[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Blue Bird, that does look and sound indulgent. Yum!

beauflow, I hope you do get some good self care in.

I have been feeling physically taxed lately. I've been feeling sore, dragging butt, not waking up to the alarm, and then waking up barely able to lift my head for a good while. I've been running around town doing more errands than is good for me. I have these projects planned that I'm now becoming intimidated by, and yet, instead of resolving to cut down on them, I add another.

I'm, personally, not going to exchange Christmas presents with many people this year. My husband will, but he usually does his own shopping. My buying is almost done. But then my sister said she bought something for me as a "couldn't resist" purchase. She wrote that I need not reciprocate, but I'll at least buy her flowers. Maybe I'll create a flower arrangement for her.

I am sorry you are feeling so taxed.

It's tough to get through the holiday season without overdoing.
I am usually more into the holidays than I am for Christmas this year. Lots going on to keep up with outside of the upcoming holiday.

A flower arrangement sounds nice!


WC

[wildflowerchild25]

Had a good day today. My student didn’t come in so I was with another student who I know well and we went to five below on a field trip. Then I went back to five below after work and got my son some more Christmas presents. Got some wrapping supplies too.

I found out that the company I get my vape cartridges from is going out of business. So I’m going to have to quit or find a new company. I think I’m just going to quit. I wanted to quit in the new year anyway. I’m just afraid. I always get so depressed when I quit nicotine. I hope I can ride it out. I think I’ll feel ok in a couple of weeks I just have to make it a couple of weeks. I think I’m going to use nicotine lozenges and slowly wean off of them instead of quitting cold turkey. Maybe that will ease the transition and my depression won’t get too bad.

Excited for tomorrow, I’m seeing RS again. I hope I feel ok. I’m feeling a little nauseated right now. Not sure if it’s something I ate or if it’s the beginning of a stomach virus. I hope not.

[Blueberrybook]

Off to yet another Christmas choir performance for my daughter, always on a school night. This is the third week in a row. I'm exhausted. A bit queasy tonight too. H & daughter are there already, but she forgot to bring her electric candle, so I came home for it. I know I am going to see the principal tonight and dread every time I come into contact with her in light of the CPS investigation in Sept. I just feel so awkward. Ready for bed.

[Wild Coyote]

Quiet day.

Finally have Lamictal dose where pdoc wants it for awhile now. I think it's subtly helping; time will tell.

Am usually excited about the holidays. Lots going on this year, so difficult to get into the spirit. Have decided I am not putting on a dinner for 16-20 people. I am putting on a meal for just 5 for Christmas. Others are invited to stop in later on, like an open house. It will have to do!

It has helped to make this decision.

Love to All!

WC

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by bizi

You sound miserable....
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Hope your headache went away soon , they are miserable

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Ive been in bed almost all day. Was up for bfast and lunch and to take n3 to school.

Did you have things you needed to get done ? If not I say enjoy your bed , perfect weather to stay covered up.

[Unrigged64072835]

Slow day today. Bought a lot of chocolate. I probably should've taken a nap at some point.

The remaining presents that my husband bought are arriving tomorrow. They're a surprise for me, because I like surprises. My husband and daughter, not so much.

The back pain is starting to lessen, though it still hurts to bend. Just keep trying to take it easy.

Nose is running and sinus hurts, so I'm going to bed early.

Love and hugs to all, and to all a good night. Or morning. Or whatever.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I saw my therapist today. She is going to talk to my doctor about the psychotic symptoms returning so I can get back on an AP that's weight neutral or a PRN AP. The last one I was one, Invega Sustenna injection every 3 weeks 234mg made me gain a ton of weight, I lost all that and I want to keep it off.

I hope you can find one that doesn’t cause weight gain. In the past I have taken a few that made we want to eat my sofa !!

The last thing a psych person needs is meds that pile on the pounds.

Big Pharma could do better but if you think on it .... One med causes weight gain? Prople are going to need meds to take care of the problems weight caused so they are getting a ton of money off us again ...

