[Blue_Bird]

Feeling a lot better today, got sleep, quite a bit of it too. I drew something I'm pretty proud of. My art is improving, I'm happy about that

Have a dentist appointment Friday to get some fillings. Other than that not much going on. I mailed out some Christmas cards, or tried to, the mailman didn't pick them up today even though they're out there the way they're supposed be when sending mail. Maybe he was in a hurry. If they don't get picked up tomorrow I'll just have to take them to one of the post office mail boxes around town so they get to their destinations on time.

I'm honestly not even sure what I'll be doing for Christmas. My sister is busy with a very stressful situation so I don't know if we'll be doing anything or if I'll just be at home with my cats

[~Christina]

Well damn .... lost my Dad in 97 and my mom in 04. 32 years old and an orphan .. yeah I have issues.

My brother and I had to go through a life time of there things, had enormous yard sales. My parents were big on taking pictures and videos.

I moved here in May 2004

8 freaking tubs of pics yeah the big tote size. Anyways we basically grabbed half the pictures from each bin so we would half of what ever. This is not to mention so many photo albums.

But what I’m struggling with is I have 4 tubs of pictures.. I started to go through them many times but I just get so angry and overwhelming sadness. I shove them back in the bins and stuff them into my closet.

My daughter has gotten extremely interested in my side of the family tree and is wanting to see pictures, she’s traced names , so I need to go through and pull pics out to take with me, she won’t want the actual pictures, she will take a picture and store them, she a true minimalist

There’s some pictures I will want to physically keep but omg I can’t keep them all, I don’t want steve or my daughter to have to deal with them when I die. But what do you do with tubs of photos ??? Toss them out with the trash ? Errr burn them? Seems morbid. So yeah what to do??!

Unfortunately I had one of those “ uncles” so I worry about those popping up, so it’s kind of a mine field.

It’s something that needs done anyway , but needing to take them with me Sunday to Florida means I have unmovable time frame.

The extra pics go ?

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Feeling a lot better today, got sleep, quite a bit of it too. I drew something I'm pretty proud of. My art is improving, I'm happy about that


Have a dentist appointment Friday to get some fillings. Other than that not much going on. I mailed out some Christmas cards, or tried to, the mailman didn't pick them up today even though they're out there the way they're supposed be when sending mail. Maybe he was in a hurry. If they don't get picked up tomorrow I'll just have to take them to one of the post office mail boxes around town so they get to their destinations on time.


I'm honestly not even sure what I'll be doing for Christmas. My sister is busy with a very stressful situation so I don't know if we'll be doing anything or if I'll just be at home with my cats

I’m glad your enjoying your Art work. It’s funny we got no mail today , was it done weird holidays of no mail??!

Will you be okay if you are on your own for Christmas ??

[bizi]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Drive was solid rain but Rent soundtrack makes everything easier.

I got a whole 2 hours sleep. I truly suck at that aspect of daily life lol

Hoping for good news today

I love the rent sound track!!!!!!
love it.
did you learn anything?
bizi

[Tucson]

Well, I am alive and reasonably well. I took my dog for a run today. It is cold, so I did not walk her yesterday night. It may drop to freezing, which is uncommon. I have been living without air conditioning, and heat. I cannot afford either of these, but from time to time I do use small units for this, like a space heater. Oh yes, my dog is snoring. LOL

Now here is an aged picture of me. The software also lightened my beard and hair. Does anyone think this looks good on me? I am thinking of having my hair bleached whiter. I call this the "Hemingway look".

PS This is the same as my avatar, but this version shows more detail, I tell you, if I end up looking this old and decrepit, someone take me out back and shoot me. LOL

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I’m glad your enjoying your Art work. It’s funny we got no mail today , was it done weird holidays of no mail??!

Will you be okay if you are on your own for Christmas ??

