[Ezrigirl]

Have decided to stop taking all my med's and decided to go back old school and use alcohol to self medicate. Medication has just made me bland without any highs but only dulls lows. True, I do have a good place to meet people to get my medication. But, the last time I talked to a doctor about being bipolar: I was in a mental hospital.

So, after making a stupid mistake today, I have decided to stop my med's and go back to drinking again. I have already went to the store, and gotten big bottles of vodka. I plan to drink one bottle each and every night before I go to bed. I will get drunk, and sleep it off.

I hope you accept my lifestyle change.

[Misery Business]

Ezrigirl, first off I am not sure what you are referring to about making a stupid mistake today, but going off your meds without a doctors approval is not a wise decision at all. Not only for your Bipolar needs, but also for the withdrawal of some of the medicines that you have have been prescribed as well as the physical side effects they may have on you if you go off off them if you go off of them really quick such as seizures. I am not going to address the drinking of alcohol because I think you already know that isn't the answer to your problems and is not what you should be doing. I am just being completely honest because that is what I do.

I hope you take what Misery Business wrote to heart.

From my experience, alcohol abuse is one of the worst things to do. Period! Especially with bipolar disorder. First, if you are drinking with psych meds still in your system, you could die. I know people who have died on that combo. Or if you don't die, you could accidentally kill someone if you drive drunk. Blackouts are much more common when drinking on meds. Meds are not completely out of your system for days. People do stuff out of their control when really drunk, but the consequences still apply.

From my experience, using alcohol to self-medicate bipolar disorder, even off meds, tended to lead to more mixed episodes. Mixed episodes are dangerous and painful and lead to horrible things, again often death. There is little benefit, in my view, in choosing alcohol over meds. With meds, you can have them modified/changed to improve quality of life. Thinking alcohol will be a "better friend" is insanity. Even if some moments seem good when drunk, that relationship is like making a deal with the devil. It ends quite badly.

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I hope you take what Misery Business wrote to heart.

From my experience, alcohol abuse is one of the worst things to do. Period! Especially with bipolar disorder. First, if you are drinking with psych meds still in your system, you could die. I know people who have died on that combo. Or if you don't die, you could accidentally kill someone if you drive drunk. Blackouts are much more common when drinking on meds. Meds are not completely out of your system for days. People do stuff out of their control when really drunk, but the consequences still apply.

From my experience, using alcohol to self-medicate bipolar disorder, even off meds, tended to lead to more mixed episodes. Mixed episodes are dangerous and painful and lead to horrible things, again often death. There is little benefit, in my view, in choosing alcohol over meds. With meds, you can have them modified/changed to improve quality of life. Thinking alcohol will be a "better friend" is insanity. Even if some moments seem good when drunk, that relationship is like making a deal with the devil. It ends quite badly.

wo

I was just reading what you said about people maybe dying on a mixture of alcahol and psych meds

I didn't know that was even a thing (I suppose I should, as I know alcahol is dangerous)

glad I only have it on special ocasions then (once or twice a year)

[BipolaRNurse]

I drink socially, usually only one or two drinks over a few hours. I don't think it affects my medication at all. I've been quite stable until today, when my youngest son was arrested for something I know he didn't do. He's in jail until at least tomorrow. So tonight I've had a couple of drinks on top of a little Klonopin, and I'm real calm for right now. Tomorrow will take care of itself.

[sarahsweets]

When I was not compliant with my meds I drank too, now I am an alcoholic. Do not wake up the beast!

[Ezrigirl]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

When I was not compliant with my meds I drank too, now I am an alcoholic. Do not wake up the beast!

We are both bipolar women, lets have a drinking contest

[Ezrigirl]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

First, if you are drinking with psych meds still in your system, you could die.

Well, I had one big bottle of vodka, and it took me one hour to kill it dry. I killed the bottle and the alcohol did not kill me. I feel different when I got out of bed.

[MickeyCheeky]

Please listen to what the others have said, @Ezrigirl! It is REALLY dangerous! We do care about you. That's why we're writing to you. I understand that life can be really hard and that sometimes you just want to quit it all. But it will do you more harm than good. Please listen to us. Your safety must be the priority above everything else. Stop it while you're still on time. I hope you'll read this thread and that you'll decide to stop. Please go to your Pdoc if you can. If things get worse try to go to an hospital. I know it's not easy to do this but it IS for your own health. Please keep us updated on your situation. Sending many safe, warm hugs to you, Ezrigirl, and to ALL the people you Love and who TRULY Love you and Accept you for who you truly are! We are amogn those people! THAT'S A PROMISE! PLEASE DO STAY SAFE, MY FRIEND! You deserve MUCH, MUCH better than this!

[sarahsweets]

Originally Posted by Ezrigirl

We are both bipolar women, lets have a drinking contest

I’m a legit alcoholic though and got sober through AA 7 years ago. It’s no joke. Even people that are not prone to addiction that drink bottles of vodka will develop a substance use disorder.

Originally Posted by Ezrigirl

Well, I had one big bottle of vodka, and it took me one hour to kill it dry. I killed the bottle and the alcohol did not kill me. I feel different when I got out of bed.

