I slept 11 hrs in total. I meant to take a nap around 5pm and wake up around 6-6:30, but the alarm never went off. So alas, here I am at just past 4:30am.

I kept hearing whispers yesterday. "Shhhhh!" I don't know where they came from, but they were telepathically put in my head. Or maybe they were ghosts entering my brain.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Thanks EVERYONE for the kind words they really make a difference!

I have cervical and a shoulder problem(s)and went for first Physical Therapy appt. My right side is fine. My left is the problem .... excruciating pain in all kinds of motions. There’s a huge difference

Can’t even get some clothes on without my husband helping. I’m not use to needing help like this.

Anyway they want 2 visits a week but problem is I can’t afford to go. So yeah.

I see Orthopedic Dr for consult tomorrow altho I don’t know what good it will do if I can’t afford to get any help.

This is just another painful problem on top of all my other pain problems just has me losing my shyt today.

I'm sorry you are having a hard time. I hope you can get some help for your pain. An orthopedic physical therapist was able to help me with horrible SI (sacroiliac) pain in around 3 weeks, and that was when I was pregnant, so she couldn't use the first options on me. The pain was so bad, I was crying getting out of bed or into or out of the car. But I understand the money issues. It's hard to find anyone willing to do things on a sliding scale or low cost option. I'm lucky here. Even if my insurance won't cover it, we live close to a chiropractic training college, and they will do chiropractic manipulations & massage at low cost. Of course, the trade-off is you have chiropractic students doing the maneuvers on you, but it seems most people who use it do not have problems.

On top of fibro pain, I am sure it doesn't help your mood. I really hope you can find something that helps

I sent an email to my father's girlfriend yesterday. I was very careful about the wording so that it clearly expressed concern for Dad and even her. No negativity at all. Her response certainly reflected comfort and appreciation for my email, but some things she wrote sugar coated some issues and were flat out lies. Ones that reflect enabling behavior. Nevertheless, I hope she feels comfortable in the future contacting me with any concerns. Maybe my email was also useful in pushing the fact that there are serious issues with Dad and that my siblings and I are not satisfied with what's happening and want changes to be made.

We had to take our macaw to the avian vet yesterday. He has an ulcer on his eye. He hates the vet, and hates us giving him medicine almost as much. I don't struggle that much giving him oral medication, but it's tough putting eye drops in his eye without hubby's help. Hubby can help in the morning and evening, but I have to do it twice during the day by myself.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I sent an email to my father's girlfriend yesterday. I was very careful about the wording so that it clearly expressed concern for Dad and even her. No negativity at all. Her response certainly reflected comfort and appreciation for my email, but some things she wrote sugar coated some issues and were flat out lies. Ones that reflect enabling behavior. Nevertheless, I hope she feels comfortable in the future contacting me with any concerns. Maybe my email was also useful in pushing the fact that there are serious issues with Dad and that my siblings and I are not satisfied with what's happening and want changes to be made.

We had to take our macaw to the avian vet yesterday. He has an ulcer on his eye. He hates the vet, and hates us giving him medicine almost as much. I don't struggle that much giving him oral medication, but it's tough putting eye drops in his eye without hubby's help. Hubby can help in the morning and evening, but I have to do it twice during the day by myself.

I really hope you can get your father the help he needs. It is good that his girlfriend is at least open to discussing his issues even if she doesn’t see or redfuses to acknowledge the big picture. It sounds like you and your siblings have your hands full in regards to keeping your father safe and trying to get him help. I hope you and everyone else can come to a consensus for something to help him. It has to be tough

[Egnito]

I'm new here n I am diagnosed as bipolar. I'm still learning what is bipolar n how to handle it. Mostly I feel depressed...n I am very clingy. I try so hard not to be clingy but I failed myself most of the time.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Welcome Egnito. There's a great website I suggest to everyone new, PsychEducation | Treating the Mood Spectrum It's written by a psychiatrist who specializes in bipolar and has lots of information that can be very helpful. I still check things out there sometimes and I've been diagnosed for 16 years.

