[Nammu]

Gather round everyone, post here.

[bpcyclist]

Not exactly sure when I woke up. We're not discussing sleep anymore. We're just focusing on what we can control and that's that. Sleep shmeep.

Had some nervous energy last night and so wound up baking a whole bunch of bread, which was fun, but sort of dumb, as I live alone. What am I going to do with all this bread? I'll figure something out. It made me happy to do it and that's what matters.

After much prayer and reflection for more than a year, I have decided that I am going to finish writing my book on my experiences in my state's weird mental health system. It will be called Code Green. I will try to get an agent and try to publish it the traditional way. If it gets published, it will obviously mean totally outting myself, but the fact is, so many people already know what has happened with me that it is not that much of an out. I'm fine with it. Not ashamed of myself 99% of the time and the other 1%, I know how to handle.

So, eating bread and working on the book today. Onward!

[fern46]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Not exactly sure when I woke up. We're not discussing sleep anymore. We're just focusing on what we can control and that's that. Sleep shmeep.

Had some nervous energy last night and so wound up baking a whole bunch of bread, which was fun, but sort of dumb, as I live alone. What am I going to do with all this bread? I'll figure something out. It made me happy to do it and that's what matters.

After much prayer and reflection for more than a year, I have decided that I am going to finish writing my book on my experiences in my state's weird mental health system. It will be called Code Green. I will try to get an agent and try to publish it the traditional way. If it gets published, it will obviously mean totally outting myself, but the fact is, so many people already know what has happened with me that it is not that much of an out. I'm fine with it. Not ashamed of myself 99% of the time and the other 1%, I know how to handle.

So, eating bread and working on the book today. Onward!

Many types of bread freeze well. I usually wrap them in plastic wrap and then foil. Enjoy!

[bpforever1]

I am doing ok but have a cold. This is the second one I've caught for this winter. My dad initially caught both and gave it to all of us. I have a runny nose and cough. I feel tired and have muscle aches. Otherwise, I feel ok. My mood is fine. I am no longer on dating apps and will get off the pen pal site. I want to concentrate on studying. I also want to get into shape. I look forward to the year ending because we will celebrate as a family. The weather here is gloomy. It is ok. I will keep myself busy.

[~Christina]

I’m digging the vibe here !

[~Christina]

Well I got bored and ran out of things to cook so I did indeed run into town to find a shirt, walked out of the store 10 minutes later and its snowing like crazy LOL

It certainly isn’t a blizzard but I absolutely love driving around in it, I took lots of twists and turns out here in cow country.

I've come up with a brilliant idea: I put all the s*** from the floor on my bed and then covered it with blankets.

Apparently maintenance should be here any minute now. I got a call letting me know. What the hell? I asked for tomorrow!!

I don't know why I worry about the stupidest things. At work today we had a potluck. I was asked to make some taco chicken, I was even given a simple recipe. It was literally nothing more than boiling some chicken, shredding it with a fork and coating it in seasoning. You would not believe how much energy I spent afraid of making a mistake, it turning out bad, and everyone hating it. I almost cried over the dang thing. I mean I couldn't even rationally put it into perspective. I mean I jokingly said to myself "First world problems". There are far more pressing things to worry about, and some people worry about where their next meal will come from and here I am acting like this. It didn't make much difference.

In the end, it turned out alright. Everyone liked it. I think they felt bad for me because I was visibly worried about it, but I do think they liked it.


Work may pose more of a challenge than I expected, in terms of making friendships. A conversation started today that ended with "Mental illness is an excuse to live off the government and not feel bad for not working". I didn't contribute to the conversation but I forget there are some very strong opinions out there different from my own, since I spend most my time alone. I just don't know how that's going to go.

Anyway, that's about it. Nothing else I wanna talk about.

Marcus

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Not exactly sure when I woke up. We're not discussing sleep anymore. We're just focusing on what we can control and that's that. Sleep shmeep.

Had some nervous energy last night and so wound up baking a whole bunch of bread, which was fun, but sort of dumb, as I live alone. What am I going to do with all this bread? I'll figure something out. It made me happy to do it and that's what matters.

After much prayer and reflection for more than a year, I have decided that I am going to finish writing my book on my experiences in my state's weird mental health system. It will be called Code Green. I will try to get an agent and try to publish it the traditional way. If it gets published, it will obviously mean totally outting myself, but the fact is, so many people already know what has happened with me that it is not that much of an out. I'm fine with it. Not ashamed of myself 99% of the time and the other 1%, I know how to handle.

So, eating bread and working on the book today. Onward!

