[Blueberrybook]

Ugh, today, I had an oh, ick moment. I had a lot of errands to run today, and I needed to buy light bulbs, which I buy from time to time but not so frequently I'm familiar with the store display and the types of bulbs on offer.

So, I'm looking at light bulbs and this man at the other end of the aisle sidles up to me and says, "You look like you work out a lot." Well, duh, I was still in my workout clothes and hadn't gotten cleaned up yet. I'm studying light bulbs and he's like, "You've got a great body." I mean, seriously! When is it OK to go up to a woman you don't know and say stuff like that. Then he goes on about how good my body looks and that he is enjoying looking at me. Creepy. He left the aisle. Thank God. I know I wasn't wearing my wedding rings, but still, a lot of women do not wear them while working out. My fingers swell when I exercise, which is why I leave my rings off while exercising, and today, I just grabbed my keys and left the house after my run. But still. I never once even made eye contact with the guy. I go back to trying to find the light bulb I need, and he comes back. More comments like, "You sure are easy on the eyes. You've got a great body. I've really enjoyed looking at you." OMG, talk about creep factor! Then, he goes away and to my great relief, checks out. I waited in the store until I could see him get in his car and drive away because man, that was creepy! And thank goodness, I had left the long sleeved workout shirt on over my tank top; I nearly took the workout shirt off as it was getting warm and the tank top is pretty fitted (of course, with a sports bra underneath).

In light of all these famous men in trouble, the metoo movement, etc., some men seem to think this type of behavior is completely acceptable, even to a stranger. Yuck, yuck, yuck. If it wouldn't waste water, I'd shower again. And it's stupid too. For me, I feel like I must have done something to bring that upon myself even though tons of women run errands in workout clothes, it's not exactly a signal to come up and say stuff to make me feel filthy (and remind me of comments made to me by an extremely creepy uncle).

Ick, ick, ick, ick! IDK, maybe he thought he was complimenting me or that was some creepy come on tactic, but ugh!

Fortunately, there was a police officer in the parking lot when I left the store (looked like he was handing out a traffic ticket to someone else). Why do some men think they have the right to act like this?

[Blue_Bird]

I did laundry! This will sound really strange but I've been avoiding doing it for quite awhile, since the damage to the apartment laundry room. I went to a laundromat and it went fine. For some reason I get insane amount of anxiety even doing something a little differently than I normally do

Everything is so loud. Every little noise makes me want to be deaf. Took a nap and I feel a little better, but I'm probably not going to be able to sleep tonight.

[tecomsin]

My experiment to find the right dosages to sleep last night didn't work out all that well as I was up past 1 am but at least woke up at a good time 7:30 am. Not enough sleep. I'll try 2 mg rexulti and 2.5 mg olanzapine. My pdoc said take 2 mg rexulti and find the right dosage of zyprexa so that is what i am doing. If I don't fall asleep at a reasonable time I'll take another 2.5 mg olanzapine.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by TheSeaCat

They couldn't give you the shot in the hallway; that would be considered a HIPAA violation. I agree they charge for every little thing, my Cardiologist visit where he talked to me, listened to my heart, poked around my stomach, and ordered two tests, a medication, and talked to me for 45 minutes; $500, in comparison my family doc charges very little for the same quality of healthcare. I can only imagine how much that Echocardiogram cost. Healthcare truly is a stupid system and I honestly don't see it getting any better. One of my classes was insurance based and it is honestly charge for everything including the bandaid.


I don't agree with it at all, and you'll meet the occasional medical professional that agrees; but until the insurance company stops throwing money at major hospitals I don't see anything changing.

How in the world did you get a 45 minute visit with a cardiologist?? That’s literally unheard of. Good for you !

Wow, sorry that happened to you, Blueberrybook! Gross. I totally would have made a loud SCENE. Everyone in the store would know. He'd be unlikely to get embarrassed, but at least he'd be outed.

Sheesh.

[Moose72]

Blueberrybook, sorry you got creeped out. I once had a man following me all around a major book store. Like EVERY move I made. I gave him a hard stare and put my phone up to my ear and said, "THIS REALLY CREEPY GUY IS FOLLOWING ME ALL AROUND BORDERS!!"

[liveforsummer]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Blueberrybook, sorry you got creeped out. I once had a man following me all around a major book store. Like EVERY move I made. I gave him a hard stare and put my phone up to my ear and said, "THIS REALLY CREEPY GUY IS FOLLOWING ME ALL AROUND BORDERS!!"

Ive done that several times when walking alone and starting to get that creeped out feeling from someone nearby.