[liveforsummer]

Off to work. New job. 4th shift. Feel incredibly anxious today. Hope I make it through the 8 hours

Originally Posted by Egnito

I'm new here n I am diagnosed as bipolar. I'm still learning what is bipolar n how to handle it. Mostly I feel depressed...n I am very clingy. I try so hard not to be clingy but I failed myself most of the time.

Welcome, Egnito! I'm sure you'll find this a very supportive community.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Egnito

I'm new here n I am diagnosed as bipolar. I'm still learning what is bipolar n how to handle it. Mostly I feel depressed...n I am very clingy. I try so hard not to be clingy but I failed myself most of the time.

Hello Egnito and a warm welcome to PC.

[Nammu]

Egnito

Welcome to PC, Egnito!

(((((((((Christina)))))))))

Lots of hugs all around

Sorry to not say more, but I'm having trouble concentrating as I'm in a medical situation that is giving my BDD a field day. Trying hard not to cry. Not succeeding very well. OMG, I hate this! Can't say more without triggering more crying, and I'm already über self-concious in this waiting area. Can't wait to go home.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Welcome to PC, Egnito!

(((((((((Christina)))))))))

Lots of hugs all around

Sorry to not say more, but I'm having trouble concentrating as I'm in a medical situation that is giving my BDD a field day. Trying hard not to cry. Not succeeding very well. OMG, I hate this! Can't say more without triggering more crying, and I'm already über self-concious in this waiting area. Can't wait to go home.

((((( Innerzone ))))) I hope this gets resolved soon and you get home quickly.

[Moose72]

My cpap/bipap said I slept 20 hours in the last 24. *sigh*

Dad had to go to the doctor today because his legs swelled up, his eyes are discolored, and he has other physical symptoms. We're still waiting to hear what happened. He may end up in the ER. It's likely that it could be liver failure. Alcohol has surely played a significant part in this, no matter what his diagnosis may be.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by liveforsummer

Off to work. New job. 4th shift. Feel incredibly anxious today. Hope I make it through the 8 hours

When is 4th shift? There are only 3 8s in 24.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Dad had to go to the doctor today because his legs swelled up, his eyes are discolored, and he has other physical symptoms. We're still waiting to hear what happened. He may end up in the ER. It's likely that it could be liver failure. Alcohol has surely played a significant part in this, no matter what his diagnosis may be.

I hope your dad is ok. I know you’ve been very worried about him. Maybe this will be the wake up call he needs.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I hope your dad is ok. I know you’ve been very worried about him. Maybe this will be the wake up call he needs.

i hope he is too. This hits so close to me.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Egnito

I'm new here n I am diagnosed as bipolar. I'm still learning what is bipolar n how to handle it. Mostly I feel depressed...n I am very clingy. I try so hard not to be clingy but I failed myself most of the time.

Welcome! This is a great place to find support.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Welcome to PC, Egnito!

(((((((((Christina)))))))))

Lots of hugs all around

Sorry to not say more, but I'm having trouble concentrating as I'm in a medical situation that is giving my BDD a field day. Trying hard not to cry. Not succeeding very well. OMG, I hate this! Can't say more without triggering more crying, and I'm already über self-concious in this waiting area. Can't wait to go home.

I hope you start feeling better. Sorry about the BDD. I understand what that is like, and it sucks

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Dad had to go to the doctor today because his legs swelled up, his eyes are discolored, and he has other physical symptoms. We're still waiting to hear what happened. He may end up in the ER. It's likely that it could be liver failure. Alcohol has surely played a significant part in this, no matter what his diagnosis may be.

I hope your dad will be OK. I know you've been worrying about him so long already

[Blueberrybook]

Doing so-so today. Think the Wellbutrin might be helping a bit with the depression though lately my emotions span the gamut each day. Mixed sucks I didn't exercise this morning because of rain, and that is messing with my head a little. Very gray rainy day here.

