[liveforsummer]

Honestly at this point when life’s stressors are too much I just want to self medicate and totally zone out.

Best part of my day, lounging in bed until noon

[Pookyl]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Pookyl-I've had that happen when my meds were lowering my blood pressure too much. Can you get your blood pressure checked? It's also worth checking in with your doctor as you don't want to be injured.

Thanks for the idea. I’ve just taken my BP and it’s lowish for me. I’ve got an appointment this week so I’ll discuss it with my dr - it’s too confusing for me to figure out all the drug interactions.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by Pookyl

Thanks for the idea. I’ve just taken my BP and it’s lowish for me. I’ve got an appointment this week so I’ll discuss it with my dr - it’s too confusing for me to figure out all the drug interactions.

I was just reading a diary entry from a time I was a lot of anxiety meds along with my MAOI which lowers my blood pressure and I was leaving work and fell smack on both my knees resulting in some big bruises.

I've been having issues for the last several months with dizziness every time I bend over and am having meds adjusted to try to fix it. Not fun but more fun than falling.

[Pookyl]

I was put on Tritace by my cardiologist about a year before Bipolar and then on Propanolol a few months ago by my pdoc. I really would rather give up the Tritace but we’ll see.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

I'm pretty down. I'm not actively suicidal, but I wish that instead of getting married I had ended my life in my twenties. Is there a shorthand term for this state of mind?

The world would have missed out on a really special guy. Sending big hugs and supportive vibes. I hope you feel better soon.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

The world would have missed out on a really special guy. Sending big hugs and supportive vibes. I hope you feel better soon.

Thank you so much. This touches my heart.

[TheSeaCat]

I have been dealing with a massive headache since I woke up at 2pm today; my kitties were snuggled in like little ticks and I didn't want to disturb them.

The Seroquel indigestion is back with a force of vengeance and sometimes I feel like my anxiety is being manged and days like today I just want to jump out of my own skin. We had my Grandfather over for dinner which was nice.

I have yet to hear anything about my start date for work.

I see my T tomorrow, which I am not looking foward to. I think he is trying to over diagnosis, can't we just stick with GAD and Bipolar 2. Do we really need PTSD, anger issues, and trust issues added. I don't even understand what gave me PTSD. I know I scored high on the stupid questionnaire. he reasons it was the former job since I can't hear peoples names, I deleted them all from my Facebook, and I refuse to go to that place for anything. He says fear of place and fear of names. I think it's just my usual anxiety.

I don't understand why I am being mean towards his diagnosis. I was fine when my family doc told me it wasn't just anxiety that I was some form of Bipolar and I understood then. Why can't I trust his opinion.

Hugs to everyone

[yellow_fleurs]

Having a hard time but for no specific reason. Not much major has changed in my life, and I should possibly be happier in terms of circumstances right now. I just think my mood went somewhere weird and now I feel highly irritable, plus depressed, apathetic. I don't want to go to work (but will), I am running out of energy to not snap at my SO, but trying my best.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

I'm pretty down. I'm not actively suicidal, but I wish that instead of getting married I had ended my life in my twenties. Is there a shorthand term for this state of mind?

I'm so sorry. I think a lot of us feel that way, or cheated by something that should or could have killed us (such as a bullet through my apartment and a perforated ulcer) did not. Why are we made to suffer so much? I know life is not a cakewalk for anyone, but I also know there are people with happier and easier lives than we have. Why did I get bipolar (and a ton of MI issues while both of my sisters did not? Why did I get the child with the sensory issues (hates noise, vacuums, hand blow dryers in public restroom, won't wear pants or shorts, likes all her food separated, is nearly 11 and cant'd tie a bow...etc. All her cousins (5 of them) do not have these issues. H doesn not have MI in his family, so I feel it is more my fault for inheriting these genes & being my susceptible to all my MI issues.

I worry so much about this affecting my daughter. I hope it does not. She takes a lot after H except for blond hair like me. We've all got blue eyes.

