Bipolar check-in #47

He's not drinking there. They will not let him drink without telling my sister he did. He hasn't had a drink in at least 7 months. It's easy to stay away from booze when you are in a place with no booze really allowed, or have no car to go and get booze. Works better for him than Naltrexone or Campral, for sure.

I'm sorry about my rant. I'll stop it here.

Rant away...

My anxiety is pretty bad from lack of sleep, and then taking my morning meds at 1:30 to try to get to sleep. Also I just had a large coffee. Overall I feel alright today. I definitely don’t feel the way I did Tuesday through Friday.

Today I'm just texting friends and watching a Brady Bunch marathon- the ones where they go to Hawaii. I need a shower but I'm going to wait till tonight so I'm clean for tomorrow. I was up at 630 but lazed around watching tv or dozing. Still have to figure out how to get my recert. application in on Tuesday. I guess I can call and try to go in. Feeling pretty good today. I hope I'll pop up at 630 again tomorrow if I go to bed at 10. So far, I've managed to skip my blood thinners like I'm supposed to. Putting a note on my meds really helps!

P.s. I got my smart tv to play youtube! So now I can see and hear tim tracker very well.

Taking 100mg total of the clozapine today, 50mg twice a day. I got very dizzy after my morning dose but I'm feeling better now

Depression is a bit bad, no SI but I'm wanting to just laze around and pity myself.

Today was my daughter's and granddaughter's birthdays. Not sure if my granddaughter liked her painting but everybody else did. She loved her play doh kitchen. She got a huge unicorn that sprays water out of the horn. It started raining so we went in. Her party was unicorn themed but there was only family. She's only 3 so she doesn't really understand party yet.

Aww, that is just precious, Nammu!! I have to say, 3 is my faovrite all-time age. Beyond cuteness!!!!!

Im sorry your struggles with your Dad continue. Hopefully he will agree and your able to get him the testing needed so that he can get financial help to stay in Assisted living..

Hope the cough and tight chest clears up. Maybe the Sahara dust could be an issue? Do you have a humidifyer? I have them running all the time..

Glad your Pdoc is better and you can talk with him Monday. Im sure he can help you figure how to settle your mood shifting down

Thanks, Christina. I think I do need more humidity in my room, but I don't have a humidifier, only a de-humidifier.

It's funny you mention the Sahara dust. My sister suggested the very same thing as a possible contributor. I didn't think it would be applicable so far north. So now I don't know if I should open my bedroom window or not.There's definitely plenty of humidity outside.

I hope that Steve's oxygen level is getting even better. Have you yet had a chance to exhale a bit, after all of these many weeks of stress? I hope so.

Hey thanks Bird Dancer ! I think I would keep windows closed right now, ya never know..

My Husband is mantaining 91-92 on room air at rest. baby steps !

Well I slept 6 hours last night !!! and I feel even worse LOL

I hope that since Steve is maintaining his oxygen level that I will be able to snow myself down tonight and get some more sleep each... Hes got a long way to go physically to build back up and I have to mentally and sleep wise build myself up.. We are just two busted up old people :rofl;

Its hot as banana balls today I hate Summer !

Hope everyone is having a good day

Well, as I promised myself and others that I would always be flagrantly honest here, even if it got me into hot water, I am here to report that, over the past three hours or so, I have quickly climbed the ladder to pretty much frank hypomania. I am just euphoric out of my mind right now. So weird. My mania over the last two years or so has usually been dysphoric, very seldom do I get what I used to get in the 2005-2008 time frame, which was big-time euphoria. So, I stopped chasing mania a long, long time ago. It is usually no high for me. But today, and a month ago or so, I am suddenly really, super euphoric and high as a freaking kite!!!!!! Lahhhhhhhhh!!!

Not medication-related, just in case anyone is wondering. I am not currently on anything euphoria-inducing, unless someone knows of one of the meds in my signature below that could be doing this suddenly. Only supplement is fish oil. One and 1/2 cups of coffee today and no tea. No soda. No meds are new. Let me know if anyone has thoughts on that, please.

