[Tryingtobehappy5]

Originally Posted by tecomsin

What are they trying to say is wrong?

That I have bipolar and Im hypo or getting manic and according to the one dr that I have a problem with alcohol. None of that is true, I just like alcohol and have more energy and Im happier and less scared than other people. I dont think there is any good reason to stop that other than to be the same as boring people which I definitely dont want.

[happywoman]

Trying to do things each day that prevent me going from my pyschotic /manic /hypomanic episode to being too far flattened or depressed. Feeling like I’m wading through mud but know that theses feelings will pass and the recent unpleasant memories of this episode will pass.
I appreciate that this forum is available and that this online community exists.
Peace and good health to the familiar usernames and not so familiar usernames sharing the struggle.

[Blue_Bird]

Just got back from the gym. Put all aggression and nervous energy, frustration into working out for half an hour. I feel good, running on no sleep but I'm hoping to get some tonight. I have class @1pm which is quite awhile away... I'm just afraid because I feel if I fell asleep now I'd sleep too late and not be able to make it in.

This is the last week of classes for the fall. We're not really doing much. Just a little review.

in the words of next to normal, " it's just another day"

really nothing exciting happening.

feel a mixture of irritibillity and depression.

no more flashbacks which is a nice positive

watched the final of I'm a celebrity get me out of here last night and it was won by the football manager (which was good, I think he deserved it)

[Tryingtobehappy5]

Haha well its almost 6 and im still drinking so i guess ill csll it mornjng drinking byt it doesnt mstter. Typing is hard and i passed out on tjefloor for 30min so maybe i have a problrm witg alcohol but i.dont even care. Maybe im just an alcoholic and not bipolar which would be finr with me lol. God i feel good

[Tryingtobehappy5]

Im almost at 7000 steps for the day so healthy

[Tryingtobehappy5]

Gonna havw to wear long sleeves for a while. My arm is a mess. Broke a piecenof epoxy or somethiny off the wall at the cell the.other night. Kind of annoyed aboit that. Its not something normal like the feeling like stabbing mysrelf is so so weird. Im drunk now but i sure dont hsve thosr thougjtd now

[Tryingtobehappy5]

I gottw sgut up. Ny kids are gonns be up.and im ****ed. My oldest has been up twicr already up tbey will all be up so soon. Im a horriblr mom thid is why i shouflny evem be a mom i suck. Evertging is spinning znf i cant see. My kifs would be bwtter witg their dad only

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I’m not one for naps but I took one yesterday wasn’t even on purpose I was watching a movie and had a 45 minute blink lol

45 minute blink, HAHAHAHA!!

[beauflow]

Originally Posted by Tryingtobehappy5

I gottw sgut up. Ny kids are gonns be up.and im ****ed. My oldest has been up twicr already up tbey will all be up so soon. Im a horriblr mom thid is why i shouflny evem be a mom i suck. Evertging is spinning znf i cant see. My kifs would be bwtter witg their dad only

One tries and tries again. Life is a learning Journey
I hope this finds* you well
.. but I can relate to believing everyone is better off with out me ((no kids))
I get told that's not true, that those are distorted thoughts. My ex said and says that he wishes I didn't get the way I am, I too question the bipolar at times, but I am aware something is off, and I understand why I get out "in the box" with the dx.

Idk if it would help but what do you wish you were better with? You mention horrible mom and them better with just their dad. Why? No need to tell me but just a thought. A list of what you wish to change, and how to go about that.

No one is perfect some times we all need some help, some times a small change can be a life changing move.

I hope that's recieved well. I am sorry I just got up but wanted to say keep going, keep trying, and I hope you find some peace as your post seem to indicate your struggling.
I am sorry if I've misinterpreted, after all these are only typed words on a page.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

I'm really glad they're letting your husband be there with you for the sleep study, WC! I don't think it's unreasonable in the least -- it's good to let people help us when we need it. If it will help you, it's all good. He seems like a good man.

Thanks, Innerzone!

He is one of the most compassionate people I have ever known.