Well, good for you. Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! You're a vodka drinking hero! Hail vodka!

So what's your plan? Continue here at PC's bipolar forum recommending whole bottles of vodka instead of bipolar medications? Just curious.

You know, I am quite concerned for you. I have had many horrible/scary results from drinking. Over 1,000 AA meetings and months of dual diagnosis IOPs later, I know that alcohol abuse is not a reasonable option.

My father has used alcohol for self medication, too. It was only weeks ago that he got out of the psych hospital (with detox). It was his second in a row. The second came when he was suicidal. We had a suicide in the family. We MUST NOT have another. Sorry if I seem harsh, but I mean only well.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Ezrigirl

Well, I had one big bottle of vodka, and it took me one hour to kill it dry. I killed the bottle and the alcohol did not kill me. I feel different when I got out of bed.

I'm grateful you didn't die. You seem like you are in need of support. Please reach out if you're open to other ways of coping. I cannot support this method, but I respect your right to choose for yourself.

[Ezrigirl]

Originally Posted by fern46

You seem like you are in need of support.

What I need is to feel pain. Right now, I do not feel joy, nor pleasure, nor hate, nor anger, nor love. I feel nothing. Pain, is easier to feel then any other enjoyments.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Ezrigirl

What I need is to feel pain. Right now, I do not feel joy, nor pleasure, nor hate, nor anger, nor love. I feel nothing. Pain, is easier to feel then any other enjoyments.

I cannot offer that. I'm sorry I am unable to assist. I do not have experience with being in that state. I do wish you well and hope you find your way out to a healthy and balanced place.

[Ezrigirl]

Well, after some deep thought. A bottle of vodka is the best friend I can find in real life or online friends.

[Misery Business]

Ezrigirl, I thought when we were on chat and I had to go because my mom wanted me to get offline and take a shower you said I was your friend. This really disappoints me and especially your last post. You know from speaking to me yesterday I speak from the heart and I am going to do it right now as well. I think you are in a bad place right now and I also think you know that as well. You can't get that from online friends who are also suffering and also many from abuse asking and telling them you are looking to hurt. That is just not right. It is harmful not only to your well being, but to them as well. I am not a Therapist or a Psychiatrist and don't exactly know what you need, but I feel you do need professional help for this. If this isn't what you want to here well I am sorry, but I am speaking from my heart because I care.

[Phoenix_1]

I was diagnosed bipolar 2 when I was 59, in 2013. Off and on from 1973 - 1999 I self medicated with alcohol, especially when I had to visit my in-laws. My divorce helped me stop drinking.
In my 20s I was deeply depressed but had no idea why. My city had a mental hospital and the stigma for mental illness there was huge. No one even thought of seeing a psychiatrist. We couldn't be mentally ill, not us. Growing up, it was us and them, locals and mental patients, I'm sad to say. The gulf between us was huge. We locals were just a bunch of ostriches with our heads in the sand.
I never saw a Pdoc until 1987 and he only diagnosed major depressive disorder. I was finally diagnosed with BP2 in 2013.
I learned that alcohol is not the answer, and that psych meds work. Now I'll have 1 drink maybe once a month for special occasions.
The past 2 years I felt dull, like nothing mattered, just like you do, and I found out the dose of Seroquel I was taking was too high. I worked with my doctor and after 3 med changes, I feel much better.
Listen to your doctor and take your prescriptions. The withdrawal from psych meds would be awful and possibly life threatening, especially if you're drinking too. When I went off Seroquel XRT, I got severely dehydrated from vomiting. Alcohol dehydrates you too.
Alcohol is NOT the answer to anything. It never was, and it never will be.
You may need to try a few med combinations before you hit the sweet spot, but I can testify that it's very much worth it to work with your doctor to find that spot. It took me 6 years to get stable while still feeling good, but I did it. I'm not feeling 100% but I'm doing so much better now than ever before.
Don't give up, and do not mix alcohol with psych meds. Alcohol doesn't help bipolar at all. It's a depressant. I know from experience.

[Ezrigirl]

Originally Posted by Misery Business

I think you are in a bad place right now and I also think you know that as well.

I am very aware of that, and more so than you understand. Before I was treated for being bipolar, I was drinking alcohol at the age of 12 and abusing alcohol at the age of 14. Still being alive at the age of 29, I will say I have a 40% chance to be alive to be 50. Being alive to be 80, is really slim to none. I have been a rationalist, not a idealist all my life. Very few people when they get into their early 20's debate with themselves, with education, with health, with the location they live at, and other minor factors -- what is the rational lifespan I should have. When I did this thought experiment, I came to understand that my lifespan is going to be shorter than average. When anyone accepts they are going to have a shorter lifespan than average, they do become more reckless with their lifestyle.

