[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

My mother is very ill with MS; she's in an electric wheelchair. She also has COPD and other health issues. She lives 1.5 hours from me, and 1 hr from my brother. My brother is insisting that we buy land near where he lives and form a 'compound' for the family. We would all live there in different houses, but all on the same land, within walking distance from each other. My brother says that I need to live there to take care of my mother because he doesn't have time (3 kids).

I don't want to do it. I refuse to move from where I am, which I love, and which is close to work. I don't want to live in a frickn' 'compound' which would probably be prohibitively expensive and is pure fantasy for both my brother and mother, especially for my brother. I suggested we get her a house around equidistant from his house and mine (so we'd each be about 15 mins from her) and he said absolutely not because we wouldn't be within walking distance...

He and I have fought over this multiple times. He has major anger issues, and when he starts to yell at me I freeze up and when it's in person, I sometimes get scared; not that he'll hit me or something, but just scared.

I saw my theraist the other day and we did role playing, which was very helpful. She thinks this whole thing is very unfair to me (I'm the only one making sacrifices, and he's being very controlling, etc. and positing "preposterous" reasons why I need to live with them). In any case, after the role playing I feel stronger; I feel like I can talk to him about this without falling apart and will be able to say to him "no" under no circumstances, instead of saying no and then getting wishy-washy after he's yelled at me and guilted me and bullied me.

I'm afraid that this will affect our relationship. I moved here almost 2 years ago to be closer to family, and espeically to him and my nephews. He is my support system here, really the only one that is, or has been, strong.

Re my mother, I should add that she has homecare which helps her enormously and could/will get more as she deteriorates. She needs to be closer to us, but it's not necessary that I be there, within walking distance, for god's sake, in order for her to have a good life.

This has all caused a great deal of stress and sadness. I'm feeling depressed, in fact, and just want to spend all day in bed, which is what I did yesterday. But I have so much to do, and back to work tomorrow. I don't need meds, this is purely situational, but I need support. Fortunately, I'm getting it from my best friend (who unfortunately lives far away), a couple close colleagues, and a couple of other people from the family (which my brother is estranged from, in large part, because of his anger issues, and being so controlling).

To be clear, I love my brother very very much. And he can be lovely and generous, and nurturing and just a wonderful brother. But if he does not take control of his anger and controlling ways, I'm afriad we will regularly be running into problems with each other. I'm afraid we won't be close anymore once I've told him "NO" absolutely no, when it comes to the compound, but I need to stand up for myself, and do what is best for myself. As it is, I'm the one who calls my mother every day, visits her more than him, organizes her home care and medical appointments; and I go to every appointment I can. And I love her very much too. But I wish she, too, would give up on this fantasy of a 'compound.'

I am sorry your mom is so ill.

My mom has needed some assistance and also frequently brings up the idea of establishing a "family compound." Although she thinks it is a great idea, none of her children agree with her on this. Nobody gets along with siblings well enough for such an arrangement to be healthy and/or helpful.

I do understand, at least to some extent, the challenges with keeping up a relationship with a temperamental sibling. I hope your brother is open to your viewpoint on the compound idea.

It sounds like you do plenty for your mom. (I am the caregiver for my elderly mom, too. It can be very stressful. It's too easy to lose track of our own needs when in this role.)

I am glad the role-playing was helpful. You are in a challenging situation.

My best,


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by spikes

my throat hurts from screaming...

Why have you been screaming?
Are you okay?

WC

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Why have you been screaming?
Are you okay?

WC

I’m not okay. I screamed because of the combo of physical and emotional pain neither of which has stopped but now I’m crying a little bit more quietly.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by spikes

I’m not okay. I screamed because of the combo of physical and emotional pain neither of which has stopped but now I’m crying a little bit more quietly.

Oh dear! Sounds dreadful.

I have some very disheartening days like you are describing, too. I can get to feeling hopeless.

I have found crying to be relieving emotionally, even though it does not take the emotional pain away.

Do you have anything you can take, or can do, to help with the physical pain?
Does heat or ice help? Do NSAIDs, like ibuprofen/naproxen sodium or other meds help?

is there anyone around who can help you?