That's great! All the best with your book. It sounds like one that could be quite valuable for others.

Originally Posted by MarcusAurelius

I don't know why I worry about the stupidest things. At work today we had a potluck. I was asked to make some taco chicken, I was even given a simple recipe. It was literally nothing more than boiling some chicken, shredding it with a fork and coating it in seasoning. You would not believe how much energy I spent afraid of making a mistake, it turning out bad, and everyone hating it. I almost cried over the dang thing. I mean I couldn't even rationally put it into perspective. I mean I jokingly said to myself "First world problems". There are far more pressing things to worry about, and some people worry about where their next meal will come from and here I am acting like this. It didn't make much difference.

In the end, it turned out alright. Everyone liked it. I think they felt bad for me because I was visibly worried about it, but I do think they liked it.


Work may pose more of a challenge than I expected, in terms of making friendships. A conversation started today that ended with "Mental illness is an excuse to live off the government and not feel bad for not working". I didn't contribute to the conversation but I forget there are some very strong opinions out there different from my own, since I spend most my time alone. I just don't know how that's going to go.

Anyway, that's about it. Nothing else I wanna talk about.

Marcus

I'm sorry you had to be within earshot of such an ignorant statement. The sad thing is that such words even sometimes come out of the mouths of people with affected loved ones. It, unfortunately, takes a brutal learning experience to change some peoples' minds on such things. Other times, nothing changes their minds. I've heard some double standards uttered, too.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I found the blessing in my elimination of all foods but rice and white meat diet. I don't drink caffeine. If you did and had to do this diet it would be pure hell. No coffee or tea so you'd just have to suffer. Even IP they give people with a caffeine addiction one cup of coffee per day usually. This diet, none. I'll be remembering this every day until I am done.

[Return To Sender]

Good news and bad news for me today. The bad news is that I had a major blowup at home today fueled by paranoid thinking. I took a nap right after, and when I woke up, I was horrified that the blowup, my meanness and rudeness actually happened. (It felt as if I was drunk and did something horrible, passed out and then woke up in a panic to find out that it was really real...that I did that and now have to live with myself and face the music.) I didn't even want to go downstairs and face my dear stepmom!

And then a wonderful thing happened! The nurse called me and said that my PsychPA would get me started on Lithium! (I had said no about it before because I had some issues about the blood drawing and thinking it would be very often and I didn't want to have to ask my stepmom to do even more things for me like taking me back and forth there and any other places I would need to go involved with that like picking up orders for blood draws and maybe having to go to the pharmacy for dosage changes.) Yeah, I'm looking too far ahead and we're only given 1 day at a time to deal with, so I'm going to try and stay there! Anyway, now I was desparate and called yesterday asking please to put me on it!!!

So now, although horrified and humiated and sorry about my behavior, at least I could go downstairs now and apologize to my stepmom(Does that make 100 times now???) and tell her that I was taking real steps to get better, that I was going on Lithium.

So that's my check-in report! I hope you are all doing well!

Hugs to those that are struggling.

I'm doing ok. I'm really tired of dealing with this anxiety. I see a new pdoc on Friday. I'm hoping he has some ideas on what we can do. I'm gonna ask for buspar. Well see what he thinks. It's making it incredibly hard to function.

I'm gonna make some speghetti tonight. My son loves speghetti, lol. So do I. Anyway, that's what is going on with me.

Hope everyone is well.

[wildflowerchild25]

I went to the dentist today for the first time in four years. I hate the dentist so I never go, but my gum was inflamed and painful for days, so I decided to go. I had to get a deep cleaning (since it’s been four years of plaque and tartar buildup). I have to go back for another one when my dental insurance kicks in. I have gum disease at this point in my lower gums so I’m At risk for losing teeth. I really have to get serious about dental care.

I did crack and smoke today. 5 cigarettes. But I hope to do better tomorrow.

I finally made another Christmas cookie, after a hiatus. They may not be that attractive, but they are delicious. They are called "Princezky" (Princess cookies). They are a chewy sandwich cookie that includes roasted hazelnut meringue cookies with chocolate buttercream filling. Anyone that loves Nutella would love these.

My husband criticized my photo, but Hey, I bake. I don't take good pictures.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I finally made another Christmas cookie, after a hiatus. They may not be that attractive, but they are delicious. They are called "Princezky" (Princess cookies). They are a chewy sandwich cookie that includes roasted hazelnut meringue cookies with chocolate buttercream filling. Anyone that loves Nutella would love these.


My husband criticized my photo, buy Hey, I bake. I don't take good pictures.

