Bipolar check in #39

Hugs to those who need them and to those suffering.
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

That is so awesome !

I’m either heading for a great place, or this house of cards is coming down. My stomach pain is bad, and almost constant. While I’m sure I’m physically fine (linked to PTSD instead) my Mum keeps bothering me about going back to my GI specialist. So I’m seeing my GP for a referral tomorrow.

Anyway this pain, along with hip pain, and dealing with trauma issues in general I swing between being all zen about it to being filled with rage. Along with that I’m not sure if I’m even digesting my meds properly. This worries me. Things are getting weird. Maybe I’m in one already. I’m not at all depressed but have SI. My thoughts are a little grandiose though. Maybe I’m just stressed out.

Seeing my T tomorrow. Since last weeks session made me sicker I’m not sure how deeply we will go into my parents and childhood trauma. Gotta vent it somehow though. Otherwise I will snap very soon.

Fantastic!!!

Thank you so much for the support and help, Fern and Wild Coyote. I really appreciate it. I don't really know what happened yesterday, but I somehow woke up in my bed at about midnight. I know I slept because I felt much better. There were no voices or whistling or crazy things on my walls or coming through my door when I got up, so I got the courage to open it. There was nobody in the hallway. No guns or anything. I still think they're upstairs, though. I can definitely hear them. Who, besides me, is up at 3 in the morning, marching around their apartment like madpeople? I'm not buyin' it. And where did this mystery green LED in my electrical panel just appear from?

I have headphones, but am afraid to use them because I won't hear it when they kick in my door. Need to be able to defend myself, not that I know how to do that. I don't really have anyone who can stay with me. My best pal is in Seattle and my other one here is just way too busy with his work. My brother is an ********* and my dad would, but he is 86 and frail. I guess if it was an emergency, my ex would come. I do support her. And her kids.

The panic and fast breathing and need to flee is better right now. Will see my psychiatrist later today and see what he says. I am unwell. Probably Clozaril. But we'll see. I can't thank you both enough for supporting me in this. I will post a f/u after I see Dr. C., assuming I can do that. I guess I could be in the hospital or something

Thank you for letting us know how you're doing. You're coping as best as you can with very difficult circumstances. I'm glad to know you were able to get a bit of rest. That helps even if it is just enough to make it to your doctors appointment.

Try one headphone on and one off so you can still hear what's going on. Maybe you could still relax to the music a bit while also being able to feel like you can protect yourself.

I'm sorry your support structure isn't readily available to you at the moment. I understand not wanting to pull on people when they are super busy or when the relationship doesn't make sense for it anymore.

Good luck today. I hope you are able to get some quick relief to help you sleep and to ease your mind. Keep in mind that these thoughts cycle. That is your pattern. You're able to get help and then they go away. The fact that they go away when you're well means they are highly unlikely to be true this time around even though they feel a million percent real. Maybe there is some small comfort in that. We could break each one of the thoughts down and challenge them with critical thinking if you think it might help. For now it might just be enough to remember this is a pattern of psychosis. You are way more self aware to this than I ever was. It is a wonderful thing.

Hang in there. You are very strong and you're going to make it through. I hope all goes well with the appintments and I hope you get the oppprtunity to update us later.

This must be very unsettling. I'd feel quite frightened under your circumstances, too. When I feel threatened or confused about what's going on, I, too, have to listen to whatever I can hear. In other words, I would not be able to use headphones either.

I hope Dr. C is very helpful to you.

Thank you for updating us this morning. We are very concerned about you.

Fern has written a wonderful response to you this morning.

Please do let us know how you are doing later on, if possible.
Please stay safe under all circumstances.

So one of the possible side effects of Mirapex is that you engage in obsessive behaviours. For many that means eating, gambling, or other things.

It looks like for me I'm obsessing over how long I can go without eating. I've been reducing how much I eat and going for long periods without eating for a few weeks now and I have been losing weight.

It's really strange but I feel good if I can go an extra hour beyond the last time I ate. And when I do have something, it's really little.

I have to take my Latuda with 350 calories of food so I eat exactly that for dinner after nine to ten hours of not eating.

I've also become obsessed with an online activity that doesn't involve money. But it uses lots of time. I start as soon as I get home in the evening and go until I have to go to bed, which can be 4-5 hours straight. I could be spending the time with my family or doing something else.

