Something's wrong

I dunno if my mood is up or not. I think maybe. I went to bed at 9pm but kept waking up after 20-40 mins of sleeping, and when I did wake up, I'd stay up for like an hour or two. Eventually, I gave up on trying to sleep around 2:30am because I figured it was pointless to try sleeping, so who knows how much sleep I actually got.

I didn't realize how reckless I was being this morning until after the fact. I drove 95mph to work this morning at 4:30am when the speed limit here (in Massachusetts) is 55 (yeah, not even 65!!), weaving in and out of traffic. Then I went 55 mph on the local roads that were marked at 30mph. I shaved off 6 mins of my commute time of 19 mins. So basically, just over 10 mins to work.. like half the time it normally takes. lol.

I'm feeling wiiiiiiired. I took a Ritalin anyway though. Not sure why because my focus is incredible and I really don't need it right now. But I think it was more out of habit than anything. (i.e., I blindly took it without thinking too much.)

Now my heart is racing and I have so many thoughts in my head. Well, I had lots of thoughts last night. They were mostly things like, "hmmm, wouldn't it be cool if I could do _____? Ohhh, wait! Noooo, what about _____ instead? But I kinda wanna do _____ and _____ as well. I don't know what to do!"

And I should have suspected something was off when I was looking forward to work last night. I wanted to go to bed early so that I could go into the office early and do work early in the morning. But like... since WHEN do I look forward to driving to work? I prefer working from home because I'm a lazy bum! wtf.

Also, I probably should not have sped to work. I could have gotten pulled over! I was already pulled over earlier this year for going somewhere between 37 and 43mph in a 30mph zone on my way to work, soooooo... yeahhhh. I was doing 55 in a 30 this time, and I even passed a guy on a double solid line because he was driving 35 in one of the 45 mph zones and I wanted to do 60 (which I did).

And no, I have no PRN. I see my pdoc on Thursday. (It just happens that I have my monthly pdoc appt on Thursday.) Sorry for rambling. lol!

Hi bluebicyle. It's good you're now aware of your speeding. Please make a conscious effort to not go over 5 mph beyond the speed limit on your way home. You don't want anyone hurt and I imagine a ticket would be a major bummer.

Is Ritalin a PRN medication? If so, consider putting that medication elsewhere until you REALLY need it.

Take care!

Yeah, I am going to try not to speed. It's a bit hard to resist the temptation, though. I find it thrilling to weave in and out of traffic because it's fun and a challenge.

And no, Ritalin is not PRN. I've been taking it for quite some time now. I think maybe 2 years? I take it for ADHD because my concentration is normally really bad without it.

Good call. You can do it. Just keep in mind how tragic it would be to hurt someone. That's really hard to recover from and it could come along with some jail time. Definitely not worth the thrills.

Thanks, fern.

Part of the problem is that I have so many things I want to do. I have so many things on my mind right now and I want to do them ALL, but we are limited to 24 hrs in a day and I don't want to waste precious time.

Books, internet, TV, movies, texting, emails, work, buying, building, fixing...

Yes, stay safe, bluebicycle. I am sure you know this already! I completely agree with all the other wise and wonderful posters have already wisely and wonderfully said BETTER THAN I EVER COULD! Be careful while driving. Take WONDERFUL care of yourself. Stay safe! I am here if you need me. Feel free to PM me anytime for advice and support. I am sure plenty of others will be glad to WONDERFULLY help you! You know we're ALL your friends here! THAT'S A PROMISE! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH You, bluebicycle, Your Family, Your Friends, Your Doctors, Your Medical staff, ALL The People You Love And Care About Who ALSO Love You And Care About You As Well And ALL of Your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking!

I can appreciate that. It can get a little hard to focus though when your mind bounces from one idea to the next. It might help to keep a list with you to jot the ideas down. You can then add each new idea to the list as it comes up. You can also add a deadline next to each one. If it isn't urgent that can help serve as a reminder that life is a marathon and not a sprint. You can then wait on non-critical items when you need to take time out for eating, self care and sleeping. Don't lose track of those items while you're being productive, ok?

Am I the only one whose mind is screaming "She's manic!"??

My mind isn't screaming it, but yes, she does appear to be in mania or at least Hypomania. I didn't bring it up because she said she was on a high and I assumed she knows.

Another concern besides a ticket could be getting arrested. If you are speeding that much, passing on double lines, and weaving through traffic, it’s considered careless/reckless driving and a whole different category of illegal.

Stay safe blue, it definitely sounds like you're at least hypomanic. I'm a little out of date since being IP, are you still taking the rexulti? If not are you at least willing to go back on it or something else to quell this? Can call your therapist or pdoc to come up with a game plan before something bad happens?

HI Blue, Please be careful. You don't want the many headaches that can come along with car accidents, injuries, potential deaths, police involvment, insurance hassles, injury recovery, lawsuits, attorneys when others or their property are involved, etc. It can all go on and on for a very long time. You don't want this or anything like it.

Have you tried cruise control when driving when you feel like this?

Or maybe stay home to wrk at home on days like this? Trouble is, youprobably feel like driving in more than ever when you feel like this!

I like fern46's ideas about writing things down and pacing yourself while you also practice self-care. Great advice!

If your pdoc appt is a few days away, be careful and if you feel like things are "weird," as you have said to me, then please call him. What does he usually order to help you? seroquel? If so, do you have any on hand? I know you hate it. I do , too. Yet, we cannot mess up our lives by ignoring these types of mood swings.

Keep us posted!
You know you can reach me if I can help in any way.
Love Ya!