[Misery Business]

Originally Posted by Ezrigirl

I am very aware of that, and more so than you understand. Before I was treated for being bipolar, I was drinking alcohol at the age of 12 and abusing alcohol at the age of 14. Still being alive at the age of 29, I will say I have a 40% chance to be alive to be 50. Being alive to be 80, is really slim to none. I have been a rationalist, not a idealist all my life. Very few people when they get into their early 20's debate with themselves, with education, with health, with the location they live at, and other minor factors -- what is the rational lifespan I should have. When I did this thought experiment, I came to understand that my lifespan is going to be shorter than average. When anyone accepts they are going to have a shorter lifespan than average, they do become more reckless with their lifestyle.

That is great that you came to the realization that your lifespan is going to be shorter than most. I don't really agree fully with how you came up with that rationale since all the contributing factors you mentioned above were things that you could have controlled at some point in your life.

When I was held captive and was human trafficked everyday for 15 months of my life there were many days that I had a gun held to head and I didn't think I was going to make it past the age of 13. Life has a crazy way of changing, but the main thing is you have to stay positive, stay strong, and fight like hell. I could have gave up been found in some back alley or a dumpster dead. I kept myself positive through that horrific time. Also if it wasn't for the efforts of many and I mean people who did not give up on me and one anonymous caller one night to the Police I don't know where I would be.

The thing is you have many members here that are pushing for you and caring for you. Not only in this thread, but I have seen other threads as well. It's your time Ezrigirl to look at all this feedback and say to yourself I need to change. It is at that point now that is is only you that can make that stand to start to reverse this rationale you have and start living a more positive lifestyle. Start fighting for yourself. You have to take this first step in the right direction.

I have blabbed on enough. This is the last I am going to talk about this. Ezrigirl, I truly hope you make the right decision for your own health.

[Victoria'smom]

Ezrigirl,
Bare with me. Alcohol and bipolar doesn't mix. It cycles you into a horrible mess. Sometimes that sounds better then our current state. I struggle with med compliance while not the same thing I think for similar reasons. You may not live as long as everyone else but it doesn't have to be a ****** existence. I'm around if you ever want to talk.

[Ezrigirl]

Originally Posted by Misery Business

The thing is you have many members here that are pushing for you and caring for you.

This is the last I am going to talk about this.

Confused!

Oh one hand you say members are caring about me, and then you say your done talking to me. How can someone say they are caring about my welfare, and say they are done talking about my welfare?

I understand your viewpoint, and it is so noted.

[downandlonely]

I think you know that self-medicating with a bottle of vodka every night is not good for your mental or physical health. And you have to know that most of us know that too. So I'm confused about why you are announcing it on here. Do you just want to argue with people?

Alcohol is a depressant, and since I already suffer from depression I limit my intake to one drink at a time (usually only once a month or so).

[Misery Business]

Originally Posted by Ezrigirl

Confused!

Oh one hand you say members are caring about me, and then you say your done talking to me. How can someone say they are caring about my welfare, and say they are done talking about my welfare?

I understand your viewpoint, and it is so noted.

I am done talking about this situation because it has become unhealthy for me. I have told you this. I have also told you I am still willing to be your friend, but I have to look out for myself as well. I have given you my advice on this and so has many other members and I continue to see posts on here saying that you are spending the evening with a bottle of vodka. It looks as if all of this is falling on deaf ears my friend. I have also told you I tell it from the heart. I will always do that and I will not stop doing that. So if I keep seeing those posts why should I keep using my energy especially when it is unhealthy for me and keep on talking about it. I do care about you and I want you to get healthy. I don't think having a bottle of vodka is healthy and I have told you what I think is the healthy alternative. The ball is in your court to take and run with that healthy alternative.

[yellow_fleurs]

Ezrigirl is there anything we can do to support you? Is there anything that has helped you in the past when you have been in a rough place? I think you know we are not going to suggest you drink alcohol. I am not here to judge either, but the only options I see are to offer you emotional support, or offer up some alternative, healthier suggestions. I have found this to be a very supportive community here and hope you find it to be the same. I have seen a lot of great people working to do their best given the difficult mental health situations they have been dealt and to empower others to do the same. As we are all struggling with mental illness it's important for us all to feel this is a healthy environment, so please don't encourage others to engage in unhealthy behaviors like drinking. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help you. I am really sorry you are feeling like this and hope you find a healthier way to cope.

[Ezrigirl]

Originally Posted by Misery Business

I am done talking about this situation because it has become unhealthy for me. I have told you this. I have also told you I am still willing to be your friend, but I have to look out for myself as well. I have given you my advice on this and so has many other members and I continue to see posts on here saying that you are spending the evening with a bottle of vodka

In all fairness, I will be drinking every night for a few months and maybe a year or more until I settle into being alone for the rest of my natural life. Have been debating with myself will I be with someone or not for a long time. Then it dawned on me, I will never have a long term relationship. Drinking, is a coping skill. Now, even if I decided to drink every single day until I die. Well, dying as a drunk is a dime a dozen. It is so common it is not even a news story.

If dealing with a drunk who is a dime a dozen is unhealthy for you. Your going to find watching the news, or reading the news online, very unhealthy for you my friend. Take for example school shootings when it becomes breaking news. Yes, for you it would be unhealthy for you. For the American public, seeing school shootings on TV has turned into entertainment. Your going to have to accept, what is unhealthy for you to see or read, in America, it has turned into entertainment.