Thinking of you.

WC

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Oh dear! Sounds dreadful.

I have some very disheartening days like you are describing, too. I can get to feeling hopeless.

I have found crying to be relieving emotionally, even though it does not take the emotional pain away.

Do you have anything you can take, or can do, to help with the physical pain?
Does heat or ice help? Do NSAIDs, like ibuprofen/naproxen sodium or other meds help?

is there anyone around who can help you?

Thinking of you.

WC

The pain is from a rash mostly on my left shoulder but also on my back that's bleeding and oozing every time I touch it (or have an article of clothing or anything else that touches it). I have an appointment for a dermatologist to look at it... in May I haven't tried any OTC meds. I tried ice (which helped but only while an ice cube was directly on it). Haven't tried heat other than a hot shower (hurt a lot!). It's just something I have to deal with for now I guess.
Thanks for helping

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by spikes

The pain is from a rash mostly on my left shoulder but also on my back that's bleeding and oozing every time I touch it (or have an article of clothing or anything else that touches it). I have an appointment for a dermatologist to look at it... in May I haven't tried any OTC meds. I tried ice (which helped but only while an ice cube was directly on it). Haven't tried heat other than a hot shower (hurt a lot!). It's just something I have to deal with for now I guess.
Thanks for helping

Oh no! Rashes can hurt a lot!

It takes so long to get into a specialist! it's frustrating!

Has your Primary Care doc seen the rash and been able to help?

Did you ask to be put on a waiting list incase someone cancels an appt with dermatology?

I don't see how they expect you to wait until May?

I'd call my Primary Care doc -- again. There must be some topical s/he can give you to help in the meantime. It seems very remiss of any doc to allow you to go on in such agony.

I hope you can find some help with this asap.

My heart goes out to you!

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Oh no! Rashes can hurt a lot!

It takes so long to get into a specialist! it's frustrating!

Has your Primary Care doc seen the rash and been able to help?

Did you ask to be put on a waiting list incase someone cancels an appt with dermatology?

I don't see how they expect you to wait until May?

I'd call my Primary Care doc -- again. There must be some topical s/he can give you to help in the meantime. It seems very remiss of any doc to allow you to go on in such agony.

I hope you can find some help with this asap.

My heart goes out to you!

They gave me a cream for it, but I already used all of it up and it's not too helpful. I am on a waiting list too. The rash will probably (hopefully) be gone by May. I think I'm just going to tape a bunch of gauze pads together so I have some extra padding and stop staining all my clothes.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by spikes

They gave me a cream for it, but I already used all of it up and it's not too helpful. I am on a waiting list too. The rash will probably (hopefully) be gone by May. I think I'm just going to tape a bunch of gauze pads together so I have some extra padding and stop staining all my clothes.

The rash sounds horrible!

I'd had a terrible burning, angry rash in late November; my primary care was very helpful. He'd also had some different creams he could prescribe to help if the first one was not so helpful. He'd told me to call him if I'd needed more help with it.

Personally, I'd call my primary again and ask for help. Sometimes they have some alternative creams they can prescribe if the first one did not work well.

You should not have to suffer through this... and DEFINITELY not until May!

[hopeless2015]

I've done no cleaning this weekend. Slept off and on all day. Very sensitive...PMS. I still need to to laundromat but at this point will probably just go tomorrow after work, I'm not leaving the house at this point today. Got my bankruptcy yearly statement in the mail this weekend... 20 payments to go. Hugs to all

[Under*Over]

I feel ok. Im excited for new things to begin. It gives me something to look forwards to and to move towards when Im in a cloud of confusion and uncertainty. It gives me meaning.

So hah. Thats all good stuff!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by hopeless2015

I've done no cleaning this weekend. Slept off and on all day. Very sensitive...PMS. I still need to to laundromat but at this point will probably just go tomorrow after work, I'm not leaving the house at this point today. Got my bankruptcy yearly statement in the mail this weekend... 20 payments to go. Hugs to all

I had a low key day today, too. Couldn't sleep, but would have welcomed it!

I hope you feel better soon.