Do you have food to eat at home?
What will you do tonight with your extra energy?

Stay safe blue.

I agree with everyone. Can’t think to add anything other than, please stay safe fir yourself and others

Thanks for the support, everyone.

I agree that maybe I am getting manic... I left a voicemail for my pdoc around I think 4:30am this morning. Well, I left a voicemail for his useless assistant who can never get my name right. (It's not that she mispronounces it; she just calls me the completely wrong name!) I wish I could talk to HIM instead of her. She's just a pointless barrier. None of the other pdocs I've had at this office seem to have an "assistant."

Anyway, we'll see what she says. I told her about the sleep, the overwhelming thoughts, restlessness, speeding, etc.. I also mentioned that I have an appt with my pdoc on Thursday @ 9:45am. So, it's not a *huge* deal if I can't get in for an appt sooner. I just have to hold out for the next 48 hrs. In fact, a couple of members on this site recommended that I work from home these next few days so I don't do anything reckless. Thus, I am working from home until I see my pdoc. I really don't wanna drive too fast again. I "toned it down" a little by driving 85 in a 55 yesterday on my way home and NO weaving... but I suppose 85 was a bit reckless...

Good Morning!

Great insight!
Nice job!

I'm glad you're working from home. Hopefully pdoc can give you a prn or something until you see him.

good judgement on your part blue.
hope you get a response from your pdoc to help with this episode.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I left another voicemail telling this "assistant" lady to never mind. She won't call me back any time soon anyways. She is lazy and gets my name wrong all the time. And the last time she called, she was nasty to me.

I'm just going to go to the pharmacy to buy some Benadryl and melatonin.

I am sorry you have given up so soon. Nobody has been at the office for very long this morning. I do know it is aggravating to have the woman forget your name every time you call..
You see your pdoc tomorrow in 2 days? Thursday? If you feel any symptoms more intensely, please consider calling again.

i hope you have/will check any potential interactions with diphenhydramine (Benadryl) and your other meds. Melatonin, too. It pays to be safe

Have you ever told your pdoc about your experiences with his assistant?. If I was the pdoc, I'd want to know if my patients are experiencing any issues with the person(s) I have left in charge of screening for patient needs/care.
I would want to know if the person(s) were over-stepping in their role and were "diagnosing" my clients status when my clients call. It is very important that clients feel they are heard and they can access their pdoc when they are in need. This is very important in establishing/continuing a healthy, therapeutic relationship between the client and the pdoc. Just a thought.

How is your concentration today? Able to get some work done?

I hope you will keep an eye on things and will call your pdoc again if you recognize any further upswing in sx.
We are here for you!!! :hug;

Thanks, WC

I'll contact the pharmacist to ask about Benadryl and melatonin. The pharmacist is a really nice lady.

I cancelled my appt for Thursday, though. The lady stops checking voicemails at 2pm and I know she's not going to call me back because it's almost 12:45pm, so I just cancelled the appt and said I'm going to take some Benadryl and/or melatonin. Plus, I have a meeting w/ my boss on Thurs that I can't afford to miss, so I can't really make the Thurs appt anyways.

I know my pdoc and that lady don't care about me anyways. Plus, the lady was nasty to me the last time I talked with her!

I had to wait 6 months to see this pdoc. I was without a pdoc for a long time. I didn't even pick him as a pdoc; I asked the therapy office to hook me up with a pdoc after mine left, so it was technically an internal referral. My old pdoc actually said I was "psychotic" and told me that he called my new pdoc to make room for me. But I guess my current pdoc didn't give a f_ck because he never saw me once during that 6 month wait, nor would he talk to me during after hours calls.

So yep, they really don't give a f_ck about me. I don't expect anything less from them, though. They have never showed they cared. So I think it's pointless to complain to my pdoc about her, because they're both the same IMO.

And no, I'm not getting any work done. It sucks.

Can you make appointments with other pdocs? I know it takes a while to get in. Do you have a psych urgent care that can help if things get worse?

Yes, I can make an appt with another pdoc. My therapist had to facilitate that when my current pdoc wouldn't see me during that 6 month wait. However, she had to push for it herself. I couldn't make that request myself (believe me, I tried).

And no, I do not have a psych urgent care center nearby. There are a bunch of hospitals with psych units, but none of them have psych urgent care. You're pretty much stuck with IP or regular pdoc appt. No in between as far as I'm aware. I think there is an IOP program, but they are like 40 mins away and I don't think I need IOP.

Yes! You are right on. Many of the psych emergency centers have been closed in your state. There used to be "rapid tranquilization" centers for awhile, too.
Those centers had existed to immediately medicate people in severe flare -ups of illness. They were managed by doctors and nurses and were meant to avoid hospitalization. Patients would stay approx 12-72 hours. If they'd improved, they were discharged If not, they were then transferred to a hospital. These were "test" programs. They did not survive due to overall costs and there was not enough advocacy for mental health at the time or both federal and state funding might have been increased to help further develop this concept of avoiding hospitalizations. This was also a cheaper option for insurance companies, too. Many benefited from this approach. Not enough money to keep it going.

I am concerned about you, of course.
Practice some self-care! Eat,drink, rest, etc.
I hope you will stay in touch!
We are here for you, Blue!!!

I just got a call back from my pdoc's useless "assistant." I'm shocked she even called me back.

She said to take Benadryl and to talk to my therapist about why I can't sleep. She said my symptoms of restlessness, not sleeping, the energy forcefield, pacing, etc. were just anxiety.