[liveforsummer]

I feel like today is a turning point and I’m concerned it won’t be for the better. Thinking of Christmas paralyses me. I really just can’t bare the feeling sometimes. And the black cloud is hovering under my bed just waiting to pull me in. Finding it harder to get out of bed last few days. I’m tired of the stuff, the noise, the hoopla, boy I sound like a grinch

Hugs everyone

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

How in the world did you get a 45 minute visit with a cardiologist?? That’s literally unheard of. Good for you !

It was a 30 minute new patient appointment and I had so many questions regarding the condition that it went a little over. He said I don't care to run over answering questions. He was very awesome that day; best of all he didn't stare at the stupid computer screen and actually made eye contact. Maybe it is different but the specialist I have seen have always been a 30 minute new patient slot.

[TheSeaCat]

Sorry about my earlier post, my phone acts weird when I use apostrophe's for some reason. I usually post directly from the website; maybe I need to download taptalk or something to fix that issue. It's strange so I do apologize since it was probably hard to read. I ended up having to wait an hour to see my doc; glad I actually have patience unlike most people.

My heart rate was 121 and my blood pressure was also elevated, he agrees that the medication probably isn't doing it's job at half a pill. He's glad the Cardiologist was able to figure out what was wrong. He has at least heard of Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia and we had a conversation about it and the constant headaches. He's like I could put you on Topamax; but he doubted that it would work the headaches I've been dealing with; and I also don't want another psych drug added to my combo. I'll just live maybe it's time to try something other than my Excedrin go to.

I also had to suffer through the three year test; thank god that is over. I swear no matter who does it still freaking hurts. Granted he was super awesome about the whole thing. So that's over with; I apparently have more breast fibroids than I did at the beginning of the year; I have got to stop going to the doctor they constantly find another thing wrong with me.

I told him about the Metabolic Syndrome; he even apologized for his coworkers mistake. He said I never should have been put on Zyprexa in the first place for panic attacks. In all honesty I should never have left him and gone to her. Maybe then I wouldn't have Metabolic Syndrome in the first place and people wouldn't mistake me for being pregnant. I'm not gaining weight on Seroquel; in fact I've lost a little bit since the Cardiologist. Not enough to notice in my clothes though. He and his nurse said I looked really nice; he teased me about my heeled boots I was wearing. They are super uncomfortable and was so glad to get them off my feet.

We didn't make any medication changes, I'm stable he doesn't want to try anything else; I don't either. I finally got away from month follow up's I get to see him again in February, same time I see the Cardiologist again.

I just got finished filling up my weekly pills and M helped; I am on so many pills. I am now curled on the couch at R and my place watching The Resident with a glass of Rose wine. It's been forever since I drank anything; and I didn't but they both pointed out they are PA's and one glass of wine isn't going to affect my medication and if it does they know what to do.

I really needed this glass after today and being called pregnant. R and M are screaming at the TV anytime someone does anything medically inaccurate. M wants to try Grey's next. It's amusing to be honest. M has an arm wrapped around me; which is nice.

My doc thinks my decision to break up with C was a little rash and he thinks it would be a good idea to try and reach out. I told him about my feelings of M; he was a bit shocked at that admittance and ended up eating his words regarding my ex. He's also shocked that I moved out. He's thrilled I am doing as good as I am. It's all because of him that I am able to do have the things I've been doing.

I'm still mad over the tech calling my father; on the plus side I've removed him as my emergency contact and he has been replaced by R who knows to call the parents in a true emergency.

I'm off to get another gulp of wine; especially since they want to ruin Grey's for me.

Hugs to everyone

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

STILL have a sinus headache. I finally bought some Sudafed so hopefully that helps. Did don’t help that my student was a pain in the *** today. He barged into the main office and went to call his mom. This is one of his things and he’s not allowed to do it which he knows. I hung up the phone on him and thankfully and administrator stopped him and got him to leave without incident. This kid has five inches on me and there’s no way I can restrain him if he pops off. He doesn’t usually do that thank goodness. Then the rest of the day he kept putting his head down in class and getting up out of his seat. I had to redirect him over and over. I hope my regular student comes back soon, I want my CP girl back. She was sweet and never made any fuss.

RS is coming over tomorrow again. He said he got me something. He said when I see it I’ll know why. I’m touched. In the six months of dating my ex he never once got me anything, not even a flower or something. RS says he wants to make up for all the time I didn’t feel cared about. He’s so sweet.

I just hope my headache goes away and my student is in a better mood tomorrow.

I can relate to the headache oh goodness do they hurt. I hope the Sudafed helps. I'm sorry your student was a pain in the rear today; sometimes they just want to act up. Sorry you are missing your girl; is there someway you could check on her. Maybe send a card; or are you not allowed to do that?

I'm glad you and RS are doing so well; I noticed a few posts ago about your son telling him you want this to be the last; I know kids say weird things but I would have been so embarrassed.

I hope your headache goes away and that he is in a much better mood.

