The cool insomnia club

It's 3am. I haven't even tried to sleep yet, but I'm going to. Yes, I've been online all night trying to get to the bottom of something. Trying to understand why I did what I did and think what I think...im dealing with a crush, a heartbreak from before marriage. I dunno. Not the right place to go into it, if I even should anymore. Going to see if I can stop talking about it for awhile and see if it goes away again. I've been trying to distract myself with superficial crushes on celebrities. Actually, I may have accidentally developed an actual crush. I dunno. It'll probably fade with time. But that heartbreak from the past. Why cant i get over it?? Actually, there were others, come to think of it, but this was the most recent and one that most emotionally affected me. Sigh! Alright sleepy time! Hope you all get some good sleep too!

I slept about 3-4 hours and boom ! wide awake. I just cleaned most of the day.. wandered on the Internet.

I have a Doctor appt tomorrow afternoon .. of course it’s 1.5 hours north , but I do enjoy the drive.

Remember years ago when gas was truly cheap ?? Going for a drive with the windows down and radio up loud?!!

Living on the west coast of Florida I can’t tell you how many times I’d watch the sunset and drive across the state to watch the Sun come up... that’s good memories right there.

Will I sleep tonight ?? No idea but I will force myself horizontal for 6-7 hours.

Wow you bring back good memories ,I went to Florida on my honeymoon we stayed at a motel on the bay side however is was big pine key so the ocean wasn't far away , we drove down fire house and police station hoping all the way from New York ,we had so much fun the day we should have hit the road heading home,we opted to stay another two weeks ,to give you an idea how ling ago that was , we had press passes for the first shuttle misson since the Challenger, the launch got cancelled due to cold weather ,exactly what doomed Challenger , had fun getting through Daytona on the way down it was bike week. In Daytona beach we swam in a canal and a manage a brought it's calf to swim with us ,such an honor ! Because of the extended stay when we did head home and got to Washington beltway area we didn't have toll money ,so I am talking on the radio trying to find the back way to pay no tolls ,found a driver who was at a truck stop who said pull in when you get here ,we did ,he said the back way we would get lost , he gave us toll money and his address all he wanted was a wedding picture when we got home . I used to love to drive crank up the tunes ,sing drive and nobodies offended ,I am not exactly Pavoratti , I was a road warrior ,doctor took my CDL about 11 years ago ,alli drive now is a wheelchair .
But loved Florida .

I slept for about two hours but awake again......

I have pdoc appointment in less than 2 weeks - I already told him that we need to discuss meds. Hopefully we can find something that works and allows me to sleep.

Ahhhhh you enjoyed a lot of the good old Florida !!!!

Yes! I used to take drives all around, used to take my kids when they were young. A beautiful drive over the Golden Gate Bridge into San Francisco, hit some book stores, cafes, the beach. I drove a VW Bus and $10 filled it up backed then. Now there's the gas $$ and the bridge tolls - freakin' 10$ to drive across the GG Bridge

Last night I just passed out. No dreams no tossed and turnen just out.

Last night I slept like a dream. I did wake once, but It was early enough to where I could go back to sleep for 5 straight hours. Don't even remember husband waking, getting ready, or leaving! Hadn't done that in over a year, if not more! (Haven't not woken up from husband in...forever??) And I feel completely rested too! Did have some wild dreams though. New meets old. My new life with some old "boyfriends" (seriously, why do i have to keep thinking of them?!) Anyway, I was trying to be all modest, but like my shoulder sleeve (seriously what is this called) kept falling down revealing my shoulder and I was getting all frustrated and worried I might draw attention. Also worried the forgetting would draw attention too, but I had to keep trying to cover up! Anyway. Then it turned into my grade school cafeteria and that crowd and we were dipping some dough substance into melted nacho cheese and then cooking it. I haven't had that cheese in forever! Not sure where that's coming from...actually, I haven't had dough... ah! Its my guilt, maybe, of having cheese pizza when I'm supposed to be gluten and dairy free...or my craving for it! :P

Sorry I wrote a novel...i do tend to write novels when I'm feeling good though! :P

Argh! I fell back asleep a few hours after this post and slept another 2 or so hours. What a waste of a day!