[Nammu]

Made a totally 1960's meal. Tatar-tot hot dish and fruit in jello for dinner. I'm stuffed luckily girdles are no longer a dress requirement for ladies of a certain age.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Made a totally 1960's meal. Tatar-tot hot dish and fruit in jello for dinner. I'm stuffed luckily girdles are no longer a dress requirement for ladies of a certain age.

Sounds good! I love various jello dishes!
I hope you and your mother enjoyed it!

WC

[Blue_Bird]

I feel disgusting. Overdid it with food today. I spent weeks barely having an appetite now I feel extremely hungry and craving junk food constantly. I can eat and 30 minutes later actually physically hungry, and not out of boredom or anything. Not sure what happened. Maybe part of it is the new med I'm on. I know part of it is lack of self control. But I seemed to be doing so well...

anyway, my mood is good. I'm so happy to be able to sleep and not have racing thoughts and agitation. I just need to be careful with this food thing

[Blue_Bird]

Just going to take my night meds do something to take my mind off it, fall asleep, and start fresh tomorrow

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I feel disgusting. Overdid it with food today. I spent weeks barely having an appetite now I feel extremely hungry and craving junk food constantly. I can eat and 30 minutes later actually physically hungry, and not out of boredom or anything. Not sure what happened. Maybe part of it is the new med I'm on. I know part of it is lack of self control. But I seemed to be doing so well...

anyway, my mood is good. I'm so happy to be able to sleep and not have racing thoughts and agitation. I just need to be careful with this food thing

I was very hungry 24/7 on Abilify. I could not curb the ravenous appetite. I'd gained a lot of weight on it. Now I have to take all of that weight off. It can be demoralizing, for sure.

I hope you can find a way to cope with the hunger. If not, please have a talk with your pdoc to see if there is an alternative med which might be as helpful.

I am glad to read you are experiencing some benefits from Seroquel! I hope you have a good week!

WC

[TheSeaCat]

Hello all nice weekend for me woke up and went to the gym for some morning swimming and yoga then came home a took a quick I stink shower and got changed to take the girls out mini golfing, laser tag and of course pizza, I of course had a protein bar from my purse since their is nothing that has more grease than arcade pizza. Of course our fun was kind of short by one of the girls getting sick and I didn't want to call Aunt and make her and Uncle cut their day away short; and I really don't care to babysit, granted I wish I could have an adult conversation with one of them about my feelings about M; instead I'm reading princess stories and telling them the G rated version of New Year's with M. Guess I'll have to wait for Aunt and go make Uncle tell them Princess stories. We were watching something terrible on the Disney Channel but the youngest just suggested we watch Descendants 2; I don't even know what that is; nor have I seen the first one. Oh well I guess that is why I have my laptop.

Hugs to everyone

[Guiness187055]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I was very hungry 24/7 on Abilify. I could not curb the ravenous appetite. I'd gained a lot of weight on it. Now I have to take all of that weight off. It can be demoralizing, for sure.

I hope you can find a way to cope with the hunger. If not, please have a talk with your pdoc to see if there is an alternative med which might be as helpful.

I am glad to read you are experiencing some benefits from Seroquel! I hope you have a good week!

WC

It's amazing how different our bodies are. Abilify kills my appetite where as seroquel and zyprexa wanted to make me eat my couch.

[Blueberrybook]

Not too much to say lately. Stupid ED thoughts are grabbing hold of me, not helped by the fact that I may have lost another pound or two. Or maybe not. The antibiotic I am still finishing for strep gives me diarrhea. I have one more pill to take tomorrow morning, then I'm done.

Really have strong urges to stop taking the Seroquel & Lamictal, stupid thoughts really, I'd just wind up manic, but I think what if I can eat less & lose more weight? I am even taking those stupid type pro-ED pictures that show ribs, bones & such. Loving the bones, but going there is such a slippery slope.

I am having a hard time as H's new insurance will not kick in until he's been there 60 days. In the meantime, we will be paying out of the nose for COBRA, but the school district H worked for doesn't reopen until tomorrow, so he has not been able to talk to benefits there. In the meantime, I had to cancel my appt. with the pdoc & T, with the GI doc, as well as an appt. for my daughter to get a cavity filled. OMG, I hate insurance.