I do think the increased gabapentin is helping with the fibro pain. I'm a bit tired, not sure if it the gabapentin itself or just the relief from the pain.

H had his job interview today. He thought it was the final round, but apparently, he will not find out until Monday if he moves forward to present as one of the 2 final candidates. His career path has surely been a lesson in patience for the both of us. Waiting and waiting and waiting is so hard. Stress, stress, and more stress.

At a coffee shop now, rewarding myself for getting through it (sort of). They did a second diagnostic procedure. All looks fine, it's not that, but they had a male doctor coming in to discuss and possibly do more (THANK GOD that part didn't happen or I would have totally lost it as I have major trauma there), but even having her (the lady who did the procedure) tell me that sent me into a panic attack, so I laid there in the interim and tried to breathe, stop crying and pull my **** together).

So then I come out, go to the bus stop, and have the bus pull away just as I'd finished crossing the street. Then the next one was supposedly cancelled, so it was going to be a long wait, which is when I decided to walk up to the coffee shop. Where they got my (not complicated) order wrong. Twice. Whatever. Day can only get better, right? Right?

Oh how I hate having BDD and PTSD. I've been lately thinking I've got it *somewhat* together, then this just showed me once again that I really do not have it together at all...

[Moose72]

Im watching a show called "Amazing Interiors". My daughter is adamant that ive watched it all before- back in August she said. Furthermore she and my sister watched it! Its all brand new to me! ???

My father lied to my brother that his girlfriend was taking him to the doctor's office. My brother has therefore taken him to an emergency appointment himself.

I wrote to both my brother and sister asking them not to contact me again (until I contact them) unless Dad (or anyone else) is in the hospital. I told them that I am becoming ill. I now have weekly appointments with both my psychiatrist and therapist. On top of all of this, my parrot has had some medical issue that we want resolved as quickly as possible.

My brother wrote that he "understands".

[TheSeaCat]

I feel like crap today to the point where I wore scrubs to work instead of the usual business attire. I spent most of the night fighting with the boyfriend; I think we are on the last leg. He keeps getting medical bills from his asthma so I called his doctor since I'm one of the contacts he allowed release of information too and apparently his doctor has been saying everything I've said. I just can't stand by every time he has an asthma attack when he would just use the stupid nebulizer. I asked him to take a long lunch and tag along when I go to the Cardiologist; since I am honestly terrified. He told me no that work was more important. I am honestly terrified of getting bad news, or getting dismissed. He's also annoyed that when I made my appointment for a pap I made it with my usual doctor who is a male and he felt the need to fly off the handle. I just don't care about his temper tantrums. He is two years older than I am and he wants to act like a child.

I can't ask my father to tag along to the Cardiologist because he would try to railroad the doctor into doing what father thinks is best for me and that's not what I need. I can't ask mom because she is so messed up from the cancer that she can't communicate properly. I can't ask boyfriend's mother because well he'd get even more mad. My aunt works all the time, my uncle drives a truck and will probably be someplace like New York on that day. The sweet Physician Assistant told me he would tag along and hold my hand, he also has anxiety and knows a big chunk of my feelings. I just don't want to make the boyfriend more mad; but I also don't want to go alone. It's not like I'm seeing my primary doc I love going alone to those, but I'm just terrified of being alone for this doctor. What would you guys do? I really need advice. My trust makes me not want to trust Physician Assistant but he really seems to care; granted everything that happened with the last job hurt me when they betrayed me.

I feel like depression is lurking ready to pounce; and I don't need that at the moment. I don't need my anxiety getting the better of me; because that is what causes panic attacks. The PTSD makes me not want to trust anyone, I wish I could lock myself in my office and just be the Referral ghost.

Maybe my Therapist can make heads or tails of this since I do see him in ten minutes.

Hugs to everyone