[Nammu]

What a long drive, glad you're safe. Bet the old bed is a comfort.

[~Christina]

Glad you made it safely. Sorry you had to drive through the storms, it’s awful.

Italian dinner ?? Mmmmmmm

It’s now your fault I’m making chicken parmigiana for dinner this week lol

[bizi]

Being bipolar and an alcoholic is tough.
I drank 18 drinks today and don't feel sick like I should...
my tolerance is high and I spread them out over 12 hours.
I am home from vacation...need to get back to dieting and limiting my drinking.
This is the most I have drank in for ever.
I need to get to bed as I start work again in the morning.
hubby is in bed already.
It has been a long time that I have drank this much.
2 weeks ago I met with my sponsor and the last thing she said to me was "don't drink"
I drank a lot over the past 2 weeks. I am supposed to call her when I get back and the next AA meeting is wednesday.
It is an agnostic/atheist group meeting.
AA is very religious, which I am not.
I will approach cautiously.
bizi

[bizi]

I need help.
Will call my psych doctor....
My sleep is horrible.I was awake at 3am this morning (could not get comfortable)
Melatonin is not working! Up at 6 am.
I have not slept well ever since my doctor discontinued my klonipin.
Have been running hypo for about a month.
It is getting really out of hand....my life is needing a shake down.
I need to start dieting again.
Eating freely and drinking like a fish sets me up for poor sleeping.
And I am starting to notice heart burn and indigestion,
took tums and zantac last night.
Need to stop this drinking!
Am going to an AA meeting tonight at 6pm.
Will touch base with my sponsor via telephone if she is not there tonight.
I am off to take a much needed shower.
bizi

[Wild Coyote]

Hi Bizi,

I am sorry you are having a tough time.
I have known you for a few years now and have seen you quickly turn things around for your benefit whenever you have decided to do so. I am not writing this to minimize your struggle. I am recalling your many strengths! I hope you will call your pdoc....and your sponsor. We are here for you, too!
Much Love to You!!!

[bizi]

worked late and missed the AA meeting so went to dinner with hubby and had 3 beers.
a delicious cheese burger with sweet potato fries.
yum!
I think that will be all of the alcohol to drink tonight...I must get a good nights sleep.
bizi

[fern46]

Does your husband drink too? I know it can be difficult to make changes when those you surround yourself with participate in the activity you're trying to leave behind. Hopefully he can support you on your journey. Did you ever get in touch with your sponsor? Today is a new day!

Sweet potato fries sound so good...

[bizi]

Thank you!
After many conversations and such with my pdoc office staff yesterday and today. I finally just said that I have been hypo for 5 weeks. And that my sleep has been off for as long.
Well that made a difference.
I am to increase my zyprexa to 15mg for the next 3 nights to stop the hypo mania....which I don't think will be long enough. I am supposed to call on monday to see how I am doing.
She only wants me to have 1 cup of coffee in the morning and if I am to drink alcohol drink it earlier in the evening as that will effect my sleep.
Still just take the melatonin as before.
I am hoping that I will not have these impulsive/compulsive addictions out of control.
bizi

[bizi]

we had a great time....I liked the sour beer that I drank.
Had a delicious shrimp salad with soy ginger dressing.
It had a lot of toppings:
dice apples
grilled onions
pico deguillo

black olives

diced tomatoes

half an avocado
good greens
it was delicious!!!!
I think I will go the the UU fellowship for church

services in the morning, 1030 is fellowship.
Jeff is gone tonight he will be back tomorrow evening.
He said he really wanted to cut back on his drinking...does not want to ruin the next day with a hang over.
So will see about that
I hate being alone.
bizi.

[bizi]

I slept in late today.....out of bed at 11am. I needed some sleep so the medication is working. (missed church)
On to my next cup of coffee.
Am going to hub city diner for my BELT (Bacon lettuce tomato and egg sandwich)
I love it!
Got on the scale this morning 192.7....
sigh
need to get serious about my weight.
Need to do laundry today like usual for a sunday.
I hope every one is safe and cool...
The heat indexes are scary across the country.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[bizi]

WEll I spoke with Dr. orazio today ( my PDOC) and she wants me to start taking visteril an anti- histamine to sleep at night and 18mg of melatonin...I have never heard of taking that much have you?

She said to discontinue the zyprexa because of my restless legs...a symptom of TD. So we don't want to mess around with that. Thank goodness. I think I remember taking that in the past and having the same effect. I forget that.

I am glad that she is willing to prescribe something new.
I hope I sleep tonight.

So I told charmaine that I feel like I have OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder. She said to wait until my next appointment to discuss this. I asked her to relay this to my pdoc Dr. Orazio before so she has time to think about it.

Spend a good part of the day thinking about my compulsions(food, internet and alcohol, and picking). I think these can all be from an OCD type diagnosis. Carol is the one to mention it to me.


