[gina_re]

The past two days I've spent in bed. My mood is ok, I just don't feel like doing anything. I haven't showered in nearly a week (since last sunday). I just can't get myself to do anything that needs to be done. Well at least I have to get out of the house tomorrow so maybe that will get me started. I need to go grocery shopping too.

As per usual after yet another failed diet i am surfing for fat positivity and fat acceptance. I go thru this every time. Well, i'm nothing if not entertaining. Mercurial and capricious!

Happy Easter, everyone! May the many days that follow be good or better ones.

I don't have much more to write today.

[fern46]

Happy Easter to all who celebrate this holiday. I hope you have a beautiful day.

Things are going well here so far. I'm officially off Risperdal and only on Geodon. I'm also switching my Geodon dosing up to take it at night, so I am hoping it helps with my feeling like I need a long nap every day. I'm nervous to change my med regimine and I'm on high alert for any signs that something is off. My husband is watching over me as well, so hopefully we will catch anything that might go wrong before it spirals. All that worry aside, I'm staying positive. Less meds is a good thing for my body.

My parents got me an Easter basket, which I thought was cute. I got gift cards, an Easter card, and some candy. I’m 27, so obviously I’m a bit old for an Easter basket, but they always get me something for Easter.

Anyway, I’m feeling a little better. Less depressed. I think Easter is lifting my mood a bit... but it may only be temporary. I’ll take it, though!

I hope everyone has a wonderful Easter. I think I’m going to take tomorrow off from work for extra relaxation.

That sounds sweet, bluebicycle. Both my sister and I gave my 77 year old father Easter baskets full of things. Actually, they were Easter/Birthday baskets for him.

My dad is not well. After our Easter lunch (we did lunch instead of dinner) he immediately wanted to go and take his nap. We were like "Dad, we haven't even had your birthday cake yet". Luckily he stayed up a bit longer for that, then he excused himself. We went home early, which we expected to do anyway. My dad doesn't like that we no longer drink anything with him. Not even my husband. That's just too bad.

It's sort of hard to fully express/describe here, but after seeing my sister today I have an overwhelming desire to offer that she join my husband and me on our next trip to Europe. Her husband has literally never taken her on a vacation since their honeymoon to Cape Cod, over 34 years ago. Maybe he took her for a few day trips, but that's all. She did take a couple 3-day trips to a few states south along with my late nephew. She also traveled with her then young sons along with my parents to Czech Republic, for my wedding. That was over 20 years ago. Her elder son never really wants to go anywhere with her, plus he's almost 30 now. I will talk to my husband about this tonight. If he agrees to offer for her to join us (paying most of her own expenses, of course) I will as soon as we know what we're doing. We sort of think we will go to a southern part of France via Barcelona, Spain to look for potential places for a relocation. She'd never go there alone or even with my nephew, or likely even to a more far away place from NJ than Virginia, where she goes only via bus trip. She'd be too intimidated, but my husband and I are seasoned travelers and my husband is a European. We would be driving between Barcelona and our destinations in southern France. My husband and I even speak a pretty good amount of French, not that that is even that necessary.

After we had my dad's cake, my sister looked at me and asked if I wanted to go for a walk with her. I knew where she meant. I said "To see Joe and Mom?" Joe was her younger son. She said yes. At that moment, I felt so bad because I would have gone with her, but the fact was that I was wearing fancy shoes. I told her that and that I'd call her very soon to schedule a date for that visit, wearing the right shoes. Mom and Joe are far in the woods at the top of the hill overlooking the river.

It's possible that in a few years, my husband and I will move to Europe. It has gone through my head that when we do, I may possibly only see my family fewer times than I might count on two hands. We will surely see my husband's family far more.

So you really do have to eat with Geodon. I started taking it with my meals and the voices have all but stopped and I'm not as scared of everything.

[Moose72]

Spending the day at my mom's. Had a nice lamb dinner with all the trimmings. Kids are here except my youngest- he had to work because nobody else wanted to. Its gorgeous- 70 and sunny.

Still angry about what zyprexa has done to me. I shouldve been angry a long time ago instead of just going with the flow.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by spikes

So you really do have to eat with Geodon. I started taking it with my meals and the voices have all but stopped and I'm not as scared of everything.

I am switching my Geodon to take it at night starting tonight. I always ate breakfast with it before. Maybe I'll need to do a night snack? My doctor said food helps with the absorption.

I'm glad food is making a difference for you.