I loath Big Pharma ... we are all just lab rats

[Guiness187055]

I've fallen into a deep depression. I have been staying in bed for 16 hours a day and getting nothing accomplished. I have had zero appetite for the last three days and have to force myself to eat something. My wife is pretty understanding which is a good thing. I have an appointment with my Pdoc on Monday. I also have all my forms that I need to get filled out for my court date for disability. Keeping my fingers crossed. Hope all is well with everyone.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Guiness187055

I've fallen into a deep depression. I have been staying in bed for 16 hours a day and getting nothing accomplished. I have had zero appetite for the last three days and have to force myself to eat something. My wife is pretty understanding which is a good thing. I have an appointment with my Pdoc on Monday. I also have all my forms that I need to get filled out for my court date for disability. Keeping my fingers crossed. Hope all is well with everyone.

So sorry you are struggling with depression.
It's so helpful to have an understanding spouse.
I hope your pdoc can help.
Best wishes with your disability case.


WC

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Had a good day today. My student didn’t come in so I was with another student who I know well and we went to five below on a field trip. Then I went back to five below after work and got my son some more Christmas presents. Got some wrapping supplies too.


I found out that the company I get my vape cartridges from is going out of business. So I’m going to have to quit or find a new company. I think I’m just going to quit. I wanted to quit in the new year anyway. I’m just afraid. I always get so depressed when I quit nicotine. I hope I can ride it out. I think I’ll feel ok in a couple of weeks I just have to make it a couple of weeks. I think I’m going to use nicotine lozenges and slowly wean off of them instead of quitting cold turkey. Maybe that will ease the transition and my depression won’t get too bad.


Excited for tomorrow, I’m seeing RS again. I hope I feel ok. I’m feeling a little nauseated right now. Not sure if it’s something I ate or if it’s the beginning of a stomach virus. I hope not.

Glad your having good days !!

I love 5 below , they have some amazing buys.

Maybe the nicotine gum could help you ???

I used Chantix it was so easy to quit. You can smoke the first week but by day 3 the smell of cigs made me want to hurl , I never smoked again. I’m a totally hypocritical non smoker , I’m just disgusted at how I use to smell and didn’t realize, felt bad for my non smoking friends and especially my patients.

Enjoy seeing RS again

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Guiness187055

I've fallen into a deep depression. I have been staying in bed for 16 hours a day and getting nothing accomplished. I have had zero appetite for the last three days and have to force myself to eat something. My wife is pretty understanding which is a good thing. I have an appointment with my Pdoc on Monday. I also have all my forms that I need to get filled out for my court date for disability. Keeping my fingers crossed. Hope all is well with everyone.

I’m sorry your struggling so much

Yes fill out all the paperwork!

[pirilin]

I'm fine.
A little worried 'bout money. It's running out. 'bout time!!.
To the point of inventing an excuse to go to Walmart, Intead of Publix, and do the most shopping I could, including a 50lbs bag of dog food and many more unnecessary things to raise cash from La Bruja.
Also got a 100 in cash. To pad my wallet yo.
This was the last virgin card I had.
The end is near. I can feel it.
I can't go bankrupt. Is not seven years yet. Or is it?.
Food for thought.

It was a great ride anyway!!!.

Cheers!!!.

[xRavenx]

Had a good conversation with someone who I made friends with through work. I opened up a little bit as to what has been going on with me, while not sharing certain things. It's rare I open up about such things, but she's someone trustworthy. I don't like to put too much on people though when it comes to my issues. It feels good sometimes to see that some people out there care though.

[~Christina]

Useless day for me today.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I hope you can find one that doesn’t cause weight gain. In the past I have taken a few that made we want to eat my sofa !!

The last thing a psych person needs is meds that pile on the pounds.

Big Pharma could do better but if you think on it .... One med causes weight gain? Prople are going to need meds to take care of the problems weight caused so they are getting a ton of money off us again ...

I loath Big Pharma ... we are all just lab rats

Thanks! Yeah it's very frustrating. Unfortunately the Invega worked fantastic for me. I had to get off it because my doctor noticed some signs of TD. She was going to put me on clozapine but I wanted to try without an AP and dropped the 100lbs I gained. I did great for over a year but voices and paranoia returned and have been going on for several months now. I tried to deal with it myself but it's overwhelming and interfering with my life too much

[TheSeaCat]

Hi guys! I'm alive and upright! That headache was miserable as was the double vision I called it a super early night last night. I can see straight again which feels amazing. I could also wear my heels again since I don't feel dizzy.

