[Blue_Bird]

Thanks @MissDenim , @Wild Coyote @Nammu ! It would be a huge improvement to my current situation

[Scooter9]

Oh geez. I've gone from sleeping 5 hours a night to 12 in one day.

I started Remeron yesterday and my pdoc said it might make be drowsy but this is too much. I was groggy all day.

Maybe I'm getting used to it. I'll see how it goes tonight.

@Wild Coyote: No i don't use a light box. I asked my old doctor about it and he said it was just for people who find the hours of daylight in the Winter too short, not for people like me who sleep-in and shorten the days by behavior. I'll ask my new doctor about it tho as he is young and more up-to-date on things and more willing to try different things.

@Blue_Bird: So excited for your new apartment! A cozy home makes such a difference!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Maybe! There are hedgehogs on facebook. They do require attention and care and live about 3 years- i think.
I could be misremembering. I

I saw a show on Animal Planet where they showed these baby hedgehogs. Possibly the cutest things I have ever seen!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

@MarcusAurelius: Sorry to hear things are not going well. Sending good vibes.

In my own news, things are lousy too. I'm depressed.

Possible trigger:

Seven days til the anniversary of my most serious suicide attempt.

It'll be 21 years. January is always a hard month for me. Music is about the only thing i enjoy. And Coke Zero. And coffee. Hey -- i guess there are a few things at least.

Hey, whatever, this must have been difficult to share, but I appreciate your doing so. I have one really bad prior attempt (multiple overall) the surviving results of which are so miraculous, that I still cannot believe I am alive today. Someone was watching over me that day--no doubt. So, I really, really relate to you and your pain.

Have you thought about maybe scheduling something(s) around the time of the date? Something distracting, possibly even fun? If you still like music, what about going out to listen to some?

I find as I get older that trying, at least, to be proactive about things can help mitigate my pain and suffering somewhat. Example. No sleep last night, lotta voices frightening me. Super, super tired this morning around the time I usually work out. Wanted to just do nothing. But recognized that, in the past, taking some form of action has helped me get through these hard times.

So, I picked my butt up, got changed, and went for a 2-hour bike ride in the bold. got back and felt so much better. I rode way, way slower than I normally do. Did not judge myself on that. Thought it was pretty damn good that I was out there at all.

Like you, I have few things that I enjoy anymore. I try to exploit that when I can. Maybe you could do something similar.

Sending you safe hugs and support. You can get through this. But maybe making some kind of plan could potentially help. All the best--

[bpcyclist]

Finally slept for a bit today after working out, against my own will. Woke up sobbing about a dream I had about my mother, who died of lung cancer in 2004!! What?! To my knowledge, I have seriously cried exactly 3 times since 2012--maybe partly due to lithium, not sure. And I have always been a very sensitive man, according to those who have known me best. I would concur. I believe this quality helped make me a more effective surgeon/caregiver. Patients pick up on these things.

So, weird. Weird to dream about mom. Weird to have such a reaction. I have always loved my mother and I always will. She was extremely responsible and generous and competent as a mother when it came to all the required duties and obligations. First-class. That said, she was not a warm woman where I was concerned. I would not characterize her as having been largely happy always to have been in my company. As I have told my shrinks many times, I believe mom loved me just fine. But I never thought she liked me very much. She liked my much older brother a whole darn lot. They were like peas in a pod. So similar. Always giggling together. in some corner And yet, always so serious with me. Not a lot of fun for me, as my dad was never home and it was mostly just she and I. I would describe it as a fairly emotionally barren environment.

Anyhow, just interesting that this all somehow bubbled up today. Certainly in a vulnerable position today, mentally, so maybe that was it. Like I said, I will always love her. But I just don't believe she ever managed to like her Number Two son all that much.

[LadyShadow]

I am doing pretty well. I have been since getting out of the hospital a few months ago. I am in a new relationship, I have a new job for the new year, (starts tomorrow), and all-around hopeful for the future. I just have to stay out of the damn hospital!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I saw a show on Animal Planet where they showed these baby hedgehogs. Possibly the cutest things I have ever seen!