I'll be okay if I am, thanks

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by bizi

I love the rent sound track!!!!!!
love it.
did you learn anything?
bizi

Yes my Pulmonary functions test was 70 he prefers 80 and above but feels that Humira is starting to leave my system especially since I have a big flare of psoriasis. So he think I’ll be fine for a new biologic in January, so unfortunately I will have to deal with the skin flare and pain likely 3 months as biologic needs time to work, so that bit sucks

[Tucson]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Yes my Pulmonary functions test was 70 he prefers 80 and above but feels that Humira is starting to leave my system especially since I have a big flare of psoriasis. So he think I’ll be fine for a new biologic in January, so unfortunately I will have to deal with the skin flare and pain likely 3 months as biologic needs time to work, so that bit sucks

I have been hoping a lot for more wellness for you. Your health concerns does complicate the picture very much so.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Yes my Pulmonary functions test was 70 he prefers 80 and above but feels that Humira is starting to leave my system especially since I have a big flare of psoriasis. So he think I’ll be fine for a new biologic in January, so unfortunately I will have to deal with the skin flare and pain likely 3 months as biologic needs time to work, so that bit sucks

I am sorry....you said january which is only next month!

I know that you would have liked it done yesterday......we will wait patiently maybe you can cut the trip short?
(((((((HUGS))))))))
bizi

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by bizi

I am sorry....you said january which is only next month!

I know that you would have liked it done yesterday......we will wait patiently maybe you can cut the trip short?
(((((((HUGS))))))))
bizi

Trip will be 10-14 days at most , I don’t have Rheumatologist appt til the 16th anyway. I just hate having to hurry up and wait for a biologic to actually work most take 3 months to see if it works

[bizi]

Ahhh....I see.You can start the med in january but it takes months to see if it works.
Gotcha.
How frustrating.....
((((((((HUGS))))))))))))
bizi

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by MarcusAurelius

My divorce papers were filed today. It was one thing to know it's happening, it's another completely to have to see it in black and white, with a binding signature required. It hurts. It hurts under any circumstance for divorce, and I know that. It's a process that you grieve through. I know that too. I just wish it didn't have to be so difficult and on top of everything else I'm going through. Today is going to be a long one for me. I just ask you keep me in your thoughts to help me get through this day. Day by day, right?

Marcus

Divorce is hell, there is no other way to put it. So sorry you are dealing with this. Sending you support and the ability to hopefully remain calm, even when you may at times want to get very angry or sad.

[bpcyclist]

So, I am doing my 'tomorrow' post technically 'today (1122 PM),' as there is once again zero sleep occurring in my universe. So, trying to be productive, since I am up. So, here I am.

Mood-wise, much better in terms of the irritability. Did some reading about Zyprexa and agitation is a known side effect. Wondering about that. I just almost never am angry or irritable unless I am manic, which I don't think I am at the moment. So, maybe the Zyprexa.

Bought some Christmassy ribbons on sale at Safeway for $1.33 and when my packages start arriving, I am going to wrap them (without opening them first) and put ribbons on them. Something cheery for me to do, since I will be alone on Christmas. Then, I'll open all my packages and pretend like it's a surprise. Ordered some neat stuff, including a cute little tube headphone amp. I used to be heavy into headphones and, since I am writing more again, thought a new amp might spice up my listening and cheer me up.

Sending support and hugs to every one struggling. Just remember, if you think you are the only one who will be alone on Christmas, you aren't. There are a number of us who will be flying solo, so don't despair. You are not really alone.

[Wander]

Around midday today I had an injection of anaesthetic into the ganglion cells in my neck. Before the injection I was feeling agitated and irritable, but not from anticipation. As I have not had Haloperidol for two days I assume that was the reason I felt crap.

Upon waking from the procedure I felt completely calm. It was amazing as all the horrible symptoms had disappeared. It worked! No more panic, agitation and anxiety. No more flight/fight/flee responses.

I then spent some time with my parents. My Dad was trying to be supportive but is so frustrating to talk with. He never wants to discuss anything slightly negative. After explaining how hard it will be to get any job after two years absence(and even worse explaining why) he still seems to believe I will be fine for the rest of my life. I know he sees my potential, which is awesome but he refuses to factor my illnesses when talking about plans for my future. He expects me to be able to function as if I were perfectly well.

I know my Dad believes in me, and I treasure that, it just hurts that no matter how many times I’ve brought up these illnesses wrecking my life he doesn’t want to hear it. I told him that he is still in denial about my capacity to work o study now and in the future. I guess the horrible truth is too much for him to bear.

