Bipolar Check-in #40

Happy T-Day to those in the U.S.! Hope everyone enjoys themselves, even if it is just a day of relaxation and not "holiday stuff".

I'm going downtown with a couple friends from meetup and we'll find something to eat. Not sure what that will be, lol. (Had some (3! ) more traditional type of invites, but I didn't want to deal with other people's people, haha.) Other than that, after I get dressed and stuff, I'll probably do some long-procrastinated drawing. Well, not so much procrastinated as always running out of good spans of time to do it.

Soooo, before one of those spans yet again closes....

Have a good one, all!

You do have a lot to be thankful for! happy for you!!
bizi

Mums home! Two bags of medicine!

Am sooo sleepy! Wow!
Am taking a short break. . Still dealing with a lot of pain. My sister is trying to help. She is a licensed massage therapist. hope everyone is having a great day!
Love to All!

I guess i am back up to 100% now because i went to Scrabble last night for the first time since August. Just felt like it. When i am well enough for Scrabble, that means i'm well. At last. I did super well, had a great night games-wise, one of my best ever. Was a bit disappointed that the socializing wasn't more fun. Two of the younger guys complimented my hair (lavender, diagonally-cut). One said it was "cool" and he's an artist and expert player who i so admire.

Have managed to stay off the junk food yesterday and today but made some unwise choices this morning and have been doing the bathroom dash ever since. So feeling pretty discouraged now.

I noted that my Overeaters Anonymous (OA) book talks about compulsive overeaters being black-and-white thinkers. "We were frenetically busy then exhausted and unable to act. We were wildly excited then deeply depressed. If we couldn't have it all we didn't want any. If we weren't the best, we didn't want to participate." That last sentence got me to Scrabble last night. I just feel that they are describing bipolar to a T.

But the thing that has struck me most is the description of compulsive overeating as a "spiritual problem." This is what i have always felt that i have never been able to put my finger on. It's not about calories or grams of protein. That's what's so frustrating about dieting advice, why i just want to wring the neck of anyone who gives me dieting advice. It's a spiritual problem. I'm working on defining my Higher Power and surprisingly (pleasantly) having some success, making progress. My favorite author says just to "hang in" with Twelve Step and it appears i am taking his advice.

Happy Thanksgiving

I hope everyone is having a wonderful day with family and friends

BirdDancer , Thank you for such beautiful pictures

I'm so glad you're doing so well! It's encouraging to hear when people are feeling better! I found your post full of insight, little gems... Thank you for sharing!

Happy Thanksgiving to you too!!!

Happy Thanksgiving to my American friends.

Yesterday was bad. Panic and SI were extreme. I contacted my pdoc but he was off work as his son was sick. Contacted my T who was having a very busy day. He gave me some advice then later suggested I go to ER. I can’t face hospital right now. Complicated reasons. I knew I was in trouble so I bombed out on Seroquel and fell asleep.

This morning I feel less panicked, but still very off. I have a big family gathering to go to tomorrow. With this anxiety I don’t know if I will cope. There are people I would love to see there. Just others trigger me. My T doesn’t want me to go, or at the most make a flying visit. It is an hours drive. The other side of the city. I guess I will decide tomorrow.

Something still doesn’t feel right. I don’t know what to do.

I got 4 hours sleep again. I'm so tired.

On the plus side, I had 2 proper meals for each of the past 2 days. I'm taking my doctor's advice even though I don't feel the need to eat that much.

Looking forward to tonight when I take Seroquel to maybe help me sleep more, I could use it. I can precieve that my thinking and reaction times are slower.

I'm so tired. Managed to get a couple hours of sleep.

Paranoia/voices are pretty bad

No sleep last night. Couldn't settle, my bed turned into the flintstones bed, hard as a rock. I have three pillows and played marry-go-round with them. Too fat, too thin, too hard. Too cold, too hot. Always too somethings

Is there anything you can take and/or do to increase sleep and decrease the paranoia and voices? It must be tough.

