Bipolar check in #45

Well, blue, I am so so sorry. I just so wish you would/could find yourself a real psychiatrist. If the behavior of your pdoc was happening in this state, that pdoc's license would probably be in trouble. What he is doing would not remotely meet the standard of care in Portland, which I find sadly amusing, given that you are in the city with the supposedly most famous medical school on earth. I find all that very ironic and sad. Hope this sometimes turns around for you...

Hi bpcyclist!

I have found Nuvigil to be an effective med. It's been on the market for quite awhile. It's a useful med for many. My neurologists have had very good success with Nuvigil, as have my pdocs and my Sleep Specialist (physician).

I am sorry you'd had a paradoxical reaction. . Not everyone has the same experience with Nuvigil, just as with other meds.

There's no evidence lies led to the FDA approval of Provigil.

We have many readers here, many more than sign in.. Nuvigil might work very well for any reader in need of treatment with a med in this class.

Hi Blue,

I am deeply sorry you're still experiencing troublesome symptoms .

In many cases (you're right, not all) clients need to make an additional call to pdocs, especially in very busy practices. I do believe you have known contact with him has never been easy and/or certain.

You've told us about ongoing problems with both your current therapist and your pdoc for longer than I can recall. It's been a long time.

Various members of this community have continued to ask you IF you can negotiate better care with your providers or if you'll put the effort into locating new providers? You are asked because one or the other, or both providers so frequently fall short of meeting your needs and are often subjects of your derogatory remarks.

You've been having major difficulties, again, for weeks now, first with severe depression which had people very concerned about your safety. With a med adjustment, you had very quickly shifted into hypomania, then very quickly started experiencing psychosis. Your psychosis/delusions have caused difficulties in both your job and in your private life.

You have needed ongoing intensive support from a smaller group of members for quite a long time now. And, yes, friends do care and do want to see you not only in less pain, but truly on the road to recovery.

I know I had reminded you of the need to call your pdoc at least twice a day for at least several days now. And we all knew you'd very likely need to contact him/his office more than once. My point being: Certainly by now, you know you are going to have to be much more proactive than placing one call at the beginning of the week and allowing the week to pass by yet again.

You've continuously promised people you'd arrange a consult with your pdoc. and you've not done so. Again, you and everyone involved in your ongoing intensive care know you'd have to call more than once. Again, I have very gently reminded you, twice a day, of your need to arrange a med consult.

I am very puzzled re: what you want for yourself, what you want from other people. Some have taken a lot of time from their own lives to help you through this very difficult time of your life.

As was mentioned to you over a week ago, please take the time to consider what you want, what you need, how you can/will meet your current needs.

Carefully consider and clarify your intention(s) .

This entire effort has been about you, in support of you. What matters here is :what do you want for your life?

The squeaky wheel gets the med consult.

Much Love Always

feeling stressed and bleh

people getting on my nerves

I'm sort of hiding from my husband. He likes to watch TV in the morning, sometimes. I just hate watching it in the morning! Plus, 9 times out of 10 the program or movie is his choice. Part of the reason is that deep down I don't want to even watch it at all. I have not been into TV for years. I could easily live without one.

You're right, WC. I should talk to my pdoc about arranging better care for me.

I think it would be easier to find a new pdoc internally than externally at this time, but I know that I waited 6 months or so just to get a new pdoc *within the same practice*. That's the only reason I don't want to do it right now, not when I'm unstable. While my pdoc is not giving me the level of care I need, and takes a while to get back to me because of his assistant, I don't think right now is a good time to switch internally, at least, if I have to wait 6 months or even a few months. Externally, sure... but I haven't had any luck.

Yesterday, I called up one of the places I had talked to before and they said they were not accepting new patients at this time due to the "situation" and increased needs of their patients.

Another problem is that a lot of pdocs in this area work for the local hospitals, and they don't offer outpatient services. (They only do IOP, PHP, and IP.) I had called two of the doctors' offices and they both said that they do not offer the services I want/need. One of them even said to me that none of the doctors affiliated with the hospitals do regular outpatient services. He said that they are tied up with all t he hospital programs.

Then the other one said that I need to have weekly therapy with one of their own therapists if I wanted a pdoc. I do not always need weekly therapy, and I do not want to get rid of my current therapist. I talked to her about what I needed, and that's when she promised to do a better job. She's been doing better.

I'll call my pdoc's line again on Monday to prod his assistant into responding. Then if no response, I will call the front desk and make his assistant respond, even though I really hope it doesn't get to that point I have to be aggressive like that.

Slept great last night, really needed it...didn't get enough the previous night. I cleaned my kitchen and am enjoying the afternoon. Plan on practicing ukulele later. Trying to fully memorize how to play happy birthday and twinkle twinkle. Playing brings me a lot of joy.

I feel relieved, I got all my shopping and everything done, so I won't have my apartment again till around the 16th (to pick up more medication from the clinic). Other than that I'm all set for the month.

I'm reading a book on my kindle, trying to improve my ability to focus since it's been slipping lately.

Have a few things coming in the mail within the next week or so, some new clothes, one of those foldable grocery carts I've needed (I don't have a car so I have to carry groceries and stuff, this makes it easier on me), and some non perishable food. Looking forward to getting those.

Blue, there's a difference between being aggressive and being assertive. Getting your pdoc's office to listen to you is being assertive and that is a good thing.

I feel bored. I'm on the computer and listening to music. I know! I should read my book. And take a shower. I'll shower first THEN read the book. (Its a paperback.) And somewhere in there get dressed.