I was meant to go out today (to do something for my inner child), butt circumstances mean I can't.
so at home just pretending to survive... eating stupid amounts of junkfood, watching programmes I don't wanna really watch, that kind of thing

I also got a new book called the sisterhood. honestly I should start that at some point today, but I can't be bothered.

I felt so ill yesterday because of virtually zero sleep the night before (I accidentally forgot my evening meds the night before, but was certain I took them). Luckily, last night I got a lot of great sleep. What a difference that makes!

It was hard to get up, but I was lucky hubby prepared breakfast, and even his own lunch. Today we celebrate my "Name Day". In my husband's country in Europe, everyone has a day on the calendar for their name, and on their day they get recognized. The origin of this has to do with saints, though not all names there are saint names. My name is not included, so my hubby made up today for mine. We've been celebrating this day as my name day for years. We'll go out to dinner tonight. I also got a card and small gift.

[Moose72]

Is Name day like a birthday?

N3 got me out of bed to take him to school this morning. I was so nicely snuggled in. Dreampt about puppies and kittens. Night before, I had a vivid dream of giving birth to a preemie in a church's side room. Figured it would die since no medical help was available. This must mean something.

[Blueberrybook]

Didn't sleep well or long last night. About 5 hours. Though it may have been a bit entertaining had H realized I was sleep-walking. I don't think he ever saw me do that, and I don't recollect doing it since grad school though I did do it maybe around 10 times growing up. So 14 years at least without it though who knows, if H crashed on the couch watching TV, I could have been up to something in the bedroom during the first 14 years of our marriage.

Apparently, I was rubbing the curtains in a weird manner (don't remember this at all). Then, H told me I crashed into the bedroom entertainment cabinet and started feeling for a doorknob or light switch on the TV. I do remember H coming in at some point, asking if I was all right, and I answered I was OK, and I guess he thought I was fine because he left. It never came up that I had sleep walked in the past and he probably thought it a side effect of meds or stopping Wellbutrin. It could have been, I suppose, though since I did do things like this without meds growing up, it just may have been normal sleepwalking (if sleepwalking can be considered normal). Maybe I had partially woken up by then because I remember using the bathroom (though the hall bathroom, not the nearby closer master bathroom), fumbling for light switches and door knobs, but my eyesight is very bad without glasses or contacts; I have to do most things by tough and color contrast without glasses or contacts. I know I thought definitely thought I was in a strange master bathroom that we had remodelled and changed things for no apparent reason; at some point, I realized I was in the hall bathroom and got myself re-oriented. Then, thankfully, I took myself back to bed and went to sleep.

No telling what I was doing that made H first come in the bedroom. I am assuming he heard me making noise, which usually after I go to bed on these medications, I fall asleep pretty fast.

Could sleepwalking be from these meds and/or stopping Wellbutrin? I am hoping it's a one-off thing. I really thought I was done with it.

Originally Posted by Moose72

Is Name day like a birthday?

Not exactly. Each day of the calendar in countries that celebrate name days has a name or names associated with them. The origin is from saint's days. Think St. Valentine's Day or the Feast of Saint Martin - mostly Catholic- based saint days. So if the day is the day of Martin or Martina, people recognize all Martins and Martinas on that day. Everyone in the countries who celebrate name days know what names are when, especially the most common names. There is usually some level of celebration for the name day persons.

Countries who celebrate name days also celebrate people's birthdays. However, sometimes not everyone knows everyone's birthday, unless a friend or relative, but on a day for John, if you know a person's name is John, you'd say "Happy Name Day" to John in such countries.

Voices are making it really hard to focus on getting stuff done

[Daonnachd]

Still a bit down, but doing better than yesterday.

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

Still a bit down, but doing better than yesterday.

Glad to hear! May it continue to improve.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

Still a bit down, but doing better than yesterday.