I don't know why I'm having such intrusive thoughts that the medication is bad for me, I should just junk it, maybe keep the Adderall. Dumb ED. I can't even update my avatar pic on places like FB because I'm just starting to look gaunt in the face. Maybe it will be better off the antibiotic. I hope so.

It's going to be tough for me, I think, until I pass the anniversary of that perforated ulcer, which was Valentine's Day, not likely to forget the worst Valentine's Day of my life.

[Lefty Seven]

Enola Gay was escorted to Hiroshima by a B-29 named Necessary Evil. I called my first girlfriend Necessary Evil because she was both.

[Gabyunbound]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I am sorry your mom is so ill.

My mom has needed some assistance and also frequently brings up the idea of establishing a "family compound." Although she thinks it is a great idea, none of her children agree with her on this. Nobody gets along with siblings well enough for such an arrangement to be healthy and/or helpful.

I do understand, at least to some extent, the challenges with keeping up a relationship with a temperamental sibling. I hope your brother is open to your viewpoint on the compound idea.

It sounds like you do plenty for your mom. (I am the caregiver for my elderly mom, too. It can be very stressful. It's too easy to lose track of our own needs when in this role.)

I am glad the role-playing was helpful. You are in a challenging situation.

My best,


WC

Thank you SO much, WC. Your empathy, as always, really shines through.

Well, I spoke to my brother on the phone yesterday and finally just said "no" with utter finality this time. Predictably, he lost it. He yelled and yelled and yelled at me. I told him, at some point, that he can't treat me that way and needs to calm down and I hung up. Then he kept calling, some 10 times, until I finally answered (I wasn't going to answer because I wasn't convinced he had calmed down so soon). He started out calmer and apologized for what I said about him guilting and bullying me into finally saying 'maybe' or being wishy washy in the past, always after I had already said no. And then he started berating me again.

So it didn't go well. At all. BUT, the role playing proved very helpful and I was able to say what I needed to say. What makes me so sad and worried now, is that this has affected our relationship: I'm afraid I won't be able to see him or my nephews. I'm afraid that I've lost my support system, which is paramount. I'm so scared...

At least I have support from others and that helps me keep strong. But I am very sad, very worried, scared...

[wildflowerchild25]

I didn’t go to work today. I woke up feeling like I could burst into tears at any moment and I just couldn’t handle the idea of going to work. I took a family illness day because I don’t need a doctor’s note for that. I’m just going to say my son was sick. Of course now he will probably actually get sick. That’s karma for you. But whatever. I don’t care. I went out to target to buy a few household items so that I didn’t have to tell my mom I wasn’t going to work. She hasn’t noticed the depression yet granted it’s only been a week.

When I got home I was productive I called the billing office for a medical bill I had and found out that my insurance actually did end up covering it. That was a huge relief. It was $2300. I also called around to a few psychiatrist and actually got one on the phone. She’s actually someone I’ve worked with in the past. That’ll be nice if she can get me in because she already knows me. I thought she might refuse to see me because I was so bad off when I saw her last but she didn’t. My psychiatrist now can’t get me in until two weeks from now so I’m hoping this one can get me in sooner.

Now I’m probably going to sleep for the rest of the day. I don’t want to be awake. I’m having self harm thoughts. They’re not intrusive yet but they are there. No Suicidal thoughts yet beyond damn I wish I wasn’t here. Or I wish I could sleep until this is over.

I wish I could handle depression better. It’s only been a week and I feel like I’m drowning. I’ve already called out of work because I can’t handle it. I’m such a baby. I hate it.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

Thank you SO much, WC. Your empathy, as always, really shines through.

Well, I spoke to my brother on the phone yesterday and finally just said "no" with utter finality this time. Predictably, he lost it. He yelled and yelled and yelled at me. I told him, at some point, that he can't treat me that way and needs to calm down and I hung up. Then he kept calling, some 10 times, until I finally answered (I wasn't going to answer because I wasn't convinced he had calmed down so soon). He started out calmer and apologized for what I said about him guilting and bullying me into finally saying 'maybe' or being wishy washy in the past, always after I had already said no. And then he started berating me again.