Anyway, just watching shows at home. Did pick up my Wellbutirn, but that has never, ever given me any kind of a high, as it has some other folks. Spose it is always possible, but I do not know why after all these years and no dose change, that that would suddenly happen out of the blue, but maybe one of you knows something about this I do not. Given what others I trust have been explaining to me here about how Wellbutrin does or does not work, I don't even know if it is even helping me anymore. Maybe not.

No exercise today, so, that is not it. I can only preliminarily conclude that this is just bp hypo. Again. Still just not stable really. Can't seem to find the sweet spot.

Traditionally, all my badass mania has come in June. Forgot about that, since I have been kinda depressed for a month. So, maybe...

Just for more info here, really, I have been dealing mostly with pretty severe amotivation for weeks now, since I came out of the many months of mania and psychosis in response to the addition of the Trilafon. Also, tons and tons of anhedonia, laziness, sleeping way too much and way too well for my traditional pattern of terrible sleep. Lots of mindles, stupid eating for no nutritional purpose, also out of character. Some definite sadness, though, not SI, thankfully. Some hopelessness, feeling like I will never be able to accomplish any of my very modest goals before I die. LIke finish my books and push them out the door.

All in all, for me, this really is not terrible depression, because the despondce and hopelessness are not as bad as they often have been and there is zero SI. So, not horrible, which is why it is so odd to me that I am now suddenly hypo again.

Anyhoo, I am writing too much, another sign of hypo. I once wrote an entire 90,000-word novel in three weeks when hypo. It was pretty good, for me. Thanks for any input and appreciate if anyone thinks I should be doing something else about this.

Gave up control of my money years ago after I spend $10K on guitars on ebay over a couple o fdays, so, no risk there. Will stay at home and stay off email and not tex, toerh than the one I just sent to the pdoc, who lets me text him when I need to. I don't abuse it, so..

Bought an expensive piece of salmon I could not really afford for dinner, so, will try to enjoy that and then, make Ghiradelli double chocolate brownies.

Hugs and love. My brain is so weird. So wierd.

I’m pretty sure I’m manic. The lack of sleep, the mood swings. The sudden urge to clean out my closet and get rid of stuff I may regret getting rid of later. I’ve been spending very strangely lately. I spent $52 at an online exotic drink and snack shop. Then a couple hours ago I just spent $11 on one can of soda. At least I had reward points so I was using free money.

bpcyclist, I say there is nothing wrong with savoring a bit of more elated hypomania (or elevated "blip") for a change, as long as the beast is not fed and fed. I have been experiencing bouts of elated mood elevation lately, myself, which hasn't turned depressed, but often turns irritable in blips. And repeat. A bit of malaise finds itself in here and there in between, and then dissipates at the drop of a hat. Beethoven seems to be my elixir these past few days, but then the elixir becomes too stimulating and I figuratively fall down and bruise my butt. Boo!

I guess everyone can look at mood elevations in a different way. Certainly, the onset can be frightening if it had previously (and more recently) signaled a long-term issue that dangerously got out of hand, and maybe resulted in a crash deep in the opposite direction. But for me, unless the fire is fueled with that one shovel of coal after another (and a strong wind), the fire can seem bright and then lose its intensity, but just a bit. I have found that I can easily calm down to more of a happy stability easier than in the past. Whether or not I can do that at this precise time, I'm not sure, but I'm going to assume I can. At least that doesn't create a panic for me via catastrophizing. As long as I have an inkling of what's happening, I do have some modicum of control. I don't have a bonfire burning right now. It's more like a good fire in a wood stove. I can close the door and adjust the air intake a bit.

