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  #626  
Old Sep 19, 2019, 10:00 PM
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Moose72 Moose72 is online now
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The prn Haldol has kicked in. Im drowsy, and a little bit "drunk" feeling. Watvhing a movie.
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  #627  
Old Sep 19, 2019, 10:13 PM
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Two days ago I increased my Lithium a little and have put the taper on hold. The awful symptoms have disappeared thankfully. Now I will stay on this dose till I see my pdoc in two weeks. Then we will work out a slower taper that will avoid such awful withdrawals.

Still really tired. Trying to motivate myself to go for a walk soon. Gosh my life is boring.
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  #628  
Old Sep 19, 2019, 10:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miguel'smom View Post
I'm home, im not sure when I'll be safe to be alone for a little. How do I determine that?

Is your hubby home?
Do you feel safe with him?
bizi
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  #629  
Old Sep 19, 2019, 11:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miguel'smom View Post
I'm home, im not sure when I'll be safe to be alone for a little. How do I determine that?
Do you think it might be possible to set a very focused and a strong intention to be safe?

Are you more concerned about hurting yourself or being harmed by someone else?

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  #630  
Old Sep 19, 2019, 11:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wander View Post
Two days ago I increased my Lithium a little and have put the taper on hold. The awful symptoms have disappeared thankfully. Now I will stay on this dose till I see my pdoc in two weeks. Then we will work out a slower taper that will avoid such awful withdrawals.

Still really tired. Trying to motivate myself to go for a walk soon. Gosh my life is boring.
When we are feeling more stable, life can feel a bit boring.
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  #631  
Old Sep 19, 2019, 11:44 PM
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He's home and I am safe but I'm getting annoyed being dragged everywhere for my safety.
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  #632  
Old Sep 19, 2019, 11:53 PM
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Are you more concerned about hurting yourself or being harmed by someone else? I'm more concerned about someone else but to prove to myself I'm okay I generally want to self harm. It's a really tough spot to be in. I need to handle it because my h isn't always going to be available and I won't always be aloud to sit and wait for him.
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  #633  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 12:28 AM
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~Christina ~Christina is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miguel'smom View Post
Are you more concerned about hurting yourself or being harmed by someone else? I'm more concerned about someone else but to prove to myself I'm okay I generally want to self harm. It's a really tough spot to be in. I need to handle it because my h isn't always going to be available and I won't always be aloud to sit and wait for him.


What do you mean by “ I need to handle it because my H isn’t always going to be available and won’t always be allowed to sit and wait for him” ? Why would that change ?
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  #634  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 04:41 AM
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H is in school and getting more involved. The end goal is for him to freelance. I can't go with him to his freelance meetings. He's getting involved with clubs I'm not a student so some of the meetings I can't nor would I want to go. I end up waiting in the library for his classes/meetings to be done. I'm trying to be souportive but I want to stay home. I need to make it so I can safely be home alone for 8 hrs or more. It's like he's getting so wrapped up in networking he's forgetting I'm stuck riding/ waiting for him. If I can get my paranoia under control maybe I can manage to stay home at least some of the time.

But even now with everyone sleeping I don't feel real and want to "check" to be sure.
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  #635  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 05:06 AM
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I've definitely been depressed more often than not the past several weeks. No manic episodes in a long time though. I've been on long-term disability from my job for most ot there year and don't intend to go back. Finding a new one is challenging. I worked a corporate job and 4 years of my boss's bullying and harrassment was one of the several contributors for me going on disiability and into IOP earlier this year.

My spending is okay even though I do have impulses. Nothing makor I only bought a video game a few mangas
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  #636  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 05:20 AM
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I showered today.

it hurt

set me up for a day of pain
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  #637  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 05:23 AM
De Luca De Luca is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue_Bird View Post
I submitted a piece of artwork I did related to schizoaffective disorder to madinamerica

I'm feeling much better tonight. I've been using a lot of coping skills
I like the art you've posted. I find art and writing to be a helpful way for me to express myself also. I'm not good at drawing but abstract stuff I've done turns out interesting

I used to do a blog my self a couple years ago but took it down out of insecurity. I liked to write but found writing straightforward about myself gave me too much anxiety and fear of someone figuring out who I was. Instead I wrote about myself through a fictional story and characters to mask myself if anyone read it. Seemed to work for me and bring out quite a lot of subconsious thoughts I wasn't aware of.

Thanks for sharing your art and website.
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  #638  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 06:23 AM
fern46 fern46 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miguel'smom View Post
H is in school and getting more involved. The end goal is for him to freelance. I can't go with him to his freelance meetings. He's getting involved with clubs I'm not a student so some of the meetings I can't nor would I want to go. I end up waiting in the library for his classes/meetings to be done. I'm trying to be souportive but I want to stay home. I need to make it so I can safely be home alone for 8 hrs or more. It's like he's getting so wrapped up in networking he's forgetting I'm stuck riding/ waiting for him. If I can get my paranoia under control maybe I can manage to stay home at least some of the time.

But even now with everyone sleeping I don't feel real and want to "check" to be sure.
Maybe we can find another way for you to check that you're real? What in particular about self harm validates that for you?

Maybe you could instead... Pinch yourself? Look in the mirror? Call a random store and ask for directions so you can hear a person respond to you? Post here and see the responses from us? Scream so you can hear your voice?

If you have to see blood maybe you can prick yourself with a needle? That's less invasive than the alternative. I still don't like it though.

