Bipolar check-in #47

i am sorry your pdoc did not get back to you yet. I wonder if he is just too swamped and still behind on emails and calls. Certainly could be the case. I am sure he will reply soon, I know he cares deeply about you and seems very responsible. Hopefully, he hasn't had a health setback. when is he leaving town? And are you sure he is still even planniing on going after what he just went through? sending positive vibes on all this.

As a lifelong big-time seasonal allergy guy, I have rarely if ever had a truly productive cough due only to allergic processes. Perhaps this is different for you, BirdDancer, but please stay all over this. I am a few years older than you but, basically, we are in the same general age group. We are at increased COVID risk, despite not yet being the 'official' age of warning of 60. Chest pain and/or side pain can be associated with lung infections, among other things, as you know. I had a ton of chest pain with my big community-acquired pneumonia in '94. So, anyhoo, please stay on this. If you become confused or disoriented or spacy or feel high at all, this could be a sign of a low O2 sat. My initial self-noted symptom wiht my pneumonia was confusion beccause my sats fell into the mid-80s before I noticed anything was wrong. Bad patient, as usual. My parents had to come over to take me to the ER because I wasn't making any sense on the phone. I had a huuuuuge RLL infiltrate on my film. Nasty.

So, these things have a habit of sneaking up on us, is all I am saying. We are not 26 anymore. Even though I am sure you are extremely robust and witty and charming and hilarious at the ripe old age of 27.

Be well!!!! Hugs and health!!!!!!1

Eerily quite here this morning. Weird. Hope everyone is okay...

Terrible sleep. No sleep, really. Tried. Kept having secret agent/spy dreams that were stressful and not fun. No dreams about Loren, my deceased pal, though, so that was a bit better. Prolly need a napski later.

I actually have some motivation this morning. Quite different from where things have been for the last month. Maybe yesterday's little manic blip is a sign that I might be improving finally in this arena. That would be so nice. I really must clean my ktichen, at the very least. It is a complete nightmare. I am so embarrassed at my inability to carry out basic activities of daily living. Just look at what has become of me. I am only 56, but I am living like an infirm 89 year-old. Actually, that comment is unfair to my extremely active 88 year-old father, who's brain is 10 katrillion times more functional than his son's. But he only had major depression, never bipolar like his mom. Ugh. He put her in the Texas state hospital in 1957. I bet that was very frightening for her and for him. So depressing.

I really do not want to just sit in this chair for the next however many years until I die. So, maybe it will get a little better soon. I amintain hope.

I was so grateful that my extremely accurate and candid vice president informed me of how awesomely we are managing COVID. I was worried until he informed me things were totlaly outstanding!!!!!!!! Now, i feel so much better!!!!!!!!!1

Love and hugs to all!!!!!! I hope everyone struggling finds peace and hope and strength today. I always pray for you guys every night.

Love your last two paragraphs!

I am slightly worried about covid 19, but not having a fever makes me less worried...or confused. I am also getting a slight headache, fatigue, and mild spaciness, which I hadn't had during the daytime through evening until now (with just a brief exception yesterday). In fact, I've been pretty ramped up. lately. I've decided that if I do become ramped up later today that I will strongly force myself to keep physical activity limited. I actually did more exercise these past few days than I had for ages.

Of course it went through my mind that my psychiatrist may be sick again. Gosh, I hope not! As for his vacation, on Friday he clearly stated he still planned to go to the Vineyard. I don't know exactly when, but I assume within a day or two. He said I could contact him for meds, or the like, while he's on vacation, but I don't need to. My supplies are sufficient.

I'm here. Doing alright. Yanno, basically.

to all!

(Yes, what a relief that this whole mess isn't really a mess... Right.)

Running up against the vacation then back to reality blues. The load is heavy caring for two people after coming from an apartment with my daughter and I where we could come and go. Plenty of tears this morning. I’ll get back in gear sooner or later. Just adjusting.

Warm regards to all and hugs to those that are struggling.

Strength and support, Jennifer!!!!

