How do you (personally) know when you are experiencing an episode?

I think it's common for people with mood disorders to question if how they feel is indicative of a mood episode or indicative of being hormonal/emotional (for a lack of better words). However, not every change in feeling correlates to a change in mood. Not everything is bipolar. So, how do YOU know?

Well, for starters, I do know my baseline these days is toward the depressed pole. When not flaring, for lack of a better word, in that down pole, I know that I am not usually suicidal. A bit down, but I can do it. When I am having an episode, as you put it, in this down pole, everything is worse. Anhedonia, sadness, hopelessness, appetite, sleep issues, fatigue, worthlessness, so on, and then the big one, suicidality. My SI can be incapacitating. If this is my picture, then I am def in an episode.

On the up side, things like pressured speech, no need for sleep, thoughts going super-fast, euphoria, grandiosity are big ones for me. I may become hyperreligious. If I have most of these happening, I am definitely manic or getting there.

I have a ton of trouble with psychosis. The symptoms here are usually the same time after time. Paranoia, thinking I'm being followed by a secret govt. agency. Microphones in the walls of my apt. Cameras hidden in smoke detectors, the oven, etc. People rappelling from choppers to come kick down my door and shoot me. Spirits floating around that I see. Lotta voices. If any of this is going on, I am on my way to being psychotic or am already there.

If I am just off for an afternoon or a day, I don't make much of it. These things above usually go on for awhile unless and until a med change is made. I am now good about reaching out and that helps me. I am not ashamed anymore. This is just my life.

Generally someone has to tell me.

I ask myself a number of questions that I have created over the years. They just go through symptoms like racing thoughts, lack of motivation, feelings of worthlessness, etc

I'm forced to reflect on how I'm feeling when I think of the answers so I think I get a good picture of what's going on. I ask myself these questions at the end of the day but sometimes throughout the day too.

The answers don't always lead to a clear conclusion. Like now, I'm not sure whether I'm hypomanic or mixed. I just know something is going on, and my answers to the questions are changing from what they usually are.

I also track my mood, sleep, and notes. I look at the graphs and can see tends pretty quickly.

Waking up with either racing thoughts and speech, or sui are the first signs of an episode for me. If I can challenge these quickly I can usually avoid a full blown episode.

It's been building up for a week or so. At first, fearing fingers of gloom and depression, knowing that I might be going into a depressive episode. Anxiety, agitation. More of a "doom" feeling, like horrible charcoal-colored fuzzy-prickly things wrapping around me. I just wanted to stay in bed all day with my cats around me.

Then night came, time to go to sleep. That was when I decided that I would consider staying up at night and sleeping all day, since I sleep much better during the day and feel much less depressed and out of control at night. But then I couldn't figure out how to attend my pdoc and therapy appointments if I had to sleep all day, so I took my meds and fell asleep.

Oh - before I fell asleep I started thinking that the "fuzzy-prickly" sensation I was feeling all around me is a demonic sort of being. But I read over the summer that originally, demons only wish to be loved. In the Middle Ages that was changed to demons being fallen angels or something.

Still, I was afraid of falling into a really bad place. Then I saw my pdoc and therapist today and I saw THAT look on their faces, plus they were extra-nice and caring...so I knew that...

So it's pretty clear to me when I have an episode. I'm guessing that at this time I'm experiencing a mixed episode?? Anyway, Dr. W. was her nicest today and raised my Lamictal up to 300mg.

Thank you for listening. I am currently driving myself nuts and I wish I could just crawl into bed.

I have become randomly attracted to my therapist and I am pretty sure it’s a hormone issue due to getting off my birth control. I’ve seen her since May and I’ve just had these thoughts in the past couple weeks. When I switched generic birth controls I also had the same feelings toward my dentist. But that went away when I got used to it. I almost want to go back on the pill just because these thoughts are weird. I’ve been listening to Teenage Dream by Boyce Avenue and the Katy Perry version a lot. Also work has gotten really really difficult all of a sudden Even though nothing has changed. It’s just a combination of anxiety and I just plain don’t want to be there. It’s like the way high school was right before I got on the pill. These thoughts and feelings are frustrating me and I don’t think it’s worth it.