So it didn't go well. At all. BUT, the role playing proved very helpful and I was able to say what I needed to say. What makes me so sad and worried now, is that this has affected our relationship: I'm afraid I won't be able to see him or my nephews. I'm afraid that I've lost my support system, which is paramount. I'm so scared...

At least I have support from others and that helps me keep strong. But I am very sad, very worried, scared...

Oh dear, I am sorry it did not go well.

I have a sibling who has to have things her way. When I either express a different viewpoint and/or just say "no," she gets VERY angry and does ban family from her house when she is not pleased. She also refuses to talk to the person(s) she is angry with. It can take her years to get over it. Crossing her leads to banishment from her world, including my niece and nephew. It's sad that she feels she must respond in this manner. Luckily, I have other siblings and lots of nieces and nephews. It's tough, often impossible, to deal with people who conduct themselves in this way.

Your brother has not yet proven he'll banish you from his life/family. I'd take advantage of this, sending him a message, via a card or another method, telling him of how much I do appreciate/love him and his family and how I don't want differences in opinions to get in the way of our friendship... or something similar. Just a thought. In these situations, it's important our communications come from the heart, which can be difficult when we are emotionally heated and/or the other person is emotionally heated. We all, often, want to go into a self-protective mode and understandably so!

I hope he will not withdraw his love and his support.

I hope things get better with a little time. It's obviously important for you to continue on with your relationships within the family.

Thinking of you.

WC

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I didn’t go to work today. I woke up feeling like I could burst into tears at any moment and I just couldn’t handle the idea of going to work. I took a family illness day because I don’t need a doctor’s note for that. I’m just going to say my son was sick. Of course now he will probably actually get sick. That’s karma for you. But whatever. I don’t care. I went out to target to buy a few household items so that I didn’t have to tell my mom I wasn’t going to work. She hasn’t noticed the depression yet granted it’s only been a week.

When I got home I was productive I called the billing office for a medical bill I had and found out that my insurance actually did end up covering it. That was a huge relief. It was $2300. I also called around to a few psychiatrist and actually got one on the phone. She’s actually someone I’ve worked with in the past. That’ll be nice if she can get me in because she already knows me. I thought she might refuse to see me because I was so bad off when I saw her last but she didn’t. My psychiatrist now can’t get me in until two weeks from now so I’m hoping this one can get me in sooner.

Now I’m probably going to sleep for the rest of the day. I don’t want to be awake. I’m having self harm thoughts. They’re not intrusive yet but they are there. No Suicidal thoughts yet beyond damn I wish I wasn’t here. Or I wish I could sleep until this is over.

I wish I could handle depression better. It’s only been a week and I feel like I’m drowning. I’ve already called out of work because I can’t handle it. I’m such a baby. I hate it.

You are no baby!

You are one of the most courageous people I know!

Depression can get the best of anyone. Nobody, including you, deserves any harsh judgment for struggling with depression.

I hope you can get in with your former pdoc, if that's in your best interest.

I am sorry you are having such a difficult time.
please be kind to yourself.

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by TheSeaCat

Hello all nice weekend for me woke up and went to the gym for some morning swimming and yoga then came home a took a quick I stink shower and got changed to take the girls out mini golfing, laser tag and of course pizza, I of course had a protein bar from my purse since their is nothing that has more grease than arcade pizza. Of course our fun was kind of short by one of the girls getting sick and I didn't want to call Aunt and make her and Uncle cut their day away short; and I really don't care to babysit, granted I wish I could have an adult conversation with one of them about my feelings about M; instead I'm reading princess stories and telling them the G rated version of New Year's with M. Guess I'll have to wait for Aunt and go make Uncle tell them Princess stories. We were watching something terrible on the Disney Channel but the youngest just suggested we watch Descendants 2; I don't even know what that is; nor have I seen the first one. Oh well I guess that is why I have my laptop.

Hugs to everyone

I admire you for making so much time for your nieces.

My nieces/nephews are older now, in their 20's and 30's. I LOVE seeing them! I don't know as I would see as much of them now, if I had not spent time with them when they were younger.

I am glad to read life is treating you well.
Is the newest heart medication helping you? I hope so!


WC