I constantly wrack my brain trying to find a source of income that will suit my capacity. He just thinks I will be able to reach my full potential, and I will stop having mental illness. My Mum agrees with me but no one can get through to my Dad how much pressure this puts on me. The girl inside me wants to make her daddy proud. He loves me and is a wonderful man and father. It is just this issue that causes problems. He refuses to study Bipolar and PTSD as he says he doesn’t want to be upset. I’m basically banging my head onto a wall. At least my Mum tries to understand despite knowing that knowledge will upset her.

Back to the injection. The fact that I could have that conversation without losing it is a good sign. It won’t block the grief though. At least I see my T tomorrow. Unfortunately, I am now upset by the conversation with my Dad and don’t know if the injection just didn’t work, or instead works only on the PTSD flight or fight response.

Sigh ... I’m still confused and hurting, just calmer than usual.

@Wander: That's fantastic the injection worked so quickly!

It is indeed possible that your conversation with your dad is affecting how you feel, as opposed to the injection not working. Also, when I think about psych meds and injections in general, I know that my antidepressant, mood stabilizer, and antipsychotic do not prevent me from getting upset/irritated by life stressors. I can still cry, feel upset, get mad, be happy, etc. etc.. However, those meds improve my overall wellbeing, and perhaps that's what this injection is doing -- improving your overall wellbeing. Plus, in a way, it'd be good if the injection doesn't stop the little things. You don't want to feel flat or emotionally unresponsive.

Let's hope the injection works for you in the long run.

[yellow_fleurs]

Wander thank you for the update. I am glad the injection worked quickly as well! I am not a doctor, but it is not my impression that it would block grief, but to be honest I don't know that it would be healthy if an injection blocked out all negative emotions. Without a flight/fight response it might be easier to process and deal with emotions and feel both positive and negative emotions in healthy ways without panic perhaps? That just seems to be how it works for me when my mind calms down, that I can see the situation with less fear and deal with it better, as opposed to being incapacitated by it. I am sorry that your dad doesn't try to understand, that must be hurtful. I am hopeful for you that the injection will make a positive difference for you and hope you'll keep us posted.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

Wander thank you for the update. I am glad the injection worked quickly as well! I am not a doctor, but it is not my impression that it would block grief, but to be honest I don't know that it would be healthy if an injection blocked out all negative emotions. Without a flight/fight response it might be easier to process and deal with emotions and feel both positive and negative emotions in healthy ways without panic perhaps? That just seems to be how it works for me when my mind calms down, that I can see the situation with less fear and deal with it better, as opposed to being incapacitated by it. I am sorry that your dad doesn't try to understand, that must be hurtful. I am hopeful for you that the injection will make a positive difference for you and hope you'll keep us posted.

@Wander I was thinking this as well. Perhaps the injection keeps the fight or flight response at bay so that you can more accurately feel your way through these situations emotionally. Your previous state was to instantly trigger panic without allowing your rational thought to come forward alongside your emotions. Now it seems maybe blocking the panic will allow your thoughts and emotions to work together in a more effective way. I imagine that feels new and strange as you've been swimming upstream for so long. Give yourself room to learn this new version of things and be kind to yourself. This may be the breakthrough that you need to actually do the therapy work to process your past that you've been wanting to do all this time. It will potentially still be painful, but the hope would be that it would be at a more reasonable level you can better tolerate.

You are so very brave. I imagine maybe your Dad sees that and perhaps it is part of the reason he carries the knowing that you will be able to get better. I know it feels like he discounts what you go through and that is true, but maybe also focus on the fact he believes in you completely.

I am so spent. I feel like doing nothing today, other than maybe unloading and loading the dishwasher.

I have my therapy today, but I don't feel like saying much. Maybe when I get there I will figure out what to say?

I haven't visited my dad for ages. I do feel a bit guilty, but not enough to go see him. I left a vmx for my brother yesterday for his birthday. He never called back. That is a little like him, but I still feel on edge that he didn't.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

Heya, I just got ECT last Friday so I'm feeling good despite losing our insurance. In fact, I'm in the process of applying for state assistance just to cover meds and appointments.
My thanks to Wild Coyote for sending a message inviting me to stop by.

Here you are!
It's been awhile!