Blue, I agree with BeyondtheRainbow . Be asssertive!

Wild Coyote--please be on the lookout for a PM from me in response to this post.

Everyone else--if you want to learn more about non-responders to Nuvigil, particularly, those who actually fall asleep as a result of taking it, just shoot me a PM and I will be happy to share with you.

Papa bear (my husband) also likes to watch TV, mostly in the evening. I do not. I would like it even less if he watched it in the morning as well The programs are at least 9.9 times out of 10 his selection. And I don't want to watch it at all. I don't watch it at all.... It sounds like we are almost twins in this respect I would love to have no TV

Blue, I also agree, being assertive should work with these people. If it does not, there is something very wrong (with their system etc)

As you know I have found the system in my forest to be broken and I am far from alone.

I hope you can work something out soon re meds etc and that they respond to your direct requests.

No mail two days in a row. Very strange.

Thanks everyone. I suppose assertive is a more appropriate word, then.

Anyway, doing alright. Hanging in there... However, for some reason, I'm very happy-go-lucky in the mornings, and then toward the evenings, I get very, very angry and agitated (like around 6pm or so). I don't know why that is.

Also, lately, I've been doing weekly therapy appointments to help me cope with stressors, mood, etc.. Normally I go with once every two weeks, but as of late, I think I need it more frequently. Fortunately, I'm actually okay with doing teletherapy and I'm getting a lot out of it -- more than I thought I would. Of course it's not the same as going to therapy in person, but it works out alright for me.

Sometimes (especially as of late), I feel like I am just "too needy." I feel guilty about that.

I say you deserve to be needy sometimes. Especially with how much you help others in need.

Weekly therapy sounds good

I'm glad you're doing ok at the moment

I find mornings the worst usually

I enjoy your posts here and the PMs we have exchanged You think of good topics in posts that make people think.

As for ''too needy'' ... what is that? Of course that mean T said I was a ''needy child''.... what child is NOT ''needy'' of love and support from those who are supposed to be their primary caregivers. And what ''patient'' does not deserve respect, useful insights and compassion from their therapist. None.

Also you're very helpful and supportive to others here, so maybe ''too needy'' is not applicable.

Just made enchiladas, rice, and beans with my wife while listening to Radio Tarifa while cooking and hard rock while eating. I'm indulging my son as he's doing art at the table. ... and as I pressed Submit, he switched to jazz, Weather Report.

This made me smile. Thanks

I feel good.

I went grocery shopping for the first time in months. I've been using a delivery service but they're not available now. It was like sci-fi out there. It was strenuous, all the walking and bending to pack my cart and packsack. But it went fairly well, the store was only out of liquid hand soap. There was even toilet paper. Transit was fine both ways, with the bus flying thru almost all of the stops.

I'm getting up early as i do during the Spring when i usually have mania. I have more energy and have been cleaning out my closets and organizing donations. I have wardrobes in five sizes to go. With a heavy heart i have finally stopped deluding myself that i am going to lose weight. I have nine big recycling bags filled. My home will run more smoothly with just one size wardrobe to store.

But i'm not getting any euphoria.

I'm still having a little trouble talking, from a long Winter of silence. I only talk to my neighbor when we play with our dogs and I stammer sometimes. I can't convey my point sometimes. She's French so there's that barrier too. Her puppy will be getting his shots and will be able to come outside late next week! I'm sooooooooooo excited!

Well, things are definitely BETTER, that's for sure but still room for improvement.

Fibromyalgia/Chronic Fatigue - whatever - is worse than I thought. The ten minute walk yesterday morning had me very ill by midday. It was an awful afternoon/evening feeling exhausted, in pain, and very uncomfortable with a racing heart. Finally I took a tonne of Seroquel to put me out of my misery. Even Ritalin didn't help. I slept well and am feeling a bit better this morning. So now I can't even walk to the beach 5 minutes from my flat. Sigh ... It is a huge hill. Tomorrow I have a physiotherapist appointment followed by food shopping. I hope that doesn't set me off again. I hate this illness. Trying so hard to stay positive. It has been worsening for three months now so I am getting discouraged. It is the fatigue that cripples me the most. I can barely read or even watch TV at times. I get so exhausted I am sensitive to light and sound. This is why I meditate so much. Often it is a struggle to focus but when I get in the zone meditation is my only escape. It must be doing me some good too.

My son arrived a little while ago!

We're all stuck in quarantine now but that's ok, we're all together

Got a bit of rain today I am so grateful. I hope it knocks some of this awful pollen out of the air. I should have gone out and washed my car and dogs but my pain is a bit to high.

My childhood friend is sharing some books she had written..... I have been reviewing them, they are mostly from baby to about age 8.. She has had a licensed home day care since she had her first baby at 18-19. Shes a fantastic writer..

Hugs to all

It's fun to see how friends write and what they choose for a topic or storyline. A friend of mine wrote a trilogy. Was fascinating.

I'm very happy for you and for your family.
Love and Prayers

Hi Wander,
I'm so sorry you are suffering.

Fibromyalgia is very complex and can be incredibly disheartening, too.

I think you have had Fibromyalgia for a number of years now?
I'm asking because you've written about getting worse over the past 3 months. I'm wondering if you have had a check up with your GP?

I have known of people with FMS who have had severe relapses which turned out to be additional medical conditions and ones which can be treated and they have felt much better.

I'm not wishing you an additional diagnosis. I am hoping you will feel better soon!