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Had a bad sinus headache most of the day. I’m still really congested from the cold. I need to go get some Sudafed but I didn’t feel like going out. So I’ll get it tomorrow after work. Hopefully I’ll feel better tomorrow anyway.

RS wants me and my son to join him for Christmas Eve at his aunt’s house. I’m happy. I’m glad he wants me to meet his family. I dated my ex for six months and never met any of his family. I mean meeting his family 5 weeks after we met is a little fast but if he’s not worried about it then neither am I. It will be nice to do something special for Christmas Eve instead of just staying home and doing nothing as usual. When I was a kid we used to have a big Czech/Polish dinner for Christmas Eve with my dad’s family. That stopped when he died. We’ve done nothing ever since.

I’ve got most of my Christmas shopping done, thank you Amazon. I just need to pick up gift cards for my cousins. I have plenty of time to do that. Then I have to go to the dollar store and get tape, scissors, clothes boxes, and cookie tins. My brother in law always gets chocolate chip cookies for Christmas from me and I’m going to give RS a variety of cookies as well. I have a lot of baking and candy making to do.

I hope I can kick this cold soon.

Wow! How sweet of RS!
I hope you have a great time!


WC

Still depressed. Don't know what to say other than I have a pdoc appt on Thurs and I hope he lets me increase my Lexapro dose. I don't need a different AP, nor do I want one. I'm completely fine with my current AP, as it does its job perfectly, which is why I don't want a new one.



I don't know why I feel this way. I don't think the weather or time of year impacts me. It's not Christmas yet and I'm not anxious/upset about it (yet).

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Still depressed. Don't know what to say other than I have a pdoc appt on Thurs and I hope he lets me increase my Lexapro dose. I don't need a different AP, nor do I want one. I'm completely fine with my current AP, as it does its job perfectly, which is why I don't want a new one.



I don't know why I feel this way. I don't think the weather or time of year impacts me. It's not Christmas yet and I'm not anxious/upset about it (yet).

Hi Blue,

Happy to hear from you.

I am sorry you are going through depression. I hope your pdoc can help.
Thursday might feel like it's a long wait; it'll be here before we know it.

I think of you daily and hope life is treating you well.

WC

[Moose72]

Im so nervous! My friend is booking a trip for me to fly to see her in a month. Im not nervous to fly but about connecting to my flights finding the gates and security. All that stuff

[hopeless2015]

Pdoc appt went well. I'm going back on the lamictal...long story short, went off, not intentionally just happened, then thought oh "I'm fine" yeah right. He was very cool about it thought. I'll start the titrate back up to 400mg after I pick up prescription in a day or two. I really should have called and had him call in script before appt but thought I'd see how it went..last couple weeks I could really tell I needed to be back on it so there ya go.

Hugs to all

[tecomsin]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Im so nervous! My friend is booking a trip for me to fly to see her in a month. Im not nervous to fly but about connecting to my flights finding the gates and security. All that stuff

I hope you have a great trip!

[tecomsin]

Originally Posted by Tryingtobehappy5

I gottw sgut up. Ny kids are gonns be up.and im ****ed. My oldest has been up twicr already up tbey will all be up so soon. Im a horriblr mom thid is why i shouflny evem be a mom i suck. Evertging is spinning znf i cant see. My kifs would be bwtter witg their dad only

I would think on and off again for years that I didn't have disorder and all those people who were trying to convince me otherwise were wrong and didn't appreciate my unique personality. Now that it has been almost a decade of hospitalizations and symptoms it is easier to accept having a disorder than having all the problems that come from not accepting it.

It is pretty common for people to be upset and not accept diagnoses like bipolar at the beginning. You do seem to be having symptoms and it would help you to get to the bottom of what is causing them. And also help your kids.

Why od you think they would be better off without you?

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Tryingtobehappy5

That I have bipolar and Im hypo or getting manic and according to the one dr that I have a problem with alcohol. None of that is true, I just like alcohol and have more energy and Im happier and less scared than other people. I dont think there is any good reason to stop that other than to be the same as boring people which I definitely dont want.