I called my sponsor (Carol) and told her that I was still drinking and that I wondered if I was right for AA. She said that there are a lot of people who still drink and go to AA. So I am still going to meet with her tomorrow night at 6pm and then go to the AA meeting at 8 pm on wednesday.

After work tonight I stopped by fat pats for a few beers.
After that I picked up my new rx for the visteril.

Jeff cooked Talapia for dinner tonight along with some edemami, It was delicious!. After cleaning up the dishes I came on here.
Having another beer or two before we watch downton abbey.
We really have been enjoying the show. The movie comes out in the fall I believe, looking forward to that.

Our kitty hattie has reoccurring cancer on her back. It has been operated 2 times and now has come back the third time so we are going to take her to baton rouge for an assessment and guidance toward chemo therapy. We can see doing that and not radiation. That would mean going to baton rouge once every 3 weeks like humans....not sure ...will wait and see what they recommend. It is an injection site tumor.
WE re just waiting for the cancer/tumor to cut off the blood supply to the skin above it to die and become a wound like the two last times. When that happens she will have to have dressing changes and wear the thunder shirt to hold the dressing in place.
Not sure where to go from here.....she is a sweet kittie and young 10 years old.
She is too young to just throw in the towel.
We don't have kids we have cats.
bizi

[bizi]

Met with my sponsor tonight, Carol.
I like her.
She gives sage advice and makes me think.
She is willing to go thru the 12 steps with me using the book
"A woman's way thru the twelve steps".
The original big book was written in the 30s.
I have not read it nor do I plan to.
Am sure it is out dated and written by a bunch of men.
So, I will order her a copy so she can read it herself.
Shared with her that I go to fat pats after work for a few beers
and talk to the bar tenders and maybe a person at the counter if the situation arises.
But usually I am there by myself surfing face book.
Now mind you ....I have beer at home!
I could easily just come home and have a beer.
But it is not the same.
I have gotten used to this habit.
I had 4 x10 oz beers...so that is about 3 1/2 beers.
That is enough for tonight.
Hubby was not feeling good when I called so I ate dinner at Pats.
Had a double bacon lettuce tomato sandwich
with a side of sweet potato fries which were great!
Came home and Hubby was not doing well at all.
Before the evening was over he threw up several times.
Poor guy. I hate throwing up.
He said he was having back pains.
It is frustrating for me because he won't
let me put some CBD cream on his back.

Tonight I am going to take the generic form of benadryl
instead of the hydroxine (visteril). Both are anti histamines,
so I would rather take an over the counter dose to see if it works.
I am still going to take the mega dose of melatonin like she said.
I have taken benadryl in the past..it worked well for about 2 years
then stopped but that was a very long time ago.
I am willing it to work this time again.

Getting ready to get to bed early.
Hope I sleep! and I hope hubby feels better in the morning.

bizi

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Back pain and vomiting sounds like kidney stone to me. Not a dr but that's what it was like for me. If it worsens he probably needs urgent care or the ER because that is serious pain and feeling crappy.

Glad the meeting with Carol went well and that she'll work with you on the alternative book. You can do this. Figuring out your patterns has to help.

[bizi]

Thank you for your note rainbow and for your support.
I appreciate you.
I mentioned kidney stone to him and he said it did not hurt to go pee.
I told him that it would not if the stone was higher up in the ureters .
He thinks he got food poisoning some how.
bizi

[bizi]

I took 18mg of melatonin
50mg of benadryl
100mg of hydroyzine (visteril)
I have restless legs and can't sleep.
sigh
bizi

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bizi

I took 18mg of melatonin
50mg of benadryl
100mg of hydroyzine (visteril)
I have restless legs and can't sleep.
sigh
bizi

Are you having a paradoxical effect?

Were you having restless legs or akathisia before?

Love Ya!

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Are you having a paradoxical effect?

Were you having restless legs or akathisia before?

Love Ya!

Since my pdoc took me off of klonipin I have not been sleeping well.
She has me taking 18mg of melatonin. She wants me to take them 2 hours in advance. Then take the immediate 3mg of melatonin 30 minutes before bed.
To take the visteril 30 minutes before bed also. I tried taking benadryl last night by itself and it did not put me to sleep. so I took a visteril after 1am, got up at 3 and wrote on line for 45 min, was yawning so went back to bed and slept from 3:45am to 7:30am.
I am really tired, I had a few beers tonight and stopped before 6pm.
So am hoping that doesn't interfer with me getting a good nights sleep. I feel I could sleep on my own I am so tired.

Am getting up earlier this week for 8:30am appointments, and I work saturday again.

It was a bit cooler today less humidity, nice reprieve.
bizi

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bizi

Since my pdoc took me off of klonipin I have not been sleeping well.
She has me taking 18mg of melatonin. She wants me to take them 2 hours in advance. Then take the immediate 3mg of melatonin 30 minutes before bed.
To take the visteril 30 minutes before bed also. I tried taking benadryl last night by itself and it did not put me to sleep. so I took a visteril after 1am, got up at 3 and wrote on line for 45 min, was yawning so went back to bed and slept from 3:45am to 7:30am.
I am really tired, I had a few beers tonight and stopped before 6pm.
So am hoping that doesn't interfer with me getting a good nights sleep. I feel I could sleep on my own I am so tired.

