[Lefty Seven]

Don't be ashamed of what God made you.

I hope today is pleasant (or at least more pleasant than usual) for everyone.

Today is my husband's name day, a celebration common in his country and some others around the world (basis is from saint's days). I bought him a lot. More than usual. I don't feel that bad since I'll get to enjoy a couple of the items, too. His birthday is later this month. He already has his gifts for that, so I thought I'd make his name day gifts the surprises. He loves unwrapping presents.

That's about it for now. I haven't heard from my siblings so can only assume my dad is home. What a shame!

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

I'm struggling largely because the fire here in northern California has killed 25 people. I understand the town of Paradise has been destroyed. We have connections with people who've lost everything. Not family or friends of ours, but family of friends of ours.

I am so sorry. One of my high school classmates and friend (graduated in a small class of 109, so I knew her 1st grade on) lost her house and nearly everything in the Camp Fire. She left knowing there would possibly be an evacuation for her area but found it surreal, like something that could never happen. She did leave for work with a few family mementos and her dogs, but that was it. She has supportive family & friends, but I can't even imagine what she is going through. I'm glad she saved her dogs; they mean a lot to her.

I feel so bad for all the people going through this. I'm sorry you have friends who have been affected by the fires.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Pookyl

I hope you find taking NAC works better for you than me.
I took it for 18 months but found it did nothing and because of the smell and taste I really struggled to take it.
I’ll be curious to know how you go.

What is NAC? How is it supposed to help? Like a mood stabilizer, AD, AP?

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by liveforsummer

Had a good productive day.

However..

My anxiety walks beside me and I’m getting concerned that if I build up to a full blown panic attack I won’t have a medicinal crutch anymore as 2mg lorazapam no longer calms me. (I only take approx 8mg in total for 1 wk and I don’t know why I bother as it does nothing). My anxiety used to be kept in check just knowing my little .5mg tabs were in my purse and I rarely took one. I’ll see what pdoc thinks in a couple weeks.

I'm so sorry. Have you talked to your pdoc about it? There are some other things that can help with anxiety though it depends on the person, it may make you groggy. But for anxiety I also have propranolol and hydroxyzine, if high anxiety persists (and I'm someplace I can lie down though I can stay awake if I have to, it's just hard), low dose Seroquel - 25 mg or 50 mg and can take another hydroxyzine. But you cannot take propranolol if you have blood pressure issues.

Oh, and my pdoc increased the Buspar. I thought it did nothing until my mail order pharmacy messed up, and I hadn't been taking it for a week. I had increased anxiety. So it apparently helps me some though I thought it didn't.

I keep some low dose Seroquel, hydroxyzine, and Klonopin in my purse. I guess my purse is a walking pharmacy. I am prescribed 4 1 mg Klonopin tablets daily but usually take 2. The other 2 I sometimes take one or both if the anxiety is panic attack level or if I have a long panic attack (rare, but it happens).

Definitely, I think you should tell your pdoc. When is your next appointment? If it's not soon, can you call & get in earlier or have him call you?

Fish oil definitely helps a bit with mood and anxiety. There are some people on this board who use that; maybe you could ask your pdoc about it.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Moose72

My sister lives out that way. Im glad they moved because their old neighborhood got hit prettycbadly.

I'm glad your sister is safe. H's family lives in California but not in an area prone to the fires burning near LA. They live in Long Beach.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by bizi

made it another alcohol free day....10 down
Was not quite full from our light dinner so I had a half cup of almonds...It sounds like a lot but not really, only 6 carbs. Then I had 3 cups of hot tea.
The tea filled me up. Loved the almonds though, the spicy wasabi ones are my favorite!
Some where in there I want to go shopping at khols. I have 3 coupons burning a hole in my pocket! And I need to do laundry.
bizi

Awesome on 10 days! Congratulations

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by rose1985

Nothing as exciting as how many almonds I ate, but would love to be dead and my son thinks he's was he drugged by panda express. Well actually, these girls he knew at his past job had panda express put drus in his food.

Too da loo!

Sorry things are difficult for you right now. Is your son getting psych help? And do you have a T to call and talk to?

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I hope today is pleasant (or at least more pleasant than usual) for everyone.

Today is my husband's name day, a celebration common in his country and some others around the world (basis is from saint's days). I bought him a lot. More than usual. I don't feel that bad since I'll get to enjoy a couple of the items, too. His birthday is later this month. He already has his gifts for that, so I thought I'd make his name day gifts the surprises. He loves unwrapping presents.

That's about it for now. I haven't heard from my siblings so can only assume my dad is home. What a shame!

Great about celebrating the name day. We once had a Czech teenager stay with us for the summer, and he told us about name days.