Yes they are cute! I have yet to meet my friend's 3-year-old hedgie. I was going there yesterday but the directions got to me so I didn't go.

[Moose72]

I see pdoc tomorrow afternoon after 2 months. I feel like she's going to see my nails are done and put it in my permanent record! That really bothered me when I read that she commented on my hair and nails in my permanent file. I mean that has nothing to bipolar- unless I was hypo/manic and went on a spending spree.

@bpcyclist: Thanks for the encouraging words about my anniversary and sorry you are in the same boat. I'll try and think of something positive to do to commemorate the day. I'm doubtful tho. Funny how you describe your mom. My mom was the same! Great at the mechanics of living: three meal a day, neat tidy home, clean clothes for all. And yet so cold emotionally. I also had a sibling she adored. I always felt left out.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

@bpcyclist: Thanks for the encouraging words about my anniversary and sorry you are in the same boat. I'll try and think of something positive to do to commemorate the day. I'm doubtful tho. Funny how you describe your mom. My mom was the same! Great at the mechanics of living: three meal a day, neat tidy home, clean clothes for all. And yet so cold emotionally. I also had a sibling she adored. I always felt left out.

I am so sorry.

Tried to sleep last night, but I could not. I "went to bed" at 7pm but didn't fall asleep until 8. Then I proceeded to wake up 12 times in the middle of the night. The worst was between 2 and 3 where I woke up 4 times in just one hour. Other than that, I woke up roughly 1-2 times every hour. Damn right it sucked!! And I ain't even tired right now!!

Oh well. Hopefully I'll get some sleep tonight. Hopefully.

I do have a pdoc appt soon @ 9:45am. Noooooooot looking forward to it. Then again, I never really look forward to it, so this is a completely normal reaction for me. lol.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

Oh geez. I've gone from sleeping 5 hours a night to 12 in one day.

I started Remeron yesterday and my pdoc said it might make be drowsy but this is too much. I was groggy all day.

Maybe I'm getting used to it. I'll see how it goes tonight.

Wow! That's a big change! I hope it's helpful to you in the long run!
You deserve a break!

Did your son get to stay awhile over the holidays?

Much Love to you and to Your Family!

[Nammu]

Well not much sleep again, about 2 hours again! This time I dreamed about the prancing egotistical orange blob making a fool out of himself. *shudder*

[Fuzzybear]

Music, some music, is about the only thing I enjoy at the moment
And wine with my salmon, I'm having to cut down.
Grrrrrrrrrr me

Hugs to all

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Music, some music, is about the only thing I enjoy at the moment
And wine with my salmon, I'm having to cut down.
Grrrrrrrrrr me

Hugs to all

I need to watch my alcohol intake, too. The holidays are bad for that.

I almost bought salmon today at the store. I went for yellow fin tuna, instead. It looked beautiful and was the same price as the cheapest salmon option. I'm going to sear it with a mixed sesame seed crust and serve it with a soy sauce and wasabi.

I went to the salon and said "What the heck!" and asked my hair stylist to go redder than before. I love it! It reminds me of my hair color when I was 25 years old. I think my husband is going to dislike it, but I don't care. He started dating me when my hair was this color, so I guess it didn't turn him off that much!

I do feel a bit wilder with the redder hue, and confess that I like the feeling. My hair is already a bit wild with it's crazy curls. The stylist always seems to want to play down my curls when she dries it with the diffuser. As soon as I walk out of the salon, I scrunch it upwards more. I swear it can look as out of control as Carrot Top's hair, but my "red" is not so Ronald McDonald. It's more of a copper red, like autumn leaves on the sugar maple trees.

Then I was walking into the grocery store and this clerk said "You look especially wonderful today!" I responded that he looks marvelous, too. That's another clue to me that I'm a bit revved up. Everything seems wonderful this afternoon, and yet this morning I was struggling a bit. I mentioned in another thread that I had a bit of an anxiety when I first got to the salon, and was starting to sweat profusely. I did manage to curb it, though, with coping tools.

