[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Faltering

I thought I was just manic but

Possible trigger:

I've been having detailed suicidal thoughts and images.

So now I'm wondering if I'm becoming mixed. I just want to find stability. I see the psychologist on Friday so maybe he can help me figure this out.

I’m so sorry your struggling , I think your T will help you a lot.

Write down how your feeling and up to the day you see him so he can get the a bigger picture

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

For now, I am doing better off the gabapentin. It made me feel numb/dumb cognitively, made me very dizzy, made me very sleepy during the daytime.


Cold/bronchitis seems to be improving w/using inhalers (for asthma).


I am currently catching a bit more sleep at night, thankfully.

I have a sleep study in 5 days.


I want to feel hopeful, pretty please.


Love to All!



WC

I’m thrilled that you’re side effects are becoming less bothersome.

Can’t wait til your back to normal Med wise and no more illness.

Yes your sleep study is coming up and hopefully you will get some answers very soon

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by tecomsin

Pdoc said to stay on olanzapine and up my dose of Rexulti to 2 mg. I have terrible tinnitus and think it is the olanzapine making it worse but at least I slept last night.

It’s always something !!! I’m very happy you got some sleep !!!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by TheSeaCat

Hi guys! That stupid monitor is finally off the moment that thing beeped I was like get this thing off of me. Where the stupid stickers are is all red and irritated, apparently the brand of stickers had Nickle in it and that is why I reacted so badly to it. I cried the moment M pulled the stupid stickers off it was so satisfying, not as satisfying as getting home and running to the shower. That shower felt amazing, it really is the little things that you miss. My dad kept trying to talk the moment I hit the door and it's like nope I need a shower.


Around lunch my Cardiologist called with the results of the Echocardiogram, everything was perfectly normal, now hopefully the Holter shows that the Beta blocker is working and that it is working with the Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia. I am just glad to be free of irritating stickers. I still have a terrible rash from the stickers but with cream and Benadryl I'm not itchy. I hope it clears up by Monday otherwise I'll have some explaining for my primary doc.


I also canceled a therapy appointment in favor of a shower, so I'll only have one day of therapy this week.


Hugs to everyone

Glad you are done with the Holter monitor. Yes showers are fantastic , you don’t realize how much it matters when you can’t. Glad your echo was normal this is Great news !

[~Christina]

Woke up feeling off a bit . Physically not mentally. No major symptoms other than just tired and feeling a little spacey. I actually took a nap today which happens maybe 3 times a year.

My last blood work from my rheumatologist showed a slight elevation in liver function , nothing huge but more blood work at my next visit in 5 weeks as always. But it does come to mind a lot.

But in reality any of my psych meds could be the problem. Which is more what I am suspecting it to be. I’d be fine going off all of them tbh. I hate filling my weekly pill box , I have dull looking pills , the least they can do is make them colorful.

Stressing a bit over the trip to Florida as always. Good news though, my daughters Father will be out of town for the holidays so I will have her all the 24th and 25th YAY !

Hope everyone is having a good evening

[wildflowerchild25]

Telling RS about the scars went well. He says it doesn’t matter to him and I make him so happy that nothing at this point could scare him away. I’m so relieved! He makes me happy too and I didn’t want to lose him.

Still feel like **** from the cold but at least I don’t have that hanging over my head anymore.

[Pookyl]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Woke up feeling off a bit . Physically not mentally. No major symptoms other than just tired and feeling a little spacey. I actually took a nap today which happens maybe 3 times a year.

I hate filling my weekly pill box , I have dull looking pills , the least they can do is make them colorful.

Stressing a bit over the trip to Florida as always. Good news though, my daughters Father will be out of town for the holidays so I will have her all the 24th and 25th YAY !

Hope everyone is having a good evening

Hope the naps are helping.
I’ve got wonderfully coloured Propanolol tablets. They’re a vibrant red and are pretty enough to almost make me want to take them lol.
I’m starting to feel anxious re Christmas. I love my family but find them stressful. I was an inpatient this time last year and the year before.

Hubby went out with a friend tonight, and I went to a cake decorating class using fondant. I did OK, but don't really like the taste of fondant. I'd rather use these methods using marzipan.

Today I was so agitated and easily angered. Sometimes I find myself yelling at "nobody" or if someone, not in their presence. I live in a townhouse attached to my neighbors'. Sometimes I wonder if they hear me. My one neighbor knows my situation, but the new one on the other side doesn't. I clench my jaws and grind my teeth so hard when I'm like that. My front tooth hurts because of it.

