[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Apnea and narcolepsy. I have many symptoms of each condition.

Narcolepsy runs in my family. It's also an autoimmune condition.

He had reminded me that we make neurotransmitters when we sleep. If we are not sleeping, we are missing out on the natural manufacturing of neurotransmitters.

I have several medical conditions, some autoimmune. The lack of sleep only makes them flare up more.


WC

I'm sorry Wild, I hope you get the answer that you are looking for in regards to your sleep; there is nothing worse than lack of sleep making flare ups.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by TheSeaCat

Thank you I really needed to read that! I don't find you bossy at all

I was very pissed when I got off the phone with his doctor, he was blaming his doctor when a lot of these hospitalizations could have been avoided with the stupid nebulizer he doesn't like. I was really annoyed when he said work was more important than my appointment, it's not like I asked him to take the day off just take a long lunch and work later than scheduled that is what I am doing. I know his boss would have been fine with that, besides he honestly isn't going to get his dream job with how much work he has missed this year; honestly it's a wonder he hasn't been fired for to much missed work.

I was really stunned when he flew off the handle about the doctor I see; he's the only reason I'm stable right now. He's just mad because it's a man, best of all he called my father to tell him about that and I got an earful from my father. Now he wants to care, yeah right.

I think I am honestly done after his latest idea of calling my dad. Now I am terrified to go home; because I don't want to deal with my father suddenly flying off the handle that I trust a man. How about anytime I trust a female it ends up badly for me. He doesn't understand any of my issues.

I agree that is not a healthy relationship at this point, he used to be always on my side about everything, now it feels like anything I do upsets him. I don't know what his problem is; and honestly I don't want to know what his problem is. I got enough issues of my own that I don't need his pilled on top of it.

I ended up not sleeping well last night and decided to text PA for coffee, you are exactly right, I need support and I don't have a lot of support. I'm still holed up at Aunties house, I imagine my cat isn't too pleased with his separation anxiety, but honestly I'm not ready to deal with the parents. Thank you Innerzone I really needed that wake up call. He and I are done.

I agree with innerzone. You need to get out of that relationship ASAP. It definitely sounds unhealthy, and you deserve better than that. Stay with your aunt as long as you need (or as long as she will have you). Let friends and relatives help and just get yourself out of that mess. It sounds like your BF does nothing be cause unnecessary drama, stressing you out, and stress is not good for anything - bipolar, really all your body systems as a whole.
Every study out there seems to find stress worsens all types of conditions head to toe. Stay strong and put yourself first.

[Wild Coyote]

(((((( TheSeaCat ))))))

Even when we know a relationship isn't best for us, it can be tough to separate.

I, also, encourage you to consider making room in your life for someone more compatible. You seem like such a nice person. You deserve a lot more from a life partner. We are here for you.


WC

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

I agree with innerzone. You need to get out of that relationship ASAP. It definitely sounds unhealthy, and you deserve better than that. Stay with your aunt as long as you need (or as long as she will have you). Let friends and relatives help and just get yourself out of that mess. It sounds like your BF does nothing be cause unnecessary drama, stressing you out, and stress is not good for anything - bipolar, really all your body systems as a whole.
Every study out there seems to find stress worsens all types of conditions head to toe. Stay strong and put yourself first.

This is the first time he has caused an unnecessary fight, I never viewed his hospitalizations as drama; but if he wants to do this and not listen to his doctor or the one person who cares about him. My Aunt made sure the little cousins were with their Grandparents so she and I can talk. She's always been in my corner. I know stress is not good for anything the last time I felt this stressed I ended up having a panic attack for the first time in months, not to mention it probably doesn't help the Bipolar Depression. Thank you so much Blueberry and I am sorry you are in pain.

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

(((((( TheSeaCat ))))))

Even when we know a relationship isn't best for us, it can be tough to separate.

I, also, encourage you to consider making room in your life for someone more compatible. You seem like such a nice person. You deserve a lot more from a life partner. We are here for you.


WC

Thank you; your comment actually made me cry; granted they were happy tears. You are such a nice person for always thinking about us. I think I'm done. I've texted him and invited to Aunt's house, we need to talk and I am not doing it alone.