I am sorry you are still worrying about your dad. You & your siblings need to come to a solution regarding him and his care. It's straining you and probably your siblings too.

[Blueberrybook]

I ran this morning a lot. During the run, I also dissociated a lot. Like I was stuck in my head and my body kept on running without my paying attention to it. Sometimes like watching a movie. I can bring myself back to my body and everything going on should I choose to, but today was not one of those days. Not sure what type of dissociation that is, maybe depersonalization/derealization. Not really sure of the definitions for different types of dissociation. I can't believe it lasted so long today...sigh. I have had it a lot over the years, just not as long as this for a long time. I did have a problem with it when I was on meds that made me feel completely numb. Guess I should bring this up to the pdoc my next appointment, but I'll probably forget.

Otherwise OK. Woke early, but that's my life, pretty much. I need to have breakfast, procrastinating about it.

[Tryingtobehappy5]

I emailed my T saying I was still coming and that I got rid of the alcohol and was going off the meds to try and go back to how I was before because I think between that and therapy I can get better. She emailed me back that she felt like she was forcing me most of the time and that she would still be more than happy to keep seeing me and that she feels I have unlimited potential

I have been off depakote for a week and lithium and wellbutrin for almost a week plus alcohol for 2 days. I feel pretty good although my sleep went from 3/4hrs a night to 17hrs and then 11hrs last night but that was happening on meds too. And yesterday I felt a little dizzy and got a bad headache but other than that I feel fine. Mentally I feel fine, maybe a little flat but not bad. The thing Im having the most trouble with is definitely the alcohol, woke up and the first thing on my mind was how bad I want a drink.

I don't know what to do. I can't tell if I'm uber bored or if I'm just depressed.

Everything just bores me and I can't concentrate on anything -- yet I'm not feeling sad. Got a sucky 6 hrs a night when I normally get like 9-10. I'm also too lazy to cook food or eat anything despite being hungry. I'm all messed up.

Might as well find more electronics off eBay to build. Not that I want to spend more money, but it keeps me preoccupied, as YouTube videos all day is starting to bore me.

[Moose72]

I had to find my way home after church because i parked in a lot with lots of construction. Google maps took me a crazy way home but I figured it out. N3 is at church- theyre having an out day- coffee shop, movie, lunch. So I have to go back to church to pick him up later. Only one person- the priest- asked me how I am. I havent been to choir in ages. I just said , "I have bipolar disorder..." And left it at that. I dont even know what my deal is. I just dont want to do anything. Id rather sleep. But once Im up i still dont want to be whereever I am. Right now Im at my mom's house and nobody knows Im here. I like nobody knowing where I am. I used to do that in my 20s- take off from work and "get lost". It was thrilling to me.

[jmariah001]

Really struggling right now. My medicine is being switched from one to another so my mood has been all over the place. A lot of anger and crying. I asked to be put on celexa. My mom takes it and she says it works well for her. I was told on a post on Facebook that I was crazy because I already put my Christmas tree up. I put it up hoping that it would help with my mood. So far it hasn't. Being told that didn't help me at all. I know that I am crazy. I don't need to be reminded. Not good lately. Just listening to upbeat music and trying to take my mind off things.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by TheSeaCat

Talk with boyfriend was a nightmare; I was really glad I had Auntie with me; heck I think was madder than I was because she had let him around her kids. He admitted he was jealous of my job; he was mad that I was making more than him when I don't even have my Bachelor's. He was mad that I was making new work friends, he's mad that my therapist is doing such a good job at making me realize what happened at work wasn't my fault. He's mad because I love my new job. He also called me a few names that I will not post here, let's just say one of them started with heartless. I don't see how caring about his asthma and wishing he would take care of himself makes me heartless.


I called my dad and told him and once again I piss off another man. Jeez my father is steamed as a hornet that I would break up with someone who has been there; yes he was there when I spiraled for three months straight but then again I couldn't help it like he can help his health issue. I told him I didn't feel like being his mother and that I have got a lot more to deal with than a jealous man child. I told him to get his crap and go home, to a friend; I honestly don't care. I also texted his mother so she knew precisely what had happened. He want's to ruin my rocky relationship with my father, I'll get momma bear on my side.


I also texted Therapist who was very happy with my decision, he texted back you've surprised me a lot lately. He wants to meet a fourth time next week since the Cardiologist is encroaching and a breakup he's afraid I might try and spiral and he knows I need to keep my shyt together.


I am sick of feeling like a broken china doll being held together with tape. I need some glue.


Hugs to everyone and double hugs to those who pointed out what needed to happen

First massive hugs for taking charge of your life !!!!!