[Moose72]

Imm shaking. My whole body. It wonnt stop. Its been doing this off and on since i changed my meds. But now i cant settle at all to sleep. I stopped trazodone cold turkey. Im wondering if thats it. So i took a dose to see. Waiting for it to kick in. Pdoc thought my hand shaking was due to haldol so she cut that in half. I suppose i need to call tomorrow. Hoping i can sleep tonight. I didnt know trazodone had withdrawal symptoms. Im still on seroquel 100. Stopping that cold turkey kept me wide awake! And yes pdoc told me to do that too!

[Moose72]

The not so secret life of the manic depressive: ten years on. ..... Its a new film on youtube - an update from the last program.

[tecomsin]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Imm shaking. My whole body. It wonnt stop. Its been doing this off and on since i changed my meds. But now i cant settle at all to sleep. I stopped trazodone cold turkey. Im wondering if thats it. So i took a dose to see. Waiting for it to kick in. Pdoc thought my hand shaking was due to haldol so she cut that in half. I suppose i need to call tomorrow. Hoping i can sleep tonight. I didnt know trazodone had withdrawal symptoms. Im still on seroquel 100. Stopping that cold turkey kept me wide awake! And yes pdoc told me to do that too!

I hope you feel better soon.

Quitting trazodone and seroquel at the same time sounds tough. To finally get off seroquel I had to step down slowly 25 mg at a time and then I was cutting the 25mg tablets in half and even smaller at the end. It was a really slow wean. Never had this trouble with any other med but I think I also was splitting trazodone in half to finally get off it.

[Nammu]

I sometimes think all Pdocs should undergo hospitalizations and agree to be med Guinea pigs, they take pills but don't know which ones and are withdrawn after a month. This way they can experience side effects and withdrawals and find out that both are real. Only then can they be practicing Pdocs

[Moose72]

The trazodone kicked in. No more shaking!

I agree: pdocs should have to try these drugs themselves.

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Glad you are done with the Holter monitor. Yes showers are fantastic , you don’t realize how much it matters when you can’t. Glad your echo was normal this is Great news !

That shower felt honestly amazing. Hearing that it was normal was a huge relieve; my phone was in my office since I had to deal with something and M heard it ringing and saw the caller ID so he came running to find me. He figured it was important, he also bear hugged me once he knew I was okay. I honestly think he was more worried than I was. Thank you for all your comments they really me a lot the past few days.

I'm sorry you are having a rough day, and I hate filling up my pills to, my beta blocker is in the shape of heart and my most vibrant pill is a birth control pill, it's such a pretty blue. All of my other meds are white and dull. I'm glad you will have all that time with you daughter

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I sometimes think all Pdocs should undergo hospitalizations and agree to be med Guinea pigs, they take pills but don't know which ones and are withdrawn after a month. This way they can experience side effects and withdrawals and find out that both are real. Only then can they be practicing Pdocs

I actually have a story regarding this, so my therapist is in medical school on his last year and will hopefully be a resident pdoc next year. He has Bipolar 1 with some other fun flavors mixed in. He has tried pretty much all the medication and knows the terrible side effects and how much fun hospitalizations and withdraws are. Minus that one snafu with him wondering if I was really Bipolar 2 or not he has been a wonderful therapist and I have no doubt in my mind that he will eventually be a great Pdoc since he knows what it feels like. I usually bounce med ideas of him and take them to my prescribing doctor. I will be sad when he leaves for a bigger city come May-June. Hopefully he'll be willing to do Skype therapy.

If I am being totally honest I wish the PsychNP that prescribed Latuda could experience the muscle spasms I had on the medication. I also wish the Zyprexa prescriber could experience gaining 20 pound in two weeks and the gift of all her clothes not fitting and someone telling her the appetite will change.

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Telling RS about the scars went well. He says it doesn’t matter to him and I make him so happy that nothing at this point could scare him away. I’m so relieved! He makes me happy too and I didn’t want to lose him.

Still feel like **** from the cold but at least I don’t have that hanging over my head anymore.

I am glad you told him and that he didn't freak out. He seems like a great guy. I'm sorry you still feel like crud I hope the cold goes away soon.

[Victoria'smom]

Today was stressful, I got the nerve to show my note to my pdoc. She handled it so well but upped my zypexa. We're all worried about weight gain and my compliance. I don't have a lot of choices because it's ODT. If I want injections I have to switch clinics and drive 30 min. every month.

[Tucson]

My daughter had her baby. The baby lost some weight, so my daughter is working to put that weight back on her. Eliana is her name. i am afraid to continue to look for a job. I have been turned down at all the retail stores I applied for. This is during the christmas season. Stores need help right now. But I guess they are not interested in me. This search has included Best Buy, Dillairds, Macys, Sears, and Target. My next stop is Walnart, Walgreens, Home Depot, and Lowes. Incredible. My comouter work gistory should not matter. There are allot of retired people working at retail establishments. What is my problem?