[gina_re]

Another day spent in bed. I never made it out of the house like I was supposed to. I can't shake this funk I'm in. I have things that I need to do, but instead I sleep half of the day away. It's completely situational, but that doesn't make it any easier.

[wildflowerchild25]

Still mildly depressed. Just more of an overall funk.

Easter went reasonably well today. My uncle was an asshole as expected, but neither of my cousins were there so I didn’t have to deal with their ****. My mom also mysteriously got an “ocular migraine” and bowed out as well. Yes I know those are real but it seems funny to me that she gets one, having never had one in her life, right after having a fight with my grandfather and then having to see him again on Easter. Sounds suspicious. It annoys me because she just can’t grow the **** up. But, maybe she really did have a migraine. Who knows.

I burned myself pretty badly today. I was making boiled carrots for Easter dinner and I dropped the pot of boiling water on my stomach and leg. I’ve got big blister on both parts of my body. I didn’t want to go to urgent care but I think I’m going to go see my dr tomorrow just to get it checked out. One of the blisters already popped and I don’t want to get an infection.

In other news, RS and I have made plans to move in together. He’s going to come live with me at my mom’s house in May and then over the summer we are hopefully going to get our own place. I am so happy. So happy that he loves me enough to want to move in with me and happy that I might actually get out of this god awful house. We also talked about going on a few weekend trips together. To Hershey park in PA, and camping in upstate New York with his family. I’m not totally sold on the camping idea but I might give it a shot. We’ll see. I’m just happy we’re planning a future together.

[LadyShadow]

Today was okay, I was sleepier than I had anticipated. My sister went from giving me a fake number to overall avoiding me. I am literally getting sick of her crap.

On a positive note, I made it through Easter, which I was worried about. I had been hospitalized last year around this time and was scared of a repeat manic episode.

[FearLess47]

Annoyed. Was at a training Friday and Saturday and a colleague remarked that he missed the "vivacious, energetic" me. I think I speared a hole in his head with my eyeballs, then said "well, newsflash, this IS closer to the real me." Then I sat there next to him, ruminating in my brain (while we were all trying to "meditate" aahahah) and feeling super annoyed. Of course, who doesn't want the peppy, smiling, vivacious chick around? I'm so tired of wearing the costume...I don't even bother anymore when I don't feel like it. Take me or leave me as I am.

So today, I am flat. Flat. Lowish. But me. And not trying to pretend I like Easter. I do not....

[Wander]

Wildflower I am so sorry you had such a s*** Easter. I hope your week improves.

Took the day off work and listened to music and drew pretty much all day. In celebration of Robert Smith's 60th birthday. To me, that's a holiday.

(Pinkeye less dreadful and clearing up. Itching finally winding down. Will go back tomorrow.)

[Wander]

Easter was interesting. In the morning I saw my family which went well until I felt so unwell I couldn't drive myself home, My parents drove me home. This stomach thing has been going on for days but yesterday (Easter) it got much worse to the point that I had to call an emergency GP over around 9 pm. He said my diagnosis was unclear. I tested partial for a uranyl track infection. He was going to give me antibiotics but I didn't want to take them unless absolutely necessary as they make me feel sick. He gave me anti-nausea tablets to help me be able to eat so I wouldn't feel so weak, and a laxative as, well, you know. He was great. Very thorough. He wants me to see my own GP on Tuesday when her offices open again.

I really think it is some severe trauma reaction, but if so it is worse than I have ever experienced before, and I had very severe Complex PTSD years ago. Interestingly, the only thing that helps my stomach pain is benzodiazepines. The mind body connection can do strange things but I guess I have to cover all medical bases. If my stomach pain gets worse he wants me to go to Emergency. I despise that thought as I would be without most of my meds. Anyway, a fun Easter all round. Tomorrow or Wednesday I am going to stay with my parents for a few days. My Mum is so worried but I really cannot be bothered packing etc right now and am only a phone call away from help.

[~Christina]

My Easter was sleeping in til 1:30 but I was up til almost 7:30 reading. So there is that.

Just my husband and I today so I made chicken wraps for dinner. Simple and tasty.

I had my meds to pick up at Hellmart today and needed some groceries as the cupboards were getting bare.

I’m recovering from Vacation. I am so happy that my husband and I went on a trip that wasn’t just to Florida to see the kids. We needed it.

One thing I had started doing since my yearly physical in beginning of March .... my Dr said that studies show Mucinex somehow works on your pain receptors in the brain to decrease pain. Well I have been taking it since then, I notice a difference , I know shocking !!! , it’s not a OMG huge but it’s there. Studies are showing as it builds up in your system the better the results.