A terrible night, fell asleep after 6 an then suddenly it was 9:30 and I had to leave at 10 to get to my sisters! So rush rush rush pour a glass of chai into a Togo cup and out the door. Got to my sisters in plenty of time. Best Buy claims they credited my account my account does not show that. They gave me a print out receipt that I took to the bank.bank lady said it looked like they might have credited today, she will call me tomorrow. I've decided to go to version I can get an iPad there too. But maybe less trouble. Gees who knew getting an iPad was so hard. I wanted a gold one but that's hard to get so fine I'll take a black one! This one is on its last legs. The sound died more than a year ago!

Well snowed my self down last night.. got a few hours sleep but woke up sweating Our AC is fine, its just freaking summer!! I HATE SUMMER, I hate sweating it makes me a bytch to be around.

I dont let the dogs out together loose at night as they will take off on hours long adventures.

Last night they were both barking and growling while out, more so than normal. This AM I see they left me a well chewed up possum, Big, probably 25lbs.. So had to bag that mess up..

I have jumped in the shower 3 times already today..

Did I mention I hate summer

Glad you got at least a little bitty bit of sleep, Christina. Hooray!

Dead possum!! Yuk! What is more southern that that, though!!

Oh, wait--the summers! I love-love-loved Nashville. Probably never should have left. But man, I hate that summer weather with a freaking passion. Hidoeus. Cannot believe I used to run in that swill. Stay cool!!!!!!

I had so much anxiety today I took a melitonin. He doesn't get this no I'm staying/no I'm moving out is exhausting. I have no idea how he's going to move. He's being unrealistic and we don't have time because our lease is up for renewal. I have a week to get all the paperwork in. I feel he just doesn't want to do his side of the paperwork. IDK, he turned down a place less then a month ago. Growing pains Suck. H is furious about it. We were in a much better position to help before my last hypomania. It's just frustrating.

I am sorry, MM. I don't really fully understand the whole dynamic here, but I hope you can remain peaceful and accomplish whatever you must to tidy this up. Hugs!

Glad you got some sleep. I can totally relate to you on the summer thing, I hate it too!

Just overcome with sadness this afternoon in some kind of giant wave. Dunno. Nothing happened. High as a damn kite yesterday and today, super, super sad for some reason. All over the map. Did not ever sleep last night, so, maybe that could be part of it. Treid ot lie down twice today, but not even remotely happenin'. Dunno really. Forgot to eat today, too, so, just did that at least. Forgetful. Out of it, I guess you could say. Dunno really.

Hugs!!

I was hypomanic the past two weeks and I'm just realizing that today. It was nice..and I enjoyed it. till I started having massive paranoia suddenly this afternoon that had me in tears. Thankfully I have klonopin for really bad times like that and it definitely at least helped calm me down cause I was starting to get very agitated.

I bought a lot of stuff. Not a ridiculous amount but more than I normally would. A lot of the things were things I had been planning on buying for a long time but a few of them were impulse purchases. It's okay though, I was able to reign that in.

Some good news is I finally committed to a payment plan with my college so I can pay off my debt and take classes again! And something else, I'm also going to be registering to take classes in the meantime to become a peer specialist which is something I've wanted to to for a very long time.

Did have Denny's with my sister yesterday. That was nice. We're having thunderstorms today and I love it, it's the perfect reading weather.

Anyway, I hope everyone is hanging in there

Ahhh the joys of kids turning 18 and think they know it all

Well looks like push has come to shove.. He has no choice but to move out this week or do what he needs to so that your housing situation is able to continue.

I hope you and your husband consider expecting him to pay some kind of rent monthly.. I think its an important part of teaching kids that life is expensive and learning to live on a budget is a MUST!

~ Christina we are going to have to have a conversation. I think handing him some bills may help (at least I hope.) I think asking him how he was going to afford his meds seemed to get through to him but I have no idea.