I want to tell all of you about my new adventure. I am cooking meat differently. It is another adventure for me in the kitchen. I use a precisely controlled temperature to cook meat that is vacuum sealed. There are allot of benefits compared to the barbeque or stove. The moisture is retained. It is not possible to overcook. I am absent minded, so this works for me. I have consistent results. If I want my steak medium-well done, I get that every time. Then I take a torch and sear the meat on both sides, hopefully without burning the meat. This makes the meat tastey like a grilled steak. This is called sous vide cooking. Many restaurants do this. This does give me something to do.

So instead of looking for work, I have been doing this.

[Amethyst_Stargazer]

I'm not sure why but tonight I got sad and this happened out of nowhere. A lot is on my mind. A friend of mine stopped talking to me cause he's depressed. Winter is coming and I'm sad. Had a biopsy not to long ago and I feared I had cancer, the friend who's been ignoring me wasn't there for me and this depressed me. So I think today realizing my friend won't speak to me, made me sad. He's sad and seems to be changing. I'm worried about him. Even though he's ignoring me and won't speak to me, I still care and hope he's okay regardless. There's nothing I can do either. I'm just hurt...

I thought yesterday might have been a bad day, but I think I'm right about the depression. I had suicidal thoughts yesterday night that wouldn't go away. They're not existent now, but who's to say they won't come back today or tonight?

I hate this. I was doing so well on my medication... until now.

I can't increase any doses except Lexapro because I'm all maxed out on the others, but my pdoc doesn't like the idea of antidepressants. So, I'd have to get a complete change, which I don't want. I'd rather just cope with what I've got now and wait for it to go away. I don't want a fatty, sleepy med. Rexti and abilify are the only two that haven't made me sleepy, but abilify didn't work.

Originally Posted by Tucson

My daughter had her baby. The baby lost some weight, so my daughter is working to put that weight back on her. Eliana is her name. i am afraid to continue to look for a job. I have been turned down at all the retail stores I applied for. This is during the christmas season. Stores need help right now. But I guess they are not interested in me. This search has included Best Buy, Dillairds, Macys, Sears, and Target. My next stop is Walnart, Walgreens, Home Depot, and Lowes. Incredible. My comouter work gistory should not matter. There are allot of retired people working at retail establishments. What is my problem?

I want to tell all of you about my new adventure. I am cooking meat differently. It is another adventure for me in the kitchen. I use a precisely controlled temperature to cook meat that is vacuum sealed. There are allot of benefits compared to the barbeque or stove. The moisture is retained. It is not possible to overcook. I am absent minded, so this works for me. I have consistent results. If I want my steak medium-well done, I get that every time. Then I take a torch and sear the meat on both sides, hopefully without burning the meat. This makes the meat tastey like a grilled steak. This is called sous vide cooking. Many restaurants do this. This does give me something to do.

So instead of looking for work, I have been doing this.

Congratulations, Tuscon, on the new addition to your family!

I, too, have a sous vide cooker/wand and the container. I've really liked the results, but am yet to really get into using this method. You remind me that I should.

My psychiatrist has not lowered my Seroquel XR for a while. I understand why not, given sporadic agitation, but I've been so tired lately and am having motivation issues.

Sometimes I wish I could take a nap during the day, but I can never get to sleep. It's perhaps good because on the very rare occasions in my life that I managed, I'd wake up even more tired and often disoriented.

[tecomsin]

Yesterday my pdoc raised Rexulti to 2 mg until I see him in 2 weeks and told me to take as much olanzapine as needed to sleep. Last night took 2mg Rexulti and 5 mg olanzapine and slept solidly till after 7 am, which is a good sign.

But am feeling groggy all morning. Less intrusive thoughts. Less catastrophizing. So glad to get some sleep. Maybe the rexulti at 2 mg is enough. Will try 2.5 olanzapine tonight instead and compare.

I am getting stressed waiting for my son to get read. He will be late at work again today and is falling behind on his hours.

I'm annoyed at myself because I was leant a dvd yesterday of "elf", and I said I'd watch it yesterday (I didn't), I'd watch it today (I didn't), this person is going to need it back soon so she can watch it over christmas. I'm just not very good at sticking to what I say (or I am, but only if it's something I really want to do)

emotion wise I've been feeling okay, well, that is until this afternoon- someonem ade a comment about my medication and now I'm feeling bad again (borderline suicidal)

funny how one comment can change your whole outlook- even if the comment is very small

Fun ride through the mountains listening to Lonesome Crowded West today
Everything looks so beautiful with the snow. Last night I skipped the over-the-counter sleep aids and still slept. Been taking 50mg of clozaril and things have been going well.