Everything is so expensive anymore

I’m glad you were knocked out and likely got some deep much needed sleep.

A variety of dreams can be so interesting

When happened to Janet Jackson " wardrobe malfunction" YMMV?

When I was young and my grandparents stopped driving and moved in with us, I "inherited" there car a 21 window micro bus ,all original they had driven around the world 3 X's in it ,and i have pictures of my mom as a child in it camping ,back in the days when things were built to last,instead of break 20 minutes after the warranty expires , theres a little bridge near me on the left coast Thruway some shmuck has been avoiding his toll claiming he forgot his wallet ,and his EZ pass for years ,they just cracked down on toll avoiders , he owed $87,000 they went and arrested him . I have been to Cali once saw absolutely nothing but UC San Diego hospital,do you have to pay one way or both or both on bridges?

I was still awake when the sun came up, it’s not a surprise. I finally got a few hours. I’m getting sick and really need the sleep tho..

*waves wand and mutters* there, a sleep spell! You should sleep tonight!

Thanks Nammu what a pal

Is your Ambien still working ???

So far it is. I'm taking one and a half. Last night I was having interesting dreams, I've forgotten them now but on waking I thought they were interesting.

Glad they are doing the job. I don’t think I ever dreamed when I took them or I never remembered

Now the Benzo .... Halcion oh boy, that is the only Med that has ever put me to sleep with out fail every single night if I took it.

Push came to shove maybe 7 years ago?? I was having 3-4 major panic attacks a day , mainly brought on by my pain ( that no one will treat because of the opioid crisis) The company my Pdoc works for absolutely will not allow 2 Benzos at a time, so I picked Xanax.

Now with every one so “twitchy” about benzos I won’t even bother asking as I’m sure that’s on the “ oh hell no “ list.

My Pdoc is fine with my being on Xanax

As far as I'm concerned the government should stay out of the Doctor business and that includes cozzing up with the drug companies

Welcome to "I lost my mind to opiates" doctors have not acquired any wisdom on use or appropriateness since 1950 , the current "F u your not in pain, because if you where ,i might think of offering you an asprin or ice pack" is pathetic , I had a ground floor entry to the epidemic of stupidity ,doctors handing it out like candy ,and would not stop . I have my wife's death certificate to prove it . And now they are setting themselves up for failure again by refusing to use them or cutting people off that need them ,my palliative care doctor recently told me drink or do drugs I don't care, whatever gets you thru the day , but i will not prescribe opiates anymore ? Shes a pain manager who doesnt want to use the last tool in the tool box, for some people , this approach is already blowing up in there face ,the federal government numbers show pain patients are by and large not involved in the "epidemic" matter of fact pain patients are more likely to end there life because they can't get appropriate care , the government has known this for better part of 5 years . You can get the latest statistics from Pueblo C.O GIO. these are the worst of times for modern medicine ,they can't apply the lessons learned from the original opiate epidemic of 1915,where thousands of people didn't die because doctors sat on there hands , they didn't exactly know what was right to do they had to learn ,and now they know and won't.

Future doctors are going to look back and know exactly why people have no respect for medical professionals ,and why the latest "epidemic" is violence against doctor s, they are destroying there own credibility and reputations ,by being reactive to nonsense and doing nothing based on fact .
"1st do no harm"," and I will protect my patients from injustice " maybe in there oath ,but doesnt mean much to them anymore.

Truth ^^^^

Would you believe I went tk bed before 8pm and slept up until 5:30 am only waking up at 11 pm to go bathroom.

I`ve been up all night and it`s 6:20 in the morning here. That`s what happens when you don`t take your meds !

I had a horrible night? Toss'n &turn'n everytime I slept I was in charge of a wagon train. It was uncomfortable and smelly. For some reason we stopped to shoot cows and process them for travel. People didn't want to listen. But they reluctantly did their jobs. Don't know where we we headed cause we never arrived. I'm exhausted.