[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

Hope things get better, WC.


I.need.SLEEP.


Up at 1 AM this time. Still can’t go back to sleep, even for a short nap. Groggy but awake.


Not fun.

Hope you get some pronto !!! Not sleep is just awful

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Happy birthday tecomsin!!


I’ve been doing well. Had a great birthday. Yesterday I finally got to see my brother and sister in law and niece for the first time since January. I was salty at them for awhile because they cancelled on me the last time I was supposed to hang out with them and amidst my “let’s drop down to five mgs haldol” paranoia I thought he had lied to me about the reason. I still am not sure but I don’t suppose it matters anymore. We had a great time. I left about 8:30 when they started to get messy drunk because things started to spiral so I wanted to get out of there before any fights started.


I had a dream a couple of days ago about being a teacher and going back to school to finish my masters and I’m reLly thinking about it. If I stayed as a teacher assistant I wouldn’t be too stressed out at work to get my schoolwork done. I already have three classes under my belt. The only thing is I would have to contact the state and see if I can get my provisional certification back since I lost it for not finishing the program again. And I would have to do student teaching which would mean I wouldn’t be able to work a normal day job for a semester. I also never withdrew from the one class because I was too depressed to handle anything involving school so there a big fat F on my transcript. I’m not sure if I could get that erased if i got records from the IOP I was in at the time proving I was disabled when I took the class.


So many things to think about. But I desperately want my masters, even if I never teach with it again. I just want it. I want to prove that I can. I’m not entirely sure that I can but I want to give it a shot.


Ah well. I’ll keep thinking about it.

Follow your dreams

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by GoldenSnitch

Today is my birthday. So I spent the afternoon and evening with my daughter and family which was nice. One of the better days I’ve had lately.

Happy Birthday!!!!

[~Christina]

I’m still fine off Latuda I’m in the stage of brain working sans med so far everything is okay!

I will say my appetite has plummeted huge! I have to remind myself to eat, I’m not grazing anymore. I doubt I have lost much thus far but I’m glad to know that infact the weight neutral is BS advertising.

My days and nights are flip flopped but what do I care ! I can clean at 9 pm just as easy as 9 am. I am sleeping very well so for that i am grateful.

I leave for vacation on the 15 th I am so excited!!! A trip besides going to Florida to see the kids. I do miss them but it was time to do something just my husband and I ..

Hugs and cookies to all !

I'm really feeling the depression and anxiety today. Skipped another class, fifth in a row because of the hospitalizaiton. I don't think I'm going back. I need to apply for disabiility.

Christina, thanks for sharing about Latuda. My pdoc may be offering me alternatives to Seroquel XR in the future. I'm glad to collect feedback on newer meds I've never tried.

spikes, I'm sorry your hospitalization made you fall behind in classes. Is it a graded class? Maybe you can ask for a "withdrawal" and just take a recovery break and try again. I should think a hospitalization would be a valid excuse.

[hopeless2015]

Happy Birthday tecomsin and goldensmitch!!

WC..good to see you post!!

I'm doing ok

Hugs to all.

I have been feeling unwell for a number of days, physically and mentally, but I'm a little better today. I'm going to do some things, but not overdo anything.

I doubt it's related, but I stopped my mini dose of Ativan a few days back. I had only been taking 0.13 mg for a while (1/4 of a 0.5 mg pill, which is the smallest). I doubt that has anything to do with this, but I'm obviously wondering a little. I confess my psychiatrist did not tell me I could stop. In fact, he raised my Seroquel XR a little last week, which I have been taking as he directed. The day before yesterday, I felt so anxious at one point that I took 1 full milligram of Ativan as an "as needed", but none since.

I have yet to reschedule my private French lesson I missed last week. I definitely will return. What gets me is that I asked for possible alternative days in my last week's cancellation email, but the teacher ignored that and only wished me improved health. It's so common that you ask questions and responders only answer one or just a couple of all you posed. That's fine in some cases, but not others. Now I have to ask a second time. I am procrastinating doing that.

Update: This may seem odd given above, but I just signed up for a one evening seminar about recovering from set backs in life and using them to your advantage. It's presented by a therapist/life coach. It's later this week. Tomorrow I have the third lecture of a six-part lecture series on modern China topics. I really do plan to go, unless I've very sick. The topic is interesting. As told in a story last week, my old psychiatrist (15 years ago) and current psychiatrist may be there, not that I will approach them, unless I go nuts. It's just coincidence that they signed up for the lecture series.

