talk about embarrassing! I finally gave up and came home to cry in private. I thought it was because my anxiety has been through the roof but I’m not really sure what’s going on.

In other news, I’m having an EMG test done this month where they stick a needle that is an electrode into your muscle and LEAVE it there while they run tests to check for nerve damage. They said to expect some discomfort. Really? I’m terrified of needles so I’m really dreading this. If anybody has had this done in connection with carpal tunnel, please let me know. Hopefully, the reality is not that bad.

Sending hugs to everyone that is struggling.

I've had that EMG test done some years ago, and yes, it is uncomfortable, some areas worse than others, but you can get through it. I have fainted over 5 times after blood draws, so I can't say I like needles much either. They did have me lying down for that test though, and I survived. Many things are worse - childbirth for 1, perforated ulcer surgery. At least, it doesn't take that long; I'm sure it was over within an hour. I saw a very thorough neurologist too. At the time, I was having numbness & tingling that actually turned out to be vitamin B6 toxicity from a woman's high b6 dosage multi-vitamin and pre-gym drinks. I never realized you could get too much B6, but yes, you can. I think the EMG only discovered what I already knew - that I had carpal tunnel syndrome. But hopefully your test will lead to some answers for your problems.

Oh, so yes, I guess it related to carpal tunnel in its discovery, but I had long known I had carpal tunnel symptoms and wearing the wrist braces for awhile always helped with that pain, so I didn't do the test for carpal tunnel but to find out why I had numbness & tingling in my extremities.

I'm sorry you've had a rough day