One can call me a stickler about terminology, and even criticize me for it, a bit. I know some have more than a few gripes about the DSM. But I do prefer to use my own terms "blips" and "mood elevation" rather than immediately label myself "hypomanic" or definitely not "manic" until that fire has started to burn a bit well beyond my best attempts at control. This is my choice and I find that, for me, it puts me more in control. It helps me avoid feeling at the mercy of the illness. This is not too unlike saying "I HAVE bipolar disorder" vs "I AM bipolar".

I realize that when I write stuff like above, I don't always get so many hugs or likes, as others. I'm willing to accept that, though. I come here for support and to give support, yes, but also to add to a conversation. In my view, no truly good community conversation is one where everyone agrees. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a deliberate contrarian.

Yes, I write a lot, too, but I usually do no matter what my mood.

That is just fantastic, Christina!!! A miracle!

I hope the soda was excellent!!!!!

Thanks for permission toe be temporarily elated, BD. I am trying to just ride it and not leave my apartment and start talking to random starngers, which I love to do. Has caused me some issues in the past, such as when I brought up transgender politics with a delightful transgender gal I did not, in fact know. I am a huge transgender supporter, of course, but, she did not know that and it was totally inappopriate in terms of boundaries and things.

So, I hve to be careful not to engage with others when I am like this, as I am very disinhibted and likely to share things I should not otherwise likely be sharing. I hve told the story before I believe of joining a bunch of dating sites one night while euphoric. I awoke next morning to all these texts and emails from all these admitteldy perfectly lovely you ladies. The only issue was taht I, in fact, had absolutely zero interest in dating or hooking up with anyone. In the least. I still get texts to this day!!!

I have never told this one before but, to show how dangerous it can be, when I was under indictment for my car wreck, I was completely manic for months and months. One day, I decided to call the chief district attorney of this city of nearly 3 million and just chat wiht him about my extremely inappropriate indictment. When the call-back came, as the phone was ringing in my hands, I suddenly basically received what I consider to be a very forceful message from God that taking that call was very, ver dangerous for me potentially. So, I did not answer. Had I talked to him, I have no doubt he would have charged me with some attempted bribery or influencing thing, perhaps, very apporpriately.

So, I have to be careful. Thanks!!

Thank you

Thank you, blue.

Your language pattern is definitely different than usual. I would agree there is some sort of a change afoot. It is great you let your doc know. Any number of things could cause it including just a natural cycling.

Hopefully this will be a pleasant experience and more of a blip as BirdDancer calls them than an episode. Try to relax a bit if you can. Sending support your way.

Hugs!!!!!!

Lanugage pattern. That is interesting. Thank you. I will just ride it.

Another day of mild depression. Sleeping a long night and dozing away the day. Only really alert in the evening. Not much energy. I won all my Scrabble games again today! Yay! I had no idea when i started playing casually in a drop-in twenty years ago that it would change my life!

Hugs to all who struggle!

I'm still waiting to hear from my psychiatrist about an appointment he offered for today. An exact time has yet to be set. I left a voicemail about this 15 minutes ago. My original response to his offer (which he sent via email) was as an email reply on Friday. I imagine he has a good reason for the delayed response. He handles his own scheduling. If I don't hear back at all, I'll just let it be, though it would be a shame, since he leaves for a vacation shortly. I have been having mood issues, though I guess I can manage them on my own. I hope.

The last few days, I have had some issues seemingly with my lung, with nighttime cough. The first two nights it was a dry one. Last night it was productive. For two days, I've also had a discomfort on the right side of my back, not muscle-related. I've taken my temperature a few times these past two days. It's been normal, or actually below normal (97. something F). I assume it's allergy related. Post nasal drip? Another symptom is an early morning drugged feeling. This morning, I slapped my alarm's slumber button twice, even though I hadn't even set my alarm. I vaguely recall having these same symptoms in the past (including the lung discomfort), but I'm not sure. I'll continue to monitor this situation closely

I need some groceries, but I'll order them to be delivered, just to be safe.

Just stay with it, falnonaotr. This is going to help you sooooooooo much!! Hugs an dsupport!!!! Have to say, Iam a bit jealous.