Am getting up earlier this week for 8:30am appointments, and I work saturday again.

It was a bit cooler today less humidity, nice reprieve.
bizi

So... maybe it will work tonight?
As long as it is not making restless legs (RLS), you might settle in.

I hope you have a restful night!

[bizi]

I think I slept pretty good.

Got up to go pee twice and

was able to get back to sleep.

no restless legs!
tonight I will try just taking the visteril....
I don't think the melatonin did any thing.
so glad that I got a good nights rest!
bizi

[bizi]

I tried a new sleeping aid called unisom it has doxylamine succinate in it as the main ingredient.
I drank too much and it did not work which is not giving it a good try. Hubby suggested that I not drink and see if it worked.
at 2 am I got out of bed having not slept and took the visteril and immediate release 3mg melatonin and got to sleep rather quickly. and slept until the alarm went off at 7:30. Got out of bed at 8;30 and had a cup of coffee.
Need to hop into the shower and take a quick one before getting my hair colored, roots touched up have to leave in about half an hour.
yikes need to get going!
bizi

A lot of people think alcohol is good for sleep, but it is definitely not. I think your husband's idea is well-founded. Sorry to not have checked in more lately. Sending good thoughts your way!

[bizi]

@Innerzone

Thank you for thinking of me and for your post.
I hope you are doing well.
(((((HUGS))))))
bizi

[bizi]

My bipolar is still out of whack.
or maybe it is my addictions.
I went to whole foods and had 2 beers in 20 minutes....
Eating too much,
( should be dieting am gaining about a pound every week sigh)
After dinner and hubby went to his big band gig,
went to the tap room and ate a big hot dog with the works...sigh
drinking too much, had 2 beers there.
on to my beer at home.
I worked today and feel entitled to drink.
will have stuff to do tomorrow. Laundry, paperwork and shower.
I need to get a new florescent light bulb for my work light it is gone out.
I need to see if I can get some more immediate acting melatonin
as mine is all gone by monday.
(I would rather be able to get this from a drug store than my doctors office).
The drug store that I want to go to is open until 6 pm on sunday.
I have meds to pick up from my pharmacy tomorrow.
Need to make sure they are the correct ones.
She discontinued the zyprexa due to restless leg syndrome.
It is a weight gainer so am glad about that.
Hubby just came home from his gig.
so I had better sign off.
bizi

[bizi]

I spoke to kay and she and I came to the conclusion that an added med to my cocktail might be just the ticket to stability.
Gabapenton(neurontin)_not sure if I spelled either of these names correctly.
I will write my pdoc tonight. and request her guidance.

I am still drinking too much and have stalled in my day to day activities.
I keep ignoring my billing....hate the paper work part of my job,
and charting and filing...
sigh
I meet with my sponsor tomorrow night...Carol
My new book came in...will give it to her.
A woman's way thru the 12 steps.
She agreed to go thru this book with me

as opposed to the big book...which was written in the 30's.

AM feeling stagnant with my addictions. Alcohol, internet, food, picking sigh all ocd type behaviors.

Between drinking, stopping off at fat pats after work for a few beers. then coming home after picking up some sparking flavored waters, spiked no less. I went to the pharmacy and asked to see if good rx could give me some savings on my prescriptions. yes I saved $60 total. Came home and realized that I picked up a med that had been discontinued but since I came home with it they can not take it back. sigh
wasted money....but I saved money so it evened out. I was still ahead.

WE have been watching Downton Abby and loving it. The movie comes out in the fall, looking forward to that!
WE try to watch one episode a night...we are on season 5 there are 6 seasons.

I need to figure out my day tomorrow. Have 4-5 people to see.
life is good.
and a gift....
need to work on appreciating my life.
bizi

[bizi]

Dr. Orazio called and asked to see me today, she thought I was rapid cycling.
So I met with her...appointment at 3, did not get to see her until 3;40.
She spent over an hour with me.
Basically I told her that I run hypomanic and that I wanted to change meds, add on neurontin. she did not want to do that.

WE are changing to lithium and vylar.

Decreasing the lamictal starting tonight. Decreasing by 100mg then add lithium and leave a small dose of lamictal. they did an ekg and I am to do blood work before I start the lithium. Then a level after 5 days at full dose.

I have needed a change for some time now...maybe lithium is the change that I need.
Came home and told him that she wanted to admit me to a detox unit for 30 days or an out patient program which I said I would think about.
Since I want to still try at controlled drinking then I needed to be honest with my sponsor about that. She will drop me if I told her that. She is very wise and I like her, don't want to lose her support.
anyway....
bizi