As I was walking through the store, I knew I needed tomatoes. Fresh tomatoes are my favorite food in all this world. I stood there in front of the Campari's that were on sale, thinking "These look so beautiful!" I only really needed one box, but of course I bought two.

A while back, I wrote a blog post called "What likely happens in the brain of a person with bipolar disorder?" I think I got the details right. If there is anyone out there that sees I got something wrong, please let me know. It was all for fun.
---------------------

The norepinephrine oft increases in my brain to an extreme.
A high amount of serotonin may drastically boost my self-esteem.

Don’t let my dopamine get too out of hand.
I’d like to keep my feet firmly on this land.

This stuff may be happening with my hormones,
but some of the details still remain one of the unknowns.

Mania sometimes makes me glow with joyous luminescence.
Other times, it displays itself with scarier vehemence.

Then the various happenings in my brain quickly change.
Maybe my moods will calm themselves to a more proper range.

Or if I’m more unlucky yet, they’ll fall into a bad recession,
ceding further back into what could be a severe depression.

Bring on a moodstabilizer, and a strong antipsychotic.
I want my life to be forever much less oft chaotic.

[~Christina]

I absolutely love interstates when it’s pouring down rain ( dramatic sarcasm)

[falcon09]

Went to the hospital on Monday, got out today.

The doctor there took me off Zyprexa and Effexor, said Effexor could trigger mania although I never got the explanation for the Zyprexa removal. Nonetheless, I'm now only on lithium and Haldol, and I'm feeling good! The med change seems to have really got me feeling better.

[Scooter9]

Another 12 hour sleep. 2nd one in a row now. So I went from sleeping too little to sleeping too much.

Hopefully things settle down in the next few days.

[giddykitty]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I went to the salon and said "What the heck!" and asked my hair stylist to go redder than before. I love it! It reminds me of my hair color when I was 25 years old. I think my husband is going to dislike it, but I don't care. He started dating me when my hair was this color, so I guess it didn't turn him off that much!

I do feel a bit wilder with the redder hue, and confess that I like the feeling. My hair is already a bit wild with it's crazy curls. The stylist always seems to want to play down my curls when she dries it with the diffuser. As soon as I walk out of the salon, I scrunch it upwards more. I swear it can look as out of control as Carrot Top's hair, but my "red" is not so Ronald McDonald. It's more of a copper red, like autumn leaves on the sugar maple trees.

Then I was walking into the grocery store and this clerk said "You look especially wonderful today!" I responded that he looks marvelous, too. That's another clue to me that I'm a bit revved up. Everything seems wonderful this afternoon, and yet this morning I was struggling a bit. I mentioned in another thread that I had a bit of an anxiety when I first got to the salon, and was starting to sweat profusely. I did manage to curb it, though, with coping tools.

As I was walking through the store, I knew I needed tomatoes. Fresh tomatoes are my favorite food in all this world. I stood there in front of the Campari's that were on sale, thinking "These look so beautiful!" I only really needed one box, but of course I bought two.

A while back, I wrote a blog post called "What likely happens in the brain of a person with bipolar disorder?" I think I got the details right. If there is anyone out there that sees I got something wrong, please let me know. It was all for fun.
---------------------

The norepinephrine oft increases in my brain to an extreme.
A high amount of serotonin may drastically boost my self-esteem.

Don’t let my dopamine get too out of hand.
I’d like to keep my feet firmly on this land.

This stuff may be happening with my hormones,
but some of the details still remain one of the unknowns.

Mania sometimes makes me glow with joyous luminescence.
Other times, it displays itself with scarier vehemence.

Then the various happenings in my brain quickly change.
Maybe my moods will calm themselves to a more proper range.

Or if I’m more unlucky yet, they’ll fall into a bad recession,
ceding further back into what could be a severe depression.

Bring on a moodstabilizer, and a strong antipsychotic.
I want my life to be forever much less oft chaotic.

