Bipolar check-in #43

Saw my mom tonight. She asked why I'm not studying for college testing. I played it off as laziness, Not that I'm struggling. I don't feel I'm really struggling because mood wise I'm okay. We went on a walk and talked so there was less distractions. They really want me to get my degree and become a working member of society. My reality and their's are so different. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough? I know I can study for tests and pass them but I kinda have to understand English for a prolong time to really get it and pass. Even If I do get a degree. Then what? I can't even be alone for a full day. let alone out.

Just about finished work, day 6 then i have 3 off which I am not excited about. I spent all my last days off just laying in bed, I am not so depressed anymore though so Im not sure how I will do now. I made a schedule for tomorrow which I will try to follow, I am not very good with organization.

Tonight will likely be my last night drinking alcohol if I can stick to my plan of quitting when I run out. I feel very anxious about it even though I still get to drink tonight. I hope I can do it. Tomorrow is family day here, I think it would be nice to quit for family day. My family is so important to me and I know my drinking hurts them.

Wow!!!!! just for bagels! they must be fabulous!
Maybe you will have some good bonding conversation?

My friend told me that my order of CBD just came in and I will have it by noon monday! after I get my blood draw for my tegretol level.
I am so hoping it will work like klonipin! Fingers crossed!!!!!!!


I am a bit better tonight.
took down the christmas decorations! finally. Trees are still up though, just undecorated them.

Hubby will put them up in the attic above the car port. His back is bothering him so that may be a few days of sitting in the middle of the room in boxes.
plus 2 loads of laundry...
a tiny bit of paper work for work so it was a productive day.
Took some flowers and a card to a friend who lost her dog, she put him down....he was in kidney failure from diabetes. 13 years old been sickly for years....glad that she has another dog to love too though Mocha.
So I am really getting ready for bed soon...need to eat some peanut butter. Maybe I will get a jar to keep in my bathroom cupboard? Since I am having it nightly now, seems to work great! no more heart burn from the tegretol!!!!
Sweet dreams to you! and thanks for reading!
bizi

Good luck with tapering if you can, .... don't just cut out entirely. cut back a bit then steady for a few days then cut down even more.
I am giving up alcohol for lent ash wednesday. for 6 weeks. I do that often. And usually lose weight to but gain it back.
need to get serious....
bizi

Hi blue!

I am sorry you are still pacing. I hope you are not losing too much sleep. I am concerned about you.

If you are concerned about contamination, your plan make some sense.
Hopefully there is no contamination. If someone picked up the package, they'd be from your building?

Do you have to work today? Have any snow?
I hope you have a good day!

Here I sit my eyes leaking. I don't have any idea why- allergies? I started reading An Unquiet Mind again. I don't think I've ever finished it but I must've started it at least once before because I remembered the scene where the plane almost crashes on the school playground.

Went out to dinner with a friend this afternoon. Now I'm broke except for that bottle return money. That'll have to be gas money. I know- I shouldn't have wasted my money going out to eat...

I watched a funny video last night on Netflix- a stand-up comedian named Tom Papa. He was like a nerdy version of Lewis Black but without so much swearing.

Watched another video of Andy Behrman. He was giving a speech to a room of people. He called himself a "professional patient". Hmm. Is that what we all are? I know I started another thread on this topic but he seems to be a very nervous person.

I went to my mom's house to water the plants. There are a lot! In a couple days, I'll go back and water a few of them that are every other day instead of once a week.

I see pdoc a week from Friday for a regular check up. I must say I don't think much has been going on bipolar wise. Oh and by the way, I decided to go back up to 150 of Seroquel instead of 100. And I got a shower and dried my hair and am in my clean bed. (I changed the sheets the day before yesterday.)

Has anybody here read An Unquiet Mind? It seems its a slow start.

Wow you sure get around living lots of places lol ... You had a Dermatology practice? I think I saw you mention that before... Where was that located ? Big city or small town ? In one town to the West it’s just the Doctor and his wife , the other town I go to has a satellite office out of Nashville. They have hired staff. There’s such a vast different between small rural town and big city practice. Did you run practice with just your wife ?? I once worked with my first husband and it was very unhealthy, 24/7 together can be tough.

The funny thing is We actually have had 4 or 5 small earthquakes 2.5-3 over the last month .. most recently in Gatlinburg Tn last week was on the national news.

A cool APP is called QuakeFeed , it’s free and shows any earthquakes around the world. Very interesting if anyone is interested ..

Oh volcanoes and major earthquakes are terrifying to me ... yikes I can’t imagine living in an area that has such a higher risk/threat of damaging one. Eeeek !

Christina, the first time I experienced an earthquake was in Berkeley, CA. It was a small one at 5.5 (or close), but north Berkeley was the epicenter. I remember it was late at night and some party of drunk young people started to cheer. I was mortified and afraid to shower for a few days, for fear a big one would happen when I was naked 😋 That's actually true! But then the next one I experienced in Taichung, Taiwan. I was in bed (by myself) and my bed moved from one end of the room and back. I was severely depressed at the time, so just went back to sleep. I think a couple days later my boss took me to the hospital because I had stopped going to work for over a week. Not because of the earthquake.

bpcyclist, so you are a Dermatologist or have a background in that? Wow! I got professional advice on my face rash. You didn't even charge me a copay.

that I do not ''matter''

''those days of fear are gone...
my lovely protector
Red blood tree, shelter me