Bipolar Check-in #40

I flipped out today at a Wendy's, I was too overwhelmed. Still paranoid/anxiety all day until I pass out. My parents come this weekend. I've already been told I sound tired or like I've been crying when talking to them. I wasn't but my mom is clearly concerned. I need to brush my hair and pick up a bit but I just want to try and sleep this away. I'm not over sleeping and I'm keeping busy but it's infuriating.

Turns out my pdoc was at the hospital work Christmas party last night which is why they couldn’t reach him. It was the on call pdoc that they finally got through to to get a much stronger med ordered.

Today a close friend might visit me. I haven’t seen her for months. I hate meeting while I’m so ill. I get worried I’m going to burn my loved ones out. We have been friends for over twenty years so she’s seen me at my worst. I wanted to get leave so we could take her puppy for a walk, but only my pdoc can approve leave, and even if he shows up/or is asked over the phone I doubt he will let me have escourted leave after last night. Either way it will be wonderful to have a visitor that doesn’t trigger me.

Great to have you posting!

Glad to read you have some relief from seasonal; depression!

I think of you so often!
Thanks for checking in!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

I am around. Trying to get by. Pain is much worse today. A high pain day due to weather.
Still watching the antics of the SSA. It can be so incredibly frustrating. Yet, on some level, it is also amusing. So inefficient. So.....ummm...absurd!!!

I will save you the rant.

I am VERY concerned about anyone;'/everyone losing benefits, gaining unhelpful drug plans, etc.
It's often far too difficult to make even the very basics work and it becomes so very disheartening!
If you know of potential options, we have started a thread for potential resources; please do tell!
Thanks so much for sharing!!!

Love to All!

Oooooookay , I haven’t read this thread ya but wanted to dump my info here. I’ll be back to catch up on everyone.

Between yesterday and today I have spent over 12 hours on the phone dealing with social security and my drug plan along with my husbands. I even went directly to the social security office at 730 am to be first one in the door.

Condensed version ... somehow social security changed some “ section” on my profile or what ever they called it .. because that portion has been changed, my drug plan was giving me ridiculous info. So that Took almost an hour for social security to fix there F up. So I called my drug plan Humana over an hour hold and the first person I talked to still insisted I still have huge deductibles etc , I was polite but I wanted a supervisor , I was on hold for that mystery person for almost 1.5 hours and wow imagine this I was disconnect !!! I call back another way over an hour and a half blah blah blah. Next person still was clueless I was transferred another hour on hold the next person omg ! She found the info in her system and I do have same plan as this year for 2020 i was too tired to cry happy years.

Then I struggled getting my husbands plan straightened out , over 2 hours.

We do not have a home phone and no cell signal at home so yesterday and today? Over 12 hours I have spent sitting in my car doing all this in s parking lot.

I’m glad everything is okay now but none of this should have ever happened to begin with.

My blood pressure has been skyhigh think 190- 220/ 95 -130 despite leaning very heavy on Xanax.

It’s has finally come down. Last check 180/90 which is still way high for me. But it is going down

Of course I didn’t sleep last night , this afternoon I finally had to lay down mainly because my blood pressure. I honestly felt like I was fixing to die. I got about 6 hours of sleep. Which is good, woke up struggling to breath I had forgotten my morning inhalers

I just feel like I have been literally physically beaten for a couple days with bats and run over by dump trucks.

Next year I am going to start calling to verify SSDI monthly starting in June.

I am so sorry you have been going through this.
It's so ridiculous! The SSA has always had issues, yet it seems to be getting so much worse now.

I am still tangling with them, too.

Please do take good care of yourself. This ongoing stress cannot be helpful to you at all.

Love YA!!!

Well dang ! I’m sorry you have another night of lousy sleep and then having to get up fully with PT coming. Maybe tonight will be better ????? I sure hope so

I hate that you struggling so hard right now

Thanks !

Thank you

If I could drive in snow I’d head your way and force someone to take your pain serious ! You absolutely need a break , Now dammit !!!!!!

Yes indeed ssa help and information just keeps getting worse and worse, the woman who helped me said she honestly don’t know why section had been changed. She was getting frustrated trying to fix it, screen would freeze, or not accept the correct info. I felt bad for her. Finally it got fixed.. ridiculous mess

If I didn't know better I'd think rump put evil bots in the system just to mess things in SSA up.

When my husband lost his job to a workers comp claim we lost our insurance, Medicaid was never expanded in my state. We had zero insurance.

My T and Pdocs company had a program for people like me, they also had me on a medication plan , the only Med I had to pay for was Xanax.

