Originally Posted by Daonnachd

Leaving for ECT in a few minutes. Hope I remember you when I get back.

I'm assuming you're already done with it by now. How'd it go?

My appetite has been awful lately. All I do is eat 1/2 a bowl of cereal at like 5am or 6am and don't feel hungry until 1pm ish. Then I'll eat like 1/2 a lean cuisine mini pizza and feel full until I go to sleep. Rinse and repeat.

Oh, and when I feel "full," I feel EXTREMELY full, like my stomach is about to burst. It's an awful, uncomfortable feeling and I don't know where it comes from. Maybe my stomach has shrunken. Dunno.

Mood is okay. I don't feel manic--nor do I feel depressed--and I'm getting 10 hours of sleep, so I don't think mood is a reason for my odd stomach feeling. I haven't changed my meds in 4 months, so this is new.

[~Christina]

My pain is up to the “ I can’t really take a deep breath “ level

Total suckage.

Missing my husband he is heading home Sunday !

[Blueberrybook]

I'm here and not in a psych ER today, so I guess today sucks less than yesterday.

Met my sister this morning at the mall, just to walk around & talk; we didn't buy anything.

Fibromyalgia is flaring up. Starting to hurt all over, got the stupid fibro brain fog again...sigh. It always gets bad with stress. But my main muscle relaxer can make me minimally to very drowsy (depends how long I might not have needed it), so I can't take it until I get my daughter from school, even if it is just a 5 minute drive in mostly 20 mph school zones.

Got this little painful gem as a reminder I need to gain weight...my spine hurts up and down from bumping against the hard police car seat. Yes, I am too bony back there. Though the officer didn't need to drive like he was in the Grand Prix either...and he took such a God awful, long circuitous route that I was starting to question if he was taking me into the next county via an extra long route instead of to the Houston medical center as he'd told me. Possibly there was some construction the more direct route, but there is another way to go too without having to go this super long route into Houston (suppose there could have been an accident snarling up traffic there). God, my spine hurts SO bad.

My spine hurts up & down. OMG, it is not even funny. And I can't take NSAIDs (thank, you perforated ulcer). Don't think I'll bother with Tylenol, doesn't do a thing.

[Scooter9]

Originally Posted by cln1812

My spine hurts up & down. OMG, it is not even funny. And I can't take NSAIDs (thank, you perforated ulcer). Don't think I'll bother with Tylenol, doesn't do a thing.

Can you get Tylenol one over the counter? I find it really helpful when regular or extra strength tylenol doesn't work.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

Can you get Tylenol one over the counter? I find it really helpful when regular or extra strength tylenol doesn't work.

No, I can't get the Tylenol with codeine without a doctor's prescription. Would probably have to see the family doc to get that called in. I'll just wait it out though I might bring it up to her in the future.

Or might not. She's already less than pleased with my weight even if I still am a good bit from the must-hospitalize medical emergency weight they figured out while I was in college. Since I went to a well-regarded university, I assume they did their homework.

Though many would say even now at my weight I should be in the hospital. It's a good 10+ lb. from the emergency weight. I once got within 5 lb. of that during a relapse. I looked really bad. My husband nearly took me to an ED place himself. I have a small frame. I drop a couple lb., it looks like a lot on me (and maybe even is). My husband can gain 20 lb., drop 20 lb. he still looks thin. He's 6'4" tall. He can tell the difference, but I only notice it in photos.

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

My appetite has been awful lately. All I do is eat 1/2 a bowl of cereal at like 5am or 6am and don't feel hungry until 1pm ish. Then I'll eat like 1/2 a lean cuisine mini pizza and feel full until I go to sleep. Rinse and repeat.

Oh, and when I feel "full," I feel EXTREMELY full, like my stomach is about to burst. It's an awful, uncomfortable feeling and I don't know where it comes from. Maybe my stomach has shrunken. Dunno.

Mood is okay. I don't feel manic--nor do I feel depressed--and I'm getting 10 hours of sleep, so I don't think mood is a reason for my odd stomach feeling. I haven't changed my meds in 4 months, so this is new.

I've been having issues with my appetite lately, too. I ate a yogurt with coffee and juice for breakfast, then one slice of diet bread with low fat PB at 11:30am, then one pancake with coffee at 3:00 pm. Tonight I hope to eat a crab cake with some macaroni and cheese. I'm not hungry yet.