[wildflowerchild25]

I am moping today. My guy texted around midnight to say he was feeling down and didn’t want to talk. Understandable given all he was told about his health but I’m still feeling rejected. It’s not like we were dating for a long time like me and my ex were so he doesn’t owe me anything but I thought we could have had something really good. I’m disappointed that he doesn’t feel the same. I texted him this morning to let him know I’m thinking about him but he hasn’t texted back. That’s the last time I’m going to text him. If he want to talk to me he has my number if not oh well. I’m just so lonely. The holidays make me sad every year because my husband is not here to enjoy them with me anymore. I haven’t had anyone in my life during the holidays since he died. It’s another lonely year.

I went to my grandparents today with my son so that we could get out of the house for awhile. My grandfather is not doing well. He’s doing ok in terms of his dementia but he cannot get around very easily. He has a lot of trouble walking. He mostly stays in his room upstairs because he can not navigate the stairs. It’s sad seeing him like that. He’s about to be 87 so he’s getting up there in age. Not sure how much time he really has left. It’s sad.

Sigh. I’m not depressed just mopey about dating. I wish I believed in god so I could at least say if it’s meant to happen it will. But I don’t believe so I don’t have any hope.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

Ugh, I hate Christmas music. It reminds me of fake happiness, money I don't have to spend. And you have to here it constantly in stores, doctor's waiting rooms from now until Christmas. When you hate Christmas (even though I am Christian and do believe in Jesus, it's the commercialization I hate), the Christmas music really grates.

Yes. They shouldnt start christmas until AFTER Thanksgiving.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I am moping today. My guy texted around midnight to say he was feeling down and didn’t want to talk. Understandable given all he was told about his health but I’m still feeling rejected. It’s not like we were dating for a long time like me and my ex were so he doesn’t owe me anything but I thought we could have had something really good. I’m disappointed that he doesn’t feel the same. I texted him this morning to let him know I’m thinking about him but he hasn’t texted back. That’s the last time I’m going to text him. If he want to talk to me he has my number if not oh well. I’m just so lonely. The holidays make me sad every year because my husband is not here to enjoy them with me anymore. I haven’t had anyone in my life during the holidays since he died. It’s another lonely year.

I went to my grandparents today with my son so that we could get out of the house for awhile. My grandfather is not doing well. He’s doing ok in terms of his dementia but he cannot get around very easily. He has a lot of trouble walking. He mostly stays in his room upstairs because he can not navigate the stairs. It’s sad seeing him like that. He’s about to be 87 so he’s getting up there in age. Not sure how much time he really has left. It’s sad.

Sigh. I’m not depressed just mopey about dating. I wish I believed in god so I could at least say if it’s meant to happen it will. But I don’t believe so I don’t have any hope.

Theres a good book that explains why guys do what they do. Its called "He's Just Not That Into You."

[MsSchadenfreude]

Tapering my lamictal. Week 3 of this.
I have been noticing a lot of symptoms, and I can't wait for this to pass.

My head feels foggy most of the day, and I have gotten dizzy spells. Once I've tapered off completely, I'll wait a week or so, and then start taking NAC.

[TheSeaCat]

Talk with boyfriend was a nightmare; I was really glad I had Auntie with me; heck I think was madder than I was because she had let him around her kids. He admitted he was jealous of my job; he was mad that I was making more than him when I don't even have my Bachelor's. He was mad that I was making new work friends, he's mad that my therapist is doing such a good job at making me realize what happened at work wasn't my fault. He's mad because I love my new job. He also called me a few names that I will not post here, let's just say one of them started with heartless. I don't see how caring about his asthma and wishing he would take care of himself makes me heartless.

I called my dad and told him and once again I piss off another man. Jeez my father is steamed as a hornet that I would break up with someone who has been there; yes he was there when I spiraled for three months straight but then again I couldn't help it like he can help his health issue. I told him I didn't feel like being his mother and that I have got a lot more to deal with than a jealous man child. I told him to get his crap and go home, to a friend; I honestly don't care. I also texted his mother so she knew precisely what had happened. He want's to ruin my rocky relationship with my father, I'll get momma bear on my side.

I also texted Therapist who was very happy with my decision, he texted back you've surprised me a lot lately. He wants to meet a fourth time next week since the Cardiologist is encroaching and a breakup he's afraid I might try and spiral and he knows I need to keep my shyt together.

I am sick of feeling like a broken china doll being held together with tape. I need some glue.

