Bipolar Check-in #40

Crazy is one word for it.

There are numerous that are cheaper than running through my insurance

These are the goodrx prices on just these are out of reach

My Symbicort inhaler is over 300 and Spiriva is over 400 even Lamictal 140

I’m hoping something can be figured out. This is the exact reason so many elderly or people on disability go ahead and get divorced so they can get help.

Can you get samples from your doctor? That's been another help; my family dr kept me stocked in samples with my inhalers when I was trying to find something that worked and then what combination I needed. Then I was uninsured for a while and I need the inhalers so he just gave me a handful every so often. Another time he gave me a big bag of a med saying I was the only purse whole liked it.

I'm sorry you have to go through this mess. I go through it but it's pretty easy since only one company doesn't want to cover clozapine and I can't afford what it suggested. So it takes about 15 minutes.

I’m not sure if Symbicort still gives out samples to Doctors.

Spiriva ? my Pulmonary doctor gave me a 2 month supply which is office policy after that it’s by script.

When I first got on SSDI because It was low enough I didn’t have to pay monthly premium. When my husband was approved we now both pay 135.50 per month right off the bat. My husbands drug premium is increasing to 63 and possibly higher depending on which plan we find best for him, I’m certain his medications will cost more also

We have to pay 35 a month for his oxygen, and I’m sure his medication for his nebulizer will increase, both of those are filed through Medicare not his prescription drug plan.

Of course January we start back over with that joyous 250.00 deductible each.

Lots of drug companies do offer saving plans but if your on SSDI it can be a Nope with our combined income. but they will pay if on SSI only.

So I’m not spazzing out I’m just looking at it all logically

I fully believe that the rising cost of Doctor visits and prescription meds is pure population control.

Proven fact more elderly people die the last quarter of a year because they hit the “ donut hole” with prescription coverage, most can’t afford extra coverage for that so they have to choose food or meds or power.

9-10 hours from now I will know what level of medication hell we will sitting in.

Thanks, everyone, for the well wishes! I'm glad I finally got to the pcp yesterday.

bpcyclist, thanks for sharing your story! My husband comes from a family of doctors, and he has lots of stories about how his dad and siblings avoided getting help, when needed. As for hallucinations, I didn't have any yesterday, like you did when you were sick, but I swear I thought I was going mad. And so depressed! I confess that I called my husband and asked him to come home from work to take me to the doctor's office. I didn't feel mentally well enough to go by myself. Even my sister volunteered to take me, but I didn't want her to. She's been through way too much lately. Of course we had to go to the pharmacy afterwards, I can't imagine having done that alone.My doctor confirmed that my long shower and brief outings, the day before yesterday, were probably harmful for me.

I’m drowning, f***ing drowning. My pdoc still hasn’t shown up for days (I’m IP). Nurse got a phone script for me. I’ve taken 200 mg of Seroquel, and 2 mg of Lorazepam. Still very anxious, and irritable. I ended up sobbing when I found out pdoc wasn’t coming in, and my nurse was seemingly blasé about the level of my distress.

All day I’ve been communicating my distress but I’m a calm way so wasn’t taken seriously. This time I lost it and wept and ranted. I’m in trouble. I’m so close to acting. The nurses know this, but I still could sneak out. I’m just hoping the drugs knock me out before I get that far. I’m terrified. PTSD is hell.

Sorry to hear that, Wander. That sounds disheartening.

I hope your pdoc shows up soon, but it's good to hear that the nurse at least got a phone script for you.

Try your best not to sneak out of IP if you know you're close to acting. IP is a safe space and a place to get better.

In my opinion -- and other people's opinions may differ -- you should tell the nurses the truth, that you don't think they're taking you seriously. Confront them about it. Confront someone about it.

I do wonder, though... I know that sometimes hospitals are understaffed, people are overworked, and some get underpaid. That leads to laziness and or not caring as much. Do you think that's the case? That was the case for my grandma when she was in IP (lazy, uncaring staff because they were understaffed, overworked, and likely underpaid). What helped in that case was having someone from the outside advocate for her (my parents). Do you think that would help if your parents could talk to them?

today is national cookie day.

and I really want some cookies!.