Ya know .... I legit start drooling when you talk about these luscious cookies

I think they look just fine. Tell your husband to shoosh or you will mail them out LOL

[Blue_Bird]

My mood has been low. I'm trying to get it back up though. I've been coping with it the best I can. I watched the new Lion King today and loved it! Still reading and drawing a lot which is good. I'm trying out using mindfulness techniques and meditations again, it helped me immensely during a rough period before so I'm hoping it helps again.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I finally made another Christmas cookie, after a hiatus. They may not be that attractive, but they are delicious. They are called "Princezky" (Princess cookies). They are a chewy sandwich cookie that includes roasted hazelnut meringue cookies with chocolate buttercream filling. Anyone that loves Nutella would love these.

My husband criticized my photo, buy Hey, I bake. I don't take good pictures.

They look and sound great!

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I finally made another Christmas cookie, after a hiatus. They may not be that attractive, but they are delicious. They are called "Princezky" (Princess cookies). They are a chewy sandwich cookie that includes roasted hazelnut meringue cookies with chocolate buttercream filling. Anyone that loves Nutella would love these.

My husband criticized my photo, buy Hey, I bake. I don't take good pictures.

I think they look great! I love Nutella, so I would love these. So would my son. Thanks for sharing!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Return To Sender

Good news and bad news for me today. The bad news is that I had a major blowup at home today fueled by paranoid thinking. I took a nap right after, and when I woke up, I was horrified that the blowup, my meanness and rudeness actually happened. (It felt as if I was drunk and did something horrible, passed out and then woke up in a panic to find out that it was really real...that I did that and now have to live with myself and face the music.) I didn't even want to go downstairs and face my dear stepmom!

And then a wonderful thing happened! The nurse called me and said that my PsychPA would get me started on Lithium! (I had said no about it before because I had some issues about the blood drawing and thinking it would be very often and I didn't want to have to ask my stepmom to do even more things for me like taking me back and forth there and any other places I would need to go involved with that like picking up orders for blood draws and maybe having to go to the pharmacy for dosage changes.) Yeah, I'm looking too far ahead and we're only given 1 day at a time to deal with, so I'm going to try and stay there! Anyway, now I was desparate and called yesterday asking please to put me on it!!!

So now, although horrified and humiated and sorry about my behavior, at least I could go downstairs now and apologize to my stepmom(Does that make 100 times now???) and tell her that I was taking real steps to get better, that I was going on Lithium.

So that's my check-in report! I hope you are all doing well!

Sorry things exploded and of course then you need to make amends.

Look into buying a DBT work book off Amazon , they are cheap think probably 18-20 including shipping. It can help you identify triggers in your self that can help you avoid things blowing up. There is also a lot of info about it online just do a google search

It might help you

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

My mood has been low. I'm trying to get it back up though. I've been coping with it the best I can. I watched the new Lion King today and loved it! Still reading and drawing a lot which is good. I'm trying out using mindfulness techniques and meditations again, it helped me immensely during a rough period before so I'm hoping it helps again.

I hope things ease up soon. Your being proactive that’s half the battle

I’m saving to buy that movie , that was the first movie( original) I took my daughter to , she had just turned 3 and she stood the whole time and just vibrated she was so excited... wow that’s a great memory.. thanks for mentioning that movie

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Christina- Maybe you and she could see the new Lion King when you are in Florida. A new happy memory. I really want to see the new one but missed it when it was in my town. If it ever showed here. Rural hit and miss theater than looks like it has closed now .

[~Christina]

Well I have been awake pretty much a solid 3 days.. I’ve been super busy cooking and cleaning and driving around while it was snowing it’s so magical..

I’m probably a bit Hypo...I’m not really worried that it will flip..This is just lack of sleep running on adrenaline. I do think I’ll get at least a few hours tonight that should be very helpful..

My Husband finished dinner and we started a movie and Boom he’s snoring. He’s truly an alien, how can anyone go to sleep in a minute or 2?? Boggles my non stop racing mind LOL

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Christina- Maybe you and she could see the new Lion King when you are in Florida. A new happy memory. I really want to see the new one but missed it when it was in my town. If it ever showed here. Rural hit and miss theater than looks like it has closed now .

Omg I didn’t even think of that !! That would be amazing !!

Thank you Thank you Thank you

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Christina- Maybe you and she could see the new Lion King when you are in Florida. A new happy memory. I really want to see the new one but missed it when it was in my town. If it ever showed here. Rural hit and miss theater than looks like it has closed now .

I just texted her and it on our to do list, she’s super excited too

Thanks again