[yellow_fleurs]

The intrusive and obsessive thoughts were bothering me more today. I see my therapist Saturday. I see her every 2 weeks. I have a DBT packet, but it is mostly focused on distress tolerance. I am tolerating it, though, I am not a risk of doing anything, it is just upsetting and and I want to find a way to get these thoughts to stop bothering me. This type of thought doesn't seem to respond to well to reason.
Heading out of town tomorrow for a work thing. Hopefully it will be an enjoyable trip. Still need to pack, oops! Hope everyone is having a good night.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Wow, sorry that happened to you, Blueberrybook! Gross. I totally would have made a loud SCENE. Everyone in the store would know. He'd be unlikely to get embarrassed, but at least he'd be outed.

Sheesh.

I should have. I was just shell shocked. I don't think I have ever had another person (minus my pedophile uncle) say such sleazy, creepy stuff. I wouldn't have been surprised if my mouth fell open in absolute shock.

Of course, I've had the fumbling trying to compliment/get-in-your pants thing happen at gyms over the years, but none of that was quite so creepy as this.

This one even tops the guy trying to pick me up in a Wal-mart parking lot when I had fractured my little toe and went there in such of an orthopedic boot. That was creepy because it was at night, in the parking lot (and of course, it was a Super Wal-mart, so the parking lot was huge), and I could barely walk because I'd just broken my toe, but that guy pretty much knew when it was time to give up, when about 10 pickup lines in a row failed to work. And even though his pickup lines were horrible, they weren't so sleazy and gross.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Blueberrybook, sorry you got creeped out. I once had a man following me all around a major book store. Like EVERY move I made. I gave him a hard stare and put my phone up to my ear and said, "THIS REALLY CREEPY GUY IS FOLLOWING ME ALL AROUND BORDERS!!"

I really need to think faster when things like that happen. But it's infrequently, and of course, never when you are expecting it. I should have shouted something at the top of my lungs; the store wasn't that big. I so wish I had known there was a police officer in the parking lot handing out a traffic ticket to someone else. As it happens, my husband has a relation on that city's police force, and she is married to a state trooper.

I need to pre-record lines like that to play at top volume on my phone or something when things like that happen.

A couple weeks ago, I had the feeling a man was following me around the grocery store. He was behind me section to section, bath, makeup. Finally, I went to feminine hygiene products, and that must have been too much for him. Didn't spot him again after hanging out there a few minutes.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

I should have. I was just shell shocked. I don't think I have ever had another person (minus my pedophile uncle) say such sleazy, creepy stuff. I wouldn't have been surprised if my mouth fell open in absolute shock.

Of course, I've had the fumbling trying to compliment/get-in-your pants thing happen at gyms over the years, but none of that was quite so creepy as this.

This one even tops the guy trying to pick me up in a Wal-mart parking lot when I had fractured my little toe and went there in such of an orthopedic boot. That was creepy because it was at night, in the parking lot (and of course, it was a Super Wal-mart, so the parking lot was huge), and I could barely walk because I'd just broken my toe, but that guy pretty much knew when it was time to give up, when about 10 pickup lines in a row failed to work. And even though his pickup lines were horrible, they weren't so sleazy and gross.

I know what you mean about just being in shock. I have been in similar situations where I was like is this person really practically stalking me right now? Traveling alone as a woman led to a lot of those scenarios. Afterwards, I often felt frustrated I didn't respond differently. I am glad you are okay and sorry that you had to deal with that.

[Tryingtobehappy5]

Originally Posted by tecomsin

I would think on and off again for years that I didn't have disorder and all those people who were trying to convince me otherwise were wrong and didn't appreciate my unique personality. Now that it has been almost a decade of hospitalizations and symptoms it is easier to accept having a disorder than having all the problems that come from not accepting it.

It is pretty common for people to be upset and not accept diagnoses like bipolar at the beginning. You do seem to be having symptoms and it would help you to get to the bottom of what is causing them. And also help your kids.

Why od you think they would be better off without you?

Because Im not stable and dont do all the things moms are supposed to do and Im always irritable. H is so much better than me.

Had to spend the day in a cell sobering up. I apparently said some bad things again but Im not sure its true. Probably got some sleep though lol still feel a little dizzy and tired.

They made me agree to check in with mental health tomorrow which is ok, I dont mind them as much as drs because they dont bother me as much about meds and stuff. Plus I got to go home, I was a little worried they would send me IP when she said I didnt have good judgement. H was surprised when I came home.

[~Christina]

Was a decent but cold day .. had to go out and grab some groceries and pay a bill. Could not warm up.

Dropping down to 20 tonight. We can only afford to run our heat a little , so we are always wearing many layers and I have blankets everywhere. Sucks but we do what we can afford.

We are leaving the 21st for Florida , will stop and stay with friends in North Florida until the 24 th then St Pete til the 27 then back to our friends. Will be great to see the kids and our friends.