Lost insurance? that can be very stressful.
I hope you find adequate coverage at a reasonable price!

Happy Holidays, friend!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Feeling a lot better today, got sleep, quite a bit of it too. I drew something I'm pretty proud of. My art is improving, I'm happy about that

Have a dentist appointment Friday to get some fillings. Other than that not much going on. I mailed out some Christmas cards, or tried to, the mailman didn't pick them up today even though they're out there the way they're supposed be when sending mail. Maybe he was in a hurry. If they don't get picked up tomorrow I'll just have to take them to one of the post office mail boxes around town so they get to their destinations on time.

I'm honestly not even sure what I'll be doing for Christmas. My sister is busy with a very stressful situation so I don't know if we'll be doing anything or if I'll just be at home with my cats

Hi!

I hope you can find something JOYful to do on the holiday.

In this area, we have churches and restaurants offering free meals. Some people attend, while others volunteer to help. Same with area shelters. I don't know if anything like this might interest you; if so, maybe look around to see what's going on in your community.

I'm hoping your sister might want to take time out from her stressed life. Maybe you both can do something you both find fun and/or relaxing?

There's time to figure it out.

[Wild Coyote]

@Wander I am very hopeful for you! Hang in there.

[LittleMissManic]

I didn't sleep all night

Originally Posted by LittleMissManic

I didn't sleep all night

I'm sorry you couldn't sleep last night, LittleMissManic. Do you have any idea why that happened? Please let your doctor know if it continues. Perhaps you can look at what was going on last night that may have contributed to your insomnia.

I see this is your first post here at Psych Central. I want to welcome you. I'm glad you joined us!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Wander

Around midday today I had an injection of anaesthetic into the ganglion cells in my neck. Before the injection I was feeling agitated and irritable, but not from anticipation. As I have not had Haloperidol for two days I assume that was the reason I felt crap.


Upon waking from the procedure I felt completely calm. It was amazing as all the horrible symptoms had disappeared. It worked! No more panic, agitation and anxiety. No more flight/fight/flee responses.


I then spent some time with my parents. My Dad was trying to be supportive but is so frustrating to talk with. He never wants to discuss anything slightly negative. After explaining how hard it will be to get any job after two years absence(and even worse explaining why) he still seems to believe I will be fine for the rest of my life. I know he sees my potential, which is awesome but he refuses to factor my illnesses when talking about plans for my future. He expects me to be able to function as if I were perfectly well.


I know my Dad believes in me, and I treasure that, it just hurts that no matter how many times I’ve brought up these illnesses wrecking my life he doesn’t want to hear it. I told him that he is still in denial about my capacity to work o study now and in the future. I guess the horrible truth is too much for him to bear.


I constantly wrack my brain trying to find a source of income that will suit my capacity. He just thinks I will be able to reach my full potential, and I will stop having mental illness. My Mum agrees with me but no one can get through to my Dad how much pressure this puts on me. The girl inside me wants to make her daddy proud. He loves me and is a wonderful man and father. It is just this issue that causes problems. He refuses to study Bipolar and PTSD as he says he doesn’t want to be upset. I’m basically banging my head onto a wall. At least my Mum tries to understand despite knowing that knowledge will upset her.


Back to the injection. The fact that I could have that conversation without losing it is a good sign. It won’t block the grief though. At least I see my T tomorrow. Unfortunately, I am now upset by the conversation with my Dad and don’t know if the injection just didn’t work, or instead works only on the PTSD flight or fight response.


Sigh ... I’m still confused and hurting, just calmer than usual.

I’m glad you are finding this treatment as a positive. Regardless of any treatment we are all going to experience full range of emotions. Does your Pdoc feel this is just a one time treatment? Or possibly a series ?

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I am so spent. I feel like doing nothing today, other than maybe unloading and loading the dishwasher.


I have my therapy today, but I don't feel like saying much. Maybe when I get there I will figure out what to say?


I haven't visited my dad for ages. I do feel a bit guilty, but not enough to go see him. I left a vmx for my brother yesterday for his birthday. He never called back. That is a little like him, but I still feel on edge that he didn't.

Hope your T session is a good one. Some of my most productive ones I have has been when I have zero idea what to say.

Go easy on yourself , you were really really sick , takes time to fully recover