I wish for you soft landings

[nikon]

the last couple of days have mostly been good. i saw my therapist today and although i struggled to get to the point, i did get something out of the session. i hate ending up talking about small talk kind of stuff, but i struggle to talk openly with people.
i have a medical appointment later this week that i'm really anxious about. i feel like i can't be less vague online because i'm so scared anyone i know might read it and know it's me. sometimes seeing a dr is really triggering, and being touched in an exam fills me with sickening fear.
i've got nice stuff planned for this week but am getting increasingly nervous about the appointment. i keep thinking, what if it's so triggering that i can't let go of it and get depressed again? i've asked a friend to go with me. when i'm in a situation like that i usually end up trying to pretend i don't exist. i'm not sure if that is like purposefully trying to dissociate or something.

[Moose72]

I think the flights got figured out without lay overs! No switching planes! I was so nervous just thinking about it earlier. I hope this is true!

Saw the therapist. Last time. I just sat there trying to think of things talk about. She just sits and waits. Its like a bad conversation. I'm always having to start to say something and my biggest thing this week is the airport stuff. To this, she said, "We can help you with that when you get closer to the date". If I have problems I'm to call the special coverage people who answer the phones when nobody else is around. They are actually quite good. Saves you a trip to the ER sometimes. Other times, I've been told "Hang up and call 911."Very calmly, true, but still and all... So. No more therapy unless I want to go through the initiation process again- meaning ask for one and wait. I feel strangely nervous and happy at the same time. I'm home alone- maybe that's it.

[TheSeaCat]

I just got off work for my doctorÂ’s appointment and IÂ’m pretty annoyed with everyone already. The person who attached the Holter Monitor called my father to ask when it would be turned in. Lady heÂ’s my emergency contact; to be used during emergencies and in my honest openion thatÂ’s a HIPAA violation expecially when youÂ’ve called me to get the appointment set up so donÂ’t give anyone the excuse you couldnÂ’t read my phone number from the computer system. Not to mentionn still annoyed with him so now I get the pleasure of removing him as my emergency contact on all systems.

Also some patient was making a scene a when I tried dealing with her issue she asked when I was due, like I was pregnant. I wanted to be very pissy with her since the reason IÂ’m round because I have Metabolic Syndrome. IÂ’m not pregnant; nor will I have children and if I do it will be after I have my MasterÂ’s degree.

End temper tantrum! I will update after my doctorÂ’s appointment.

[Moose72]

OT: If anyone is interested, here is an article I wrote back around 2000. It is still relevant today.

(Its on my website that I mentioned.)

Informed Consent? Why Parents Choose to Circumcise Their Sons or Not

[wildflowerchild25]

STILL have a sinus headache. I finally bought some Sudafed so hopefully that helps. Did don’t help that my student was a pain in the *** today. He barged into the main office and went to call his mom. This is one of his things and he’s not allowed to do it which he knows. I hung up the phone on him and thankfully and administrator stopped him and got him to leave without incident. This kid has five inches on me and there’s no way I can restrain him if he pops off. He doesn’t usually do that thank goodness. Then the rest of the day he kept putting his head down in class and getting up out of his seat. I had to redirect him over and over. I hope my regular student comes back soon, I want my CP girl back. She was sweet and never made any fuss.

RS is coming over tomorrow again. He said he got me something. He said when I see it I’ll know why. I’m touched. In the six months of dating my ex he never once got me anything, not even a flower or something. RS says he wants to make up for all the time I didn’t feel cared about. He’s so sweet.

I just hope my headache goes away and my student is in a better mood tomorrow.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Moose72

If it makes you feel any better, I hate my brain sometimes too. Why does it remember the things it does? Too bad we can't delete the files in our brains so the bad ones are gone forever. (Except the ones we learned from I guess.)

It would be so wonderful if we could delete that crap. Most of my PTSD stuff chains altogether though a few events like being involved randomly in a shooting while in grad school and getting a perforated ulcer (really, that experience was so bad, it is going to be one of my worst life experiences ever) don't tie in, but when you think about all the PTSD stuff, you just drag the rest onto the pile and heap it up