Hey it’s worth a try ~

Yes I bought Peeps ! Gross things ! But they are so much fun when you put them in your microwave lol Try it , good for a laugh.

Hugs and cookies to all

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Yes I bought Peeps ! Gross things ! But they are so much fun when you put them in your microwave lol Try it , good for a laugh.

Yeah, they're gross. How's this? I like them best stale. Go figure. (Do they go mutant in the micro?)

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Yeah, they're gross. How's this? I like them best stale. Go figure. (Do they go mutant in the micro?)

I might like them stale ?!?!?!?!?!??

They do grow into odd creatures

I do recommend using a paper plate as to save time scrubbing a plate LOL

[Blue_Bird]

I was up a majority of the night because I decided to suddenly stop one of my meds due to weight gain. I ended up giving in and just taking at some point it because I don't want to screw up my stability. I'll just have to work really hard to offset the weight gain with exercise and healthy eating.

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I was up a majority of the night because I decided to suddenly stop one of my meds due to weight gain. I ended up giving in and just taking at some point it because I don't want to screw up my stability. I'll just have to work really hard to offset the weight gain with exercise and healthy eating.

I know that feeling of wanting to stop a med because of side effects. It's awful. I'm sorry you have to go through that.

Hopefully you're able to find a happy medium. Or maybe a new med if necessary.

I'm finally feeling better -- less depressed and all.

I'm now more motivated to do things, so I started cleaning my apartment this morning about 2 hours ago. I've cleaned up a good portion of it already, but I still have lots of cleaning work to do. However, at least I'm making good progress. I'm trying to clean up the floors (yeah, I have stuff on the floor) so that I can vacuum. I also have to take out a lot of trash and boxes/recyclables. Ugh. But it must be done!

Tomorrow, I have my pdoc appt. I'm not sure if I should admit to having been depressed for a while, or if I should just ignore the topic and move on since I'm not depressed anymore.

I have occasional paranoia, but nothing too serious. Some nights, like last night, I get paranoid that someone is going to break in, steal my car keys, and murder me. I know it's not a logical fear, yet it often feels so real in the moment that I am compelled to lock every door and even put up barricades when things are bad. Then I wake up in the morning and sometimes I feel better, sometimes not.

[wildflowerchild25]

I feel better today in terms of depression. I feel more normal. Which is good. Maybe I’ll just have week long mild depressions from now on. That would be awesome. I can deal with that.

The burns look pretty bad so I’m going to the dr today to make sure I’m doing the right things. I really have no idea how to care for burns. Especially when the blister pops. Right now I’m in yoga pants and an extra large tee shirt because I figured loose comfortable clothing is best. I’m afraid if I put on jeans I’ll pop the blister on my leg too. Bonus though, I’m already dressed to work out so I think I’m going to the gym later. See how long I can go on the bicycle. My legs are stronger now so hopefully I’ll be able to get a good workout in.

Regrettably I bought a pack of cigarettes today because I ran out of cartridges for my vape. I’m so weak willed that I can’t even wait for them to arrive today. But whatever. I’m trying to quit it’s just taking me a long time.

I’ve got to plan my meals for this week. I cancelled the meal subscription because I was wasting too much food. They come with vegetables I don’t like and I find the recipes too complicated for me, even though I am a good cook. I am a lazy cook and if I have to cook a main meal, a starch, and a vegetable I’m just like **** this. Hence the wasted food. Plus the portions were ridiculous. Plenty for me and my son but not enough for me, RS, and my son. I see RS three times a week so that would be one wasted meal a week. It was a good idea but just not feasible. Must go back to my meal planning.

[Nammu]

Yeah......well didn't sleep last night despite taking both ambien. Sometime after dawn fell asleep for a couple hours. Feel like something my cat dragged in. Apparently there was a big storm while I slept. Storms have never bothered me.easter went fine. I survived. I just don't spend the energy I used to on hearing people. Even with the most powerful AIDS they make I can't hear normal, takes lots of energy to listen and lip read. So I'm fine sitting in another room by my self, chill'n.

Hmmm....going to have to try peeps in the microwave....how long do ya put them in for?

[Moose72]

Beautiful day here- sunny and going up to 76!

I wrote in my blog last night and now Im posting all over the boards here. This morning, I put up a post on the Adult Children of Alcoholics board. I'm ok where I am with that these days. Writing it all out really shows how not great Ive been feeling during the last 30 years re my alcoholic dad. However, its not a raw wound anymore and I don't mean to downplay things. Im just mostly sad inside for my dad and how this disease has affected his life.