I've been having bad heartburn and indigestion lately. I think that's part of my problem. Probably anxiety-induced. I even feel light-headed when I drive or walk any distance. I stopped my daily Ativan small dose as of yesterday morning. I wonder if that is a factor. I took it this afternoon to see if that helps. That and a Nexium.

[Moreta]

I went to a stress reduction class at the women's club today. Oh man was I terrified of going. Then because of road construction I thought I was going to be late so I panicked and thought about just turning around and going back home because I hate showing up late for things and I knew I'd have to park far away. I went anyway and got there just in time. I sat down and started digging through my pocketbook so I could turn my phone on vibrate and realized I didn't have my phone *panic intensifies* The class started and we had to introduce ourselves and say why we wanted to come to the class *more panic* haha. "Hi I'm ___ I'm doing DBT right now and want to learn as much about mindfulness and stress reduction as possible" I kinda felt over qualified for the class. I knew most of the stuff already because me and my therapist have went over it in therapy.

One of the things we went over though was journaling and man I hate journaling, but I went to the boutique around the corner that I love and bought a new notebook. I thought I'd just jot a few things down. Ended up writing 3 damn pages. I guess I had a lot to get out. I feel a bit better now. This is the notebook I bought.



I guess I should start journaling more often and vomit some words on the page.

[wildflowerchild25]

I was down for part of the day, no doubt due to worrying about my job situation. And I had to get up super early to take my car to the tire shop because I had a leak in one of my tires. Good news is it was just a nail and they patched it up in a half hour for twenty bucks. I came home and rested some, then went and took my son school supply shopping. We got the majority of the stuff he needed at target which is good because I have a store credit card there and get five percent off my purchase when I use it. Tomorrow I’m going to take him to staples for the rest of the stuff and to famous footwear to get shoes. He doesn’t need any new clothes yet. He’s still a skinny Minnie. He got taller though so I’m sure when I have to pull his pants out for fall we’re gonna have to buy new pants.

I’ve got a plan in place should I lose this job opportunity so I feel a little bit better. That’s how I deal with my anxiety, preparing for the worst case scenario. It will still suck though if they say they won’t accommodate me. But such is life. My grandma said she’d hire me as her home health aide for the interim because she just had back surgery and needs a lot of help. Her slimy cousin is helping her now but none of us trust him. We think he’s just trying to get himself written into her will (my grandparents are legit millionaires). He even joked about her being a “junkie” today because she’s on OxyContin for pain. Not cool, especially considering my husband died of an overdose and he knows that. He’s just a slimeball.

So yes, I’m surviving the anxiety. I’m hoping it goes my way but I have a backup plan if it doesn’t.

I wish things didn't stress me out so much. I've been having anxiety-related digestive distress for four days now. Today (Saturday) I'm supposed to go to a family reunion and I'm dreading it. I am 100% sure I took my meds and yet I woke up at 2 am and haven't been able to sleep since and it's heading towards 5 am. I'd love to bow out of the event, but people have already wrote to me saying they were looking forward to seeing me.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

My pain is up to the “ I can’t really take a deep breath “ level

Total suckage.

Missing my husband he is heading home Sunday !

So sorry you are in pain.
I hope you are sleeping soundly as I write.
Sunday is almost here!


WC

I feel sick to my stomach today

so tonight I decided (no one forced me to do it), that I would go to the fair that is near me and spend some time looking aroundd
and I'm now regretting this decision

the rides, the crowds, the loud music, the flashing lights.... what the **** is wrong with me?

but the fair was here before and I missed my chance to do it.

not again...

I could always chicken out, but I'm not a coward.... I don't think...

Labor Day. I hate Labor Day. Especially Labor Day weekend.

I desperately need to go to Target to get a bunch of things for my apartment and it just so happens to be Labor Day weekend. I honestly don't care about the sales. I just want to get what I need and get out of there ASAP.

I get major, major anxiety whenever I'm around too many people. I get scared of germs and I fear that I'm going to getting hurt by some reckless driver or by some reckless people in the store itself, because everyone likes to fight each other over stupid things.