Happy Birthday, GoldenSnitch!!

Also wishing you a happy birthday, GoldenSnitch! Enjoy your special day!

[tecomsin]

I am still trying to get off Olanzapine and was on 1/4 of a 2.5 mg pill last night but only slept just over 6 hours. I feel more secure now that I have a fitbit to tell me exactly how much I have been sleeping. I was just all stirred up last night over my meeting with my son.

First he couldn't be reached and failed to show up at a time we had agreed to and wasn't answering his phone or messenger. Then i finally heard from him at 2pm. He had been sleeping.

The last time this happened he gave me his roommates phone number and told me he set his phone to ring only when I called so I couldn't understand why I couldn't wake him if he was sleeping and started to get worried and upset especially because yesterday was my birthday and we were going out for birthday lunch.

Well we had a late lunch sushi and I drank too much green tea and I think this is what kept me up. I was also thinking of everything my son told me about his new job and got very excited about that too. He can make a name for himself now in an important technology that will change our everyday lives. It's a great opportunity for him and a big pay raise too and it keeps him in town awhile longer.

I just feel exhausted from yesterday and feel like a coach potato today. No energy to go out shopping for groceries or take a shower just a veg out day. I guess i have enough food at home to manage. Anyway I need to lose a few more pounds.

Still around, still OK I guess. I got nothing going on and I think I need to fix that. I'm looking into some possibilities.

[wildflowerchild25]

Well I’ve taken steps to register for my master’s classes again. I talked to the NJ DOE; they said if I complete the college program and then apply for liscensure I could get my standard certificate because I’ve already been a provisional teacher for six years. So I would have to finish the program first and then apply for jobs, which was my plan anyway. I’m waiting to hear from my program advisor re: which classes I need to sign up for. I’m hoping the failed class won’t prohibit me from registering. I might end up in academic probation which is fine because when I’m mentally stable I get A’s in everything so I’ll be fine.

I’m also checking out apartments. I have been for awhile. I can’t aftord one on my own but RS and I have talked about moving in together in a few months. He wants to buy a house but we’d need about 15k for down payment and closing costs so we wouldn’t be able to buy a house for a long time. I’m hoping he will agree to an apartment while we save up. I really hate living with my mom. She’s starting to get on my nerves again. She’s been helpful while I’ve been laid up but not nearly as much as she could be. She just leaves the trash overflowing, knowing I can’t take it out. She also waits to clean the litter box until it’s stinking up the whole house; again, I can’t do it right now because I’m not supposed to be lifting. I don’t know. She’s just overall annoying. I’d rather live with RS on my own than have him move in here while we save for a house.

It’s all a waiting game. I can’t get a better paying job until I finish school. I can’t get an apartment until the summertime anyway because I don’t want my son to have to switch schools so close to the end of the year.

Ah well. At least I’m moving forward.

[fern46]

Doing well. My psychiatrist reduced my Risperdal and I haven't noticed any changes. No news is good news. I'm supposed to stop it altogether after two weeks and then I will only be taking Geodon and I can take it at night which will be a nice change. The anxiety I was feeling has disappeared completely since reducing the Risperdal for the first time last month.

Today is my anniversary. I am blessed to be married to someone so wonderful.

Well wishes to all.

Happy anniversary, fern!

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Happy anniversary Fern!

[Victoria'smom]

Day 3 w/o zyprexa. I’m not sleeping and aggravated as ****. It’s a fake hypomania. DH wants me to take my 5mg of zyprexa until I run out. I told him I was going to use it as prn but he said only do that unless I really want to get off of it. I went to my son’s classes (he teaches) because I didn’t want to get paranoid or be alone with my brother in-law. I don’t know if I have a headache last night or if the chatter is back. It was nice to not be exhausted. My husband even commented on how he missed me. I might ask to go back on abilify. Hell I’m already supposed to be crushing my zyprexa. With the intention of going back on the shot. I’m not good at taking real pills. I’m going to make an appointment after our car is fixed. I may just make an appointment with my therapist to just talk about meds. I think I’m just going to see her when I have a topic. Miguel leaves in less than a month. It’s a lot of hurry up and wait. Tomorrow we try to get his ID/Driving permit. He has to find an internship before leaving but who wants to hire a kid to start in August?

[Sunflower123]

Happy Anniversary fern!