2 words: chocolate chip. I love them.

who else likes cookies?

I also entered a compitition today: to win a chocolate hamper for christmas

MMM hope I win, or at least have given the correct answers

I showered today too

I didn't know about this day. Cool!

Of course I like cookies! It had been my plan to make three more types and post the recipes (with pictures) on my blog, but I have been too sick to bake. I've already posted seven Czech Christmas cookie recipes on my blog, plus a Christmas sweet bread. My favorite are Linzer Tart cookies.

Most of the American cookies I have baked are well-known in the US. Of those, my absolute favorite are oatmeal raisin (with nuts) cookies. My sister wrote to me yesterday saying she had made them. I was jealous!

How big is the chocolate hamper? I'm having trouble imagining anything other than a clothes hamper. I like chocolate, but it's not a passion of mine. Yea, I'm a weirdo! I like raw chocolate chip cookie dough, but mostly just the dough part because of the brown sugar, vanilla, and butter.

I've decided to change my avatar photo again. I know that I did so, recently. Sorry for all of the changes.

BirdDancer

I didn't know that, that must be why there's cookies for sale everywhere. They were three for .99 cents and those were the ones I bought, bad choice. They were hard as a rock.

Seems like every two hours I was looking at the clock last night, yet I'm sure I got some sleep. Just not solid deep sleep. I stayed in bed trying to go back to sleep after I woke this morning. I just didn't want to get up. Moms pt is going to be here soon, really got to go get dressed. Being prone even without sleep is so attractive.

Put the cookies in the microwave. They'll soften up. I do this all the time with hard cookies. Even the hardest ones soften up in the microwave. Usually 10-15 seconds will do. Sometimes 30, but no more than that.

Thanks I'll try it this weekend. Yeah it's not approved in the u.s. but you have something similar named lunesta.

It is a nice, sunny day here. I am happy. I exercised a bit. I feel good about myself. I hope everybody looks toward the future and has hope. I feel without hope, one's outlook is bleak. I have hope that my future will be good and that I will remain stable as long as I receive my shots. Have a good weekend!!

Hi Jennifer, I wanted to see how you are doing since I, for the time being, are around in the dep forums (as you know).

You are kind and good at thinking about others, but your daughter is right. You have your own disease. You have to put your own needs first, not because you are selfish, but because if you neglect your form of sickness, you will not last long or become worse.

Even if your daughter is grown up, she needs to feel safe in knowing that her mother follows doctors recommendations. I hope I'm not disturbing your inner peace of mind by saying that. I only want you to see that even if you cannot help your brother the way you want, life can have lots of other opportunities for you. You can be useful in other ways.

I am glad because you see a "proper" therapist now. Yes, you need to take your breaks and get adequate sleep. You have to use "an inner hammer" to repeat again and again that you have this disorder and try to be responsible for your own wellness. (I know you will). Backslides come from time to time, but you will learn to recognize them along the road, so you can bring yourself back again at the road that fits you and you only. ACCEPTANCE of your own disorder is the key to a good life. Hope you don't feel that I am an intruder in your life saying so, but so it is with everything, acceptance of whatever comes in one's road gives the best opportunity to make the best out of it. I found this out by myself with regard to my physical disorders.

Remember there can come a time when your daughter will bring you a grandchild. May be she does not have any plans about that now, but one day ...

What I mean to say is that life can let many good surprises come your way, if you follow doctor's recommendations and use your kind caring sides on yourself!

I have prayed for you!

Sending good wishes and hopes your way!

It’s so nice to see your message! You are absolutely right. I appreciate your message and you.

I have prayed for you as well. I know the SAD will diminish with time and you are doing a good job working it out.

Sending good wishes and hopes your way!

I had a meltdown when I was going to lunch with my Aunt today. I am not even sure exactly why. I'm just having a really hard time functioning and doing what is expected of me. Someone asked me if anything can solve my problems right now, what would it be? I just don't want to feel like this anymore. That's all.

Hugs to all Hang in there, and have a nice weekend.

