[falcon09]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Go ahead and text your T tonight , might help you chill more.

He's probably asleep, he gets up at like 4am every day.

[Nammu]

Good gosh, who gets up at 4am except truck drivers and bakers? That's about the time I fall asleep! I'll never understand people who voluntarily get up before the sun.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

Doing pretty well. Made a chocolate roll cake for my friend's birthday today as part of a dinner and she was very happy. Mood is okay and not overly anxious. Doing okay at bringing myself out of ruminating cycles. My therapist says ruminating is one of my compulsions that I need to work on. That's helpful to know. However it does feel like being told the solution to my problem is not to have the problem anymore sometimes. Like, I have issues with focusing and with rumination and I basically feel like I get told I need to just work on staying focused and not ruminating, haha. I mean, it's true, and it just takes practice, but yeah, gets frustrating sometimes. Despite all that I am happy with where I am in a lot of ways. I am not sure if the fish oil/turmeric I am taking helped or light therapy or something else, but I am in a better place than last month.
Called my pdoc last Friday and haven't heard back from the person who schedules. I might call back because after the beginning of January I am considered a new patient since it'll be more than a year since I've been there and wonder if that'll take me longer to be seen.

yes be seen....To be a new patient cost extra money.
bizi

[Wander]

One day after the injection and I’m still calm ... well mostly. I sense anxiety and panic but am not overwhelmed like before.

Saw my T today and he helped me with a couple of big decisions I have to make. He noticed I s as m much less reactive. My mind is also less focused on trauma, and more keen to have fun. He also agreed with the nurse who said I was strong and brave. My self-esteem has had a wonderful boost. I just find it hard to believe as I feel like a failure.

Soon I’m going to the hair dresser for a moisturiser treatment. My parents are tdd as king me put to dinner so I have somewhere to go with my fresh new hair.

Mostly I’m calm. It is actually weird feeling this calm without extra meds. I hope the effects of the injection last months. Still, I’m very cautious to start celebrating as pessimistic me keeps saying it will be over soon. I’m not used to things working out.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Wander

I forgot to mention this amazing nurse I had yesterday. She had been my nurse on and off for 6 years. After telling her more about the gist of what I’ve been through, and the damage done, she began to cry and offered me a hug which I accepted. She then said I was the most unwell patient she had seen. This shocked me as I thought I was around the middle in level of illness. She then told me that I am the strongest, most courageous, preserving she has known. I found that hard to believe but know she was saying it in truth. This encouraged me immensely.

I find it difficult to see myself as strong as I based it on being perfectly functional in society. Which the illnesses prevent me from doing. She gave my self esteem the boost it needed. What an amazing nurse.

Wow. That is one helluva nurse you had. I really hope you take a moment to tell her boss(es) what a great job she did for you.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by falcon09

I'm watching Scrubs right now, that's how i'm distracting.

I'm able to reality check but it's getting harder

Do you happen to have any emergency prn meds for this kind of a thing? Sending you calm support and peace for your mind.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

Doing pretty well. Made a chocolate roll cake for my friend's birthday today as part of a dinner and she was very happy. Mood is okay and not overly anxious. Doing okay at bringing myself out of ruminating cycles. My therapist says ruminating is one of my compulsions that I need to work on. That's helpful to know. However it does feel like being told the solution to my problem is not to have the problem anymore sometimes. Like, I have issues with focusing and with rumination and I basically feel like I get told I need to just work on staying focused and not ruminating, haha. I mean, it's true, and it just takes practice, but yeah, gets frustrating sometimes. Despite all that I am happy with where I am in a lot of ways. I am not sure if the fish oil/turmeric I am taking helped or light therapy or something else, but I am in a better place than last month.
Called my pdoc last Friday and haven't heard back from the person who schedules. I might call back because after the beginning of January I am considered a new patient since it'll be more than a year since I've been there and wonder if that'll take me longer to be seen.

Do you practice deep breathing or Buddhist breathing techniques or any kind of mindfulness stuff? I find those things help me with my rumination problem. Have you ever read any of Thich Nhat Hanh's stuff?

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Good gosh, who gets up at 4am except truck drivers and bakers? That's about the time I fall asleep! I'll never understand people who voluntarily get up before the sun.

Ah, yes, grasshopper--bipolar people get up at 4 AM...

[Wander]

I am exhausted. So f***ing exhausted. I need to punch out of life for a few days. Ive been too busy, and pushing myself too much. My body and mind are screaming at me to rest so that is what I am going to do. I am too overwhelmed to function. The injection has certainly helped calm my fight/flight/freeze response, but it did not solve my problems. For now I am done fighting. My session with my T went well, but it triggered me as we had to talk about my Christmas/NYE plans as he is now on holidays for a few weeks. This of course involves my family, my biggest trigger. I asked them not to come in tomorrrow so I can rest. Now I am going to watch YouTube before I fall into hibernation. I just need to shut out life right now. It is more than I an bare.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by bizi

yes be seen....To be a new patient cost extra money.
bizi

Good point, I hadn't thought about that part. I'll call today and hope they can get me in soon.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Do you practice deep breathing or Buddhist breathing techniques or any kind of mindfulness stuff? I find those things help me with my rumination problem. Have you ever read any of Thich Nhat Hanh's stuff?

I have used deep breathing, but don't practice regularly. I think that and meditation is something to add to my list to work on. I am sort of working on mindfulness just in terms of being aware of my thoughts and bringing myself back to the present and that helps some. I have heard of Thich Nhat Hanh, but not read too much. I'll check it out, thanks!

