Bipolar Check-in #40

I’m so sorry your having such a rough time. How long ago was your increase??! Do you think maybe taking your Prn before you go into work would help more ? Kind of using it proactively instead of taking it once your hitting that wall ?

Just a thought. I hope things improve quickly for you

Thank you, Christina. The increase was approximately 3.5 weeks ago. I have been taking my prn medication more often lately. Sometimes I take my PRN before work. Since I had such a bad day today, I will try to do that tomorrow. The only issue is that it tends to make me tired at work, and sometimes others notice this. So it's really tough and frustrating to find that balance, especially when the goal is just to get through the day. I'm so tired of this illness.

Hi everyone! I won't bore you with my life details as I have written enough in the thread I started. I just wanted to send huge hugs and positive vibes to all suffering.

Which book ? The anxiety and phobia workbook. The workbook that T wanted me to get.

Well yes medication “ might” help but coping skills need to be used more effectively and changing our reactions to things is what will give us to most benefit.

I’m glad you did the workbook !!

“Most meds “ should be showing a difference at 3.5 weeks. Can you call your Pdoc ? You might need an addl increase?

I hope things settle down for you soon

I slept 2.5 hours even though I'm really tired.

I spoke to my manager at work mentioned how I'm nervous about driving when I'm so tired. She said it was ok for me to work from home. She said she's ok if it takes a while too.

That's a big relief because my reflexes are getting slower as is my thinking.

My pdoc didn't get back to me yesterday so I have to wait until Thursday when she's back in the office.

Slept from 730 PM to around 1030 PM or so. No naps yesterday. Just saw the NP and seeing the doc in another week. I really don't know what can be done for me. I guess I just have to accept that I can't sleep anymore. As mentioned by Scooter above, even when I am exhausted, I can't sleep. Oh well.

At least I am not psychotic or manic at the moment. That is good.

Getting ready to order a bunch of stuff and spend what for me is a lot of money (around $600 or so) on myself for Christmas. My 'partner' and I are not really together right now, so there won't be any gift exchange there. Anyhow, trying to be cheerful even though things are not great on the home front. Prayers and hugs for everyone struggling.

Had my first EMDR session today, just as intense as I heard it would be.

I posted a bit ago asking advice/thoughts about it but the mod moved it out of this section to ptsd or something I think (even though BP and trauma very often go together) and I don't know how to link, but I guess you can find it in my profile if you want to follow the developments.

But work is slowing down because of the holidays, which sucks because I'm finishing things up for the year (big personal projects) and I can't meet with anyone...

Health things in the family aren't great, just in time for the holidays, mental things aren't great because of things around that and my general broken self. EMDR is certainly not off to a great start if it's going the way it's supposed to. Things are just sort of meh?

Yeah, I'll go with "meh".

I'm doing alright today. Was stressed yesterday with all the snow, but today is a new day and I'm hoping I'll be less stressed because I shoveled the driveway with the help of my dad's friend last night. THANK GOD. Of course, the driveway is still icy as hell, but it's a lot better than it was yesterday with 2+ feet of snow on top. Ugh.

@Wild Coyote: We tried asking a plow across the street if he would plow, but it turns out the guy owns the plow himself and he said he's learning how to use it, so he's not comfortable in doing our driveway yet. Fortunately, my sister found some plow guy on Facebook who's looking for clients because he just started his business, so he's coming over today to assess the driveway and give a quote.

Great! Glad you have found someone!
There is usually someone trying his/her hand at a plowing business.
Some of the landscaping companies will also plow in the winter. Some have commercial accounts. Some do not.
I hope the new plow guy is a good match! If so, ask him to salt/sand the driveway!

Always good to hear from you!

Hi! Have been wondering how you are doing.
Have you found the book helpful?

By the way, another way to treat agoraphobia would be short exposures, desensitizing you/your anxiety, little by little.

SSRIs are also used for social anxiety. They can help ameliorate the symptoms of agoraphobia/social anxiety. It is not always easy to get over these challenges; many have done it and it can be done; This is good news!

I hope life becomes more rewarding for you! You deserve much more than living in fear of y our life and other challenges. I think you will like getting out and and experiencing more?

I hope you will have a great day today!

Hi everyone! I haven't been on in awhile. Hope everyone is well. Hugs to those that are struggling.

I've had ups and downs. Been off benzos for about 3 months. I'm glad I'm off them, but struggle with anxiety quite a bit. It's really difficult. But I use some dbt skills.

My family is well. The day before Thanksgiving, I got suicidal and cried most the day. Part of it was from lack of sleep. Since coming off the diazepam I just don't sleep well.

I see a new pdoc on the 13th. I'm hoping he has some ideas. I changed pdocs bc mine wanted to take me off gabapentin. This was after she had told me that she would leave my meds the same. I can't go off gabapentin, its the only thing that's helping my anxiety.

My son is psychotic on and off. They've diagnosed him with sza. I really feel for him. He struggles so. I just do my best to be there for him. He's not always consistent with his meds. It can get frustrating. I love him so much and just want the best for him.