Sort of bedridden with my laptop, I managed to post two posts on my blog today. They are parts of a true story series I'm calling "Four Bouquets of Flowers".

For a few years now, I've slowly been writing draft chapters for a memoir. I don't know if I will ever have it printed, but I want to preserve significant stories from my life, for at least myself. The "Four Bouquets" would just be just one chapter for my memoir. I have already written draft content for almost eight other chapters. Tomorrow I will hopefully post the last installment of the "Four Bouquets". It needs more work. Actually, I've already written a post called "Getting Married Abroad in a Most Glorious City (Prague, Czech Republic). I might add that to the "Bouquets of Flowers" chapter as a 5th bouquet story, or maybe keep it separate. I'm still trying to figure out how best to organize my memoir. I'd rather it be groups of semi-related stories rather than strictly chronological ones. In any case, if I ever do want them printed, I'll still need a lot of editing/rework.

I still feel so weak. It's hard to even go up and down my stairs that many times. I'd like to cook dinner for my husband tonight, but I sort of dread it. He offered to pick something up on his way home. I think I might take him up on that. Perhaps I could make something for him tomorrow.

I am sorry you are hurting today and felt excluded. I used to have an eating disorder, primarily anorexia, but when I was dealing with recovery I ended up flipping into bingeing sometimes. I felt a lot of shame about it. I think the biggest thing that kept me in that loop was the cognitive distortion that if I messed up once I messed up completely and might as well not bother even trying and all previous success didn't matter. I would binge a little, then be like screw it and give up totally. Slowly shifting that thinking helped me recover. I would say to you that 8/9 days is an 88.8%! That is not a bad "grade" at all and far better than the 0% if you hadn't had the success of the past 8 days. You're not perfect and neither is anyone else, so try to offer yourself a little compassion and focus on how well you did in the days leading up to today. That means you could go another 8 days or even 9 this time. You definitely have it in you.

I am so exhausted. I was falling asleep at work again today. I don’t know why it’s so easy for everyone else to stay awake but for me it’s like snooze city. I’ve tried coffee and it doesn’t help. I don’t know what else to do.

I went way over on carbs yesterday and today because I was frustrated that I haven’t lost any weight. I am paying for it. It seems that the overload of carbs aggravated whatever painful stomach condition I have. I’m having burning pain in my usual spot (right below my ribs on the right). When I was eating less carbs it didn’t seem to be a problem. So just another reason to keep them low regardless of whether I lose weight or not.

I have been two days cigarette free. I decided to get some gum even though I don’t particularly like gum. It helps a lot. That along with klonopin as needed has helped. Two days cigarette free.

@yellow_fleurs: Thanks for the support! I'm sure you are right and glad you have recovered from anorexia and bingeing. I'm not sure what the future holds for me at the moment. I've been trying with Overeaters Anonymous (OA) for three months now. I don't think they can help me.

In other news, a box of memorabilia from my youth arrived today in the mail from my sister. The first thing i saw was my baby picture. I thought: What is ahead for you but heartbreak and mental illness?

Thanks Blue! After losing my s**** in front of the nurses my distress was taken seriously. I didn’t deliberately do it, I am usually a calm person so it got them into action. They drugged me more and I fell asleep after an hour of a nurse sitting with me. If the meds hadn’t of worked I would be locked up by now.

The nurse that was initially blasé became very caring. He is a young nurse so I think I was a bit out of his depth. Other nurses also watched me all night, but I slept through. I’m hungover now. Anxiety is creeping up again. I will be more direct if I feel that bad again. I just get too timid.

Sorry to hear a lot of you are struggling and/or sick. Seems to be a thing here too. A lot of sniffles and sneezes, and some sore throats. Not a lot of sleep either. It feels like we’re getting better though. I know a lot of people locally have it worse with stomach issues but other than more heartburn than usual I’ve seemed to dodge that bullet. Emotionally, being physically ill is rough. I’m low more. But I’m not really depressed like I used to be this time of year. Trying to rest during the holiday season is hard, though.

Otherwise things are plugging along. I hope you all take gentle care of each other and yourselves.

I should have said this also works if your income is too high. I've had good luck with that too.