Both of these things make me feel good - something I have been seeking out for a long time due to my long depression. But they're turning out to be bad for me.

I'm hoping both of these things will pass as I get used to Mirapex.

Got up at 5. Habd to de-snow the car. Left at 5:30 and got him to work about 7 minutes early. Then I came home and went back to sleepfor a bit.

Picked n3 up at work. Now home trying to warm up with my space heater!

I am doing okay today. I slept in alittle bit and I woke up feeling alittle refreshed. I was planning on going painting at the local art studio but I just found out its closed after 5 which is when I was planning on going. What a bummer! But I plan on going this saturday instead.

I have to go out tomorrow and wait for the bus then walk home in 14 degree weather at 7 in the morning to get a walk in at my doctors office. Should be lots of fun lol 😵 That's the time they require you come in if you want a walk in appointment. Hopefully I can just get in and out of there quickly and home to relax. Thankfully I have a really good coat, hat and gloves.

I'm not having any problems so far on the increased dose of my AP so I'm happy about that. I always get extremely worried about an med changes.

I finally have everything in place to start my new job. I will be starting tomorrow. I am nervous. But it’s something I know I’ll be good at. As long as I can handle it mentally.

Today I have what I can only assume is a migraine. For most of the day my head hurt so bad I could barely open my eyes, and when I did I felt nauseous. I slept literally all day, except for the hour and a half it took me to get to my spine dr and back. I woke up at 330 feeling a little bit better but by 4p my head was pounding again. I ate a little bit and went to pick my son up. RS brought home dinner. I ate about half of that and then I took a shower. I think the hot shower helped bc now my head doesn’t hurt so bad. Def calling it an early night though.

I set up my son’s birthday party so that’s done. Just need to get an invitation to two of his friends from his new school. He keeps forgetting to get their numbers so I have yet to contact their parents. The party is only a week from Saturday so I need to get to them quick.

Does he have plans to save money to buy his own car ? Id make him start the car and brushing off all the snow while I’d be sipping coffee watching from the window inside and warm lol

Yikes!!! Bundle up !!! Hope you do get in and out quickly

Thank you!

I hope you're doing okay, I know you've been in a lot of pain

Well my sleep has been really lousy... actually 9 weeks now more so ... all the Asthma bit and steroids. I don’t fully sleep I’m in that hazy place fully aware of every noise. I’ve always had insomnia so I’m use to chronic lack of sleep. I do need to wear makeup for rheumatologist appt Thursday I’m looking like a zombie.

It went from 64 degrees to 14 to a high of 27 today. So yeah there’s that.

I HAD to go out today, had to mail out some bills, get dogfood etc, I realized I have gotten to fat for any of my coats, I refuse to buy a bigger one so I was pretty furious .. so I threw on a thin hoodie and headed to town. I have Raynauds syndrome and of course forgot my gloves! So all my fingers turned corpse white and omg they just burn so bad it’s impossible to describe the pain.

Oh Look I have 1/4 tank of gas!!! So I stopped for gas, windchill was like 11-12 so I stood there just shaking from the cold.

My husband is chomping at the bit to go hunting. Nope it’s too cold. I refuse to allow it unless it’s at least 40 degrees since I’m the one that processes it all.

I have a very shyt sucky attitude today

Tomorrow will have to be an improvement and yes I have 3 sets of gloves in my purse.

Oh man. That sounds like an awful day

Indeed !

Thanks ! Just really hoping tomorrow is better

I know, right? Its a low of 4 today. Luckily, n3 doesnt work tomorrow but he does the following 3 days in a row. I guess I'll get used to it! This weather is more like January. What's January going to be like?!?

Its a good thing you got gas. When your tank is low like that the gas lines can freeze- and your car won't go until they thaw- fat chance of that this week!

Feeling sad.

Yeah you will get use to having to be up so early soon, can you adjust your medication times so you won’t be impaired getting up and driving so early ?

This weather ? Yes this is January stuff not November !!!

I usually never let my tank go below half. Mentally it’s easier for me to drop 20-30 bucks at a time instead of filling it up from empty, for me that just like asking for a heart attack. I remember my Father teaching me to drive and told me to always keep my tank at least 1/2 and above all the time.

I do the half tank thing too. I generally go to the same station for gas too which is probably silly as all gas is pretty much the same.

I am sorry your Raynauds acted up...do you get it in your toes too?
(((((((HUGS)))))))
bizi