Hugs to everyone and double hugs to those who pointed out what needed to happen

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by MsSchadenfreude

Tapering my lamictal. Week 3 of this.
I have been noticing a lot of symptoms, and I can't wait for this to pass.

My head feels foggy most of the day, and I have gotten dizzy spells. Once I've tapered off completely, I'll wait a week or so, and then start taking NAC.

Dizzy spells oh boy, I wish you luck with tapering off the lamictal.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by TheSeaCat

Talk with boyfriend was a nightmare; I was really glad I had Auntie with me; heck I think was madder than I was because she had let him around her kids. He admitted he was jealous of my job; he was mad that I was making more than him when I don't even have my Bachelor's. He was mad that I was making new work friends, he's mad that my therapist is doing such a good job at making me realize what happened at work wasn't my fault. He's mad because I love my new job. He also called me a few names that I will not post here, let's just say one of them started with heartless. I don't see how caring about his asthma and wishing he would take care of himself makes me heartless.

I called my dad and told him and once again I piss off another man. Jeez my father is steamed as a hornet that I would break up with someone who has been there; yes he was there when I spiraled for three months straight but then again I couldn't help it like he can help his health issue. I told him I didn't feel like being his mother and that I have got a lot more to deal with than a jealous man child. I told him to get his crap and go home, to a friend; I honestly don't care. I also texted his mother so she knew precisely what had happened. He want's to ruin my rocky relationship with my father, I'll get momma bear on my side.

I also texted Therapist who was very happy with my decision, he texted back you've surprised me a lot lately. He wants to meet a fourth time next week since the Cardiologist is encroaching and a breakup he's afraid I might try and spiral and he knows I need to keep my shyt together.

I am sick of feeling like a broken china doll being held together with tape. I need some glue.

Hugs to everyone and double hugs to those who pointed out what needed to happen

I really happy you got out of that toxic relationship! You definitely deserve to be treated better and leave room for better people your life. I have also been thinking that I feel like I am held together with tape recently so it's interesting you mention that. Here's to hoping we find some glue, or make our own!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by TheSeaCat

Talk with boyfriend was a nightmare; I was really glad I had Auntie with me; heck I think was madder than I was because she had let him around her kids. He admitted he was jealous of my job; he was mad that I was making more than him when I don't even have my Bachelor's. He was mad that I was making new work friends, he's mad that my therapist is doing such a good job at making me realize what happened at work wasn't my fault. He's mad because I love my new job. He also called me a few names that I will not post here, let's just say one of them started with heartless. I don't see how caring about his asthma and wishing he would take care of himself makes me heartless.

I called my dad and told him and once again I piss off another man. Jeez my father is steamed as a hornet that I would break up with someone who has been there; yes he was there when I spiraled for three months straight but then again I couldn't help it like he can help his health issue. I told him I didn't feel like being his mother and that I have got a lot more to deal with than a jealous man child. I told him to get his crap and go home, to a friend; I honestly don't care. I also texted his mother so she knew precisely what had happened. He want's to ruin my rocky relationship with my father, I'll get momma bear on my side.

I also texted Therapist who was very happy with my decision, he texted back you've surprised me a lot lately. He wants to meet a fourth time next week since the Cardiologist is encroaching and a breakup he's afraid I might try and spiral and he knows I need to keep my shyt together.

I am sick of feeling like a broken china doll being held together with tape. I need some glue.

Hugs to everyone and double hugs to those who pointed out what needed to happen

Im glad you broke up with him. What youve typed just in this post shows. Me he's bad neews.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by TheSeaCat

Talk with boyfriend was a nightmare; I was really glad I had Auntie with me; heck I think was madder than I was because she had let him around her kids. He admitted he was jealous of my job; he was mad that I was making more than him when I don't even have my Bachelor's. He was mad that I was making new work friends, he's mad that my therapist is doing such a good job at making me realize what happened at work wasn't my fault. He's mad because I love my new job. He also called me a few names that I will not post here, let's just say one of them started with heartless. I don't see how caring about his asthma and wishing he would take care of himself makes me heartless.

