[Cocosurviving]

This evening I tried the depression support group. I liked the facilitator as such as I liked the anxiety one. The facilitator read a statement from out a psychology magazine it was great.

“If you know someone who’s depressed, please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather....It’s hard to be a friend to someone who’s depressed, but it is one of the kindest, noblest, and best things you will ever do. -Stephen Fry”

[Moose72]

Stephen Fry rocks. He made a documentary about bipolar (he has bipolar). Its on youtube.

I am going out of my mind with worry.

so a woman I talk to on email on a daily bases, has vanished from the face of the earth.

her address is dead, and I just checked her website and it doesn't exist (or it does, but can't be found)

I hope she's okay, as it's strange to happen overnight

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

There's nothing worth mentioning going on in my life, but I wish I could balance things out for the rest of you. I don't say much anyhow, but I read the forum all day every day and I want to reassure you that you are all on my mind all of the time.

(((YOU)))

You're too kind to all of us.

I read a lot or the forum too but can't always respond. But I try to support people whenever I can.

[Daonnachd]

Well, today I leave for my mother's. She's got to be moved out by the 15th. This is effectively the only weekend my siblings and I have to get everything moved out of the apartment.

[Moose72]

At Starbucks. Was talking with my good friend C.S. on the phone. He's a wonderful person. Made fudge yesterday but it didn't set right; going to try again with N2.

My head hurts. Maybe migraine. Hope not.

I saw pdoc yesterday for an unplanned appointment. I'd called about my previous post and they wanted to see me. I got the choice of being pettitioned to the psych emergency services (or inpatient I don't remember) or wait in the waiting room for my pdoc to finish whatever she was doing. I chose to wait.

Basically, my meds were changed to gett rid of Trileptal and re-add Haldol. Im not 100% sure though. I have a call in to remind me what to do.

I told pdoc that I didnt know how I felt re my post yesterday. And I still dont. Mixed, really. I still think They are coming. C.S. tells me otherwise and that is comforting but Im still not sure. They have come before- and if and when they bring the weapons .... I dunno too much about me but I would hate for my kids to catch it. I love my kids. I don't want them to have rewired brains like I do.

[Moose72]

Pdoc said to wean off trileptal and go on haldol pretty fast. Her nurse just called. My head really hurts in my right eye. No one seems to care. Apparently i am having "side effects"- to trileptal??

I don't know if I should call my therapist or not about the hitting/self-harm. I'm too nervous to tell her, though. I don't know what she's going to think. My mood is fine, however, and I don't have an ounce of sadness.

Do you think I'd be sent to IP for repeatedly hitting myself in the face, thighs, head, shins, etc.? I apparently left bruises. I'm not suicidal at all.

turns out that the girl I was worried about forgot to pay the bill for her space on the server

thank goodness for that. I did find it a little strange she'd just vanish

Wow, you guys, thank you SO much for your support! Tearing up reading here on break here at work. (Alas, Christina, I can't get as much bed time as I'd like, but I've been going to bed VERY early...) I don't know if it's good or bad that work is so crazy busy this week... (Speaking of, break over, I'll probably be back later.)

IRememberMyFirstBee, that is Rami Malek in a screen save from Mr. Robot. Awesome show. So impressive in fact that he's my favorite actor now.

Bluebicycle, I don't think they'd send you IP over that.

Moose, I hope your pain goes away soon. That's not nice that they are blowing that off. Good luck with your med changes.

bluebicycle, I would hope your therapist wouldn't send you IP. I wouldn't know for sure, but my guess is not. I knew of a woman who regularly cut herself. She was in and out of IP a lot, but only when her cuts were particularly bad. If they hospitalized her for her less severe self harm she would have lived IP.

I've been off Ativan for almost two weeks after taking 0.5 mg for about 1.5 years and 1 mg for years before. I felt quite unwell for several days after I first stopped it, with my psychiatrist's approval. These last four days have been better, with only brief discomfort. Hopefully it will get even better. During this time I only took 0.5 mg "as needed" twice. I see my therapist today.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

Well, today I leave for my mother's. She's got to be moved out by the 15th. This is effectively the only weekend my siblings and I have to get everything moved out of the apartment.

Hope ya get her moved smoothly and with very little problem.

Blue I don't think a T would put you ip for that but she would be concerned.