I'm still struggling with bathing. I got a new tdoc as well. The last one I had was let go. It's difficult when you're on medicaid. Lots of turn over. I really like this new therapist tho. My ptsd has been acting up here and there. But she really wants to help me. I'm slowly building trust with her. She's young. I hope she sticks around.

So I'm coping. I hope to post more often. Anyway that's the update from me, lol. take care everyone!

Thank you I wish you well too. I called my pdoc and left a message to see if I can get in sooner. Also, I received a message from a therapist who I reached out to, asking if she has an opening. She is going to check my insurance, but she likely accepts it and is scheduling me for next Friday. I am nervous starting with someone new, but relieved. I'm especially anxious when it comes to what my pdoc will do. I am maxed out on one of my meds as far as dose. Maybe she will bump up my Latuda more or add something. I guess I'll have to take that chance in order to feel better.

I took a very long overdue shower. I confess I was in there quite a while. The heat of the water seems to have cleared my head/throat/chest a bit. I also feel better knowing I am more normal-looking. My hair was looking like the witch from the Loony Toons. I did a lot of self-care stuff, but there always seems to be more I could do. I'm a rather "au naturelle" type woman, but even still, there's a lot of self-care if one wants to be sort of ideal about it.

Well the pills aren't working. Another long night. At least the bed is no long rock hard and I can lay there and rest.

Bird dancer I'm very Au naterelle woman but my daughter is not. Don't know where she learned to be such a girly girl cause it wasn't from me. She just had her eye lashes done. Have to admit it looks good but you wouldn't catch me sitting in a chair for and hour and a half with my eyes taped shut!

I hope the T accepts your insurance and is a good fit you

Maybe a bump in Latuda will work or maybe something new? Med Merry Go Round is such a pita !

I've been missing. A days ago, I had a stomach ache when I woke up. It got worse as the day went on. Finally about 830 pm I decided I needed to visit the ER- mainly because the nurse I'd talked to on the phone said I should. While I was there they did an ultrasound of my right side. I don't have my appendix so that was out. I mostly lay in the bed in my room in the ER and watched tv still in pain. But there was no vomiting so I figured it wasnt ileitis. I've had ileitis many times and it usually includes vomiting and sweating and shock and low blood pressure. Nevertheless, I discussed the facts with the attending and she said she thought it was ileitis. On my discharge paperwork said my reason for presenting to the ER was "upper right quadrent abdominal pain" and my diagnosis was the same! Weird. Why tell me ileitis then not write it down? Yesterday I slept a lot because I didnt get home until after 4 a.m. Today, I am achey and sore but the pain that made me squeeze my eyes shut is gone.

Going out was a huge mistake. I only planned to pickup a medication at the pharmacy and then quickly go for a few things at the grocery store. It turned into a mild dissociative state experience (depersonalization/derealization). I felt like I was in a trance most of the time. I did weird things. I found myself just standing in one place, not knowing what I was even there to do. Then I super overdid it and went to the bread shop. There I saw a woman that seemed to trigger me. I won't go into how/why, but I guess I was staring at her, and she eventually noticed. That disturbed me that I was acting like that. I got home almost wishing I hadn't rescheduled my psychiatrist appointment. It was originally supposed to be in 15 minutes. I thought about calling him to ask for the time back, but I knew he'd never get the message on time, and he's probably already given that time slot away. Maybe it's all for the best.

About 20 minutes ago, I heard my garage opening. Why was Hubby home so early? Apparently for good reasons that I didn't recall. I told him that I overdid it and now I don't want to do anything more the entire night. No cooking. Nothing. I just feel disturbed. Sometimes day dreams race through my head and seem so real. They're usually something rather scary.

I wonder if I actually hurt myself with the long shower and all of the errands. Now my voice is so hoarse and my cough is scary.

Just a really crappy day.

As a singer of 35 years, I suggest you get some vocal rest. That means no talking unless you absolutely have to or you may not be able to talk at all soon.

Been thinking about going back to partial hospital to try clozaril/clozapine out

I just wanted to quickly second the notion of careful desensitization. I have a terrible fear of heights. A couple of months ago, we began slowly exposing me to more and more of what scares me. In my case, I am riding my bike up these little, 1200-foot volcanoes in my city. Not very high, but way more than high enough to terrify me. Anyhow, it is helping. I can now ride up Mt. Scott (1200 feet or so) and back down without totally freaking out. And I am not on a benzo ro SSRI.

So, it can be done. I am definitely improving. I have some skills now. Just wanted to share a small success story with you, Miguel'smom. Best of luck to you!!

BirdDancer, I am so sorry you had such an incredibly difficult day. What a nightmare. I only get depersonalization/derealization when I am psychotic and I absolutely hate it. Just misery. So sorry you had that experience.

I obviously don't know your story very well, but I was just wondering if you have had any med changes recently. Wondering if you felt maybe you should possibly make a med move. And maybe you shouldn't go out alone until you are feeling a bit better. Just a thought.

Hopefully, you will have gotten a good sleep in and feel better tomorrow. Hoping so! Sending you support and healing vibes--

I'm sad. My cat didn't make it. She passed this morning. I cried so hard I puked.