See, I have definitely experienced this (but was I on meds at the time? Now I've already forgotten) but I can only really recall one time...or well, there were a couple of other times but maybe they were still more "normal", you know, like being excited to meet a celebrity obsession for the first time, or just being so euphoric because someone you like likes your post...stuff like that. I dunno. Because I'm definitely more depressed or at least, ho-hum.

Happy you're having a good moment. Hope it lasts.

Originally Posted by falcon09

Went to the hospital on Monday, got out today.

The doctor there took me off Zyprexa and Effexor, said Effexor could trigger mania although I never got the explanation for the Zyprexa removal. Nonetheless, I'm now only on lithium and Haldol, and I'm feeling good! The med change seems to have really got me feeling better.

I'm glad you're feeling better and now home, falcon. I wouldn't know either, about the total med change, but I do know many hospital docs tend to like to overhaul.

One observation I made is that you are on Metformin and Lipitor. I wonder if the change is in any way related to why you take them? In any case, I can say that Lithium was weight neutral for me, and didn't affect my cholesterol, triglycerides, or glucose levels negatively. I've heard that Haldol is fairly weight neutral for many people, too. Lithium did worsen my thyroid, but in my case, it only did so up until I reached 150 mcg Synthroid. Then the worsening seemed to stop. Maybe because that was it for my thyroid? I don't know. I've been off of Lithium for a good 5.5 to 6 years now, and I still take 150 mcg Synthroid. No biggie, for me.

[Moose72]

I saw pdoc today after two months. She had a student nurse with her so I talked a lot with him. But pdoc said my seroquel is just for sleep! Im at 150 so yeah apparently not a theraputic dose. We also talked about my other meds and apparently rexulti is my main ap. Pdoc said I could decrease the seroquel because its juat for sleep at this dose. The nursing student asked about my semicolon tattoo on the inside of my wrist. So I go back in 2 months again. Pdoc also said that Im really hard to deal with in terms of bad reactions to meds. I thi k I'm on a good cocktail right now. I hope I didn't come off as I'm not sick at all. And the nurse- like other people in public- commented on my new all-white winter coat that I got for xmas- saying that its so clean! Yup. So far no bad accidents. I try to be mindful of things that might soil it- like food at restarants or exhaust or dirt on cars. We also talked about my liver biopsy. My liver dr put me on vitamin E. Didn't know that till the script got filled.

So I'm watching youtube now. Got invited out but I changed my mind and cancelled. I need a few hours to myself before I go get N3.

[falcon09]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I'm glad you're feeling better and now home, falcon. I wouldn't know either, about the total med change, but I do know many hospital docs tend to like to overhaul.

One observation I made is that you are on Metformin and Lipitor. I wonder if the change is in any way related to why you take them? In any case, I can say that Lithium was weight neutral for me, and didn't affect my cholesterol, triglycerides, or glucose level negatively. I've heard that Haldol is fairly weight neutral for many people, too. Lithium did worsen my thyroid, but in my case, it only did so up until I reached 150 mcg Synthroid. Then the worsening seemed to stop. Maybe because that was it for my thyroid? I don't know. I've been off of Lithium for a good 5.5 to 6 years now, and I still take 150 mcg Synthroid. No biggy, for me.

Haldol and Lithium are weight-neutral for me. Zyprexa was decidedly not, I gained a bunch of weight on it and was put on metformin and lipitor because of that.

My thyroid isn't med related, I have Hashimoto's disease, I have the antibodies and everything

[MissDenim]

Yesterday, towards the end of the day, I felt very depressed and none of my friends were available to talk to. Luckily, I have other coping strategies. I feel like, because of the med changes, I'm in a depressive episode and possibly have been since last week. I see my therapist on the 9th, thank goodness, because I really need to talk to her.

I feel a little better today though, but not much. I just had a lazy, self-care kind of day. And I finally got my journal back from my friend. My friend and I share a journal that we write in and send back and forth to each other. We've done that since our college days. I know it seems like an ancient thing to do, writing letters, but we enjoy it. I was happy to get it back and read what she wrote.