Moose hope you feel better soon

[Blueberrybook]

I ran errands this morning. Speaking of running, I ran about half of the usual and came in. After dropping my daughter off at school, I had time to run some more or take a shower and chose the shower.

I ran some errands. For a change, I did not skip breakfast, and got a turkey bacon breakfast sandwich at Starbucks (I have a gift card) with a frappunico (nonfat milk but I kept the cream on top) and did eat/drink it, which is more than I've been doing for breakfast for myself for awhile during the week at least.

Did more chores, pretty boring. I'm feeling OK, for the situation I'm in I guess. At least, I'm feeling better than I have on other days. I got around 6 hours of sleep last night, which could be better, but at least not worse.

I'm still very anxious about the CPS investigation and want it over and done with. Now that I think about it, I probably should not have had a frappucino with coffee & caffeine in it. I have high anxiety; I always was a worrier, even as far back as elementary school. The caseworker says they will have the psychological assessment as soon as they can, but I'm not sure how soon she can get it scheduled.

I don't know. I have to read over that booklet of all the steps they do. I'm sure contact my pdoc and references, the psychological assessment, not sure what else. I am tired, and it's a tossup between taking a nap or trying to watch another show on TV. It's hard to concentrate on things right now.

[~Christina]

Made it once again to Florida in one piece !

Stopped just for gas and bathroom all at once made great time , only 12 hours. The dogs always travel well.

Waiting til my daughter is off so we can work on her poor car.... it’s very sick.

Hubby and I are jacked up on caffeine and energy shots LOL

IZ ....... in the famous words of Trippin ... it’s time for a sleep coma and a reboot ! Hugs !

[Nammu]

Glad yer trip went well, that's always a nice happenstance

[Scooter9]

Saw my pdoc yesterday and as expected she recommended I go with Modafinil.

I got the prescription filled and took it this morning.

I'm paranoid about allergic reactions to drugs so I took only 1/2 a pill.

I didn't have much of a response - I feel like I was a little more focused on the things I was doing in the morning but that could have just been a placebo effect. I'm back to yawning this afternoon so it's obviously not affecting me at this small dose.

But at least I know that I'm not severely allergic to it.

I'll try a full pill tomorrow.

My doctor wants me to take one a day for a week and then go to two a day to find out how it goes for the month.

Hugs to everyone that's struggling!

[Moose72]

Something feels wrong after pdocs call. Why?

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Moose-Did you start the med change?

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Moose-Did you start the med change?

No. Ive got something written down about how to change over but its not until next week. Haldol starts now and going off trileptal starts next week. Haldol starts in the morning. Its morning and afternonn. I havent had an afternoon dose in ages.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

I ran errands this morning. Speaking of running, I ran about half of the usual and came in. After dropping my daughter off at school, I had time to run some more or take a shower and chose the shower.

I ran some errands. For a change, I did not skip breakfast, and got a turkey bacon breakfast sandwich at Starbucks (I have a gift card) with a frappunico (nonfat milk but I kept the cream on top) and did eat/drink it, which is more than I've been doing for breakfast for myself for awhile during the week at least.

Did more chores, pretty boring. I'm feeling OK, for the situation I'm in I guess. At least, I'm feeling better than I have on other days. I got around 6 hours of sleep last night, which could be better, but at least not worse.

I'm still very anxious about the CPS investigation and want it over and done with. Now that I think about it, I probably should not have had a frappucino with coffee & caffeine in it. I have high anxiety; I always was a worrier, even as far back as elementary school. The caseworker says they will have the psychological assessment as soon as they can, but I'm not sure how soon she can get it scheduled.

I don't know. I have to read over that booklet of all the steps they do. I'm sure contact my pdoc and references, the psychological assessment, not sure what else. I am tired, and it's a tossup between taking a nap or trying to watch another show on TV. It's hard to concentrate on things right now.

I am glad you are taking a little better care of yourself today. Hope you don't have to wait too much longer for more news.

[yellow_fleurs]

Today I felt pretty good. Calm, happy, not too anxious. I focused much better at work, was excited about the projects I would get involved in and meeting people. Plans with a friend tonight. Hope I can feel this way throughout the weekend.

[Sunflower123]

Thank you for the input and advice about the EMG test. I likely would not have proceeded without hearing from others who had it done.