[Moose72]

Its 7:36 a.m. I'm having a liver biopsy this morning- I'm all checked in and waiting to be called back.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Do you practice deep breathing or Buddhist breathing techniques or any kind of mindfulness stuff? I find those things help me with my rumination problem. Have you ever read any of Thich Nhat Hanh's stuff?

I hope you don't mind if I chime in?

Another Thich Nhat Hanh fan here..
Pema Chodron,. too.

I had first learned/practiced under Thich Nhat Hanh. His written material is great; listening or seeing him in person can be trying as many have great difficulty understanding him as he speaks.

I also very highly recommend Pema Chodron. I find her books very relevant to meeting life's many challenges.

I love Thich's (aka "Thay"'s ) phrases:

"Breathing In, I know I'm breathing in. Breathing out, I know I'm breathing out." ( Referring to: Focusing on the breath, being mindful of/aware of breathing.)

"Present Moment, Wonderful Moment!"

Buddhist principles/teachings gave me the tools and the understandings I've needed to be content in the moment despite facing many huge challenges.

A Lotus to You

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Its 7:36 a.m. I'm having a liver biopsy this morning- I'm all checked in and waiting to be called back.

Hey there, Moose -- I hope all goes well. Thinking of you. Sending calm, supportive vibes.

[Wild Coyote]

Regarding the usefulness of learning/practicing Buddhist principles/practices. the rewards can be immense.
Marsha Linehan, the founder of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), employs/teaches many of these practices in DBT.

I very highly recommend the writings of both Thich Nhat Hanh and Pema Chodron, others as well.

Thanks for raising this topic, bpcyclist. Even though I recommend these practices to people who approach me privately, I have not mentioned this on the open forum for quite awhile. You've offered a great deal to all of us simply by mentioning this topic today! Thank you!

Love to All!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Hey there, Moose -- I hope all goes well. Thinking of you. Sending calm, supportive vibes.

I'm in recovery now. It was a lot more painful than I thought it would be. Im laying on my side very sore watching the blood pressure monitor tell me my bp is 95/55. They gave me a percoset. I can have another if need be but it takes about half an hour for it to kick in the nurse said.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I'm in recovery now. It was a lot more painful than I thought it would be. Im laying on my side very sore watching the blood pressure monitor tell me my bp is 95/55. They gave me a percoset. I can have another if need be but it takes about half an hour for it to kick in the nurse said.

Glad you mad it through that, Moose. I really cringed when I read what you were having done. I hope you feel better soon. Pls. don't be bashful about the pain meds. You just had a pretty invasive procedure and if you need more pain medicine, you need more pain medicine. Hope you get to go home soon.

Originally Posted by Moose72

I'm in recovery now. It was a lot more painful than I thought it would be. Im laying on my side very sore watching the blood pressure monitor tell me my bp is 95/55. They gave me a percoset. I can have another if need be but it takes about half an hour for it to kick in the nurse said.

Moose, I'm glad your procedure is over with and you are resting. I hope the soreness goes away quickly.

This afternoon, hubby and I will go to an appointment for TSA Precheck Enroll. This is basically a program where you are able to get through airport pre-checks/security more quickly when flying between US airports or from US airports to foreign destinations. If you have been to an airport lately, when entering the security section, there is always a lane for those approved for the TSA Precheck. It's always a much shorter line and you need not take off your shoes or even jacket, sometimes.

For those who travel internationally several times per year, there is a program called Global Entry. With this, one can get through US customs much quicker. Hubby and/or I don't usually travel internationally much more than once per year, so we're just going for the TSA Precheck. US customs is really terrible, though. I wish we could have Global Entry. I don't know if Global Entry has even stricter requirements.

It is so important that traveling by plane be made easier for me.

It's a nice day today with blue skies.

[Wander]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Wow. That is one helluva nurse you had. I really hope you take a moment to tell her boss(es) what a great job she did for you.

Thanks, I will do that. This wonderful woman deserves accolades.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Glad you mad it through that, Moose. I really cringed when I read what you were having done. I hope you feel better soon. Pls. don't be bashful about the pain meds. You just had a pretty invasive procedure and if you need more pain medicine, you need more pain medicine. Hope you get to go home soon.

You should cringe! It was invasive to say the least. I did get a second pain pill. Feeling much better than when I first was in recovery a couple hours ago. Going home in half an hour I think.

[falcon09]

Saw my doc this morning, he said I was having thought broadcasting (which I suspected just from my online research) and he upped my haldol to 10mg nightly.

Anxiety got so bad I had to leave work early. Then I had to hide out for two hours because I couldn't go home and listen to an all-night rant from my mother over it. I just don't know how I'm gonna get through this job. I just don't.

@MarcusAurelius: I'm so sorry to hear your job is causing you anxiety. Anxiety is so hard -- worse than depression for me. I'm certainly no expert on the world of work as i am on disability benefits. But i do remember one trick from the early days of my eight-year career. I would tell myself to just hang in there five more minutes and if at the end of five more minutes it was still too hard i would go tell my boss that i couldn't do it. And of course, the hours would pass and i would have gotten thru the day. Don't know if that will help. Working sure is hard. I admire your attempt and sending you good vibes. Wish i knew what else to say . . .

[yellow_fleurs]

I called my pdoc's office today and they told me they were just waiting to hear back from my doctor before proceeding to schedule me. I am telling myself there is no reason to assume this means they don't want me back as a patient, and that they are likely just busy or something. If they won't see me for whatever reason (too many patients or something) I'll just look elsewhere and transfer my records. Otherwise doing okay. I redirected some ruminating and while I got a bit distracted at work I mostly stayed focused. Overall I still feeling pretty calm and it's a nice change. Sending compassion to everyone.