That sucks. I hope you can sleep well tonight.

Another tough day. Even though I contacted my pdoc in crisis yesterday he never got back to me. This only made me more paranoid about asking for help.

Thankfully my T called me this afternoon and spoke to me for half an hour. I was very anxious, paranoid, and suicidal. He managed to convince me to take Seroquel as I feel scared of it for some reason. He again suggested hospital but I’m too freaked out by the idea. He asked me to contact him in two hours to advise if I took the Seroquel. Once he knew I had taken it and was a little calmer he stopped talking Hospital. If he hadn’t of made the time for me today I’d hate to think what I would have done.

Unfortunately, now it’s the weekend so I have no access to pdoc or T till Monday at the earliest. Not that there is much they can do. I need this to go away. I can’t cope much longer. So much is going on that I can’t say.

I could take an extra Haldol, but I'm always worried about running out before it's time to refill and then be hit with withdrawals

Wow. I've shifted from insomnia to I want to sleep 24/7. :eek
I am concerned about a possible change in mood. We'll see.
Love to All!

My husband and I head back home this evening. The whole vacation raced by, but was extremely relaxing and pleasant. Back to the real world, so to speak.

I am lucky that I'll have both a therapy appointment on Tuesday, and my psychiatrist on Wednesday.

Slept quite awhile for me and feel okay this morning. Had a nice 90-minute ride in the 29-degree temp. Brr.

Yesterday was really fun. I made my own cranberry sauce and rolls. Anyway, I like to cook and it was fun. Hopefully, I can string a few good days together. We'll see. Prayers for everyone that is struggling.

I hope you get more sleep in tonight!
bizi

call your pdoc on monday and request an increase of your haldol so you won't run out. tell them that you needed to take extra because of such and such.
They are going to do as you requested.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Sorry you did not sleep last night....it seems lots of us did not sleep well last night including me. Maybe we over ate? I am hoping that we sleep better tonight.
((((((HUGS))))))
bizi

I'm doing good still. I even went to my monthly bipolar support group last night (Thursday) I haven't been since May. Thursday's group was the last of the year as we meet the 4th Thurs of the Month which would be the 26th Dec. So as always there is no group until January 2020!! Eeek. We are all going for a Chinese buffet meal in Dec as a last get together of the year. Yum can't wait we do this every year.

Unfortunately Thurs night brought some bad news. Well I woke up on Friday morning to a whatsapp from my Aunt my Uncle who is 73 years old had a cardiac arrest and is in hospital. Today (Fri) we found out he has had ECG's etc and is up for visitors so my Sister and I are going on Sun afternoon when visiting time begins. If I'm honest I've wanted to cry today. But I'm maintain a smile to get through it. My Parents and Brother and Aunt and Uncle fell out and it's kinda sucks its been left to us to tell my Dad. But it is what it is. When we told my Dad he was quite insensitive and this has upset me. I'm angry at him. My Brother I texted this morning after receiving the text and he says to keep him posted. My Mum seems genuinely upset too. So I'm hoping he pulls through this. My Uncle has Skin Cancer and is pretty ill from that. So I don't know what to think

Paranoia~It's doing a good job of putting a strain on my relationships. I "think" you are being deliberately uncaring or hurtful to me, so I react and be insensitive, cold, or harsh to you to "get you back", give you "your due" because
"you started it" by torturing me! What do you expect when you poke a stick at a sick dog that's down!!! (Of course all the evidence shows me that people are NOT doing this to me. I have "checked" so many times, and each and every time I found out I really was just being paranoid.) *sigh* It takes a while for me to see clearly after I think you deliberately hurt me. Only after I react badly and settle down can I see clearly that hey, I can see why you did that, it makes sense and had nothing to do with me at all. Then I cringe because I have to go through my round of heartful but embarassing apologies. I am getting counseling and seeing a PsychPA for this, but all the meds I've tried or am on have helped me with other things, but they don't touch the thing I need help with most. Probably switching to Lithium next week.