I called my dad and told him and once again I piss off another man. Jeez my father is steamed as a hornet that I would break up with someone who has been there; yes he was there when I spiraled for three months straight but then again I couldn't help it like he can help his health issue. I told him I didn't feel like being his mother and that I have got a lot more to deal with than a jealous man child. I told him to get his crap and go home, to a friend; I honestly don't care. I also texted his mother so she knew precisely what had happened. He want's to ruin my rocky relationship with my father, I'll get momma bear on my side.

I also texted Therapist who was very happy with my decision, he texted back you've surprised me a lot lately. He wants to meet a fourth time next week since the Cardiologist is encroaching and a breakup he's afraid I might try and spiral and he knows I need to keep my shyt together.

I am sick of feeling like a broken china doll being held together with tape. I need some glue.

Hugs to everyone and double hugs to those who pointed out what needed to happen

I am so glad to hear you are getting out of a toxic relationship. I am sure it’s not easy, but it’s better than just going with the flow and just getting stuck there. Good job of taking care of yourself

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

I really happy you got out of that toxic relationship! You definitely deserve to be treated better and leave room for better people your life. I have also been thinking that I feel like I am held together with tape recently so it's interesting you mention that. Here's to hoping we find some glue, or make our own!

Thank you it was really hard to make the decision but everyone was right he was toxic and instead of wanting to talk things out he got defensive and started blaming and calling me names. Perhaps we do need to make our own glue. Thank you for your kind words.

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Im glad you broke up with him. What youve typed just in this post shows. Me he's bad neews.

Thank you and you are right I showed concern about his health and he just neglected mine. That is bad news.

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

I am so glad to hear you are getting out of a toxic relationship. I am sure it’s not easy, but it’s better than just going with the flow and just getting stuck there. Good job of taking care of yourself

It wasn't easy at all, it was easy having her there to be the buffer. It is better than going with the flow or going alone when it comes to major health issues; and thank you for your kind words. I feel a bit sad, but I see that something better could come along. I need a support system and he didn't want to be a part of it.

On a unrelated note how did your husband's interview go yesterday? I hope he gets this job, you deserve a break.

[Pookyl]

Originally Posted by MsSchadenfreude

Tapering my lamictal. Week 3 of this.
I have been noticing a lot of symptoms, and I can't wait for this to pass.

My head feels foggy most of the day, and I have gotten dizzy spells. Once I've tapered off completely, I'll wait a week or so, and then start taking NAC.

I hope you find taking NAC works better for you than me.
I took it for 18 months but found it did nothing and because of the smell and taste I really struggled to take it.
I’ll be curious to know how you go.

[Daonnachd]

I'm struggling largely because the fire here in northern California has killed 25 people. I understand the town of Paradise has been destroyed. We have connections with people who've lost everything. Not family or friends of ours, but family of friends of ours.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

I'm struggling largely because the fire here in northern California has killed 25 people. I understand the town of Paradise has been destroyed. We have connections with people who've lost everything. Not family or friends of ours, but family of friends of ours.

My sister lives out that way. Im glad they moved because their old neighborhood got hit prettycbadly.

[liveforsummer]

Had a good productive day.

However..

My anxiety walks beside me and I’m getting concerned that if I build up to a full blown panic attack I won’t have a medicinal crutch anymore as 2mg lorazapam no longer calms me. (I only take approx 8mg in total for 1 wk and I don’t know why I bother as it does nothing). My anxiety used to be kept in check just knowing my little .5mg tabs were in my purse and I rarely took one. I’ll see what pdoc thinks in a couple weeks.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Moose72

My sister lives out that way. Im glad they moved because their old neighborhood got hit prettycbadly.

She's very lucky. She's probably thinking about people (friends and neighbours) she left behind.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

She's very lucky. She's probably thinking about people (friends and neighbours) she left behind.

Yes. One of my nephew's friends' house burned to the ground.

[bizi]

made it another alcohol free day....10 down
Was not quite full from our light dinner so I had a half cup of almonds...It sounds like a lot but not really, only 6 carbs. Then I had 3 cups of hot tea.
The tea filled me up. Loved the almonds though, the spicy wasabi ones are my favorite!
Some where in there I want to go shopping at khols. I have 3 coupons burning a hole in my pocket! And I need to do laundry.
bizi

Nothing as exciting as how many almonds I ate, but would love to be dead and my son thinks he's was he drugged by panda express. Well actually, these girls he knew at his past job had panda express put drus in his food.

Too da loo!