[Sunflower123]

Checking in. Doing good today despite being at the doctor’s today with mom for 5 hours. They finally discovered that her Cuboid (sp) bone was fractured into multiple pieces and it hadn’t shown up on xrays for the last 3.5 months. An MRI was needed. Bless her heart. I think we lost some healing time because they failed to do that when they could see it was swelling and bruising worse each time. Oh well, we’re on the right path now. Hopefully in enough time for Florida.

Going to visit my daughter Wednesday and Thursday. She is doing much better with Wellbutrin and talk therapy. I’m grateful for that.

Warm wishes and hugs to all.

[gina_re]

My last logon was 6-7-18. I seem to have been pretty stagnant since then. I did finally get a full time job...but then they eliminated my position and now I'm jobless. I'm constantly applying for jobs so that I can pay my bills and keep my house. I'm on unemployment but it comes from my part time job salary, so its barely anything. My stress level is ridiculously high but I'm on so much medication it feels more like a mild annoyance. I guess misery loves company because I am back here where you all understand me. And I don't feel bad about complaining. I've been trying my hardest to remain positive, but it's getting harder and harder to keep my head above water. I've missed you guys. I see quite a few new names, however. I hope everyone is a good as they can be.

[wildflowerchild25]

Nice to see you again Gina, though I’m sorry you’re struggling right now. I hope things turn around for you soon.

[Wander]

Happy Birthday Fern! Hope you have/had a wonderful day.

[Wander]

Going to the Physio today though I cannot afford it but I also cannot stand my leg being so sore, and the restrictions it brings. Hopefully he will give me exercises that fix it or it's back to getting another cortisone injection. Today I am going for a light swim as therapy for my leg and mind. Last night I was really off. Just staring into space, struggling to talk to my partner but racing thoughts and paranoia. See my T tomorrow. He should be able to help. Saw pdoc yesterday but only really talked about me getting control of my meds back. As I am not suicidal and am generally doing well he allowed it. I am so happy about that. Messing around with the pharmacy once or twice a week was so annoying.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I'm sad tonight. This happens after every therapy visit when I talk for an hour about my father, my relationship with him, how the grief is hitting, etc. Lots of regrets that things couldn't have been different even though I know they couldn't have been.

I'm also feeling discouraged about my cat. He's only 2 so should be healthy and he just isn't. Last summer he started getting sores on his paws that was diagnosed as caused by allergies. They get infected and need antibiotics and an immunosuppresent plus a special diet. He had 3 months of no problems and then had a round of foot sores. We got those cleared up and he got horrible sores around his mouth. We changed to a stronger antibiotic that worked really well before our 3 months remission. He HATES it.
It's not a small amount of antibiotic and then needs a big dose of water to prevent scarring in his throat. Every time he gets loose enough to scratch my hands and tries to run from the water. Last time we used this antibiotic he was fine but he's had so much medicine since January that I think he's just fed up with me. And now he has a lump on his face. So we'll be gong back to the vet sooner than our 2 week follow-up scheduled for next week. Too bad because the sores we went in for are nearly gone but now we have another problem.

They already want to send us to the university hospital dermatologist. They can do one blood test locally first and we'll do that just in case we catch the culprit (although it would probably be fatal). This is going to get extremely expensive and I don't have money for that. I have a feeling that good things are not going to happen for Charlie and I can't imagine losing him at such a young age.

I'm just sad tonight. And overwhelmed. And I have that thing where I want to go back to the last 30 seconds of therapy and ask for clarification.

Someday I'll write a happy post. Right now I can have decent days but there's always this stuff underneath and begging to be acknowledged.

Thanks for listening.

Welcome back Gina_Re ! I was just wondering the other day where you were. You might remember me as APFEI. I used that name at first. So sorry to hear you are struggling to make ends meet; that you lost your full-time job. No wonder you're feeling stressed, even thru the numbing of meds. I hope you get it sorted out.

I was gone all last Fall too. I got so depressed at the end of last Summer i tried another anti-depressant. Wellbutrin. I felt great and thought i was cured and had many wonderful adventures. But it wore off and turned out just to be another hypomanic episode. I was so bitterly disappointed. And i've been depressed since then, for about four months now. I just eat junk and lay around all day. I know i'm wasting my life but i'm just paralyzed with fatigue.

Is it Spring where you are? Winter has been hanging on here with a vengeance. I almost cried when i looked at the forecast and saw we have snow on the way tomorrow. I usually get my nice euphoric hypomanias in the early Sping. You?