To recap yesterday work was terrible it felt like I had four computer screens instead of my standard two. I saw my Cardiologist again; he went over my results of the Holter Monitor the only time is was below 100 was when I slept and even then it was 99 most of the time I slept; granted both nights there were times when my heart rate shot up to 130 in the middle of the night. Cardiologist said most peoples sleeping heart rate is not in the 90's but rather around 50-60. He does not think I have Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. My blood pressure is also quite high considering I'm on a Beta Blocker. So he increased my dose from a half a pill to a full pill. I took the full pill last night when R woke me up to take my medication and woke up with a very minor headache, my full vision, and could stand on my own two feet and balance in heels. I hope this full pull works. My heart rate is still well into the 100's but as long as I don't have a headache I'll take it.

M is very worried about me; and the headaches going so far to supplying me every hour with coffee plus my favorite creamer; it seems to be helping the headache. I have traded in the Excedrin for super strength Tylenol which is working a lot better.

R really likes my new car; we carpooled to work she likes my car, granted it's not as nice as her's but then again I don't have a PA salary. I still have college to pay for.

The office Christmas Party is tomorrow and I just finished making a turtle poke cake, most everything else is in the oven or setting up on the counter top.

I was able to take a shower this morning; I just didn't feel like doing much of anything last night. I also took a shower about an hour ago. I felt extra disgusting yesterday.

I also was diagnosed with an ear infection today by M; so that could have been contributing to some of my fatigue the past couple days; and might have been another source with the headache. So who really knows at this point if was my heart or a infection all that I know is that I am grateful to be feeling better. It could be the new beta dose or some super strong antibiotics in the form of horse pills.

I did have a fever when I visited my primary; he and I just never thought much of it since I usually do run a fever when I see him, but it's probably because they set the office thermostat to hell for the winter; but yeah I have an ear infection. So drops and antibiotics oh what fun. I'm just glad it's not the flu.

Hugs to everyone

Also thank you Wild, Christina and Bizi for your well wishes.

Also Also Wild I'm very glad your sleep test went well. I finally got around to reading some posts and saw that you had posted an update about it.

[Sunflower123]

I saw my pdoc today and he increased the AD dosage since the depression is lingering even with my daughter being home. I did thoroughly enjoy the drum circle Tuesday and I do love having my daughter home. Hopefully, I’ll get in the Christmas spirit soon.

Sending hugs to everyone that needs them.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by pirilin

I'm fine.

A little worried 'bout money. It's running out. 'bout time!!.

To the point of inventing an excuse to go to Walmart, Intead of Publix, and do the most shopping I could, including a 50lbs bag of dog food and many more unnecessary things to raise cash from La Bruja.

Also got a 100 in cash. To pad my wallet yo.

This was the last virgin card I had.

The end is near. I can feel it.

I can't go bankrupt. Is not seven years yet. Or is it?.

Food for thought.


It was a great ride anyway!!!.


Cheers!!!.

Avoid Hellmart !

Having a great ride is worth it.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Thanks! Yeah it's very frustrating. Unfortunately the Invega worked fantastic for me. I had to get off it because my doctor noticed some signs of TD. She was going to put me on clozapine but I wanted to try without an AP and dropped the 100lbs I gained. I did great for over a year but voices and paranoia returned and have been going on for several months now. I tried to deal with it myself but it's overwhelming and interfering with my life too much

Yeah I hear that. We often get backed into the corner. I hope your can find a solution.

[Nammu]

My sister came over today and took mum to the doctor, picked up some probiotic yogurt and my library book for me. Was really nice. I wrapped three gifts now I need more wrapping paper and gift bags to do the rest of them, so a trip to the dollar store is in my future.

[beauflow]

Hugs and good thoughts.

_____
I don't want to be a guineapig or lab rat ..

And present shopping, ugh and yay! But not so much, I just don't care these days ..
----

I am doing ok now.. my cat and I are relaxing to meditation music but I dont want to go to bed...

been a very bouncy day with higher highs and lower lows it seemed like to me.

tried best to get self care in, actually brushed my teeth too.... but , idk if that actually did any good-- the first half of work I was very upset.