Something that stuck out for me was the bit about his health and that he’s able to take charge and get better..... yes ! I’m glad you made sure it was clear and you are Not his mother. You work hard daily to keep stability with your Bipolar and we all know how tough it is but you Do it !!

As for you making friends and his having a problem with it ? screw him. Having friends outside of relationships are healthy. Being dependent only on a partner is just plain unhealthy for both people.

I hope you continue to love your job and feeling well !! You deserve happiness and your strong ! Never for get that

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by rose1985

Nothing as exciting as how many almonds I ate, but would love to be dead and my son thinks he's was he drugged by panda express. Well actually, these girls he knew at his past job had panda express put drus in his food.

Too da loo!

Hi Rose,

I am sorry you are having a difficult time.
Have you been in touch with your pdoc?

Thinking of you.

WC

[scatterbrained04]

Having a decent weekend. Yesterday I napped a lot early in the day. My son and I went out for a late lunch then he talked me into going to the mall. The mall was ok. Got a lot of walking in. But after an hour or so I started getting panicky so we had to leave. We went to World Market and bought a couple things to try and then watched TV together.

Today just trying to get a few chores done then have grocery shopping to do. I really dislike the grocery shopping. Such a necessary evil lol

[Blueberrybook]

Political views on Facebook about fires in California driving me insane. Need to stay off FB for awhile. It is really agitating me.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I don't know what to do. I can't tell if I'm uber bored or if I'm just depressed.

Everything just bores me and I can't concentrate on anything -- yet I'm not feeling sad. Got a sucky 6 hrs a night when I normally get like 9-10. I'm also too lazy to cook food or eat anything despite being hungry. I'm all messed up.

Might as well find more electronics off eBay to build. Not that I want to spend more money, but it keeps me preoccupied, as YouTube videos all day is starting to bore me.

I've been wondering about how you are doing.

Sounds like maybe you are experiencing some depression?

Had meds helped you with depression and concentration?

I hope you will eat something, even if you do take-out.


WC

Thinking of you.

[yellow_fleurs]

I had a hard morning, but finally got moving and even did basic chores like vacuuming, taking out the trash, dishes. I cannot bring myself to do a deep clean, but I feel more peaceful in a cleaner environment. Opened the blinds to let in some sun. Goal for the afternoon is to stay in the present. Guess I should actually practice this deep breathing my therapist gave me as an assignment. Cannot believe that I am struggling with such a basic assignment haha. Well, any new skill takes time.

Sending out positive vibes and hugs to anyone who wants them.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

Having a decent weekend. Yesterday I napped a lot early in the day. My son and I went out for a late lunch then he talked me into going to the mall. The mall was ok. Got a lot of walking in. But after an hour or so I started getting panicky so we had to leave. We went to World Market and bought a couple things to try and then watched TV together.

Today just trying to get a few chores done then have grocery shopping to do. I really dislike the grocery shopping. Such a necessary evil lol

It's nice to have you posting!
Glad to read you are having a good weekend!
Take care!

WC

[Blueberrybook]

OMG, such a wave of fatigue has hit me just as I finished eating lunch. So tired. Guess it could be the gabapentin as I took my morning meds late. Or stupid PMS.

Phone app has my period starting today, but it sometimes is off a day or 2. And I think I started early last time. The older I get, the worse the PMS getsI tell H I might have a breakdown or get moody because of PMS; he dismisses it like it is nothing. Men should have to go through this, as well as pregnancy and having a baby, oh and then exclusively breastfeeding the baby for 16 months (daughter was slow to take to solids).

[downandlonely]

The whole reproductive process is completely unfair. Women have to deal with all the pain, and men get all the pleasure.

[Sunflower123]

I’m having a tough time. I started an AD Friday so hopefully it will kick in soon. One good thing...I have appointments/activities scheduled every day next week (some days have multiple things scheduled) and I’m going to force myself to do them. I’m most looking forward to dinner with friends and the drum circle that starts Tuesday.

I have an appointment Wednesday with a top orthopedic surgeon in town to get a second opinion on my hand. I’m still doing physical therapy and have seen improvement in many areas. I’m getting together a list of my top 4 questions.

Sending hugs to those that need them.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I’m having a tough time. I started an AD Friday so hopefully it will kick in soon. One good thing...I have appointments/activities scheduled every day next week (some days have multiple things scheduled) and I’m going to force myself to do them. I’m most looking forward to dinner with friends and the drum circle that starts Tuesday.

I have an appointment Wednesday with a top orthopedic surgeon in town to get a second opinion on my hand. I’m still doing physical therapy and have seen improvement in many areas. I’m getting together a list of my top 4 questions.

Sending hugs to those that need them.

What was the first doctor's opinion on your hand?