Just a few ideas. I know many here have good ideas of how to do reality checks.
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  #639  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 08:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fern46 View Post
Maybe we can find another way for you to check that you're real? What in particular about self harm validates that for you?

Maybe you could instead... Pinch yourself? Look in the mirror? Call a random store and ask for directions so you can hear a person respond to you? Post here and see the responses from us? Scream so you can hear your voice?

If you have to see blood maybe you can prick yourself with a needle? That's less invasive than the alternative. I still don't like it though.

Just a few ideas. I know many here have good ideas of how to do reality checks.
I'm trying to let it pass. I feel almost plastic but that's okay. I do want
Possible trigger:
but there's no safe way. I'm going to continue talking here. I'm hoping this goes away fast. I'm interacting just fine but it's like I'm a fake me. I know that's not true. I can hear my voice but it doesn't sound like it's coming from me. Oh well it will pass. I will try screaming when I can.
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  #640  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 08:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miguel'smom View Post
I'm trying to let it pass. I feel almost plastic but that's okay. I do want
Possible trigger:
but there's no safe way. I'm going to continue talking here. I'm hoping this goes away fast. I'm interacting just fine but it's like I'm a fake me. I know that's not true. I can hear my voice but it doesn't sound like it's coming from me. Oh well it will pass. I will try screaming when I can.
Makes sense. You can also feel your pulse. That's proof your heart is beating and circulating your blood.
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  #641  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 09:04 AM
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Yes I can. That helps a lot.
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  #642  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 09:19 AM
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I off to ECT in a few minutes.
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  #643  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 09:51 AM
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Originally Posted by Daonnachd View Post
I off to ECT in a few minutes.
I wish you well.

It's wonderful to have you posting here with us again!
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  #644  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 10:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by De Luca View Post
I like the art you've posted. I find art and writing to be a helpful way for me to express myself also. I'm not good at drawing but abstract stuff I've done turns out interesting

I used to do a blog my self a couple years ago but took it down out of insecurity. I liked to write but found writing straightforward about myself gave me too much anxiety and fear of someone figuring out who I was. Instead I wrote about myself through a fictional story and characters to mask myself if anyone read it. Seemed to work for me and bring out quite a lot of subconsious thoughts I wasn't aware of.

Thanks for sharing your art and website.
Thank you!

That's a great idea that you wrote through a fictional story and characters,I'm glad it helped you, that's very creative
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  #645  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 11:07 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue_Bird View Post
Thank you!

That's a great idea that you wrote through a fictional story and characters,I'm glad it helped you, that's very creative
It taught me the most about myself than anything I've done. It was a bit overwhelming when I read it over after I finished. It ended up being 400 pages. I subconsously wrote out my entire life problems and struggles without even knowing it at the time, as well as my desires for where I wish I could be mentally in the future.
It also kwpt me very busy so my depression wasn't bad during those 6 weeks I wrote it.

I'm a firm believer in art and creativity to help cope, especially after I wrote all that stuff.
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  #646  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 11:29 AM
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I am definitly manic. This week I have over spent my budget and had sex with a guy I barely know, who is 20 years younger than me. I haven't had an episode this bad since 2009. My psychiatrist is going to be very upset with me. I'm acting like a silly school girl. I'm 67, for God's sake. I thought I had put this all behind me.
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  #647  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 11:38 AM
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Wild Coyote Wild Coyote is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by De Luca View Post
It taught me the most about myself than anything I've done. It was a bit overwhelming when I read it over after I finished. It ended up being 400 pages. I subconsously wrote out my entire life problems and struggles without even knowing it at the time, as well as my desires for where I wish I could be mentally in the future.
It also kwpt me very busy so my depression wasn't bad during those 6 weeks I wrote it.

I'm a firm believer in art and creativity to help cope, especially after I wrote all that stuff.
Hi De Luca, Welcome to PC!

I hope you find the support and the information you may be seeking.
Please do make yourself at home!
It's wonderful you have jumped in and have made yourself at home!
I look forward to your posting!
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  #648  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 11:42 AM
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Wild Coyote Wild Coyote is offline
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Originally Posted by gayleggg View Post
I am definitly manic. This week I have over spent my budget and had sex with a guy I barely know, who is 20 years younger than me. I haven't had an episode this bad since 2009. My psychiatrist is going to be very upset with me. I'm acting like a silly school girl. I'm 67, for God's sake. I thought I had put this all behind me.
HI gaylegg,
it's good to have you back!

I am sorry you are having a difficult time.

Have you been in touch with your pdoc?
It sounds like you need immediate intervention.
Please do contact you pdoc if you haven't done so.
Please stay safe!
Keep reaching out here and anywhere you find helpful!
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  #649  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 11:49 AM
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BipolarWolf BipolarWolf is offline
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I got the "blahs" you know where no matter what you do everything is just BLAH. I am not sure why either, I see my son today and usually on those days I am not blah. I hope it passes, I feel tired and like I need a nap. I think I will try to take one here in a bit. I did some vacuuming and some housework, took a shower and am just going thru different posts here on PC. Hope everyone is doing ok today.
/hug
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  #650  
Old Sep 20, 2019, 11:59 AM
De Luca De Luca is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wild Coyote View Post
Hi De Luca, Welcome to PC!

I hope you find the support and the information you may be seeking.
Please do make yourself at home!
It's wonderful you have jumped in and have made yourself at home!
I look forward to your posting!
Thanks, I'm forcing myself to post and participate. I have social anxiety, even when I do post I typically regret it in about 5 minutes. The fear of judgement thing, although rationally I know I'm not being judged. Something I always struggled with and still do.
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