If we needed to see a doctor for any illness we had to pay out of pocket for visit and for any meds.

Well I finally won my SSDI I got my Medicare card and social security back dated my eligibility date 10-11 months earlier so I got a huge bill for appts I had for T and Pdoc

It took almost 4 hours sitting in front of a SS employee to get them to understand that no I didn’t even get approved until X date.

Social security over all for decades has been a disaster.

The only time errors are fixed is when a person like me or someones grandmother has her power turned off because her deposit didn’t happen that month.

My husband absolutely can not handle dealing with all the crap over the last 2 days and would just stop seeing doctors and stop all his meds and just die ... and he is serious when it comes to this stuff.

And that is what every insurance company on the planet be it health , drugs or car insurance wants .. make things difficult enough and hope people give up and they save money by the truck loads

It’s disgusting

Hey all!

Last couple weeks have been hard. Since I took the break from school in order to apply to the new one, I have been faced with boredom. The boredom has been making my anxiety flare up a good amount. Two days ago, I heard back from the school I was hoping to get into. They denied me admission due to a technicality. That being that my graduate program GPA won't count towards my application since it isn't finished (I had a 3.6 GPA). Instead they used my undergrad GPA which was a 2.65. The thing that pissed me off is that their cut-off is a 2.75. A bloody .1 point!!!!!!!! They also made a mistake because they told me originally that the GRE would be waived for me however it isn't finished and they didn't realize until my application was waiting for approval. So now I have to go for my backup plan which is the current master's program. I am trying to calm myself down but I am still so frustrated. On top of that, my anxiety has been making me worry about the future. I am hoping that all this frustration does not cause a episode.

It is disgusting.

Hope you sleep tonight.
((((((HUGS))))))
bizi

Oh what a mess I’m sorry this is happening to you

Thanks Bizi

I hope so too !!

Welll the zopiclone didn't work. I'm up after just 4 hours sleep.

It was just a starter dose of 1/2 pill so I guess I need more.

I can go to 1 pill so I'll try that tonight.

I don’t know how Doxipen could or would interact with whatever your current cocktail is

It’s a tricyclic AD , normally I can’t take an AD’s as they fling me into a mixed episode with in a week. But ... this Med is used for Hives and for insomnia. It really helped me for about a year. Now I wasn’t sleeping every night but better than I am now. I started at 50mg eventually I had to go up to 100mg at bedtime.

It’s not a Med that will chemically force you to sleep , it’s more of a “ allow you to fall asleep and stay asleep more naturally” I never had a Med hangover from it.

It is one medication I might go back on as I’ve had a long break from it.

I did have to monitor myself closely when I first started to make sure it didn’t cause a mood shift.

I do know at one point I was put on Geodon and they can not be taken at the same time long QT so I stopped it , but close to 2 months on Geodon it was useless so I dumped it and went back on Doxipen.

Might be worth asking. So even tho I can’t take an AD in general , Doxipen is just a tad different so for some reason I can tolerate and it can offer better quality of sleep.

Definitely not feeling like myself.

My friend cancelled her visit so I have been alone all afternoon. She promises she will come tomorrow. I love her to bits, but she is soooo unreliable. My anxiety is going through the roof again. Had some Seroquel but obviously not enough. Now I am paranoid to ask for help again. Does my brain have an exit? I am so over this.

My brother had gotten dehydrated according to the ER doctor and that caused everything: the liver enzymes, blood pressure, everything. I’m immensely relieved and slept a full 6 hours last night.

I’m temporarily wiped out physically and mentally. Although I’m feeling a sense of pressure around the holidays, I’m taking a few days off to reset and refresh. Traveling tomorrow to meet M halfway. That’s always a treat.

Warm regards to all and hugs to those that are struggling.

Thanks Christina I'll ask about it if what I'm taking now doesn't work. Even if it does, I can only use it for a short time so doxipen might be an option.

Christina, I feel so much for all the wrangling you had to do!!!!! It's absolutely unconscionable beyond words the mess that stuff is.

Wednesday I finally dealt with the marketplace about my insurance for the coming year. Kept the same plan. My premium significantly more than doubled. Yes, I am making a bit more money, but not nearly justifying the level of increase. The difference alone in premium increase eats up significantly more than a third of the increase in pay. ($5,000 in pay, $2,000 in premium increase.) Premium alone is now nearly half the amount my rent is. F****** crazy!!!!!

The state of insurance/medicine/medical in this country is a ******* ******* disgrace.

I keep forgetting to mention, I have been self harm free for two years!!!