I, too, am happy to know you are headed in a helpful direction!
I am also very appreciative of you and your posts.
Keep on trying. I will, too.


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by spikes

Voices are making it really hard to focus on getting stuff done

Sounds very trying.
Does anything help?
We are here for you.

WC

[Faltering]

I stopped responding to my medication. It's getting worse. I'm taking tomorrow off work and I also see my pdoc tomorrow. I'm so depressed I can't move much or talk and my boyfriend thinks it's just an act. I wish he understood mental illness.

[TheSeaCat]

Just got back from Therapist and had a drug test and physical for my new job. It's exactly what I want. I'm a bit scared since it is full time, but it seems like my new boss is pretty accepting. I'll be doing Prior Auths/Referrals for a moderately sized doctor's office. The doctor that did my physical was very alarmed at my pulse to the point where I had to have my fourth EKG of the year. He seemed relived that I was seeing a Cardiologist soon. He said I passed my physical with flying colors, minus the pulse and blood pressure. I lied about what I was taking my Seroquel for but honestly he's not my primary doc, he doesn't need to know everything. So I went treatment resistant depression and sleep issues. He believed me.

Saw my Therapist he's growing on me, he gave me a giant print out on PTSD and told me that while I haven't seen combat or a victim of abuse it was very possible for me to develop PTSD. I'm starting to understand his diagnosis. He seems to understand my trepidation of going back to work but also the excitement.

I still have the indigestion I think at my next doctor visit it might be time to try something stronger for the indigestion. The boyfriend also brought my favorite pizza home so it was a pretty good day.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Faltering

I stopped responding to my medication. It's getting worse. I'm taking tomorrow off work and I also see my pdoc tomorrow. I'm so depressed I can't move much or talk and my boyfriend thinks it's just an act. I wish he understood mental illness.

I am so sorry you are going through this.
It's helpful, I hope, to take the day off and to see your pdoc.
Sounds like a paralyzing depression.
Please continue to take care!


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by TheSeaCat

Just got back from Therapist and had a drug test and physical for my new job. It's exactly what I want. I'm a bit scared since it is full time, but it seems like my new boss is pretty accepting. I'll be doing Prior Auths/Referrals for a moderately sized doctor's office. The doctor that did my physical was very alarmed at my pulse to the point where I had to have my fourth EKG of the year. He seemed relived that I was seeing a Cardiologist soon. He said I passed my physical with flying colors, minus the pulse and blood pressure. I lied about what I was taking my Seroquel for but honestly he's not my primary doc, he doesn't need to know everything. So I went treatment resistant depression and sleep issues. He believed me.

Saw my Therapist he's growing on me, he gave me a giant print out on PTSD and told me that while I haven't seen combat or a victim of abuse it was very possible for me to develop PTSD. I'm starting to understand his diagnosis. He seems to understand my trepidation of going back to work but also the excitement.

I still have the indigestion I think at my next doctor visit it might be time to try something stronger for the indigestion. The boyfriend also brought my favorite pizza home so it was a pretty good day.

Yes! I am very happy for you, in that you like your new job and you have passed your physical!

I hope the cardiologist can shed some light for you.
Sorry about the indigestion.

WC

[Sunflower123]

I’ve been very irritable and short tempered today. That’s just not like me at all. My family and my poor dog are so confused. The cat, on the other hand, just says welcome to the club.

Some days I feel like a hampster running on the wheel. Sure I stay busy and I’m working hard but I’m not actually getting anywhere. Or so it seems today.

Warm wishes for everyone to have a peaceful week.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I’ve been very irritable and short tempered today. That’s just not like me at all. My family and my poor dog are so confused. The cat, on the other hand, just says welcome to the club.

Some days I feel like a hampster running on the wheel. Sure I stay busy and I’m working hard but I’m not actually getting anywhere. Or so it seems today.

Warm wishes for everyone to have a peaceful week.

(((((( Jennifer )))))))
I hope life gets easier for you.
Thinking of you.


WC