The blow out of our pipes and other things we have to do to our home right before we leave is stressful .. doable of course but stressful .... we had all our pipes broken one year when we went to Florida , so I stress even now about one breaking.

I see my T Wednesday thankfully , many things I need to talk with him about , due to both our schedules it will be a month before I see him again which we both thinks sucks. It is what it is ...

Anywho there is my exciting update !

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Was a decent but cold day .. had to go out and grab some groceries and pay a bill. Could not warm up.

Dropping down to 20 tonight. We can only afford to run our heat a little , so we are always wearing many layers and I have blankets everywhere. Sucks but we do what we can afford.

We are leaving the 21st for Florida , will stop and stay with friends in North Florida until the 24 th then St Pete til the 27 then back to our friends. Will be great to see the kids and our friends.

The blow out of our pipes and other things we have to do to our home right before we leave is stressful .. doable of course but stressful .... we had all our pipes broken one year when we went to Florida , so I stress even now about one breaking.

I see my T Wednesday thankfully , many things I need to talk with him about , due to both our schedules it will be a month before I see him again which we both thinks sucks. It is what it is ...

Anywho there is my exciting update !

I'm sorry you are cold, the weather is supposed to drop tonight too; granted the cat makes for an excellent foot warmer. I practically live under a blanket.

I hope your trip goes well and I hope your pipes don't break.

I see my T Wednesday too; I am so glad to be down to one session a week. I'm sorry it will be a month before your see your T again.

pain levels are terrible today- my back, my legs, my shoulders, all in a lot of pain.

food wise I feel like I need a real deecent meal.. yesterday I had garlic chicken kiev (which is okay, but I can not stand the smell of garlic!), and I had prawn crackers- which are okay, but none of it was really filling for me. for breakfast today I had bacon, again, nice, but barely much of it.

sleep wise.. I've just not been getting any, not even an hour- it's tough, but also my body is used to it, and because I don't get the signals to my brain to relax... well, yeah

mood wise I guess I'm okay, unmotivated to really do much, but otherwise good

[tecomsin]

Originally Posted by Tryingtobehappy5

Because Im not stable and dont do all the things moms are supposed to do and Im always irritable. H is so much better than me.

Had to spend the day in a cell sobering up. I apparently said some bad things again but Im not sure its true. Probably got some sleep though lol still feel a little dizzy and tired.

They made me agree to check in with mental health tomorrow which is ok, I dont mind them as much as drs because they dont bother me as much about meds and stuff. Plus I got to go home, I was a little worried they would send me IP when she said I didnt have good judgement. H was surprised when I came home.

What would H like to see you do?

raging vortex, you'd be OK in my house. My husband is allergic to garlic, so no garlic smell here.

I've actually been feeling a bit better lately since my Seroquel XR was reduced from 600 mg to 500 mg. I'm not going off this med, just need it reduced. My dosage of Seroquel XR has gone up and down between 450 and 600 mg for years, depending on my moods, etc. Since reducing to 500 mg, I've needed a little less sleep, felt more energetic and motivated during the day, and had a brighter mood. My appetite has also been reduced a bit. No more minor binging since the reduction. Really, 450 mg or below is mostly weight neutral for me.

Even though I'm happy about my appetite reduction, I still want to make Christmas cookies this year. I love my Czech mother-in-law's cookies better than my mother's cookies. I plan to make 5 or 6 different types this year, but WILL be sure they are shared with others so I don't get tempted to eat the majority of them.

I'm looking forward to seeing the movie "At Eternity's Gate" about the last years in Vincent van Gogh's life. I really like the actor Willem Dafoe, plus I'm curious to see how he presents van Gogh's mental illness symptoms. I've read that it is believed that Vincent van Gogh had bipolar disorder.

[Moose72]

Im at loose ends. Should clean my room. Mostly put the clean clothes away. N2 is leaving messes everywhere and its getting to me. I got up feeling good. Now im a bit drowsy. Just feeling angry at myself and I dont know why.

[liveforsummer]

Slept late again. Tried 4 or 5 times to get out of bed but couldn’t. Will try to go out to run a couple errands then I hope to come home and make a really nice supper and start making Christmas cookies. Those are my intentions.

The other thing I wanted to add is this time of year I find not only stressful but I now fear its effects on my mood. I seem to be either in hide away from it, sleep, sleep , sleep because I know the alternative is that once I get going of planning and shopping etc I feel in hyperdrive, can’t get it all done quick enough and it all has to be perfect and this is all with feelings of incredible discomfort so sleeping is easier. Bleh

[Blue_Bird]

I slept last night, it felt good to finally get some rest.

Have class later today, just relaxing right now.

Wanted to write more on this post but I can't really think right now, tired from my morning meds