I was already upset with the situation, but i was sure to use a sit down of wise mind practices before writing my first email. I even wrote In the email both sides of the problem and asked "how can we assist to fix the issue? "

I got very upset - like almost trigger like upset-- and perhaps it was-- that people got topics mixed up in the threads, and basically merged the issues together. This is very upsetting..
I was just very upset, agitated and angry. Actually was to the point of "I am so tired and done with people "...

My one coworker friend let me vent a bit.. I was going 100mph trying to explain, he agreed with me of not going down to try to talk about the situation.. because he could tell I wasn't 100% the me he knew usually.

I honestly felt like I would had started screaming at the others... I left work again today .. but did go back.

after a few hours my friend made a joke asking "where did (me) go, and what have "you" done with her?! Bring (me) back "...
He also mentioned, I was so happy yesterday and today was so angy... what can I say?
I did laugh at what he said though, my ex for years now has mentioned " 'Bob' me is driving today " or " 'Bob' me is talking ".. [*]Again, I just am unsure what "box" this is in. I am not sure if this is dissociative because I am me I these moments... just a different me.

Between what I refer to as my "OCD moments" lightly, with the threads of emails ((because that really upset me, that things couldnt be in order or in proper places-- not 100% ocd)) and finding another two cards that were really not aligned.. and just feeling no control, I did cry in my office... I had thoughts and even plans, but those have passed right now.

With the cards, one of my older coworker and closer ones, he helped me out with making it pretty again. This man is in his late 70s, and I just dont every really feel like I am talking to an older person unless he mentions something that I have no clue or only heard of. He has a daughter with struggles, he is very nice to have met.

I did go back into hyperdrive before leaving, I am really trying to wrap up what I can and provide as much info as I can while I check out.

Actually get vacation, this is very foreign to me. And ... I haven't planned it well.

Ive been so wrapped up with a lot, I didn't plan anything.. which has touched a button but I am trying to remind myself-- I get to sleep in or not for a few days. I hope I find something to do though.

I know, I am a workaholic- I am not taking a full week off due to on Thursday on have meetings on my calendar and I dont want to //cant really just hand this mess to someone else to talk about.
I'll be on call the following week, so that's why I am not takin time off.
[*]I did try to ship the box, but the machine at USPS post office started the service to do box labels was having technical difficulties
No wonder postal things happen there
I'll try to get it tomorrow.

I did drop off the card though, I do hope "forever stamps" are forever.. haven't bought stamps in a few years and found these in a drawer.

I did want to drink when I got home but didn't...
I will work one hour tomorrow to finish up my week, .... I will probably fail with working just one hour, but who knows...

[Pookyl]

Bipolar stable. Anxiety through the roof. Every time my bipolar is better my anxiety is worse. I don’t know why??
Agoraphobia is bad. My hubby tried to encourage me to go out by giving me cash to buy clothes but it didn’t work.

[Wander]

On Tuesday after a big trigger my dormant PTSD (for over two years) kicked back into full gear. For a time I lost contact with reality and became actively homocidal for reasons I won't go into. This year has been a particularly tough year with poor physical and mental health along with some deep losses. I manage to pull myself back into reality but have struggled ever since with rage, grief and constant dissociation. My T thinks bipolar is fueling this and I am at risk of a psychotic break but my pdoc thinks it is only trauma and has referred me to yoga specific for trauma to help me ground myself.

A few years ago a perfect storm similar to this did lead to a psychotic break which is why my T is so concerned and my current pdoc wasn't around at that time so is not aware of it. Now they are both going on leave until mid January so I will just have to hold on and try to stay grounded till then. This comes a few weeks after stabilising from a horror mixed episode that landed me IP for a month involving ECT which seemed to calm things down. I thought I was finally stabilising and now this. Sigh ... This year has been illness after illness. No wonder I am full of rage. Well that plus a huge amount of past trauma resurfacing. AAAGGGHHHH!!!

[Blue_Bird]

Can't seem to sleep much lately. I'm able to go to bed at a normal time now but I only sleep about 5 hours each night. I guess it's not much of a problem since I feel fine. It's just odd because I spent several months so exhausted I barely got out of bed and was sleeping anywhere from 12-16 hours each day.

Woke up @3am, it's going on 5 now. Going to wait till it starts to get light out then go to the gym