I’m glad I did. I have pinched nerves in my wrist, elbow and neck. We’re going to do surgery on the wrist first since it is severe and I’ve lost most of the use of my right hand. Color me very grateful to get to the bottom of this.

Sending hugs to those that are struggling.

[Blueberrybook]

OMG, now I'm feeling guilty and like a horrible mom. I was looking forward to getting my daughter from school, coming home and relaxing...but...one of her classmates (a friend, not a best friend but still a friend) told my daughter she's having a birthday party today at 5:30 at ITZ. ITZ is basically like a Chuck E. Cheese's. OMG. I think the same girl's parents did the same thing last year, but thankfully, it was a cookout near the beach. In other words, outside and not super noisy.

I want to be a good mom, but my life lately has been so stressful. I hate last minute things, most especially last minute surprise same day kid birthday parties. And I really, really hate ITZ. It's loud, the food is not even that good. My daughter really wants to go to the party. I finally called my husband in a panic, and he's leaving work early to take our daughter to the party. I feel so guilty. He has work he was planning to do. But I just can't do a kid birthday party. Especially not at ITZ and especially not now. I hate last minute changes to my schedule. I feel so awkward because I can't make conversation with the other grownups. And if last year is anything to judge by, my daughter will be the only classmate who shows up. But my husband feels even if my daughter gets a super-last minute party invite, we should try to go. I really feel it is no notice at all when you learn at nearly 4:00 that there's a birthday party you didn't know about, at a place you really hate going to at 5:30 the same day, that's just too short notice and saying no is not inappropriate on an occasion like this.

I don't want to be the way I am. I have been so anxious, and this party just made my anxiety shoot through the roof. I know my husband sort of understands but not entirely.

I feel like it is asking too much if after tons of stress heaped upon stress, my daughter gets a super last minute birthday party invite for it to be OK to just say "OK".

Well, my husband's taking her, so she'll be happy though now he is going to have to work on Sunday at home on grading and he'll need me to keep our daughter occupied enough that he can get things done.

Ideally, we'd leave the house, go somewhere, but we don't have money to spend. It's still hot outside and though our park has a shaded playground, it's not huge & my daughter bores of it quickly. I thought of going to the beach. Then, I looked at the weather forecast 80% chance of rain on Sunday, which 50% and above is always a yes, it's going to rain for us. The libraries are all closed on Sunday.

My husband has been sweet about it though. Our daughter really wants to go, and he's right, having friends is important, but I think last minute birthday party invitations are not great at all even if they excite your kid.

At least, I did call my husband home, and he's better at things like kid birthday parties at a pizza place and tons of arcade games. It's just not me, and he knows it. And he also said they finally got their work tablets back, so it's possible he can set up shop in my office (which is really just my computer, a bookcase of my books, and then books & toys belonging to my daughter) and just shut the door. He can use his work tablet or set up his laptop. He could chance it with my desktop, but it is prone to random freezing and the screen blacking out, always at the worst time. So now, keeping my daughter entertained will be easier; we can pop popcorn, watch a movie. That's a good rainy day activity we will both enjoy.

After my husband and daughter left, I realized I hadn't taken my anxiety meds yet. They are prn but pretty much I have to take them daily right now. I remember I ate lunch late, started reading, and didn't think about them. Which might not be a bad thing; many days I need to take them by noon.

[Cocosurviving]

I’ve had a good day today. Picked my younger daughter A up from school. She’s excited about her book. A, loves Greek mythology. We grabbed some food. Then headed to the allergy clinic. It was super crowded and took forever to get out of there. My daughter fell a sleep. We had planned to go pick up a few things from the grocery store. I looked up a few gluten free recipes on Pinterest. We just did not have it in us anymore. Home we went.

[wildflowerchild25]

I contacted the recruiter about whether HR has made a decision yet and she never got back to me. So at this point I’m assuming a lost the job and I’m applying elsewhere. If I didn’t lose the job great but I want to cover my bases if I did. Sucks waiting to hear for sure though. I wish they would just call me already.

I’m having cramps from hell tonight. Haven’t had them this bad in ages. I though birth control was supposed to help this but apparently not the kind I’m on.

I bought a pack of real cigarettes today and have been smoking them out of stress. I hope I can stop after one pack