I thought you were a bit up recently, Im sorry that it hit you sideways today But its good you could see whats going on ! I Bet going out felt great ! Funny thing about Dennys... Years ago when my Husband and I were just friends, one night chatting online it was about 130-2 am and I said OH damn I want Pancakes.. Wanna meet Amanda and I ? He said but its 2am I said yes AND??? I didnt see anything wrong with it LOL I mean it was week day and a school night , But Amanda was always up for a middle of the night pancake run.. This is why when I was told I have Bipolar I said Ohhhhh well that explains alot

Great news on your college plans ! You know Hallie is a peer support specialist I'm sure she would be happy to chat about it if you wanted too..

I think we all need to buy ourselves a few things here and there. I am ordering a easel this month so that when my paint kit comes in I can get to work.

Im ready for Fall, Hoodies, scarves , boots and cofffee

Oh I mostly like summer now that I'm back in Minnesota. Has only been a couple of bad days. Though I do love fall it's much too short a season here.

Don't you guys kinda go from, like, 83F and sunny to 12F and snowing in, like, 1 day or something?

Hehe yeah, we do. One arms tad Day it was a beautiful sunny warm day that was a horrible blizzard that caught everyone unaware. Of course that was back in the 40's when many people still drove model Ts no radios to warn them while they picnicked

I tried to have some fun today to ease my continuing mild depression by going out for a snack to Mr. Pretzel. It was good but we have a mandatory mask order now for transit and malls and i find the mask so darn uncomfortable. I couldn't enjoy myself. I'm not gonna bother going out again.

I only won half of my Scrabble games today but i had some good exciting interesting games. I tried to master some new strategy when i got into a situation that is a weakness for me. It didn't work but at least i tried and with practice maybe i will get the hang of it. A lot of my problem is time management. With 22 seconds left on the clock there is not a lot of time to ponder!

Whatever. It's just a game. I made some good plays.

Hugs to all who struggle!

I am beyond concerned about my psychiatrist. He never responded to me despite offering me an appointment yesterday afternoon. There was never a time set, which was quite strange. I left him a message on his vmx yesterday morning after not hearing back from him after replying to his email last Friday. I can only hope he was too busy preparing for his planned trip or dealing with more concerning patients. I hope he will respond in some way soon, though. My next scheduled appointment is August 5. I have to confess that if I don't hear from him in a few days, I will start looking at the obituaries.

My sister finally obtained past medical reports of my dad's. She wrote "It said diagnosis is Organic Brain Syndrome with dementia symptoms most likely caused by Dads past alcohol abuse. It says that it is progressive." We will still take him to a neurologist and psychiatrist for further evaluation/opinions. If the "alcohol abuse" remains as a likely cause, it may be difficult to get his Long Term Care insurance to ever pay anything. We're not sure how thorough the evaluation leading to that medical report was. Sis has appointments set, but will the assisted living let him out for them then (because of the pandemic)? That has been the problem for months. My dad is basically terrified to return home.

Feeling just "okay," but better than yesterday; that's for sure. I have A LOT of work today, and my pdoc appt is really late tonight. It is at 7:15pm and ends at 7:45, I think. I wanted to go bike riding today because apparently the thunderstorms are not going on right now, but I went to bed "late" (10:30pm) and woke up at 6:45am. Too late considering I have an 8:30am meeting that I had to prepare for.

Also, did some work on my "old" bike yesterday, but it took a while to get everything done... It's almost ready to be ridden in the rain. I just need new brake pads for the rain/snow. I know which ones I want/need. I mean, I can ride it now, but I'd prefer better brake pads.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a good day today and stays safe.

My family and friends have noticed that I have become really quiet over the past year or so.

I hardly speak in social situations and am also quiet at home. I speak only when I feel I really have to speak and then it's just the few words necessary to get my point across.

I'm not fearful of speaking. I just literally have nothing to say unless I feel I absolutely have to say something.

This causes problems for me at work, at home and in social situations. People are uncomfortable with having someone around that's silent and not contributing in any way to the conversation that's going on.

It becomes a major problem when I'm alone with someone who's trying to have a conversation with me.

I think it might be related to anxiety I've been experiencing for years now, along with the depression.

I'm wondering if any of you experience anything similar? What do you do to cope?

Whoa! A totally different post appeared!!