I have a hard time telling, I only noticed it once and then I had the great idea of riding the wave and seeing what it was like. I don't have a clear memory of it, so it wasn't a good experiment. I will be seeing my psychiatrist soon to create a checklist of behaviours to watch out for, and if I score a certain number of points I would have to go see him.

Same here, I lose insight fast

More than one night of no sleep or sleeping all day is probably the biggest. But, there are lots more. My mind noticeably races when manic and I (usually) quickly start wanting to take showers, many many long showers. I get too obsessed with someone, famous or not, and get incredibly attached to usually one song. I stop wanting to eat and drink TONS of water. I dance and sing a lot. My house gets very clean and organized and I get irritated if that is interrupted. I am a little *****y if messed with sometimes. Oftentimes though, I still don’t notice before my husband. He even says he can spot mania “in my eyes”.

Depression... like I said sleeping, but also uncontrollable crying and hopelessness and often quickly sui thinking.

I usually become psychotic pretty quickly if I pass hypomania or mild depression.

Quote:

Originally Posted by cashart10 .... start wanting to take showers, many many long showers. I get too obsessed with someone, famous or not, and get incredibly attached to usually one song. I stop wanting to eat and drink TONS of water. I dance and sing a lot. My house gets very clean and organized and I get irritated if that is interrupted. I am a little *****y if messed with sometimes. Oftentimes though, I still don’t notice before my husband. He even says he can spot mania “in my eyes”. Depression... like I said sleeping, but also uncontrollable crying and hopelessness and often quickly sui thinking. I usually become psychotic pretty quickly if I pass hypomania or mild depression.

Yeah, we talked about the water thing. Being in it, drinking it. I already washed my hair today, but I would like to wash it again, then cut it and wash it after that.

The song fixation...me, too. My neighbor has been blasting his TV, so loud it sounds like it's in my apartment. It sounds like The Wall, with the TV people mumbling as Pink goes crazy. But then I kind of got into it (the music, I mean).

I was full-on psychotic this morning; passed the mild-moderate into just crazy. Pdoc amped up Lamictal & Zyprexa. I'm calmer, though still creeped out about some stuff. Someone was on the roof fixing something and has left this awful-looking plastic-covered wire hanging right in front of my window, which I'm taking as a sign (hanging) and I'm absolutely ready to scream. But now I feel resentful that the meds have calmed down my energy level so I'll be too slow and some stuff could happen (demons catching me). UGH. This is so exhausting.

A week of little to no sleep will cause me to become hypo-manic and then it will quickly turn into a full blown mania/psychosis episode. I saw my last one come on that I actually scheduled time from work via. disability leave and set up an appointment to check myself into the hospital. Unfortunately I went into a full blown episode two days before my check in date and didn't get to go to the hospital I wanted to...but work already knew I was out so no surprises there. Even though it didn't work out as planned, I'm glad I'm able to recognize my triggers.

I only experience depressive episodes and SI is a big sign for me. Lack of motivation, feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness and despair, sleeping too much, not eating or moving are also signs I’m in an episode. It often overcomes me quickly before I realize it for what it is. I’m currently working my way through an episode.

With depression I get very fatigued and have a hard time getting out of bed, doing basic tasks like washing the dishes. Things just pile up and I can't seem to stay on top of life. I feel hopeless sometimes, and will have negative, ruminating thoughts. Sometimes I am very sad and other times more apathetic. I withdraw and don't want to be social at all.
The rest I am still figuring out. I am very confused by what I am experiencing and what's bad anxiety, verses moods, verses emotional regulation. I can tell something is off when I have more intrusive thoughts, feel agitated, irritable, quick to anger, and full of anxiety and jitteriness. I also notice that I have more sensory issues. I notice things are just off with my thinking like gears are out of place. I don't always have good insight at the time, though. It's like a different version of myself that cannot seem to recall how I feel otherwise and so I don't really realize it all the time. It just feels so real.