I've had people try to snag an item that I had in my hand. Like wtf people? They see me grabbing it off the shelf, then try to grab it from my hand anyways. Seriously, f*** off.

I've also had people try to steal my parking space AS I'M GOING INTO IT. That's how nuts these stupid holidays are. People are so god damn desperate.

BLUEBICYCLE (my reply button isn’t working): they have these Harry Potter pillows at Target right now that show one image on the front, then you swipe your hand across the sequins, and it changes to a new image! They are so cool! I have similar problems at large stores on the weekend (though no one has ever grabbed something from my hands ....WTH??), but one of those pillows might be the right motivation.

I had an appt with my pdoc yesterday about my anxiety problems, and she added a new med. Started it last night. I’m really hopeful things will get better.

IRememberMyFirstBee, do you have a link or something for those pillows? I looked but couldn't find. They sound intriguing.

Lots of anxiety over the unknown, but I'm basically doing alright. Had a company picnic and fair rides. That was fun. Man, I love me some Tilt-A-Whirl!!

Nothing to report yet today, I'm just up too early and came here.

[Moose72]

I had a dream ladt night about being in judo - mixed with showtunes. This older lady was running the showtunes and the regular senseis were running the judo. I was getting rushed because I shouldve been able to do this stuff! (My real-life fear!) Even the 7-year-old kids were looking at me like "Yeah. What's yer problem?"

EDIT: Real judo was great! All sweaty. Learned a lot. Nothing hard. No showtunes. somebody kick my tail a week from monday to go to judo!!

[Olga123]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

cln1812, I don't know if this could be of help for your dissociative symptoms, but the techniques really have helped me. I've barely experienced dissociative symptoms for a long time. If interested, you can read about them Depersonalization and derealization – Grounding techniques I’ve found effective – Bird Flight

I'm doing fine and dandy this morning. Not sure what I'll focus on, but I would like something worthwhile to do. I really need to control my eating. Unfortunately, I've been gaining weight lately. I haven't looked at the scale, but believe I may have gained back everything I lost.

Friendly suggestion: try to cut down on bread or products made with flour! You should be fine xx

[Moreta]

I swear. I have a good day and get a lot done then the next day feel like ****. This is getting old. I wish I could get some answers about why I feel so crappy. Maybe Tuesday will show something. I’ve learned not to get my hopes up for anything though.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Olga123

Friendly suggestion: try to cut down on bread or products made with flour! You should be fine xx

I just ate a bagel! But im going to work it off in judo...

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I'm assuming you're already done with it by now. How'd it go?

It was a good day. My best friend drove me down for it, so that's always fun. Traffic was terrible, though. I didn't get home until 5pm.

Originally Posted by IRememberMyFirstBee

BLUEBICYCLE (my reply button isn’t working): they have these Harry Potter pillows at Target right now that show one image on the front, then you swipe your hand across the sequins, and it changes to a new image! They are so cool! I have similar problems at large stores on the weekend (though no one has ever grabbed something from my hands ....WTH??), but one of those pillows might be the right motivation.

I had an appt with my pdoc yesterday about my anxiety problems, and she added a new med. Started it last night. I’m really hopeful things will get better.

I managed to survive without getting hurt or all germed up. I had no idea that there would be as many people in the store as I saw at 8am (at least 50 for some reason???). Then again, it's a 2 floor Target, so it's pretty huge and it is labor day weekend.

I didn't see the Harry Potter pillows. I was in the Home department because I needed a laundry basket (since i've been lazily throwing clothes on my floor), but the pillows they had were standard square ones, most of them in beige and white, some with patterns.

And yeah, people tend to grab what they want, regardless if other people grab them first. This area isn't exactly the "safest" area, either. It's not as bad as Wal-Mart before Christmas though. That's when full out brawls happen like you see on the news.

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

It was a good day. My best friend drove me down for it, so that's always fun. Traffic was terrible, though. I didn't get home until 5pm.

That's nice you have a good friend like that. And yeah, I can imagine traffic was terrible considering the area you live in. At least you got home safe and it was a good day.

[Moose72]

Got info from foodstamp and medicaid people. They want all sorts of proofs in 10 days. Sheesh....

[Moose72]

For fun: look up "Autotune Winston Churchill". Its really cool.